Do you judge parents...

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by MrsWbee, Oct 30, 2008.

  1. MrsWbee

    MrsWbee Companion

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2008
    Messages:
    209
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 30, 2008

    based on what they wear to school functions? Meetings, PT conferences, back to school night, or even just to drop their kids off in the morning??

    For instance, if a mom comes in to parent teacher conferences wearing a super tight t-shirt bearing pretty much all of her very...ample...cleavage with lacing up the sides, shorts that look painted on, thigh-high leather boots with lacing up the back, and more make-up on than one would wear to a nightclub-- does it change the tone of the meeting, conference, etc.? Does she lose credibility in your eyes? If the other parent or a step-parent dresses more conservatively, do you tend to gravitate toward them during the meeting? Does it change if this mom is thin compared to being plus sized?? Does it make you think "no wonder!" if her child has issues in school?

    I would really love to get some thoughts on this, and ask that you all be COMPLETELY honest!!
     
  2.  
  3. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2006
    Messages:
    27,534
    Likes Received:
    6

    Oct 30, 2008

    I don't necessarily judge their parenting skills by the way they dress, but it does give me an impression as to their level of taste.

    Size doesn't impress me one way or the other. My brother in law is size 5X and he's one of the sweetest guys in the world.
     
  4. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2007
    Messages:
    2,403
    Likes Received:
    1

    Oct 30, 2008

    I do judge a little based on what parents are wearing. It really shocks me to see what some parents think is appropriate to wear to open house and parent night and conferences.

    The kid who's parents brought their dog though, had to take the cake...
     
  5. AMK

    AMK Aficionado

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2003
    Messages:
    3,019
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 30, 2008

    I had only one parent who I judged what he wore - bright orange jumpsuit, looked a prision outfit and he was def on some type of drug.
    Honestly if they come I am happy.
     
  6. mrachelle87

    mrachelle87 Fanatic

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2006
    Messages:
    2,815
    Likes Received:
    53

    Oct 30, 2008

    I can be a snob sometimes. Most of the time it doesn't bother me. The ones that get under my skin are the ones that have their hair done and their nails painted and decorated, and their child is the child that comes to school dirty and old clothes. That is the ones I get on the defensive about!!! I know that it is snobby, but I just want to slap them for putting their wants before their child's needs.
     
  7. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2006
    Messages:
    4,492
    Likes Received:
    100

    Oct 30, 2008

    Most of the time dress doesn't matter to me. I don't judge their parenting skills based on what they wear, but like Alice said, it does give me an impression of their tastes and maybe values.
     
  8. Learner4Life

    Learner4Life Cohort

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2007
    Messages:
    720
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 30, 2008

    I judge. I'll admit it. I am new to this community and parent meetings are my way to get to know the people in town (it's very small). It may not sway the way the meeting goes but if they are dressed inappropriately then it either really makes me wonder why their child is so good, or it makes me say "well no wonder."
     
  9. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2006
    Messages:
    27,534
    Likes Received:
    6

    Oct 30, 2008

    By the same token, I KNOW I make a judgement about the teachers of my kids when I see how they're dressed.
     
  10. adventuresofJ

    adventuresofJ Comrade

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2008
    Messages:
    415
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 30, 2008

    I have only looked at one parent and ever thought something bad. She seems to be attentive and involved in her kid's education so I do not have a problem with her as a parent. But the ripped jeans from shin to upper thy (pockets hanging out), the not brushing her teeth in a week, and the middrift showing t-shirt... Wow.
     
  11. agdamity

    agdamity Fanatic

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2007
    Messages:
    2,705
    Likes Received:
    469

    Oct 30, 2008

    I'm lucky to see my student's parents in person, so I don't pay too much attention to what they're wearing. I did wonder, though, about the mother who came to my classroom, while students were there, to clean out her daughter's desk wearing a barely there dress, with no bra and a large chest. Umm, I teach 10 and 11 year old boys, probably not the wisest thing to wear to an elementary school.
    I tend to dress pretty conservative though, there are a LOT of things I see people wear (parents and teachers) that I would never wear, so I try to see past the clothing if possible.
     
  12. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

    Joined:
    May 13, 2004
    Messages:
    5,881
    Likes Received:
    159

    Oct 30, 2008

    In general, we are told not to judge people by the way they look, especially how they're dressed, but it's a bit difficult not to let some of our preconceived ideas flood our brain.

    When it comes to the way parents of students look, in my opinion, the most casually dressed they should be to drop kids off is maybe a nice jogging suit or nice shorts & a tank top, but for IEP mtgs, the most casual should be nice jeans & a nice top. After all, the principal, school psychologist, etc are all in attendance. Anything more extreme than a skirt w/ a modest slit is a bit too much.

    They can have a Ph.D. degree, but if they look like they just woke up out of bed, it's hard to see their seriousness about the well being of their child.
     
  13. Brendan

    Brendan Fanatic

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2004
    Messages:
    2,974
    Likes Received:
    1

    Oct 30, 2008

    I do the same. While I certainly am one to wear jeans on spirt days and I alternate during the regular weak between wearing a shirt and tie and just a dress shirt and khakis, in front of parents I will always have a tie on. (A sports jacket in my school is seen as over doing it though).
     
  14. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2006
    Messages:
    27,534
    Likes Received:
    6

    Oct 30, 2008


    That's almost EXACTLY what I posted here two and a half years ago when Kira first went for her speech screening, except that I was referring to the teachers.

    Let's just say that the teachers here weren't in universal agreement that your clothing choices effect how seriously you're taken.
     
  15. cMcD

    cMcD Groupie

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2007
    Messages:
    1,214
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 30, 2008

    When a mom walks into school with a t-shirt saying "Screw Machine" across the chest it's hard to take her seriously and be objective about her parenting... (true story)

    The same goes for a few mom's I've had come in with short-shorts on. Especially the mom that came in to eat lunch with her daughter and paraded around the cafeteria in her cut-offs.

    I try not to judge, but it is hard to take some people serious when they dress the way that they do. But let's face it... would the parents take me seriously if I wore holey clothes, low-cut shirts, etc.??? Clothing effects how others see you.

    In closing, I tend to judge more on their poor grammar usage...
     
  16. mandagap06

    mandagap06 Devotee

    Joined:
    May 14, 2008
    Messages:
    1,074
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 30, 2008

    I have been in contact with parents, but I know that it is not to the extent you all have. I do judge though. I think is this what you are teaching your child is ok to wear? Gee, when they get to highschool or out and get their 1st job I hope they don't wear something like that to the interview. The parents that dress like that are teaching the kids its ok to go into a professional setting looking like that. I would not say the parents have to dress up just look put together. The only time I would say they needed to dress up is in an IEP meeting type situation.
     
  17. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2005
    Messages:
    5,280
    Likes Received:
    748

    Oct 30, 2008

    Those are the parents that I notice clothing and personal habits. If you have enough money to buy two packs of cigarrettes a day, you have enough money to buy your child a package of crayons!!!!
     
  18. RainStorm

    RainStorm Phenom

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2005
    Messages:
    4,372
    Likes Received:
    798

    Oct 30, 2008

    I think it is human nature to compare and judge, especially when a person is wearing something shocking or revealing.

    As to the part about how some teachers dress -- I confess, I am one of those teachers. I do not dress in a way that most people would consider "professional." In my younger days, I tried many times. I'd buy the clothes. I lay out outfits before I went to bed each night. But within days I'd drift back into my old ways. If I like a particular shirt or pair of pants, I'll buy 2 or 3 of the exact same thing. It doesnt' bother me if people think I'm wearing the same thing several days in a row. I know it is clean.

    I don't mind if things are slightly wrinkled -- I'm just happy they are clean. It would take me 20 minutes to FIND my iron! I don't wear makeup. I don't style my hair. (I do comb my hair in the morning, but if it gets messed up during the day, oh well!)

    I still remember when I interviewed at this school, and they asked the dreaded "what is your biggest weakness" question, I said (quite sincerely) "I am a terrible dresser. If my clothes are clean and the right size, I'm happy. I ask people to look beyond that and see my teaching ability. If they can't do that, I understand, but I know this about myself -- I can try to change, but it doesn't work. It just isn't something that is important to me. If you can't live with that, then don't hire me. I'm not the teacher for your school."

    Then they asked me how I "overcome my biggest weakness" and I told them, I'll be the best teacher I can be. I'll give everything I've got. And I said, I promise you, you'll hear parents say "She is such a great teacher, if only she was a better dresser...." To me, that is a compliment.

    I know what everybody says about "dressing for success." I totally agree that people who are dressed nicely make a better impression. I totally respect that teachers who are well dressed and well groomed make a better first impresson. But I also know that every single year, I have a line of parents at the principal's office asking that their child be put in my class.

    During open house, I always tell my students parents "I'm old. I'm fat. My hair usually looks like I've just come in from a windstorm. I am fashion-impaired. But I love to teacher, and I love the kids. I hope that will be enough."
     
  19. SuzieQ

    SuzieQ Companion

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2007
    Messages:
    104
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 31, 2008

    Honestly I think people are more judgemental of they way you dress, talk, and present yourself more than anything else. Even when I visit the doctor I notice that I am treated sooo diferently when I dress in my professional work clothes than the times I've come in my sweats and my hair a mess!
     
  20. glitterfish

    glitterfish Comrade

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2008
    Messages:
    293
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 31, 2008

    I have to admit that odd clothes do effect how I view parents initially. I've always been a 'first impressions' gal and tend to judge and draw conclusions before I should. A few minutes, days, weeks, or months later I'm often revising my opinion. This is one of my weaknesses.

    More than clothes, I judge by the type of homelife that is going on and what they choose to share with me, such as the conference today where Mom declared proudly that she was in a self-declared "polyamorous" relationship with a married man who helps raiser her 4 children (not his) and spends half his time with her and half with his wife. Strange. Automatically had my head whirring about what was going on at home. ...
     
  21. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2007
    Messages:
    5,621
    Likes Received:
    6

    Oct 31, 2008

    As a previous poster said, I'm lucky just to get the parents in the door. Frequently, the best they can do is the ripped jeans and ratty t-shirt (with bedroom slippers). As far as that's concerned, I don't care about dress...they're there, and that's more than I can say for most of my parents.

    The one parent that got to me, though, was the stripper, who came in "dressed" for work. That was too much...especially with a bunch of hormonally crazed middle school boys.
     
  22. DHE

    DHE Connoisseur

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2007
    Messages:
    1,909
    Likes Received:
    29

    Oct 31, 2008

    I try not to judge parents by the way they are dressed. However, I do pay attention to their speech or the notes that are written to me. In the south, many children have problems with subject-verb agreement and it much of it comes from home. I think this helps me to know what area I have to work a little harder on. I do have a problem with those who come with little clothes on. A school is not the place for skimpy clothes.

    I must say that I am one of those teachers who have a problem with teachers who don't dress professionally. No offense, Rainstorm, I have read many of your post and I can tell that you are a spectacular teacher. Last week, we had PTC day during a regular day of school because of make-up hurricanes day. Well it was a rough week and I just put on a pair of black and a shirt with some mules. When I got to school and thought about oh my goodness, parents are coming. I felt so bad that I was underdressed for my meetings. If we are having parents coming to school, on open house night, IEP meeting, or anything of the sort I try to dress more professionally.
     
  23. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Maven

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2008
    Messages:
    5,092
    Likes Received:
    1,528

    Oct 31, 2008

    When I was in elementary school the kids went along with the parents to open house (usually). Sometimes my mom and I went with our neighbor and her daughter who was a year younger than me. One time we went to an open house and my neighbor's mom had on ratty sweats, dirty sneakers and a fake fur coat. I could tell the daughter was embarrased. Her mother looked very odd and she was going to meet her teacher! My mom dressed up and I was very proud to introduce her to my teacher. The other mom said that she was tired from work and wanted to be comfortable. I guess she dressed up for work. I just felt bad for the girl. The appearance of parents can affect the kids. They probably don't even realize it.
     
  24. Crzy_ArtTeacher

    Crzy_ArtTeacher Comrade

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2008
    Messages:
    351
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 31, 2008

    Honestly, I wish I wasn't judgmental but it's hard at times.

    One family in particular that has a couple of children at the school that are severely overweight. The family enables it by letting them be picked up and dropped off by our one bus specialized for special needs children only. In the past the parents have dismissed their children early and on the portion of the form they have to fill out for the reason they wrote "Stinky".

    You understand a lot about the child when you see the parents.

    We call it the "Macintosh Syndrome".
     
  25. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2007
    Messages:
    2,007
    Likes Received:
    12

    Oct 31, 2008

    I don't understand ???


    I have seen almost all of what everyone has said
    and I do judge parents and many should get the book thrown at them
    [​IMG]
     
  26. GlendaLL

    GlendaLL Aficionado

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2004
    Messages:
    3,393
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 31, 2008

    Macintosh Syndrome - I had to think about it for a minute!

    I think it means - The apple (Macintosh) doesn't fall far from the tree!
     
  27. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2006
    Messages:
    4,492
    Likes Received:
    100

    Oct 31, 2008

    Macintosh Syndrome-'can refer to a person's constant use of computers to the exclusion of actual human interaction and physical excercise, also a term sometimes used to disguise the intended "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree" adage'
     
  28. Crzy_ArtTeacher

    Crzy_ArtTeacher Comrade

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2008
    Messages:
    351
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 31, 2008

    Yes, that is the way we use it. It's not kind of us but I really believe it's true.

    Irishdave... In the portion of why they are dismissing the kids from school early they have to write why they are doing it. Well one of the parents decided to write (in front of their child mind you) that the reason he was being dismissed was because he was 'stinky'

    I just brought it up because it was something that irked me and it was a continued thought about the same family I was discussing.
     
  29. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2007
    Messages:
    2,007
    Likes Received:
    12

    Oct 31, 2008

    OMG I thought it was he had to poop
     
  30. Hoot Owl

    Hoot Owl Aficionado

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2008
    Messages:
    3,888
    Likes Received:
    0

    Oct 31, 2008



    "Screw Machine" oh my!!

    Honestly, I'd be very distracted. It's hard to take someone seriously dressed like that. She chose to put it on to make a statement, don't think it was a coincidence that she wore it to school.

    I was distracted too with the parent with the lime green tongue ring, big chest w/no bra, and the crack of her @#$# showing. Compare her to the rest of my conservatively, professionally dressed parents... well. It does affect me. Do I treat her child differently? No. But it helps me understand where she's been and why she acts like she does.
     
  31. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2006
    Messages:
    7,946
    Likes Received:
    3

    Oct 31, 2008

    Rainstorm, I'm with you.

    My idea of dressing up is a pair of dark jeans and a nice top...really. I wear almost the same outfit every single day at school...either a polo shirt with khakis or a polo shirt with jeans...and tennis shoes because I put fuction before fashion. I don't "get" or keep up with trends on the fashion front, but trust me...I will keep up with your child, his strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, his learning styles, his needs. It makes me a little sad to think that some parents have looked at me and just because I'm casual think worse of me. :(

    As far as parents are concerned, the only time their appearance crosses my mind in a negative way is when mothers look as though they came straight from a shift working the corner. I'm just not comfortable seeing their ni**les. It makes me feel sad for the child...I don't equate it with being a bad parent, but I do think it eliminates one from the running in the World's Greatest Mom contest.

    We had a parent meeting yesterday and the mother's odor was almost too much to handle, and it just broke me heart. She was working so hard with her child, and clearly wanted the best for him. I just wish I could provide all the resources to my families that I know would make their life and their child's life a little easier.
     
  32. peggy27

    peggy27 Cohort

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2004
    Messages:
    552
    Likes Received:
    0

    Nov 1, 2008

    I try really hard not to judge. I realy don't like when they come to school revealing more than they should! I had a parent last year and she has tattoos all over. Her neck, her head, and hands. Other teachers were scared of her.I keep telling them not to judge her because of this. But she was one of the best parents I ever had. She came in every week and worked with my kids. In fourth grade, where it's hard to get people to volunteer. She now works part-time in our lunchroom.
     
  33. mandagap06

    mandagap06 Devotee

    Joined:
    May 14, 2008
    Messages:
    1,074
    Likes Received:
    0

    Nov 1, 2008

     
  34. adventuresofJ

    adventuresofJ Comrade

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2008
    Messages:
    415
    Likes Received:
    0

    Nov 1, 2008

    maybe it is because i am tattooed, but they do not bug me, i think i would feel more at ease with a tattooed parent (depending on the content of the tattoos), especially one so involved.
     
  35. sue35

    sue35 Habitué

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2007
    Messages:
    897
    Likes Received:
    0

    Nov 1, 2008

    I judge them but just on what they are wearing. Meaning, I don't think anything of their parenting skills but just shake my head at their fashion sense. I just saw a mom in a mini animal print skirt and did wonder why she wanted to look kind of slutty around her son but I know she is a very good mom so who knows.

    I don't really notice what size the parents are, unless they are really overweight and so is the child.
     
  36. sue35

    sue35 Habitué

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2007
    Messages:
    897
    Likes Received:
    0

    Nov 1, 2008

    I judge the parents more when I am at a night school function and they get wasted and throw up. Yes, children are not there but there is no excuse for that.
     
  37. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2006
    Messages:
    7,946
    Likes Received:
    3

    Nov 2, 2008

    Sue's comment relates to another thread in the general forum...I can't believe that schools have functions where there is drinking. I'm really shocked by this, and apparently it is somewhat common in some parts.

    But, back to the original intent of this thread! :)
     
  38. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2006
    Messages:
    27,534
    Likes Received:
    6

    Nov 2, 2008

    I believe it was my comment on the other thread. I mentioned that at my school, the Parent Association (made up of-- you guessed it--parents) hosts a cocktail party to which the teachers are invited.

    But nowhere there was there any mention of "getting wasted or throwing up."

    So perhaps it's a different comment to which you're referring?
     
  39. sue35

    sue35 Habitué

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2007
    Messages:
    897
    Likes Received:
    0

    Nov 2, 2008

    I just meant that I judge the parents more based on their actions at school functions (where alcohol is served) than what they wear. But then again, they do tend to wear interesting things to these functions also...:)

    Sorry to go off topic, it just reminded me of it, I didn't see the other thread
     
  40. Mamacita

    Mamacita Aficionado

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2004
    Messages:
    3,319
    Likes Received:
    12

    Nov 2, 2008

    Often, parents are coming to school straight from work, so I would get a lot of people in their end-of-the-day soiled factory or farm or construction-work clothing, etc. This never bothered me at all. I was, in fact, impressed that a conference was that important to these parents. Mothers dressed like skanks bothered me, because they are setting a terrible example to their children and to all the other children who had to see that. Fathers who did not remove their baseball hats inside the building bothered me, because it showed a lack of respect, a lack of manners, and a lack of knowledge about such things. People who reeked of smoke bother the universe.

    But most of all, I loathed, on sight, every parent who could apparently afford to support his/her nicotine habit, yet could not seem to afford lunch, socks, decent clothing, a warm coat, mittens, shampoo, pencils, paper, field trip fees, or chapstick for his/her children. Such people are selfish, childish, inconsiderate, and totally lacking in humanity. When an addiction or pleasure of any kind is more important than the needs of a child, a parent is scum, and the children should be removed and given to decent people who will take proper care of them.

    Heh, sorry about the rant.

    Actually, no, I'm not. I'm not kidding about it, either.

    I also looked down on parents who allowed their toddlers to run wild in the classroom during a conference. Bah.

    Some people don't deserve to have children.
     
  41. RainStorm

    RainStorm Phenom

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2005
    Messages:
    4,372
    Likes Received:
    798

    Nov 2, 2008

    Don't hold back, Mama! Tell us how you REALLY feel!!! :D
     

Share This Page

Members Online Now

  1. evewilsons22,
  2. indianautos87
Total: 357 (members: 4, guests: 333, robots: 20)
test