Distant and unpleasant people inviting themselves to your wedding?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Em_Catz, Jun 23, 2013.

  1. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

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    Has anyone else experienced this phenomenon? My fiance and I sent out wedding invitations to everyone that we would like to attend our special day.

    Surprisingly people who barely know us, that we barely hear from and/or have little to no relationship with either of us have been trying to invite themselves to our wedding. :eek:

    It seems so rude to me to invite yourself to something as intimate as a wedding. I tried to give these people the benefit of the doubt, but honestly, unless they are living in a fantasy world, there's no way they can think we're close. (EDIT: For example, my Uncle who I have not seen or heard from in almost 20 years. i vaguely remember him from my childhood, during which time he would always ignore or snap at me and be disrespectful to my parents. WHY WOULD I INVITE HIM!?!)

    We've been politely telling these self-invitee's "We're sorry, but we've reached our max. There's literally no more space."

    I'm curious if anyone else has experienced this and how they've handled it
     
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  3. teacherwithlove

    teacherwithlove Comrade

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    Em_Catz... I recently got engaged too (May 4th) and have been dreading telling people because of this exact situation. I don't know what advice I can give you except- it's YOUR day. You only need to invite the people that you genuinely want to share YOUR day with. I would simply tell the others that you want to keep this day more personal and that you have already accounted for X# of people.

    To avoid this unnecessary stress, fiance and I have decided to only invite immediate family and 5-6 close friends. Our guest list is under 35 and will be a destination wedding... FAR, far away from here. lol
     
  4. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

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    :woot:That's EXACTLY why my friend "Betty" said she's having a destination wedding and said that I too should have had one. She says it separates out the people who really care for you because unless they're truly close, they're probably not willing to get on an airplane and fly across the country (or world) for you. :thumb:
     
  5. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    I think your response is perfect. Don't feel bad about wanting to share your day with people you are close to.
     
  6. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    These people probably won't actually show up at your wedding unless they know the time and location. Don't stress about rude people doing rude things. Don't give it another thought.
     
  7. teacherwithlove

    teacherwithlove Comrade

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    Yup! We've estimated the cost per person is anywhere from $1300 to $3000... and that doesn't include what each person is willing to spend once they get there. Needless to say, some people clearly can't afford it and since I'm only going to pay about $150 towards the cost for immediate members of our families... it makes life a little easier.
     
  8. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

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    I mentioned this to my cousin and he jokingly (?) has offered to moonlight as a bouncer if needed. :lol:
     
  9. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Virtuoso

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    I've never been to an invitation only wedding. All the weddings I've attended or been part of, including my own, have been open weddings.
     
  10. lucybelle

    lucybelle Connoisseur

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    I had a few drunk guys and their dog wander up to our wedding during the ceremony. I just ignored them :)
     
  11. thirdgradebuzz

    thirdgradebuzz Comrade

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    There are a lot of open weddings here too, Ima. I think it's a small town thing. A lot of people even put in their engagement announcement that invitations are being sent at a later date, but anyone is welcome.
     
  12. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Verbally, we said, "I'm afraid that won't be possible." "We're having a very small wedding." Logistically, we had the wedding somewhere that wasn't exactly a destination but was equally inconvenient for all guests. Heck, even we had to drive four hours to get there. Only half the guest list came to the wedding, and it was mostly those we wanted there.
     
  13. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

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    We're paying per plate so we have to know ahead of time how many people are coming. Also the place we're holding our reception in really is at capacity, so we can't accomodate another 10 - 20 people
     
  14. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Yep, same here. People send out invitations for fun but then put it in the paper and tell people to spread the word. Do you think it's possible they don't realize it's invitation only?
     
  15. Chrissteeena

    Chrissteeena Companion

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    I totally gave up with the invitations. We sent out 175. 81 people are coming (this is groups (families of 3,4, people bringing guests). A bunch said no which is fine because we are having it in IA and a lot of family can not drive or get to IA from the east coast. What really bothered me until I said "eh, whatever" is the people who just decided not to respond. Nothing. No I am waiting for a work schedule, I am not sure yet, etc.

    All I have to say is if they decide to show up that is fine but if they don't RSVP and have their meal selection in to me they won't be eating because we won't have enough food!
     
  16. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    The reception is usually in the church basement or the all-purpose building...the church's tables and chairs are set up and it's never been a problem. I've actually never attended a wedding that serves formal meals...you know, the kind that in the movies require people to check beef, chicken, or fish. It's basically a buffet set-up...finger foods, sandwiches, etc.
     
  17. bison

    bison Habitué

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    I've never been to or even heard of open weddings with the finger type foods except on this forum. Clearly I've never lived in anything close to a small town! I wish they were an option here because they sound like a lot of fun. The closest I've seen are catered buffets, but it's still not an open thing and you're paying based on how many people are fed. There are more casual backyard weddings, but still always with a meal and invite-only. It's pretty rude to invite yourself, and unheard of to show up uninvited. I think your response is great, Em_Catz. People just like weddings. They're fun! BF and I love eating and drinking and dancing the night away. I wish we'd get invited to even more of them! :lol:
     
  18. FarFromHome

    FarFromHome Connoisseur

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    My wedding was basically an open wedding. We sent out invitations, but also put up an announcement at my church that everyone was invited. Like JustMe described, we had the ceremony at my church and then reception downstairs. The food was buffet style and was made by my family or brought by church members. And I'm NOT from a small town at all.
     
  19. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

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    What baffles me is these people who are upset about not coming don't invite me to special events in their lives, but expect to be invited to mine?

    Like the woman I met in pottery class. After we stopped taking classes, we kind of lost touch though we're FB friends.

    Over the last four years I see status updates and photos about parties, anniversaries, pottery & other art conferences she's attended, festivals, Girls Night Out, bridal shower, baby shower, concerts, etc and never once an invite thrown my way.

    And I didn't feel bad about it.

    Then, my SIL posts something about the wedding and Art Lady comes out of nowhere with an im that reads

    AL:"HEY! Where's MY invite Missy? *taps foot*"

    Me" "Oh, I haven't heard from you in awhile. Didn't think you were interested." Then I truthfully told her I didn't have anymore invitations left.

    AL: "OF COURSE I'M INTERESTED! When is it? Where is it? What time? I don't need a paper invite!"

    Me: :)rolleyes:) *gives her the info*

    AL: Oh, I can't make it. I have <some art confererence> out of state that weekend.

    Me: :)rolleyes::lol:)

    Exactly! I always have that issue when I throw parties...I never know how much to make and either I end up with so much people are taking tons of food home or not enough.

    In that case, I think the couple were in the wrong. I know people will say, "It's not about the money!" but honestly, it is (at least for us). Weddings are expensive and while my parents are helping with somethings, they're not covering all the expenses. And even if they were, it'd be wrong for me to just keep racking up expenses since it's "not on my dime".

    If someone contributed to my bridal shower and gave us a gift, I would invite them. The people I'm talking about are like my Uncle I haven't seen in 20 years, or my mom's obnoxious co-worker & her hubby (who barely know me and aren't close with my mother) who saw me with a David's Bridal bag at Starbucks and invited themselves. :mad:
     
  20. monsieurteacher

    monsieurteacher Aficionado

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    Speaking of which, when should I be expecting my invitation Em?
     
  21. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Was your cousin invited? He might be looking for an invite :spitwater: :lol:
     
  22. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    When I got married eons ago, the ceremony was in a church and anyone could (and did) come. The reception, however, was at a lovely inn and was a 'private party'....son got married last fall...at more than $100 per invited guest at the reception there was NO WAY to have anyone 'just show up'. Dh's niece is getting married next month and the reception is much less expensive and at a Lions Club....they still need to know numbers to plan for how much food to order.:2cents:
     
  23. a2z

    a2z Virtuoso

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    I'm not negating other's feelings toward a wedding day. I just want to give my opinion about a wedding day. The wedding day is not the "Bride's" day or YOUR day. The wedding day is a family's day unless the bride and groom are completely estranged from the family. Weddings are a family event.
     
  24. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

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    :rofl: You're killling me!

    :2up: and :lol: Either that or he's heard through the grapevine that fiance and I have purchased little gifts to thank people who actually did "stuff" for our wedding (bridal party, our parents & grandparents, the DJ who gave us the "friend/family" price since he knows my brother)
     
  25. a2z

    a2z Virtuoso

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    It also puts undue hardship on those that can't afford due to time or money constraints who would love to be part of the event.
     
  26. a2z

    a2z Virtuoso

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    I've never heard of an open wedding. Interesting how things are different in different parts of the country/world.
     
  27. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Em_Catz, Oh, I can't make it. I have a retirement conference that weekend.
     
  28. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

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    That's why we didn't have one...because it was more important to us for ALL of our friends and family to be there, not just the ones who are super close. Plus my grandfather is very sickly so I knew he wouldn't be able to make it if it was somewhere he had to fly.

    If I WAS going to do a destination wedding, I think I would have a reception in my home state (and wear my wedding dress) so that everyone who couldn't make the wedding could still enjoy themselves.

    That's what my cousin did. :thumb:
     
  29. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

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    :rofl: Let me know when you're free so we can reschedule
     
  30. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Well, thank you I'll get back to you about it I have 6 other ones I have to schedule, I find that some brides just can't move a wedding to help me, how rude of them! .
     
  31. AdamnJakesMommy

    AdamnJakesMommy Habitué

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    Our wedding, which was 3 years ago on Wednesday, was a private event. We didn't publicly announce our wedding. We were invitation only. We had ours in a local church, in our very, very small town--and it was largely family and only close friends. We had about 65 guests and had Smithfield's cater it---they serve NC-style barbecue, coleslaw, chicken, etc. Nobody had a "plate," we got enough of the buffet-style set up to accommodate 75 people, in case anyone uninvited showed up.

    My husband's cousin's new wife came and she was dressed like she just rolled out of bed, didn't give us a flippin' card even, and ate like horse. Now to me, that is just rude. She was invited but only because she was married to my husband's cousin.
     
  32. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Virtuoso

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    It's much like old country folk thinking. :lol:

    Just because they're family doesn't mean we get along. Just because they're friends doesn't mean they like weddings. Heaven forbid we forget to send someone an invitation and cause drama.

    We put an announcement in the newspaper and spread it by word of mouth. People I wouldn't have imagined being interested in my wedding attended and were very nice. It was during a scheduled break at work, so many people who might have come another time couldn't make it. It's for the couple, and if others are interested in attending, come on!

    It was an afternoon wedding with a finger food buffet. Planned for 200. Maybe 125 were at reception. Plenty of people came to wedding but not reception. No meals to coordinate. Those who stayed late at the reception took home goody bags. We took snacks for the honeymoon.
     
  33. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

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    I have only been to one wedding that had a plated dinner. Just because dinner is served buffet style doesn't mean unlimited access though. There is still a required head count and a limited amount of food. Typically this is less expensive, but there is still a per/head cost as Sweets and I are finding out.
     

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