Do your students ever hurt your feelings?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by LittleShakespeare, Apr 2, 2018.

  1. vickilyn

    vickilyn Magnifico

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    Apr 2, 2018

    Sometimes teachers bring treats so that the students will gush appreciation, giving the teacher a feeling of, well, almost power. That shouldn't be the reason anything is given. If you struggle with disappointment because students would state that they would prefer this or that, get over it. If you are looking for "appropriate" responses to your generosity, offer the same treats to teacher friends. For the most part, they are aware that nothing had to be brought, and they will respond positively.

    I bring Jolly Ranchers once in a blue moon, but that's it. Some students would rather have _____. I simply shrug my shoulders and state that they are not obligated to take a JR, it is their choice. Most important part of the verbal exchange is that it is honest. They would prefer a Snickers, as would I, but the JR is all I have, so take it or leave it - it's not a popularity contest, nor do I care if they take my treat, properly "thank" me, or appreciate my effort. I saw JR's, bought them, and will share what I have if they want it - it isn't a personal affront if they decline, even with a comment, because I wasn't trying to "buy" popularity. I simply didn't think it was fair for me to eat the JR's in front of them without having enough to share. I can't control their manners, but I still remember my mom telling me not to eat in front of others if I didn't bring enough to share. The truth is that the only person's actions we can control is our own. Just what I was taught. . .
     
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  2. TrademarkTer

    TrademarkTer Groupie

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    Apr 2, 2018

    So you would have bought the Jolly Ranchers to sit at home and eat on the couch if you weren't a teacher?
     
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  3. LittleShakespeare

    LittleShakespeare Comrade

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    Apr 3, 2018

    Vickilyn, I feel like you always misinterpret my posts. I'm not trying to bribe my students or buy popularity. I do it because they're my kids too and I do love them. Please give me the benefit of the doubt instead of classifying me as egotistical.
     
  4. rpan

    rpan Cohort

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    My kids are generally appreciative when I bring them lollies and goodies.
    If a student is being ungrateful it doesn’t bother me as long as they aren’t being rude. I just tell them they don’t have to eat it if they don’t want to and what I have to offer is what I have to offer. If they are being rude I call them out on it. I’ll say something like “you may not appreciate the gesture but you don’t have to be rude about it” and that’s the end of that.
     
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  5. Minnesota

    Minnesota Rookie

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    Apr 3, 2018

    I don't think the teachers really need advice on how to handle these situations. Thank you. We are simply sharing our answer to the question "Have your students ever hurt your feelings". That's all.
     
  6. LittleShakespeare

    LittleShakespeare Comrade

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    Thanks so much, everybody. I appreciate all your insight. :heart:
     
  7. vickilyn

    vickilyn Magnifico

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    Yes, if I was going to be busy all day with no chance to go to the fridge for a little sugar, no way to drive to the store, engaged in something like teaching, where I can "pamper" myself for a couple of minutes by sucking on hard candy. Let's be perfectly clear - I don't sit on my couch eating candy, but I will use JR while I am busy and not able to have something better to eat. That kind of defines teaching, and therefore the presence of the students, don't you think? :cool:
     
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2018
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  8. vickilyn

    vickilyn Magnifico

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    Apr 3, 2018

    And you have misinterpreted me. I simply stated that you really can't get your feelings hurt unless you are expecting a different outcome than what you received. Understanding how our students will respond is something that we should be aware of, as their teachers. I don't love, but do really like my students. In NJ, the laws about treats have shut down parties with treats, student snacks, etc. What students want, and what we can offer without crossing boundaries will never be in sync. Having seen a student react to another student's snack, that contained something that he was allergic to, I always feel that I should keep it as simple as possible, in case I am going to share. I don't have the same concern when sharing with staff - they will ask if there are nuts, chocolate, etc. before starting the feeding frenzy.

    My JR's are not going to be anything to write home about, but they are not so tempting that someone is likely to take one if they are allergic to the food dye, for instance. I understand that. Hurt my feelings? Sure, when they stole money from me or wrecked my room - I am the one that has to put everything right again. Treats, however, are not something that they could hurt my feelings over - guess that is just me. I have not insinuated you are egotistical - I did state that some teacher lavish treats on students with the express intention of feeding their own need for praise. If that's not you, no worry. I worked with someone who was that insecure, and witnessed the "need" for gratitude for the "treats that were given." They came with the expectation of lavish thanks and appreciation. When that didn't materialize, this teacher had "hurt feelings." I am a teacher to my students, not a mother replacement. My JR's are about me honoring what I was taught as a child - have enough to share, or don't eat in front of others.
     
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  9. LittleShakespeare

    LittleShakespeare Comrade

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    You're quite...compassionate? I guess? Some people aren't like you: strong willed 24/7 and emotionless. And to be honest, I really didn't need to hear your spiel on "getting over it." I simply asked if anyone experienced this before. Perhaps you should read the question more thoroughly and understand what's being asked instead of offering unsolicited advice.
     
  10. a2z

    a2z Maven

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    Apr 3, 2018

    Yes.
     
  11. LittleShakespeare

    LittleShakespeare Comrade

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    Fantastic.
     
  12. vickilyn

    vickilyn Magnifico

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    I work with needy students. You have made a harsh judgement by calling me emotionless and without compassion. However, I will assure you that you have not hurt my feelings.

    It's an open thread, and any of us can respond based on our own experiences. That is what I have done.
     
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2018
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  13. LittleShakespeare

    LittleShakespeare Comrade

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    THANK YOU! Seriously! It's kind of aggravating how some people want to play Dr. Phil.
     
  14. LittleShakespeare

    LittleShakespeare Comrade

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    Sure, you may offer your experiences, but you also unnecessarily give me psychological advice about your needy coworker and how I have to "get over it" and stop seeking affirmation. You don't even know me, so it's a bit offensive how you come off.
     
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  15. vickilyn

    vickilyn Magnifico

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    Apr 3, 2018

    As you just stated, I don't know you. I am allowed opinions.
     
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