Ever been afraid of a parent?

Discussion in 'General Education' started by Jerseygirlteach, Mar 24, 2015.

  1. Jerseygirlteach

    Jerseygirlteach Groupie

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2010
    Messages:
    1,439
    Likes Received:
    2

    Mar 24, 2015

    I have a child in my class with severe behavior issues. My principal expects me to call home to inform the father when the child does something serious. When I do, I get literally screamed at like an abusive parent would let loose on a child. The basic gist is that I'm incompetent, uncaring, and a liar and he's going to see what he can "do about me" whatever that may mean. He believes every word his child says even though the mother has admitted to me repeatedly that the child's behavior is exactly the same at home.

    Example - The child refused to comply and stay with the class during a fire drill. I told him this and that behavior like this endangered the child's life and the life of others. His response: "What the h*ll is wrong with you that you didn't drag my kid out the door?" I told him that I'm not really legally allowed to drag his child anywhere. His response: "Now I see what kind of person you are. If it were a real fire, you're ready to let my kid die. You're a joke. Well, I'm going to see what I can do about you."

    I don't know what to do. I'm literally scared of him. I know I should tell my principal, but - and this probably sounds paranoid - I really don't want my principal to think that I can't handle parents.

    I hope I never have to have contact with him again. As bad as the child behaves, it's much worse after talking to the father. The child is apparently empowered by his treatment of me and things only get worse. :(
     
  2.  
  3. Backroads

    Backroads Aficionado

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2010
    Messages:
    3,671
    Likes Received:
    1,965

    Mar 24, 2015

    Are you documenting what is being said during these phone calls?
     
  4. justwanttoteach

    justwanttoteach Cohort

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2013
    Messages:
    569
    Likes Received:
    75

    Mar 24, 2015

    Document this....
    I know you don't want your principal to think you can't handle parents, but if things escalate and the parent goes around you to the principal it would be good to give this admin a heads up so as to avoid feelings of being bombarded. Keep principal in the loop..let them know what you're doing and ask for their input.m my experience has been the more I communicate with my admin the more they go to bat for me...good luck

    It sounds like dad is having some issues excepting or dealing with child's diagnosis...dads response is a huge insight to where child is learning behavior...
     
  5. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

    Joined:
    May 8, 2008
    Messages:
    8,565
    Likes Received:
    1,681

    Mar 24, 2015

    At this point, you need to kick it back to your principal. You are following the request to inform the parent, but it has become daily abuse sessions. At the very least, the principal should sit with you on a conference call to hear what is happening.
     
  6. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2005
    Messages:
    14,070
    Likes Received:
    1,886

    Mar 24, 2015

    This is not not being able to "handle parents". This parent is abusive and threatening and your admin needs to be aware. I would not communicate with the parent, in any way, without admin present, or without copying admin on any emails.
     
  7. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

    Joined:
    May 19, 2007
    Messages:
    6,751
    Likes Received:
    1,711

    Mar 24, 2015

    If I were an administrator, I certainly would want a heads up that I may have a violent parent who may come to the school with a weapon.
     
  8. gr3teacher

    gr3teacher Phenom

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2013
    Messages:
    4,307
    Likes Received:
    887

    Mar 24, 2015

    I have a kiddo in my room that could literally spit right in my face, and I wouldn't call her mom or send her to the office. Mom is pretty much the worst person I've ever met. Luckily, the student is a sweet little girl, and isn't the type that would do anything which would require a phone call home.
     
  9. kpa1b2

    kpa1b2 Aficionado

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2002
    Messages:
    3,274
    Likes Received:
    38

    Mar 24, 2015

    Only once have I truly been afraid of a parent. I should have informed my principal of his weird behavior, until waiting until things escalated and she became involved because of his behavior in the hall.

    Having said that, I've had a couple of parents that I would make sure that I wasn't alone with for a variety of reasons; even if it was just to have someone else there to hear the conversation.
     
  10. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2001
    Messages:
    24,959
    Likes Received:
    2,116

    Mar 24, 2015

    Document. And next time you call have the P sit in on the call so s/he can hear how the parent behaves.
     
  11. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2005
    Messages:
    5,285
    Likes Received:
    754

    Mar 24, 2015

    No one should have deal with wacko parents alone. It doesn't reflect poorly on you to need backup with unreasonable parents. Chances are, this parent has a reputation that precedes him. If behavior is worse after you talk to dad, I wouldn't doubt he is talking smack about you in front of the kid. Get an administrator involved sooner than later.
     
  12. Bunnie

    Bunnie Devotee

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2009
    Messages:
    1,136
    Likes Received:
    165

    Mar 24, 2015

    Anytime I don't feel comfortable talking to or being near a parent, or in a meeting with them, I make sure my parent coordinator and admin knows why and ask them to be there as my witness.

    Honestly it's not a sign of weakness, it's your safety. Tell your admin.
     
  13. missrebecca

    missrebecca Comrade

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2012
    Messages:
    318
    Likes Received:
    10

    Mar 24, 2015

    Yes -- have your admin come to the meeting or participate in a conference call with you. It sounds obvious that this parent is irrational and that conferences between just the two of you are making matters worse. Admin needs to step in, not only to have your back, but to observe for the child's safety and potential future behavior problems.

    I had one parent (well, grandparent) who was nice to my face, but at home, would apparently insult me to her child and tell him what a terrible teacher I was. Yeah, you bet the child had zero respect for me and his behavior problems got worse after conferencing. And I got to hear some creative insults from that 10-year-old's mouth.
     
  14. SpecialPreskoo

    SpecialPreskoo Moderator

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2002
    Messages:
    5,097
    Likes Received:
    469

    Mar 24, 2015

    Speaker phone in the P's office. Have the P sit quietly until the jerk starts yelling at you. Hopefully if the P has any balls, then he'll speak up and put that parent in his place.
     
  15. PEteacher07

    PEteacher07 Cohort

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2005
    Messages:
    537
    Likes Received:
    8

    Mar 24, 2015

    Wow, you should not have to go through this alone. Please bring your administration into this.

    I am curious as to why the mother is forthcoming and saying the kid is poorly behaved at home yet the father is acting so inappropriately towards you.
     
  16. Jerseygirlteach

    Jerseygirlteach Groupie

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2010
    Messages:
    1,439
    Likes Received:
    2

    Mar 24, 2015

    They are not together and have completely different personalities.
     
  17. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2007
    Messages:
    6,876
    Likes Received:
    229

    Mar 24, 2015

    I agree with the others. This goes way beyond not being able to handle parents. You don't deserve to be spoken to like that. I would speak with your P about him and yes DOCUMENT! Sorry you have to go through this.
     
  18. miss-m

    miss-m Devotee

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2014
    Messages:
    1,188
    Likes Received:
    588

    Mar 24, 2015

    I would definitely be cautious of this parent. But I'm also in a city where a couple teachers have been attacked by angry parents in the past few years so that's part of it... I agree about getting admin on your side and making sure they're aware of the verbal abuse you're getting from this parent, and definitely don't meet with him alone. :(
     
  19. kellzy

    kellzy Comrade

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2013
    Messages:
    324
    Likes Received:
    92

    Mar 24, 2015

    I have at least one crazy parent per year. A member of my administration who's been in the field over 40 years overheard a conversation on the phone with a parent last year. I hung up and said, "That went better than I expected, considering that's my only scary parent this year."
    She laughed and responded, "Only one! Count your blessings."

    But in all seriousness, they don't pay you enough to deal with screaming, abusive parents. That's why they pay your administration more than you, so they have to deal with the angry parents. Get them involved in this.
     
  20. WarriorPrncss

    WarriorPrncss Companion

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2014
    Messages:
    157
    Likes Received:
    28

    Mar 24, 2015

    I have a 2nd grader in my class whose mom is NUTS. We've been told by Grandma and Aunt the crazy and awful things he does at home. Mom TOTALLY denies any issue and thinks we're awful because she has a perfect angel :lol: ... Dad agrees with the school, but sides with mom to keep things calm at home.

    I agree with everyone else--- the Admin needs to be aware. You're the teacher, and you deserve respect. It might be your job to inform parents of issues, but being verbally abused is NOT. Keep records and make sure Admin is in the loop-- have the Princupal or someone sit in on phone calls. If the Dad is that crazy over the phone to a teacher I cannot imagine what's going on at home.
     
  21. Jerseygirlteach

    Jerseygirlteach Groupie

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2010
    Messages:
    1,439
    Likes Received:
    2

    Mar 25, 2015

    Thanks for the advice. I gave my principal a head's up. Of course, now I'm second guessing myself - thinking that if it can't make me look good that a parent has such a negative reaction to me, but I guess I had to report it.

    I think my principal knows that parents generally are very pleased with me. I hope so anyway...
     
  22. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

    Joined:
    May 19, 2007
    Messages:
    6,751
    Likes Received:
    1,711

    Mar 25, 2015

    Your P has probably been around for a while. Don't worry.
     
  23. YoungTeacherGuy

    YoungTeacherGuy Phenom

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2007
    Messages:
    4,466
    Likes Received:
    1,494

    Mar 25, 2015

    As an administrator, I've had to call the police on a parent who threatened to "be waiting for me after school." She followed that up with, "...I'll probably slash your tires, too. I already know you drive the red Mercedes."
     
  24. readingrules12

    readingrules12 Aficionado

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2010
    Messages:
    3,303
    Likes Received:
    785

    Mar 25, 2015

    Yes, I had to call the police on a father for severe physical child abuse. Somehow the father found out and confronted me on it face to face. This father was the size of a football player and very angry. Yup, very scary. (Luckily never seen that father after that day).
     
  25. TeachCafe

    TeachCafe Comrade

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2015
    Messages:
    261
    Likes Received:
    30

    Mar 31, 2015

    I teach SPED so I have a number of parents like this. They still haven't come to terms with their child's diagnosis and think I'm pointless and holding them back.

    My P gave me a heads up on all the crazy parents and she told me to let her know when I get lip and I get a lot and in IEPs she runs the show so they yell at her and not us.

    Getting that kind of verbal abuse is not "not being able to handle a parent" that's abuse and no principal should want that or get in a tiff over their teachers coming to them to tell. If so I'd change schools because that's just wrong.
     

Share This Page

Members Online Now

Total: 301 (members: 3, guests: 263, robots: 35)
test