Difficult people

Discussion in 'General Education' started by Listlady, Jul 30, 2013.

  1. Listlady

    Listlady Companion

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    Jul 30, 2013

    Hello everyone!

    I hate to be negative, but despite my excitement about the new year beginning soon, I find myself dreading (just a tad of dread is enough) dealing with certain people, or um, really, a certain person.

    So . . . who do you dread? And what plans do you have to deal with them?

    I dread Ms. X because she thinks everyone should do things her way, she gossips about everyone at the school, gossips about other teachers to the students, plays favorites with students to the point that it's completely obvious, and has her nose in everyone's business. (Every single time I have to go into the office for something, she's there, nosing around). I'll probably figure out how to say more about her later (a little paranoia that someone could find and read this and figure out it was me, ha ha), but for now, let me just say: ugh!

    This person thinks she has some authority over others (when she really doesn't). My plan? I'll continue my usual "smile and nod" routine but keep doing things my way. Others, including the principal, have told me not to let her push me around. I'm going to focus on all the things I love about my job and not her get to me. (But, obviously, I will also vent a little and hope it helps).

    Your turn!
     
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  3. myKroom

    myKroom Habitué

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    Jul 30, 2013

    The person I dread actually left the district this year. :D

    Now I'm dreading how the transition from two elementary schools to one is going to go. Combining both sets of staff and all students I'm sure won't be as easy as one would think.
     
  4. Peregrin5

    Peregrin5 Maven

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    You can smile and nod, and still not let her push you around. I do this when people complain to me, but as soon as they start to push me to do something or it begins to get a bit too much to take, I quickly find an excuse and an exit.

    I did this with a teacher who said that the reason our students do so poorly compared to places like Norway or China (test score wise) is because we're racially integrated.
     
  5. Bloom

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    Kill her with kindness....it really throws "those" kinds of people for a loop! Have a great year!
     
  6. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    I dread a person who lives to be the one to spread negative news. The joy she gets...just kills me!
     
  7. Sm2teach

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    The person I dread is someone who was up for a different position at the same time I was. It wasn't official, but I was told we were both on the list to be considered. They offered her the job. It turns out I was lucky to be left in the classroom. All teachers are supposed to go to her with certain issues, but most the time if I have a question she acts put out, and then has to go to someone in a higher position, who she doesn't necessarily get along with, to get the answer because she doesn't know. Most the time I can find the answer on my own or I go to the department head on my own. (I know, not professional.) I think she is often intimidated by me and unhappy in her current position. She does eat lunch with the office staff, along with some teachers aides. This seems to give them a feeling of being important and knowing more than others. I just avoid her as much as possible and we both seem to put on a fake kindness toward each other. It is quite strange because over all I am not at all confrontational and tend to get along with everyone. I get over scuffles pretty easily and never hold a grudge.
     
  8. MissScrimmage

    MissScrimmage Aficionado

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    Stay far away!
     
  9. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Maven

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    I really don't dread anyone. Some people are a little harder to be around for extended periods of time than others, but I can't say that I dread anyone.

    I have never met anyone yet that I couldn't manage to deal with on a professional level, which is a good thing.
     
  10. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    I dread working with lazy people. They love to push work onto others. This one teacher I think is basically nuts and doesn't want to put in any effort so I just stay away from her. She throws hissy fits if she doesn't like the students she gets and then I get them. 9 people came up to me in the last 2 weeks saying how great my student is (the one she wanted to get rid of) and I just smile and nod because I can tell they also think she's nuts!
     
  11. Myrisophilist

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    I dread the teacher on my floor who always finds something or someone to complain about or say something mean about:mad:, no matter how positive the situation. I tend to be a bystander because I'm afraid of what she'll say about me if I get on her bad side. Hard to hear complaining day after day after day after day....
     
  12. Rainbowbird

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    Luckily I am not going back to the school where I subbed last year, because they don't have any openings! There was someone there who drove me nuts, though. Loud, very loud, very bossy, and throwing her weight around into issues and programs which she has no authority over. She also neglected what duties she should have been doing that WERE part of her job. I tried to have as little as possible to do with her. Generally I just keep it professional and stick to business with people like that.
     
  13. Ted

    Ted Habitué

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    To be honest, I dread me... the person I become when I'm around certain people.

    I find myself gossiping and judging others, when really... I shouldn't be judging others when I have enough flaws of my own. :)

    I'd like to work on that this year. Of course, I say that each year. :p
     
  14. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Wow. That's really insightful, Ted. Also something I need to watch for in myself, especially now that I'm starting a leadership position. I need to be completely transparent in my dealings with other. Thank you for the reminder.

    Thankfully, the one person I dreaded the most on my department leadership team is not coming back this year. He had major lack of transparency and tended to switch policy several times in a school year. Only his inner circle was comfortable.
     
  15. Proud2BATeacher

    Proud2BATeacher Phenom

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    I can't really say that I dread working with a teacher in my school -- yet, but we are moving towards departmentalization and I dread some of the teacher working (or maybe I should say watching netflix or youtube and doing unrelated crafts) with my students during academic time.
     
  16. chebrutta

    chebrutta Enthusiast

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    I dread a person who is kind of a bully, refuses to take no for an answer, tells lies that are easily caught, forces me to a point of rudeness that doesn't come naturally to me, and somehow manages to turn it around and make me look like the bad person - at least to the people who don't know him/her yet.
     
  17. Peregrin5

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    :thumb: That's spot on for how I feel about myself sometimes too! Thanks for reminding me to keep this in mind.
     
  18. thirdgradebuzz

    thirdgradebuzz Comrade

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    Ted, I'm right there with you. Avoiding gossip is on my list of self-improvement goals this year. I don't initiate it, but my curiosity gets the best of me more often than not.

    As far as who I dread, there is honestly no one at work who has a personality I "dread" but there are several that rub me the wrong way from time to time. I keep a professional cool, and my policy is always to kill them with kindness.
     
  19. pwhatley

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    When I changed grades, I left a lazy, whining co-teacher behind, so I'm celebrating that! That only leaves one bad apple adult for me to deal with, and I've decided not to let her get to me this year. However, if she bad-mouths one of my kiddos even once (or puts them out of her class, etc.), then I'm going to my P, and make an official complaint. If I dread anything this year, it will be the many, many after school "testing grades only" meetings as testing approaches.
     
  20. Rainbowbird

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    Jul 30, 2013

    That is a great comment.
     
  21. FourSquare

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    I changed grades, so Ms. Nightmare is history! My new team is turning out to be a much better fit. We've got one kind of negative nancy, but nothing compared to Ms. Nightmare. She has been going through some stuff too, so I think I will just be nice and see what happens.

    Lots of changes this year....new admin, new curriculum, new team. I'm excited!
     
  22. Crono91

    Crono91 Rookie

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    I fully agree with this! It's cliche, but entirely true. I'm not a teacher yet, and only in college (I've been saying this a lot...perhaps I just put it in my signature haha) so I have yet to experience this hidden social layer of teaching, but!

    I did work in a grocery store for 2 years as a cashier, and I've dealt with my fare share of...insane people. Everyone has to eat, so I've dealt with every type of person. However, I've never had a customer complain about me, because even if they were rude, I was still greatly polite, and you can just see their body language shift. They start to feel awkward being a jerk to you.

    By the way, I'm dreading future Ms. Student Teaching and Mr. Teacher Interview. It all seems nerve wracking :dizzy:
     
  23. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    I realized I didn't answer how I plan to deal with this person. I am nice, of course, but really I take the "blah, this is not interesting to me" approach. I don't understand humans like her who delight in spreading negative information...and I don't mean she's negative herself, but that she thrives when others are in pain. I formed an opinion of this woman when she sprinted to tell the person working with me in my room that someone had cancer. The teacher hadn't shared this with the school family yet, but this woman somehow and naturally found out and didn't have the decency to allow the woman to share the news when she was ready and comfortable. Yuck. And since then, it's been constant things like this. So, when she's ready to tell me about how a teacher was brought into the principal's office for such and such reason or whatever it may be, I just act flat-out bored.
     
  24. ecteach

    ecteach Devotee

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    I am having the same issue. We have 6 EC Teachers at our school, and there are 2 who have a bad attitude all day long, every single day. Now, I am not saying one can't vent. I do plenty of that. But, these two never have anything nice to say, and I truly think they hate being teachers.
     
  25. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    I work with a few major complainers. I've come to understand that this is who they are as people, not just who they are as teachers. I take it with a grain of salt. I've gotten very good at the "oh, I've got to get going, but it was nice chatting with you!" thing when I've had enough.

    There are only a couple of people that I don't care to work with and will actively try to avoid. Like, I won't serve on committees that they're on or participate in PD groups that they're in. Those people tend to be a strange mix of super complainer, know-it-all, and admin pet. They're golden, even though they have really bad attitudes. I don't understand why, so I just steer clear.
     
  26. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    I'm dreading just one, and, unfortunately, I'll be working quite closely with her this coming year. She's one of those who makes everything all. about. her. And, she does it very, very loudly. I'll be teaching some of the subjects that she feels are her "territory", and she has already asked one of my friends if she thinks that the parents, "may notice a difference in the quality of instruction and assignments" between the two of us. I'll need to practice lots of deep breathing.
     
  27. TeacherNY

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    Yes, the quality of instruction will be much higher since you are teaching those subjects now! So nice of her to point that out! :lol:
     
  28. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    That's exactly what I thought!
     
  29. Listlady

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    Whoa! Sounds like there are negative, complaining, bullying, know-it-alls everywhere! I'm sorry so many of you have people you avoid, but it's nice to know that the positive people aren't alone.

    I definitely "kill with kindness" regularly, but I still have that pang of dread. I went in to school on Monday to move some stuff to my new room and my UGH person was there. I will have to work more closely with her this year (we're teaching two sections of the same class), and she's definitely one of those people who thinks her way is the only way, and I do my smile and nod thing, but it always gets to the point that I just say, "Well, I'm doing it this way." I don't see any reason that we have to teach the exact same thing at the exact same time (and her "way" doesn't cover enough material, frankly, and doesn't cover the course objectives). There's nothing she can do about it. She can complain about me and try to cause problems, etc. (and she will), but I'm not changing my entire teaching style and what I know to be effective to suit her.

    Last semester, I found out that she was discussing my coverage of certain areas with other teachers AND with students, and that was really upsetting. She has no clue what I do in class--for her to even think that I'm somehow "half-a$$ing" my job is ridiculous. That's not what she said, but she said enough that students were questioning my abilities. It was not good. Imagine a teacher bad-mouthing other teachers to her students during class!

    What it is, really, with this particular person: she has no social skills, feel threatened by others, and tries to make herself look better by demeaning others (for no reason).

    Most people at the school know about her and don't like how she acts (people talk about how she has "run people off" and worry that she'll do the same with me), but I think they are unwilling to rock the boat (she's supposedly retiring soon). It's a mess, but I am confident in my teaching abilities, and if I have to confront her, I will. I love my job, and I'm not going to let one crazy person ruin it for me.
     
  30. ChristyF

    ChristyF Moderator

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    I guess we all have at least one of those on our campus. :) mine sounds so much many of yours that I kept checking locations to see if you possibly taught at my school. Three of us work together in 4th grade. One I love, one.....not so much. Because of CCSS she and I have to work together closely. I know that she's not going to change (she's taught every grade but K at my school and everyone has had the same reaction), so I know I have to deal with it. I'm planning on being professional, but truthful. Instead of letting things fester, I'm going to try and deal with them as they come. I'm starting out with being nice. I invited both coworkers to come to the Staples and Office Depot Teacher Appreciation days (both are this Sat.) I'm putting the olive branch out there and I just hope she doesn't spank me with it.:rolleyes:
     
  31. chebrutta

    chebrutta Enthusiast

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    :eek: Wow. Just wow.
     
  32. ebc

    ebc Rookie

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    There are certain people that I don't think the "killing it with kindness" attitude works. Some people it's just better to avoid as much as possible. Not that you shouldn't be kind when interacting with them, but don't try to be friends with them, and don't share any more information with them then is necessary.

    I've found with certain people it's best to never share personal information and only talk about work related things that are necessary to talk about. Other than that, avoid them.

    This isn't the case with everyone, just with those narcissistic personalities. I used to try to be friends with them and try to relate, but that really just gives them more power and control.

    I had long discussions with my dad (who's a psychiatrist) about how to deal with this specific personality type, and it's helped immensely.
     
  33. hatima

    hatima Devotee

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    At a past school a coworker complained constantly about the kids (especially those in special education). She also constantly complained about the rest of the staff. After two years I turned everything she said around and began to stand up more for the kids and the rest of my wonderful coworkers. She stopped complaining to me all the time.

    Second person always complained about the kids, infront of them. There were other issues I had with her that I am not gonna get into. These kids had processing issues but seemed to understand her disliking them. I didn't know what to do. I tried turning things arounf on her...did not work. I avoided her as much as possible out of the setting I couldn't avoid her. (Had I been under contact I may have gone to the admin. But I think they knew what was going on)
     
  34. elleveeaych

    elleveeaych Rookie

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    ahhh yes, I have a teacher in my very little hallway who is very dramatic and enjoys screaming in her room, screaming at kids in the hall, screaming down the hall to the bathroom and cursing, yes, cursing very loudly as she complains about the kids. Usually I keep to myself and tell my kids to ignore it (bless them, they usually do) but there have been times during testing etc. that I've had to ask her to keep it down.
     
  35. myloveasdeep

    myloveasdeep Rookie

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    My negative person is luckily confined to an office all day, and I only have to interact with them once in awhile. I just grin and bear it and get out of there as quickly as possible. For other gossipers, I use the technique I learned while working at Pizza Hut years ago. Coworker: "blah blah blah did you hear, this person is dumb blah blah". Me: "Huh! I've never had that experience with them." Walk away.

    People stop coming to you with crap real fast.
     
  36. MzMooreTeaches

    MzMooreTeaches Cohort

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    Aug 3, 2013

    New year, new school... cant think of anyone I will dread. But I certainly know the feeling that you are referring too.
     
  37. paperheart

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    I've worked with people who have given me downright anxiety: pointed and outspoken racism directed at me, complainers, negativity, unfair administration were all key factors to my disease with certain people.

    My current school is wonderful. I could not think of a single person I dread seeing again. There is one that irks me, but she is the sweetest and nicest person. She has a regimented way of handling things and I am more laid back so it stresses me out.

    I am concerned because we had a lot of people retire or move so we have a lot of new colleagues that might alter the environment. Most seemed wonderful though when we met them at a training earlier this summer.
     
  38. kevo2005

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    I think I often am the person people dread lol. Special Ed paperwork... I will harass you if you don't turn it in on time!!!
     
  39. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

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    Aug 5, 2013

    The person I dreaded most moved to another school. (But I can still vent about her right? :lol:)

    She is EXTREMELY nosy about everyone's professional and personal life, but likes to keep hers a secret and was only a team player when it benefited her.

    One of the most irksome things she used to do is come up with fun activities for her students and NOT share. Instead, she'd keep them a secret and quietly invite the P, VP, instructional specialists, parents, etc and keep her door shut.

    Then we'd hear about the awesome event on the afternoon announcements. Or a week later, see pictures posted outside her door.

    And that was fine with her.

    But let's say I do something simple like fold a sheet of paper into four boxes and have the children draw the same tree and how it would look in the fall, winter, spring and summer, then have the students draw a picture of themselves doing an appropriate seasonal activity and write a sentence about each.

    She would get UPSET that I didn't share that.

    I wish her well because she IS a good teacher, but I am not sad to see her go.
     
  40. Curiouscat

    Curiouscat Comrade

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    Aug 5, 2013

    This reminds me of a certain coworker that made every child in her class an Easter basket. She spent well over $200.00 on these baskets. I know because she told me later. She didn't tell anyone else what she was doing because she wanted to surprise the kids.

    I wouldn't have cared, but we had several sets of twins between the four second grade class rooms. Thus, there were some jealous twins during bus duty. To top it all off, the one twin (from my room) has autism and wouldn't stop wailing because he was so upset he didn't get a basket. On the final day before spring break that is the last thing I wanted to deal with!!!!!
     
  41. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

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    Yikes! I feel so bad for that poor kiddo. This is why our team (with the exception of Miss Nosy) give each other heads-up about things like this. That way we can prepare the kids or maybe even give out treats of our own. I'm sure the boy is used to sharing with his brother, but it's still not the same as having your own! Heck, I'm an adult and if the P gave my team leader a gift basket for the holiday and not me, iI would feel sad even if the team leader was willing to share.
     

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