Hello. I don't have many teacher friends and I wouldn't dare share my situation with one of my colleagues given that I don't want to hear my business circulating around school. I am currently in my second year of teaching and I have been struggling to balance my life at work with being a single parent to two kids. I have missed more than a few days this year due to anxiety and depression and I fear that if I do not address this issue, I not only will leave the profession entirely, but I will not be able to finish the schoolyear. I find myself unable to sleep, crying throughout the night, and just feeling generally overwhelmed at just the thought of returning to my classroom. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist in the hopes that medication might help me muster enough courage to get through the schoolyear. I wouldn't dare harm myself, but I have honestly hoped I would get into an accident on the way to work to avoid going. Given my mental state, I was mediocre at best when I was in the classroom. I submitted my paperwork to resign at the end of the schoolyear, but I am not even sure I can make it until then. I am not sure what I should do, whether I should take a leave of absence or not, and if and how I can get through these next three and a half months. One important thing to mention is that I am the sole provider for my children, and unpaid leave would leave me financially strapped. I do have disability insurance through a third party company, but I have no idea how to navigate that process and if depression and anxiety would even qualify. I am just so overwhelmed and don't even know what to do or think, and where to start. Any help is greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.
I should also add that I am working on clearing my credential so my resignation would stop that process. This only adds to my anxiety and depression.
Is the problem with being a teacher in general or being a teacher in your current school or position? If it's a situational thing, where you think you'd be successful and happy somewhere else, then I would encourage you to do whatever it takes to finish the year. Get help from the doctor, start meds if that's something you and your doctor want to try, and just try to power through as much as you can. If you need to take a medical leave and can get paid out from your disability policy, that may be an option that will allow you to remain technically employed so that you don't violate your contract or quit without notice. In the meantime, you should be looking for positions elsewhere. If, on the other hand, it's a problem with being a teacher in general, then I suppose it doesn't matter too much that you won't clear your credential. I would still encourage you to see the doctor and take a medical leave with disability payout if possible. Seek out jobs that would be less stressful for you.
If it is a long wait to see the psychiatrist, see your family doctor. They can get you started on antidepressants, too.
You could consider seeking a talk therapist. The best thing to do when you are just not having it with your job is to... a. After planning a bunch of fun things daily for the remainder of your job, continue and find the positives of your current job. Maybe take a cooking class or play BINGO. Recreational therapy is beneficial, even if you have emotional difficulties. b. Find a new job that makes you happy. Just because you are not liking teaching....does not mean your "teaching" journey ends. You could run dog training classes, work at a summer camp, or tutor/online education. c. Use community resources (such as a bowling alley, the mall, or getting a massage) or personal resources such as your parents. d. Connect with yourself. It is always beneficial for individuals to keep a diary/journal. Remember that you have control of your positively and that you always have the option to take a new direction and take advantage of positive things in your life. What makes you happy? Reflect upon what makes you happy and go for it. Is it ice cream? Is it jumping into a pool of tomato juice? Is it reading? Have you ever heard of Painting With a Twist? Maybe you could check it out. Stay positive and remember that it will get better......it is up to you!
First, I appreciate this post very much, and I thank you for your candor. This kind of honesty is sometimes lacking in a profession as performative as ours (too often our colleagues play the Dead Poets Society fantasy, rather than being real about their struggles). I have been teaching for ten years, and recently I have been having a similar experience. But it's not just you; a lot has to do with the school culture. You might find other teaching venues that are less anxiety-making. I am also supporting a family, and I don't have an easy answer, but please know that there are more teachers out there struggling with this than will let on. The worst part of feeling depressed/anxious is feeling like you're a freak for feeling that way, and you are definitely not.
I am sure that almost all of us have been where you are. I personally have stopped and started at least a 1/2 dozen times. Longest break was 5 years...and you know what I did?? I became a sub and a para. I had some income, less stress, stable hours, more balance in my personal life. Of course, I had to pick up a part time job for awhile until I could make a decent living. But money isn't everything. Think about this: In at least 10 states, you automatically are disqualified for Social Security benefits when you become a teacher. That means if you really are unhappy, now is the time to reconsider your options. Because your public school employment will dictate how much your retirement earnings will be. You say you already submitted your resignation letter? If you quit or get laid off, you will never make tenure, and thus never be able to claim the full benefits of teaching. And you don't get any of those union dues back either. For what it's worth, don't look for unemployment benefits either. The system is designed to shut down teachers, because you are considered to always be subject to recall. You will not have a solid excuse for resigning from your job. Stress alone won't cut it, unless you have a letter from your doctor and therapist. On the other hand, if you truly love teaching, but in a bad spot, yes, take some time off. Look at other positions, other districts, charter/private, non-traditional schools. For a couple of hundred less, you can still have the security of a good job in a field you have worked hard and spent $$$ to be successful. But don't let it cause you to lose your sanity. If you are no good to yourself, your family will suffer. Stay home before you are sent home. Spring break is coming...take that time to renew, refresh and revise your resume - and your plans for the future. Btw...after spring break it won't be long before the end of the year and, yes-- summer....You're almost there...
I am sorry to hear this. I have gone through a similar situation at an old job of mine, until I switched to teaching, which was wonderful. I am wondering, how did it go? How did you manage and how are you now?
I don't know if it is the case of the OP, but I went through a similar kind of stress and anxiety when I was teaching a very difficult class. The students were very difficult and I never wanted to show up. What saved me during that tough year was vaping. I was ordering from Nexus Smoke and doing on smoke breaks to ease my nerves.
