Do you call them "friends"?

Discussion in 'Preschool' started by Miss J. Pre-K, Sep 27, 2008.

  1. Miss J. Pre-K

    Miss J. Pre-K Comrade

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    Sep 27, 2008

    Whenever I have a small group of children who need to do something, I say "my friends". For instance, "Uh oh, I see that my friends in housekeeping need to come back and clean up."

    1. Is this developmentally appropriate? I'm trying not to speak down to the children, and I do not reply, "We're all friends here" when a child tells me that "__________'s not my friend". It's not truthful--they're not all going to be friends, but they need to get along. I say something like, "I think that __________ made you angry, and it's okay to be angry. Do you want to talk about it?"

    2. If it's not appropriate, what words do you use? "Classmates" seems too offical, "children" seems trivializing.
     
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  3. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Sep 27, 2008

    I use 'friends' a lot...there's nothing inappropriate with it...
     
  4. Tasha

    Tasha Phenom

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    Sep 27, 2008

    I do use friends and I also say that we are all friends inside this classroom. We may not always want to play with the same person and sometimes friends make us angry, but we are all part of the same class, and that makes us friends.

    I do know what you mean about not always being a friend, but they have to build that sense of community, even if they don't like someone. Sometimes I am not friends with a person I work with, but I would still consider them an acquaintance and that seems like more that a 3-7 year old needs to know
     
  5. reverie

    reverie Companion

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    I see no problem with using "friends." It does build a sense of community like Tasha said.
     
  6. Miss J. Pre-K

    Miss J. Pre-K Comrade

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    I guess what I meant is that I'm trying to take away the hurtful power that the word "friend" can have for a young child. Saying "you're not my friend" seems like the worst insult they tell each other, and we often have tears over one child telling another that daily. I'm trying to point out that not everyone has to be play together, and they can choose to play with someone who wants to play with them. I'm just wondering if I've been adding to the problem by saying friends all the time.
     
  7. tracer330

    tracer330 Rookie

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    Sep 27, 2008

    "...we are all part of the same class, and that makes us friends. "


    i used to say this to my preK's when i heard too much of "you're not my friend"; i know that not all the children choose to play together out on the playground or during free-play time in the classroom; but i used to encourage them to include anyone who wanted to play with them; i grouped the children for learning centers and they were not always with their "friends"; but i gave them the chance to get to know each other and to become friends by working together

    when I am talking to my class (2's) i always call them "my friends"; sometimes I call them "my children" or "Ms. Stephanie and Ms. Tracey's class"
     
  8. Mrs_Barrett

    Mrs_Barrett Cohort

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    Sep 27, 2008

    I use friends espically when I have hitting behaviors. For example, "Please don't hurt my friends." Other than that I typically use boys and girls.
     
  9. WaProvider

    WaProvider Fanatic

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    Sep 27, 2008

    Yep, I use friends sometimes-but I see a huge problem in being sincere like that. Even in the adult workplace we do things to each other (back stabbing and so on) that isn't what we want friends to do. I reserve friends for those children that really are a team.

    I use team a lot. Teams are chosen, they are bought and sold. I like team - it implies that we must work together and that we are responsible for each other and so on with out announcing that we must actually like each other.

    We say "people are not for hurting" rather than "please don't hit your friends".
     
  10. kimrandy1

    kimrandy1 Enthusiast

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    Sep 27, 2008

    I even tend to use "friends" now when referring to my own children, which completely annoys my 10 year old.

    I have a small sub-group of girls this year who are in a "you're not my friend" mood right now, and it has nothing to do with someone who has hurt their feelings. They just seem to be doing it to be exclusive and hurt people's feelings (yes, they are socially mature...and they all have several older siblings). I've over-heard "so-and-so can't be our friend because she has ugly shoes." and "x-y-z can't be our friend because he brings funny food for snack." There are two of them having this problem especially, and one other one that they are trying to draw into the circle. But, then again, when it doesn't suit them, they totally ignore child 3, even if she is begging them to talk to her - they pretend she's not even there!

    So, yes, I did bring out the "we're all friends here" speech. And I used the word "friends," but I made sure they understood that it's more about how friends should treat each other-giving concrete and specific examples- than the idea that they are going to like everyone in the room or play with everyone in the room (although, with the way they're acting it's going to be THEM that no one likes or wants to play with before long!).
     
  11. Miss J. Pre-K

    Miss J. Pre-K Comrade

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    Sep 30, 2008

    Thank you. This was what I was thinking. "Friend" isn't always a sincere or honest term to use.
     
  12. Miss J. Pre-K

    Miss J. Pre-K Comrade

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    I think I'm going to address it during circle time about how we treat our classmates and how to express feelings. I'm pretty sure the girl who is doing the "we're not friends" in my room just doesn't know how to tell the child that they did something to make her angry. I feel for you, though--little girls can be so mean to each other at times.
     
  13. edukidds

    edukidds Rookie

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    Oct 5, 2008

    [F]In my all Pre-K school (we have approx. 360 students) we have a positive behavior system. We all have similar lingo we use to address the students and their behavior. We use "friends" often when we are addressing the students. We feel it is completely appropriate to use. When it comes to discipline, I address the students directly using their names. :thumb:[/FONT]
     

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