Early childhood question

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Irishdave, Aug 15, 2008.

  1. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Aug 15, 2008

    Early childhood question

    DIL told me my darling granddaughter (almost 4y/o) is lying
    EX: cookies missing
    DIL asks Granddaughter "Did you eat the cookies?"
    grand daughter (with cookie crumbs on her face says , "No"
    EX wet bed:
    "Did you potty in the bed?"
    grand daughter says, "no" while both are looking at the wet spot on the bed

    Now I think My DIL is handling it perfectly

    Is Lying age appropriate behavior (age normal)?
    My interpretation is GD wants to please parents and knows what she did is not pleasing so she lies thinking that is what the parent wants to hear.

    Now in the case of wetting DIL has made it a fun activity "if you tell me you had an accident we get to change the Bed together! if you don't tell the truth and Lie you get time out"

    But with cookies I wonder how to reward the truth but address the taking the cookies without permission?
     
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  3. chicagoturtle

    chicagoturtle Fanatic

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    Aug 15, 2008

    Description

    Lies differ in type, incidence, magnitude and consequence, with many gradations of severity, from harmless exaggeration and embellishment of stories, to intentional and habitual deceit. Behavioral scientist Wendy Gamble identified four basic types of lies for a University of Arizona study in 2000:

    Prosocial: Lying to protect someone, to benefit or help others.
    Self-enhancement: Lying to save face, to avoid embarrassment, disapproval or punishment.
    Selfish: Lying to protect the self at the expense of another, and/or to conceal a misdeed.
    Antisocial: Lying to hurt someone else intentionally.
    Lying is considered by most child development specialists to be a natural developmental occurrence in childhood. Though there is no empirical data about how children learn to lie, parental honesty is recognized as a primary influence on the development of truthfulness in children.

    Preschool

    Making up stories is part of a normal fantasy life for young children. It is a positive sign of developing intelligence and of an active and healthy imagination. Preschool children who are beginning to express themselves through language are not yet able to make a clear distinction between reality and make-believe. Storytelling at this age is seldom an intentional effort to deceive. When preschool children do engage in intentional deceit, it is usually to avoid reprimand. They are concerned with pleasing the parent, and may fear the punishment for admitting a mistake or misdeed.

    Many children are socialized by their parents at a very early age to tell "white"; lies to avoid hurting another's feelings. "White lies" or "fibs" are commonplace in many households and social settings and are observed and imitated by children. The incidence of prosocial or "white lies," tends to increase in children as they grow older.

    Dr. Kang Lee of the Department of Psychology at Queens University in Kingston, Ontario, Canada, observed young children telling so-called "white lies" to avoid disappointing the researcher. Such prosocial lying behavior occurred in children as young as age three. Dr. Lee's research found that over 60 percent of the 400 boys and girls he studied would pretend to be pleased when asked how they liked a used bar of soap, given as a prize after playing a game with researchers. When parents instructed the children to "be polite" when the researcher asked if they liked the soap, as many as 80 percent of these children, ages three to 11 years of age were dishonest.

    Dr. Michael Lewis of Robert Wood Johnson Medical School, has found that as many as 65 percent of the children he studied had learned to lie by age two and one half. This research also reveals a correlation between higher IQ and the incidence of lying in children.


    http://64.233.167.104/search?q=cach...+LYING&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=1&gl=us&client=safari
     
  4. SpecialPreskoo

    SpecialPreskoo Moderator

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    Aug 15, 2008

    Maybe they should rephrase the question or just state the obvious so denial won't be an option. "Why did you potty in the bed?" or "Oh, I see you ate the cookies."
     
  5. Ghost

    Ghost Habitué

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    Aug 15, 2008

    I agree with specialpreskool....I've learned that you NEVER ask "Do you want to mow the lawn?" It's usually, "Are you going to mow the lawn now or after lunch?" Gives him some control.

    As far as taking the cookies, to encourage truth telling I tend to do a shorter time out/punishment for telling te truth. For a young 'un, I'd suggest something like a choice of where she'll do TO. "Thank you for telling the truth. You did something wrong, so you still have a consequence, but I'll let you pick....would you rather sit in the corner or go to bed early?"
     
  6. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Aug 15, 2008

    It's normal for that age group. We're going through the same thing with my DD.
     
  7. Miss_J

    Miss_J Habitué

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    Aug 15, 2008

  8. Zelda~*

    Zelda~* Devotee

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    Aug 16, 2008

    If I saw one of my preschool students with cookie crumbs all over his/her face I'd probably ask them with a smile, "Hey, where did all those cookie crumbs come from? Hmmmm?"

    Most kiddos would tell me, but I had the advantage of not being Mommy, so they weren't too afraid of me! :lol:

    It is as specialpreskool said, usually better to just state it flat out. "Hey Cookie Monster, I see you've been eating the cookies." Smile. "Next time ask first. Don't want to spoil dinner."
     
  9. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    Aug 16, 2008

    I totally agree with everybody else. Lying of the type you're describing is perfectly normal at your granddaughter's age. The suggestions you've gotten are all very good as far as handling it and phrasing the questions as well. Those are the types of things I said to my boys when they went through that stage.
     
  10. kermy

    kermy Companion

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    Aug 16, 2008

    I agree with everyone. But you dont want to ask them did u eat the cookie? b/c they want to please you, so they tend to lie. Telling them you know what happened helps them not be afraid of disappointing you.
     
  11. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Aug 18, 2008

    who took the cookies??

    A song seems appropriate here.


    Dave took the cookies from the cookie jar!
    Who Me?
    Yes You!
    Couldn't be!
    Then who?
    (go around the room, and pick on everyone...)
    Gives those quiet kids a reason to yell, and helps with names

    somebody will confess, because it's too funny..and they can't end the song until they do...
     

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