Do women still expect men to support them and a family?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by lothia_man, May 1, 2009.

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  1. lothia_man

    lothia_man Rookie

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    Now, let me state that I am in school to be a teacher. I am curious if women still expect a guy to support her....even in the current economic state.
     
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  3. deedee

    deedee Connoisseur

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    I think I expect that each person should try to contribute equally but honestly it wouldnt matter how much someone makes as long as you are happy and can pay the bills
     
  4. txmomteacher2

    txmomteacher2 Enthusiast

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    I don't expect my husband to support me financially BUT he expects it from himself. He is from the old school (ten years older than me and raised by grandparents) A man worked and supports his family if the wife works that is just extra. When our older kids were little I didn't work. It was tough but we managed. I went back to school after our 3rd was born and now I wouldn't have it any other way. I like to contribute to our lives. PLus working keeps me sane!!!!
     
  5. Jem

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    I do, but that's simply because I'm not making any money right now! Hahahhaha.

    I don't think about money much, to be honest. Dh pays all the bills, and my check has always been direct deposited. I've only ever known how much I make in theory (annual salary), and how much dh makes. I think I've imposed a glass ceiling on myself, but after making such little money for so long, I kind of expect it. Even my visions with Sprout are extremely limiting when it comes to actually making money-my profit margin is so slim so I can keep the prices so low, that I would have to sell a zillion books to pull in a decent salary.

    So I don't consciously think 'dh needs to make x amount', but it's good that he does because it gave us that cushion when I lost my job and now I can explore other options without the pressure of 'having' to get a job.
     
  6. Crzy_ArtTeacher

    Crzy_ArtTeacher Comrade

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    No, not at all. I supported my man for a while, while he was unemployed. I think that is an old-fashioned belief and many modern woman believe in being able to support themselves first.
     
  7. TennisPlayer

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    I think that varies from woman to woman so we can't generalize on an answer.
     
  8. GoldenPoppy

    GoldenPoppy Habitué

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    No, I don't expect it. My husband is retired and brings in some income from his eBay site, but I am the main support of our family.
     
  9. lothia_man

    lothia_man Rookie

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    Very encouraging answers! I dont feel so selfish going into my dream job.
     
  10. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    I think it should be pretty even. Although my boyfriend and I have already talked about him supporting me if I decide to go back to school, and then if I become a professor, we have talked about him being a stay at home dad if I ever made enough money.

    We already support each other in a sense and we don't even live togehter. BUt right now I am working on getting a new job and moving in with him, which is expensive with app fees and new suit and all the driving, and clearances, etc. He has been helping me out a bit with gas and always chips in more than I do now on the weekends and what not. I would say in a perfect world a couple would shoot for 50/50 knowing that the tide shifts from one person to the other sometimes.
     
  11. ku_alum

    ku_alum Aficionado

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    I expect my DH to bring in an income ... just as I expect myself to bring in an income.
     
  12. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    I don't expect dh to support me and our family, but he does. I haven't been working lately, though I start tonight at a waitressing job, and so he has been the sole support for a couple of years. He has always expected more from himself. In the past, I have supported him while I he was in school so in a sense we suport each other.
     
  13. Sarge

    Sarge Enthusiast

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    My wife gets mad if I'm making more money than her.
     
  14. bonneb

    bonneb Fanatic

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    haha Sarge! How is that working for y'all??? (seeing as men typically earn more than women)

    I would describe my expectation as both spouses contribute to supporting the home and family. In our marriage, we both agreed that we would not depend on my salary, that we would live on one income, and if I did not have an outside job, I would do most of the keeping of the home. If I did have an outside job, DH would help with chores (though I have always done more, until recently, because I am more efficient at it). My income would be saved or used for special items, like vacation or extra clothes, extra car, the treats, you know.

    It worked out well for us because we both had the core value that 1) a husband is the head of the home and bears the responsibility for supporting the family and 2) children should be raised by a stay at home parent - which I really wanted to do. I am very appreciative that I have a husband who has always been willing to work 2 jobs so I could be home and raise the children.

    Now the nest is empty, and we are in a weird position - we do depend on my income because it provides our healthcare. Then I was injured 9 months ago, and DH had to do all the household chores, as I could barely keep my job! Then when I added a couple college classes, he really had to do everything.
    We have had a role reversal! I go from early morning till late at night, walk in the door pooped, he has vacuumed, paid the bills, done the dishes and laundry . . . plus soon he will begin his second job, a seasonal thing.

    So I am really blessed! I thnk you have to discuss this core value before you get married so you both understand the expectations. And what happens when kids come, health changes, or you decide one of you should go back to school?

    One thing I have seen as a trend - when women go to work after beginning a family, it is very stressful on them and just generally brings stress into the family. There is only so much physical and emotional energy in a woman! So if a husband can support the family, and if everyone agrees to do without some of the extras and find fun in simple things - you can end up with a more relaxed wife and a home running smoothly. Some women thrive on the extra responsibilities, but I am not one of them. I get short and cranky.
     
  15. TeacherShelly

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    I don't expect "my man" to support me. I don't think of it that way. I worked from a young age because I liked making my own money. Later, when I was married with two babies, my husband stayed home with them while I worked because that made financial sense. After a year and a half, though, we realized (finally) that finances don't control our lives, we control our finances! We switched places and were both really happy. Then I changed careers (making waay less money than before) and we're both as pleased as can be.

    After some point (survival) money doesn't make you more happy. And I've always thought rigid expectations make life unbearable so I try not to follow any.
     
  16. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    This July we'll celebrate our 20th anniversary.

    I DO expect to be supported-- when I need suppport. Just as I expect to support my husband when he needs it.

    Last fall his dad died 8 days after my mastectomy-- we both did a lot of supporting each other.

    But financially??? We're a team; we work together. During the years I was a SAHM he took over the financial aspect of our lives and I did more of the childrearing. When that no longer worked, I went back to work and he took on more with the kids.

    We support each other.
     
  17. adventuresofJ

    adventuresofJ Comrade

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    When I had a steady job with benefits it was far more even with money and I prefer it that way.
     
  18. Blue

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    Yes.
     
  19. lothia_man

    lothia_man Rookie

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    You are an "Old Teacher" and hence "Old fashioned"

    Something for me to keep in mind when accepting your opinion:cool:
     
  20. Ms. I

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    Honestly, I personally would love for my husband to be the main breadwinner & my income is extra, but I'll settle for us ea to contribute EQUALLY. However, I wouldn't want to permantly be the spouse who's mostly paying for everything.
    If the man's doing worse to the point where the woman's paying for most of everything, then what does she need him for? She can do better on her own!

    And I think if the woman has to pay for most of it, it should ONLY BE TEMPORARY, for example, only if something happened to him temporarily (job loss, illness, injury, etc.) Now if one of the causes turns into something permanent, then the wife has to decide if she wants to remain in a marriage where she's paying most of the time forever.
     
  21. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Does that mean that those "for richer, for poorer" words only apply to the man?

    I can think of a lot of things that would cause a marriage to end. But my husband's inability to work (not choice, but inability) would most certainly not be one of them.
     
  22. Major

    Major Connoisseur

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    Only date women who pull in at least $200K per year....... and live your life as a kept man.........:lol: that is if your life style allows you to live on $200K per year.....:p:p:D
     
  23. blindteacher

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    No, I do not. My DW does not expect me to be the breadwinner of the family, so to speak. Sometimes it happens that one spouse is making more than the other, but it isn't something to be expected. It is just how circumstances play out.
     
  24. AMK

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    I do not expect it from my boyfriend (who I will marry). Currently he and I make the make the same amt of money. He encourages me to take classes so eventually we can make more money and live comfortable. Where we live the cost of living is very high and we need two incomes. However, I hope one day when we have kids we will be comfortable enough for me to stay home with them for a few years.
     
  25. TeacherNY

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    My husband and I have similar salaries and contribute equally to the household expenses. Even if we do have children I won't be able to stay at home with them. Unless you have a very low mortgage/rent payment and hardly any other bills it is very hard nowadays to have a single income household. I think most women realize this. I have a cousin who is looking for a man to support her so she can shop and sit at home all day and at 30 years old she is finally figuring out that it won't happen! :lol:
     
  26. SarahJ

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    I intend to work till I have children, then stay at home till they are in pre-school & I'll go back to work. Have discussed this with my fiance and he agrees, but we both know that this might change!
     
  27. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Thankfully, my husband is the breadMAKER. I truly hate cooking. :whistle:

    Seriously, we've taken turns being the one who earns more money. He's now higher on the pay scale than I am, but he has a masters and is working as a senior geologist. I'm a first year teacher with a bachelors. We're just happy to have a steady income between the two of us and don't pay attention to which check is larger.
     
  28. lothia_man

    lothia_man Rookie

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    These answers are all very encouraging! Ya, I know that a lot of guys are into the whole "Breadwinner" thing. However, I will need my wife to work part time.

    I will also have to wait about 8 years out of college to have kids as that's how long it will take me to get a Masters part time..


    I think.
     
  29. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    I got my Masters in 2 and a half years. I took 1 or 2 classes per semester. If you also take classes in the summer and online then it can go must faster. If I went for my PhD I could see that taking 8-10 years :blush:
     
  30. TeacherSandra

    TeacherSandra Enthusiast

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    :) I do!

    And yet, I'm a working woman. :)
    Make sense?
    okay, now, I'm going to read everyone's posts on this subject. :D

    ***

    ok; I've skimmed through everyone's posts. Here's our story: after marrying, I stopped working (yay, it was fun staying home, etc...) so, of course, financially we were able to do that...my husband $$$ supported (that's what the question was all about) his family (us and our two kids) and we both decided that I would stay home with the kids while they were younger...yay!! Loved, loved, loved it!!!

    fast-foward to 14 years later....things have changed - husband must go on disability...and now I'm working and have been til now. :)

    And it's ok...this is what families do :) AGREE to do what's best for THEM!
     
  31. TeacherSandra

    TeacherSandra Enthusiast

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    Lothia, you asked a question and received all kinds of answers...I don't think it's nice for you to give cutting, degrading and snide remarks when YOU posted the question. Didn't you want honest opinions and thoughts to your question??
    As a poster, you should be able to receive (maybe not believe) everyone's honest answer.
    So not cool.
    Patience, respect and kindness should be extended to all...not just kids.

    If OldTeacher were a smart-mouth, she could decide NOT to answer any your posts with a "that's something for me to keep in mind when YOU'RE posting a question."
    I don't even know her; but you are way out of line.
     
  32. Jem

    Jem Aficionado

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    My husband is my best friend. I can't imagine not being with him, even if we're dirt poor while being together.
     
  33. DallasTeacher

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    I think it's an issue for every couple to discuss. My three sons all want their future children to be raised by a parent and not placed in daycare. All are in the process of completing post-grad work, and my oldest is engaged to a young woman also finishing post grad work. She wants to be a stay-at-home mom and use her education as a volunteer.

    There's nothing old-fashioned about wanting to stay home and raise a family. If dating and becoming serious it's probably an issue you'd want to discuss. Looking back, no one or any career could replace the time I had with my boys when they were growing up and that includes their high school years. I was able to attend ballgames, field trips, etc. Our home is still the staging place for get togethers as it was while the boys were growing up. While I had a law degree, we were fortunate that I could stay home, raise a family, support my dh in his high pressure career, and become active in many volunteer endeavors, besides being able to find hobbies that interested me. I will say that one can't place a price on being a homemaker or stay-at-home mom. If a salary were paid, it would be much more than that of any teachers. One also can't think of money as a his or her's item. Marriage is a union, two individuals become as one, what one has belongs to the other.

    Life takes many curves and one never knows whats ahead of them. It is important for both spouses to be capable of supporting the family. Supporting the family involves much more than just bring home a paycheck.
     
  34. lothia_man

    lothia_man Rookie

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    No, I accept her answer. I am just saying that she will will have old fashioned beliefs since she is older....


    How is that out of line? It's just fact.
     
  35. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

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    I haven't read the whole thread, but here is my opinion. Men and women need to divide up the responsibilities for running the household evenly so each person pulls his/her own weight. What that means for each couple is different. I know couples where the wife stays home and the husband is the breadwinner, and I know couples that are the complete opposite (husband stays home and wife works full time.) I know couples that have both people working as well. One of the male teachers in my building is married to a doctor, so he obviously brings home a much smaller paycheck, but he does a lot of other things around the house to help out-taking kids to practices, helping them with homework, getting them to bed, etc. when his wife is on call or at the hospital. They make it work for them.

    I am not married, but I know I want someone who will work to bring some income. My measly little paycheck barely supports me. I don't know how two adults could survive on it without another source. I don't expect a man to support me so that I can relax and eat bonbons all day, but I will not be doing all the work so that he can sit around and watch sports or play golf and live off of me either.
     
  36. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

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    I am adding a disclaimer since I know my final comments will be taken out of context. Unemployment happens. As long as he is looking for a job or finding ways to contribute to the running of the household, unemployment would never be a reason to get out of a relationship for me. This includes going to school to complete an education and get a degree. I was refering to the slice of the male population that expects if the woman is working they can do nothing but sit around playing video games, watching sports, and living a life of leisure while I work my fingers to the bone. I have known some of these people, and I will never stand for that nonsense.
     
  37. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    I agree w/ you, I'm NOT necessarily saying that I won't stay w/ him if let's say, he's in a horrific accident & can't work anymore because I know many things happen in life that we have no control over. I surely hope he'd stay if it happened to me, but the sad thing is it's not guaranteed. He can throw his hands up out of the blue & say he's tired & wants out of the marriage...then what? Hopefully, a couple has the kind of relationship & trust where they are in it together through thick & thin.

    I agree & in a way, I expect it too. BTW, I'm glad you & your husband were able to still work on keeping your marriage & family together despite what happebned. :)

    I agree for the most part. The way I feel about it, as long as we're EQUALLY POOR TOGETHER, then that's fine. BUT, I certainly don't want to be the one who's doing fabulously on my own & I marry this guy who makes so much less than me that he can't contribute much. Then, the burden's more on me (home mortgage, car notes, etc.) when I could have been better off alone in my condo & life situation where my bills weren't as much.
     
  38. Kangaroo22

    Kangaroo22 Virtuoso

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    I'm not married, but I think that it's important that both people either should be working or if one is not working they should be taking over more of the responsibilities of running the home (if one person is not working because of illness or injury that's another story). Also, like other posters have said I think it's important that both people have the ability to support the family because you never know what's going to happen.
     
  39. kimrandy1

    kimrandy1 Enthusiast

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    We've been married for 12 years now, and we've both been out of college for 15. I wish that my husband could have supported our family when I was having our babies...so that I could stay home with them. And, if we'd chosen to live in a cheaper suburb, and not had some nice vacations, that may have been possible. However, we made choices as to what was best for our family, and those choices cost money, which meant I had to work. Now that my oldest is 10, his income has increased enough that I could, theoretically, stay home....but my kids are in school all day! And saving for college (only 8 years away) has become more urgent than ever.

    No, I don't expect a man to support me financially, but I do expect to be included in the decision as to how to plan our lives around our finances...
    Kim
     
  40. lothia_man

    lothia_man Rookie

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    From reading the post on this thread, it seems liek 50% of all females expect a guy to support them. I do feel that it's really utlimatly up to the couple.

    As for college, there's always financial aid....or loans. My dad supports us on 65k. Therefore, I have to take out loans for college. I am in special education(Im creative with unlimited ammounts of patience).

    Due to supply and demand(It's pretty easy to get a job in it as long as the school you go to is accredited ), I specifically looked for the cheapest accredited college available knowing it would be easy for me to get a job regardless of where I go.


    My college semester each month is 1,600 dollars. I will have about
    7k in loans after I graduate(transfering from a community college to a state college). With the community college, I will owe back 10k in loans....

    Not too bad to pay back. I plan on working summers when I teach to pay it back.
     
  41. lothia_man

    lothia_man Rookie

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    Yet....it is ok for him to make so much more than you lol? I have aspergers guys. There isnt something im getting here.
     
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