Disrespectful or Not?

Discussion in 'General Education' started by nyteacher29, Jun 16, 2014.

  1. nyteacher29

    nyteacher29 Comrade

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    Jun 16, 2014

    I found that there were times throughout the year I witnessed a student being disrespectful and when addressed, the student felt he/she was not being disrespectful (either they really thought that or were just saying it). Either way, what do you do when students say they do not think they are being disrespectful but to you they are?

    I understand that we all see "respect" in different ways so I am trying to think of what to do if this situation arises again.

    Ps. this happened in a class I was covering for so they are not my regular students. TIA!
     
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  3. stampin'teacher

    stampin'teacher Cohort

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    Jun 16, 2014

    What did the student do that you thought was disrespectful but they didn't?
     
  4. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Jun 16, 2014

    Exactly. Knowing the situation would be a huge help in helping you.
     
  5. Rox

    Rox Cohort

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    Jun 16, 2014

    I use the socratic method to help them answer that question themselves. I might ask them why someone might feel disrespected by their behavior, what the other person may be feeling, how they might feel in their shoes, etc.
     
  6. ecteach

    ecteach Groupie

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    Jun 16, 2014

    Here's what I run into that irritates the heck out of me: I tell a student to please do or not do something, and he/she just totally ignores me, and keeps walking on. When I confront him/her the child looks at me like a deer in headlights, like....."What did I do?"

    We have to guide them; they just don't know. You acknowledge people when they speak to you.....it's not something they are taught at home.

    I have also stopped pre-teens in mid-conversation, and ask, "Why are you so hostile in the way you are speaking to me? Am I being rude to YOU?" They almost always say, "No." Then I tell them to check their attitude. Once again, they almost always play the victim like they don't know WHAT they were doing wrong. So, I tell them.

    You must be very blunt with this generation. They don't get subtle hints.
     
  7. HistoryVA

    HistoryVA Devotee

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    Jun 16, 2014

    Obviously I don't know the OP's situation, but I ran into a similar situation when I started teaching at my current school regarding eye contact. I get super annoyed when I'm trying to have a serious discussion with a student about their behavior and they are looking all over the place, but not AT me. I would repeatedly ask them to look me in the eye and they would for a second, but then look away.

    I was taking it as disrespect, but though conversations with students and coworkers, I realized that in the culture of many of my students, direct eye contact is seen as confrontational, rather than polite, as it is in my background. When I felt students were being disrespectful, they felt they were not.

    It's still a hurdle I face, but now I take the moment to explain WHY I want eye contact and if they continue to look away, but their body language is otherwise engaged, I let it go.
     
  8. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Jun 16, 2014

    Use an 'I statement':

    I feel...
    When....
    Because...
    What I need is....
     
  9. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Jun 16, 2014

    This is pretty much what I do.

    "I know that you feel that you're not being disrespectful, but do you understand how someone else might feel hurt or offended when you ___?"

    They almost always understand my point and become apologetic when I phrase it that way.
     
  10. bewlove

    bewlove Companion

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    Jun 16, 2014

    Well, without knowing the situation at hand, I would usually just explain to them how what they did was disrespectful. That would often lead me to a, "What?! I didn't do anything!" type of response, which is even more disrespectful.

    For example, the other day at my job (I work at a before/after school program and will start teaching this fall), a student was on the computer. I said it was time for them to switch, and this student said, "No it's not." Not in a playful or quirky way, but more of a blatant "forget you".

    I asked him to come to me and I said, "Please do not speak to me or another teacher here that way. That is very disrespectful."

    Which always sparks the, "What did I do?!"

    In which I replied, "By making that comment rather than simply saying 'yes' or 'yes ma'am', you were being disrespectful. We have to switch in order to give everybody equal time on the computers. In the future, please do not argue or else you will lose the privilege of being on the computers."

    I feel like it sounds so dumb when I type it out, haha, but I promise he really was being disrespectful when he said it, not playful. Hope that helps!
     
  11. ecteach

    ecteach Groupie

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    Jun 18, 2014

    Which culture? I could see this being an issue for students with sensory issues, but what culture doesn't make eye contact?
     
  12. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Jun 18, 2014

    Many cultures consider eye contact or prolonged eye contact, particularly between a child and an adult, to be rude or aggressive. Some Native tribes, some Asian cultures, some Hispanic/Latino/a cultures, and some Middle Eastern cultures, just to name a few.
     
  13. Peregrin5

    Peregrin5 Maven

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    Jun 18, 2014

    I agree. They sometimes simply don't know. I know my parents didn't teach me a lot of things that others found rude or disrespectful, and I learned a lot of manners through trial and error. It's embarrassing to have to learn it this way, and you might feel somewhat defensive, but in the long run you're thankful if others teach you without being rude or disrespectful back.

    A simple "It's disrespectful to..." "Please don't do it again."

    And it usually never happens again. If it does, you've taught them the rules, and you just need to enforce a consequence. If they argue, I just walk away.

    Some manners are specific to certain groups and certain cultures as some are pointing out. But if you make the expectation clear how how they should deal with 'you' they'll usually be more than happy to oblige.
     

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