Do you know someone like this?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out Archives' started by teachingforlife, Feb 12, 2007.

  1. teachingforlife

    teachingforlife Rookie

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2007
    Messages:
    42
    Likes Received:
    0

    Feb 12, 2007

    A lady (my boss actually) that I know is constantly speaking before thinking, and of course, since she doesn't think about it first, things often come out wrong. She gets all bewildered when people take offense to things and really doesn't know why people are offended when she says something wrong. It's hard because I try to gently say that something might be offensive, but it's like she doesn't get it. She even leaves notes for families with the wrong child's name on it, spells kids names wrong, etc. To me, that is really offensive, because you didn't even take the time to learn the child's name. It is a matter of courtesy to me...what do you all think?
     
  2.  
  3. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2006
    Messages:
    9,154
    Likes Received:
    1

    Feb 12, 2007

    The teacher across the hall is very friendly and great with her kids. She is like that though. She thinks about herself but can't see past a short distance from herself. It's interesting because she really isn't being malicious but rather short-sighted. She can definately get easily offended if it is about her even if when she can't see that she does the same thing.
     
  4. teachingmomof4

    teachingmomof4 Groupie

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2006
    Messages:
    1,304
    Likes Received:
    0

    Feb 12, 2007

    Our secretary is a bit like that. She will say things to people and then (sometimes) apologize for them later, saying that she wasn't trying to be offensive, etc. Some people are like that though. I'm not sure how to change them, if it's even possible. I guess that gently telling her what she is doing might make her think a little. Good luck to you and your friend.
     
  5. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2001
    Messages:
    24,948
    Likes Received:
    2,096

    Feb 12, 2007

    This is a school administrator?
     
  6. teachingforlife

    teachingforlife Rookie

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2007
    Messages:
    42
    Likes Received:
    0

    Feb 13, 2007

    She is the owner of the child care center I direct. I have "cleaned up" many a mess from her comments that have been made, in her eyes, not to offend at all, but just the same, they did in fact offend my employees. She is very short-sighted...recently we moved a teacher from her classroom and placed her into another. I felt like it was done too quickly, and without enough thought. In my boss's eyes though, she gets an idea and runs with it, then later realizes that it might not have been such a good idea. I truly believe that she doesn't mean to offend anyone, but she states things in a way that is very offensive to a lot of people around her. Another issue that had come up was when my boss, in her eyes, said that she thought she should lose weight....however, it was said in this way..."(my boss talking to an employee of mine who is a little overweight) Sitting here watching you eat a bag of Fritos, I can't help but think that we all could stand to lose a little weight. Well, except for (she named two of the employees who are very skinny)" Now, I am not the skinniest person there ever was, but I am comfortable the way I am. I like my size 14/16 self. Some of my employees, however, were very offended. We even lost an employee over that comment. YIKES! I try to gently remind her or bring things to her attention, but it's like it doesn't sink in at all, and the same type of thing happens the next week!
     
  7. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

    Joined:
    May 13, 2004
    Messages:
    5,822
    Likes Received:
    137

    Feb 14, 2007

    She seems like a scatterbrain. I don't know if she's trying to be quick-witted or thinks she has to talk fast or else people will think she's stupid, but she needs to slow down. It's better to be a tad slower than a fast talker & always regretting what's said later.

    Unfortunately, she's your boss & there's really nothing you can do. Only she can be responsible for what she says & does. It shouldn't really be your job to clean up her messes either though, but I guess you kind of have to for the sake of the reputation of the company & all. If someone's mad about something she said, can't you politely say that you're not the right person to handle the situation, but _____ will be happy to help you.

    If it gets that bad, sit down and talk w/ her. There's a right way to communicate everything. If it gets so tiring where you can't bear it, maybe it's time to look for another job.
     
  8. teachingforlife

    teachingforlife Rookie

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2007
    Messages:
    42
    Likes Received:
    0

    Feb 14, 2007

    I do honestly think she doesn't realize the way she sounds. In her mind, though, it doesn't sound the way it does to everyone else in reality. Because she is my boss, and as you said, for the reputation of our company, I do feel like I have to clean up a little. I feel like 50 % of my time at work is "damage control" with the parents, with the employees, and then trying to stop it before it starts. I politely asked her to let me know what communication needs to go out to families or staff, and that I would be happy to do it, but she feels that she needs a hands on role in the center, so she often does it without even telling me...now that is another story.

    I have tried to gently refer people back to my boss, but I have heard more times than I can count that "there is no way [they] are going to talk to that crazy lady". Then there are the parents who don't want to talk to her about something because she can't even get their child's name right...

    I guess for me, I worry about the company's reputation, especially when it comes to written communication from the center...if it is littered with typos, misspelled words, and the wrong names of children it obviously reflects poorly on the center.

    I do think she is doing the best she can, but others who don't know her as well, don't really realize that. I have know her for almost six years and have learned to let things roll off my back. Thanks for your input!
     
  9. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2004
    Messages:
    6,367
    Likes Received:
    1

    Feb 15, 2007

    Does she maybe have some sort of social anxiety? Sometimes people say things like you describe when they get nervous around others. ??? Just a thought. But YES...I have known many people like this. Arg!!!
     
  10. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2006
    Messages:
    9,154
    Likes Received:
    1

    Feb 15, 2007

    I had to laugh. I'm like that with sign language (not my first language). In some situations I seem to start losing fluency and feel and look more akward and alot depends on WHO I'm talking to and not what I'm talking about or even my fluency level. I don't get it. I did fine in my last job which required public speaking (in sign!)!

    *My Principal: She's warm, open, caring, and yet sometimes, I shake and sound (look) stupid.
    *Parents: I know they are comparing people for fluency.
    *Staff: Ocassionally, for different reasons, I start paying too close attention to what I'm saying (creates more mistakes).

    When I first started learning American Sign Language, I had to teach myself how to sign even though I already understood sign language (in English format) from having interpreters. Because I use my voice, I never signed. Amazingly, they are not as connected as you may expect. When I decided I wanted to teach deaf kids, I took courses and I forced myself to sign. What really helped me was when I suddenly understood that I had to stop focusing too much on what and how I'm saying it and let it flow naturally (write or wrong) and practice would correct mistakes naturally. It worked!

    My connection with this story is how someone can be perfectly well thought out and then nervousness kicks in and the mistakes start accumulating. It's frustrating! I'm not even naturally shy!
     
  11. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2004
    Messages:
    6,367
    Likes Received:
    1

    Feb 15, 2007

    cutNglue, I am the same way sometimes. For some reason when I get nervous I end up saying stupid things sometimes. I'm not really shy either, but I am always focusing on trying to say the best thing that I think too much and end up saying something I never wanted to say and forget what I really want to say. And then of course, once I say something stupid, I become even more nervous and then I get paranoid. I've learned to just relax throughout the years, but in some situations it can be near impossible. If I don't overthink, I'm fine.
     
  12. ABall

    ABall Fanatic

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2005
    Messages:
    2,738
    Likes Received:
    0

    Feb 15, 2007

    one of my down falls is speaking before I think.

    But if you are incharge of a school/daycare you really should know the names of the kids and their families.
     
  13. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2004
    Messages:
    6,367
    Likes Received:
    1

    Feb 15, 2007

    I agree with that one. Even when you have a ton of families, it should be a priority to know their names. I always did.
     
  14. DragonYoga

    DragonYoga Rookie

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2007
    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    0

    Feb 17, 2007

    My roommate is VERY shortsighted. She's all about HER - and I find that incredibly annoying. She doesn't clean the house, but took the time to remind me it was my week to clean (we have alternating weeks where we take turns to clean, to keep it fair)... I reminded her I'm in school full time AND working full time. She had somehow apparently FORGOTTEN that... :eek:

    Anyhow, I just ignore her. It makes things a LOT easier on me...! I clean without comment, take out the trash, keep the house looking good, and the very second I ask her to wash HER dishes, she suddenly gets angry. The last time I asked (on the white board we use to leave each other notes), she said, 'Oh sure, I don't mind washing half YOUR dishes and ALL the silverware' I just said, 'You left 'em there. I washed all of mine already.' Never mentioned the fact I cleaned the entire freakin' house the day I asked her to wash the dishes. ARGH.

    Sorry for the long vent!:eek:
     
  15. teachingforlife

    teachingforlife Rookie

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2007
    Messages:
    42
    Likes Received:
    0

    Feb 23, 2007

    Sorry for not posting in awhile. JenPooh, my boss does have issues with public speaking, confrontation, and other things, but it's hard to tell whether it is that or if it is because she hasn't thought things through. I have known her for six years, and know her quite well. Though we disagree on many things, we have enough rapport with each other that she asked me to care for her daughter if something ever happened to her. Anyway, my point is that I have often seen times where it was something not thought out (when she has even admitted that), and then there are times that I think she just gets very nervous in front of others.

    If there were one thing that I wish I could change about her it would be the way that the company is represented to the parents, visitors, and potential clients/employees, etc. In every communication with parents or anyone else, you can easily find 10-15 typos, without even looking. Once again, a newsletter went out to the families, and she misspelled the child's name, had wrong information in it, left a child out, etc. It's frustrating. Then on top of that, she signs the newsletter with her name, my name and the teacher's name. This tends to make us look bad. The parents notice when something goes home that is from me, it is professional, typo-free, and has the right child and the child's name spelled right. I agree that when you have a ton of families, it is top priorty to know their names and the children. I also try to learn the names of siblings that may not attend our center. It makes the families feel more comfortable and that we have more of an interest in their child and their family. Another thing that really bothers me is when my boss leaves me notes about things that I am already doing, but she doesn't notice that I am doing, and she makes it sound like it isn't being done. I know she means well, but it gets frustrating. She left me a note that said, "Make sure the parents sign in in the morning." DUH!!! I do this already...if she would just look at the sign in sheets, she would see that, but I think she likes to write notes, maybe because it makes her feel important (just like some people like to hear themselves talk...)

    As far as your roommate goes, DragonYoga, I totally understand. It's frustrating dealing with that type of situation. I don't know if I could live with someone like that!
     

Share This Page

Members Online Now

  1. YoungTeacherGuy,
  2. ally06,
  3. MissBee06,
  4. RainStorm,
  5. miss-m,
  6. vickilyn,
  7. MrsC,
  8. rpan
Total: 371 (members: 10, guests: 335, robots: 26)
test