Discipline in preschool

Discussion in 'Preschool' started by smal1218, Jan 12, 2007.

  1. smal1218

    smal1218 Rookie

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2007
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jan 12, 2007

    Hi
    I am not a teacher, but I have a question about what is correct discipline in preschool. Let me begin with I have a child in preschool. He is active at times. One day he was twirling a toy and it hit another child ( I know he was wrong in doing this) The discplinine that he received for this was being tapped on the head with the toy to show him what it felt like to be hit with the toy. the teacher feels that this is a loving way to discipline him. Any thoughts from anyone. I feel that this was a completely wrong way to discipline him.:(
     
  2.  
  3. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2004
    Messages:
    7,775
    Likes Received:
    1

    Jan 12, 2007

    I would have taken him aside and talked to him. I would have the boy who he hit tell him how he felt about it. Then I would ask them something like, "Are you ready to be friends?" They always say "yes" and then I have them shake hands and say "friends." This always ends in laughter.
    Hitting the child on the head is not acceptable and we could get in trouble by doing that.
     
  4. Youngteacher226

    Youngteacher226 Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2006
    Messages:
    2,048
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jan 12, 2007

    I'm going to pretend that I did not read that this teacher hit this baby with a toy! This subject is too much of a sensitive topic to me.......all I can say is charges should be brought up!:mad:
     
  5. MUgrad1990

    MUgrad1990 Rookie

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2006
    Messages:
    75
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jan 12, 2007

    Ummm, that was WAY wrong. Totally not acceptable! I know I would not have a job the following day if I did that in my school.

    I teach 2's, so they need a little more guidance in this dept. We deal with alot of hitting and toy snatching. We gently tell the "offender" that it is not nice to hit, that hitting hurts our friend, and that they must use gentle hands. Then we "encourage" them to say they are sorry to their friend. It usually works for at least a few minutes until they bop someone else. The process starts all over again! If I had a dollar for every time I say "Gentle Hands!", I'd be rich!
     
  6. smal1218

    smal1218 Rookie

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2007
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jan 12, 2007

    Thanks for the replies. This teacher is mad because I had gotten upset when she told me what happened and she said there is a difference between a tap and a hit and that a tap can be done in aloving way. I just don't feel right about what she did.
     
  7. kinderkids

    kinderkids Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2005
    Messages:
    7,630
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jan 12, 2007

    trust your instincts on this one. Maybe you should lovingly "tap" the teacher on the head, too!:rolleyes:
     
  8. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2006
    Messages:
    27,534
    Likes Received:
    6

    Jan 12, 2007

    Is the difference between a "tap" and a "hit" clear enough that her preschooler students can differentiate? And "taps" are OK, not "hits"???

    I think the teacher is totally wrong on this one.
     
  9. MUgrad1990

    MUgrad1990 Rookie

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2006
    Messages:
    75
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jan 12, 2007

    What does she think it teaches your child, by essentially hitting him on the head? (tapping, hitting...whatever....to a 3 or 4 year old, it's all the same anyway)

    To me, it says to your child "You hit him, so I'm hitting you. I'm an adult, and I'm supposed to do the right things, so hitting must be OK."

    I'd be pretty irritated if I were you...enough to go to the director about it. What this teacher did was just wrong...plain and simple.
     
  10. Youngteacher226

    Youngteacher226 Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2006
    Messages:
    2,048
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jan 12, 2007

    The sad part is that this child is way too young to tell someone. Even if he tried, his parents probably wouldn't take what he's saying seriously because of course, preschoolers are known to "make up things". Someone should tell the director and/or authorities. Who knows what else this idiot has done to the other children.
     
  11. smal1218

    smal1218 Rookie

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2007
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jan 12, 2007

    The person who tapped him on the head was the owner of the school. She is mad now because I discussed what happened with some parents and it got back to her.
     
  12. kinderkids

    kinderkids Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2005
    Messages:
    7,630
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jan 12, 2007

    And the problem with that would be?????????
     
  13. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2006
    Messages:
    27,534
    Likes Received:
    6

    Jan 12, 2007

    Any other local preschools you would consider??? If she's the one in charge, I think I would find someone whose philosophy more closely matched mine.
     
  14. MUgrad1990

    MUgrad1990 Rookie

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2006
    Messages:
    75
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jan 12, 2007

    Oh, goodness...the OWNER? Well, I'd be looking for a new school. Seriously.
     
  15. TeacherShelly

    TeacherShelly Aficionado

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2006
    Messages:
    3,565
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jan 13, 2007

    How about calling the NAEYC and inquiring about how to proceed. Or some authority. No, teachers cannot "discipline" (teach or punish?) a child by showing them how it feels. It doesn't even make sense. If she tapped him lovingly that wouldn't really show him how the other child felt - and if she really meant to show him, she must have hit him the same as he did. Honestly, he's a preschool child. He isn't to blame for twirling and hitting a child with a toy - the teacher is to blame for not keeping everyone safe.
     
  16. Dzenna

    Dzenna Groupie

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2006
    Messages:
    1,210
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jan 13, 2007

    Tap, hit....Tomato, tomato
     
  17. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2006
    Messages:
    27,534
    Likes Received:
    6

    Jan 13, 2007

    I wonder if the director has any clue how imbecilic she sounds??
     
  18. TeachingBound

    TeachingBound New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2007
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jan 14, 2007

    Not okay!

    Hello. First of all, I want to apologize on behalf of other preschool teachers about that particular teachers behavior. We as teachers NEVER lay our hands on any child no matter the level of trouble that child is in. As a preschool teacher, I highly recommend that you bring this to the director of the preschool. Let her know what happened and just simply tell her that you don't feel comfortable with how it was handled. If you feel like "tapping the child on the head with the toy so he knows how it feels" then that should be done by YOU. Please bring this to your directors attention!! My son is also preschool age. He is very wired and overwhelming at times and at others he is caring, loves to share and cooperative. I think it is just their way of dealing with the enormous amount of energy in their little bodies! At home, his discipline varies with what he has done. If it is something minor then he has to sit in time out not touching anything, sitting up, not talking for 3 minutes (1 min per year old). Spankings are used sparingly if it really is something that should never happen again. For those 'in-between- scenarios he gets sent to bed to rest then wake up making good decisions. 99.8% he doesn't go to sleep, he just lays there. I make is very clear what he has done wrong and then I tell him that once he can get up and share and be nice then he can come downstairs with us. Discipline is completely up to you. I'd let the director know also how you discipline at home so maybe the child isn't getting confused with two different consequences. Hope this helps!



     
  19. smal1218

    smal1218 Rookie

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2007
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jan 14, 2007

    Thanks once again for all your replies.

    After talking to the teacher who did this she made me feel like I was wrong for being upset.
     
  20. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2006
    Messages:
    27,534
    Likes Received:
    6

    Jan 14, 2007

    Nope, she's wrong for hitting a child and for making you feel badly for asking about it. You're a parent concerned about your preschooler. You're not wrong; they are.

    If it were me, I think I would pull my child out. Not only did the teacher hit your child, but the director and teacher both defended the action and made you feel badly about questioning it. Is this really the education you want your child to receive?
     
  21. kinderkids

    kinderkids Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2005
    Messages:
    7,630
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jan 14, 2007

    I would too. It was wrong, and she made you feel bad because you caught her.
     
  22. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2004
    Messages:
    6,367
    Likes Received:
    1

    Jan 15, 2007

    Oh my! First off, was it an accident? The way you describe it sounds like it. If it was, then the toy would have gotten taken away from him the rest of the day because he wasn't using it properly. If this was not an accident then he would have recieved a hefty time out. This teacher hit him with an inanimate object. I would NEVER think of doing that to another person's child!!! I wouldn't even do that with my own, and I am a pro-spanking parent. I once worked for a gal who I caught spanking and abusing children. I reported her along with other people as well. She's now closed. I would report it to the center's licenser and they will take care of it. I agree he needs to be disciplined for his actions, but she handled it totally wrong.
     
  23. puff5655

    puff5655 Cohort

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2006
    Messages:
    726
    Likes Received:
    8

    Jan 17, 2007

    That's awful! Kids dont need discipline, they need guidance! They need to be TAUGHT other ways to do things, instead of just punished and made to feel guilty without being given an alternative.

    This is a really good book to read- "Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason" by Alfie Kohn. He is highly respected in our field.

    This is also by him: "Beyond Discipline: From Compliance to Community"
     
  24. MissFrizzle

    MissFrizzle Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2006
    Messages:
    6,439
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jan 17, 2007

    I would take my child out of there immediately. No question about it.
     
  25. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2004
    Messages:
    6,367
    Likes Received:
    1

    Jan 17, 2007

    It concerns me more that it's the owner, if I read that correctly. Not someone who you can just fire for hitting a child. You can't just get rid of her. I would take my child out as well.
     
  26. teachingforlife

    teachingforlife Rookie

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2007
    Messages:
    42
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jan 23, 2007

    As the director of a child care center, my advice to you would be to report your child care provider to your state licensing agency. Physical punishment in a group setting is NEVER appropriate. Period. I do believe in appropriate discipline (the root of the word discipline is in the word disciple, which means to teach.), however, I do not believe in punishment. Punishment does not teach, is punitive, humiliating, and sends mixed messages. Do what is right for your child and for the other children in this woman's care.
     
  27. smal1218

    smal1218 Rookie

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2007
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jan 23, 2007

    I have pulled my child out. The owner of the school is acting like I am at fault because I told three of my friends how she tapped my son on the head and she is very upset that I told anyone. She called my home twice once she spoke to my husband and the next time she spoke to me. Both times she was very angry and wanted us to know that she would never hit a child, a loving tap is completely different even if it was to show my son how hard the toy was. She has asked me not to talk to anyone about this because if misconstrued it could put her business in jeopardy.

    I still don't feel right about what she did but she is acting as if she has done nothing wrong and I am over reacting.
     
  28. teachingforlife

    teachingforlife Rookie

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2007
    Messages:
    42
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jan 24, 2007

    I don't know what the licensing rules are in CT, but in Michigan, "loving taps" are not ok either. In fact, physical punishment is not permitted at all, and that sounds like what happened with your child. If she "tapped" him on the head to show him how hard it hurts, it was punishment, or her misguided attempt to teach your child. Either way, I still feel that you should contact your state licensing agency. Information regarding how to do so would be on your state's webpage.

    As for her calling you angry and asking you not to discuss it with others, I would be polite, but I would inform her that you do not want her to call you in that way, but if she needs to discuss something with you, you would be happy to meet with her. I would be careful about telling other parents who are your friends, at least until you have have your state's licensing agency out to inspect her. Good luck! There IS a better place for you and your child.
     
  29. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2004
    Messages:
    6,367
    Likes Received:
    1

    Jan 24, 2007

    I agree. Sounds like she knows what she did was wrong, but she doesn't want to admit that so her butt doesn't get into a sling. Of course she's going to get upset...anyone would, but it's her own fault and she needs to take the blame. I would still call the licesening agent that deals with her center. You can call the licensing office through the health and human services department and ask who it is and get in contact with the person.

    She KNOWS what she did was not ok, no matter how gentle. Even if she didn't hurt your child, how she responded in disciplining him is not ok and she should be written up for it. If it hurts her business, that is her own fault! She may "think" it's ok, but it's not and if she doesn't know any better, she should not be in business to begin with.
     
  30. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2004
    Messages:
    6,367
    Likes Received:
    1

    Jan 24, 2007

    Just an FYI, if you can...record her conversations on your phone if she calls again. That way if she continues and starts harassing you, you have evidence, AND if she tries to deny things you have evidence against that as well. Because of her "lovingly tapping" your boy and there are not any marks, you need what you can get to back yourself up.
     

Share This Page

Members Online Now

  1. YoungTeacherGuy,
  2. RainStorm,
  3. K2fun
Total: 452 (members: 6, guests: 430, robots: 16)
test