Dealing with Problem Parents?

Discussion in 'Special Education Archives' started by Alitig1, Sep 22, 2006.

  1. Alitig1

    Alitig1 Rookie

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    Sep 22, 2006

    So, long story short - I am starting to think that the parent of one of my sudents is insane. This parent alternates between calling 5 people in a supervisory capacity over me instead of me when she is upset over something I wrote in the comunication log and calling me 2 times a day to tell me I am doing such a great job with her child and she doesn't want to get me into trouble even though she has already called the Principal or Superintendent that day. She also lies to everyone and cals me horrible things to other teachers and everyone else but to me she is completely different.

    So, how do I proceed with this? I am starting to get realy paranoid about writing anything in the log, answering any emails, and even trying to work with her child because of all the stuf that comes from trying to help. I am documenting everything her child does, every conversation I have with her, and am sending out CYA emails constantly because I know I am doing the right things but she is twisting everything.

    I am a first year teacher and I am being subjected to constant scrutiny by all these higher ups because she is insane. I just don't know how much longer I can keep going through this without breaking down and either screaming at her or calling the child protection agency because she is so crazy. I keep being told by my principal and by the higher up who hired me that I am doing great and to just keep everyone in the loop.

    Any advice?
     
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  3. patti2

    patti2 Cohort

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    Sep 22, 2006

    Save the logs and show them to your principal. It is up to your principal to investigate and BACK YOU UP. Your supt should also be backing you up....call your teacher's union if they don't. Teachers do not have to be subjected to harrassment by parents! Supt. can call them and tell them they must go through proper channels. There are forms that disgruntled parents have to fill out and usually they must sit face to face with you and the principal while things are discussed. Your principal should be telling them this. STand up for your rights! Lastly, do not be at that parent's beck and call. You do not need to answer for every little thing....you have a job to do :) I have a parent that writes three page notes about the spelling words being too hard! I toss it to the side, skim through it and throw it in the child's file. If I answer her back, it is brief. She even calls my home! I do not take the calls! You are the teacher of an entire class. NOT ONE CHILD!
     
  4. MissFrizzle

    MissFrizzle Virtuoso

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    Sep 22, 2006

    Do not be intimidated. Yes, she definitely has her own power/control issues. She is hoping to fluster you. Just keep up with all your record keeping, and as the preivous poster suggested, get your principal to back you up.

    Don't let this drag on...... stand up for yourself.
     
  5. Giggles1100

    Giggles1100 Comrade

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    Sep 22, 2006

    One, Please be careful about e-mailing anything about this child to other teachers or even to the parents. These things are the first to get subpeopna when a parent files a complaint. I would do everything by phone, because even the littlest thing can be misconstrued in writing, and speaking from someone who has seen an experienced a teacher getting in trouble from e-mails and hearing horror stories from my district it is not at all encouraged. If you must write to the parent, look at it, would you mind if what your wrote were published in the newspaper? Because Crazy parents have a tendancy to send things they recived in writing to newspapers and reporters jump on it hard and fast to get a school or teacher in trouble because that is always interesting news to people.

    As for dealing with a crazy parent, I think we have all had to deal with that a time or two but it is very scary your first year. I would keep everything to minimum with her, even your conversation log home.
    "Johnny had a great day today, he missed 2 words on his spelling test, we have a field trip Tuesday." Try not to give her any ammunition, like he banged his head alot today or anything that she can turn back around and use it to get you by saying he only bangs his head when aggravated....Etc.
     
  6. Alitig1

    Alitig1 Rookie

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    Sep 23, 2006

    Thanks for the advice - I think the problem is that the child is severely impaired and the parent is trying to protect the child from the world without doing anything actually herself to help. When I said I was writing emails I meant to my supervisors - never to the parent. I have decided that I will cut down on what I am writing in the log, but still documenting the violence because I am working on getting a behavior plan and they want the data before I get help with that. And since this is young kids I have to protect everyone.
    MY principal has told me I am doing a good job, just had my first eval this week, and I keep everyone in the loop on everything, I just don't think I am hearing enough back.
     
  7. Aspie_mom

    Aspie_mom Rookie

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    Oct 3, 2006

    The parent is probably a little insane because she's under a huge amount of stress. If you could put yourself in her shoes, her child can't go to school like everyone else. I'm sure she gets a lot of what I call....nastygrams from the school. Sometimes the school does a better job of documenting bad behavior, than figuring out how to deal with it.

    This is a unfair comment...............

    As a parent of a special needs kid, there is always someone at the school who says that not enough is being done at home. As the psychologist explained to me, parents can only deal with the behavior at home. What is done at home does not translate into school behavior. The parents are not at school when the bad behavior is going on at school. All of the home therapy, group therapy, etc.....will not change behavior at school if the environment at school is not a good fit for the child.
     
  8. Alitig1

    Alitig1 Rookie

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    Oct 3, 2006

    I take exception to this comment because I am a parent of an HFA 5 year old and I do everything I can do to help him fit into the world he and I and everyone else here lives in because that's just what has to happen.

    The parent I am talking about has told me that she knows she should stop feeding him and stop doing everything for him but she just doesn't want to make the effort after a hard day of work. She has actually said to me several times now "you'll hate me for this but we are just too tired to potty train him or make him feed himself or make him stop touching us all over and we can't stop him from running around naked. We just want to enjoy him for the few hours a day we see him and we don't want to enfore any rules. So I know you'll hate me but there's nothing I can do" So - tell me if the tired mom is at fault here or the behaviorist teacher (that would be me) who is ready to scream every day because the child can do so much more than he is required to do.

    And his behaviors at home are carrying over to school because when I enforce behavior and make him do things he cries and screams and melts down and throws things and hurts me and others and when I do the daily report that says he needed maximum attention they call everyone to scream that I am a bad teacher.

    His mom and dad know better, they just won't do anything different. Every therapist this child has, and there are many tells me the same thing--- the parents are to blame for the child's behavior because they will not take part in any kind of program to extinguish his innapropriate behaviors. There has even been talk of removing the child from the home because he is so delayed and so capable of more than his parents seem to believe.


    So - I would love for his parents to come in to the class and observe their child when he is asked to do something. The way they are treating him is detrimental to his future and I am unwilling to put myself on the line for people who won't do any work.


    You wrote....


    This is a unfair comment...............



    As a parent of a special needs kid, there is always someone at the school who says that not enough is being done at home. As the psychologist explained to me, parents can only deal with the behavior at home. What is done at home does not translate into school behavior. The parents are not at school when the bad behavior is going on at school. All of the home therapy, group therapy, etc.....will not change behavior at school if the environment at school is not a good fit for the child.[/QUOTE]
     
  9. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    Oct 3, 2006

    Our principal now requires all outgoing or incoming emails to and from parents to be cc to her! This is mostly for protection not micromangement.
     
  10. Aspie_mom

    Aspie_mom Rookie

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    Oct 4, 2006

    I guess you should call CPS then if he is so horribly neglected.
     
  11. Giggles1100

    Giggles1100 Comrade

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    Oct 4, 2006

    Atlig I taught preschool fr 4 years and unfortunately what you said about the parent being too tired to potty train or discipline their child is just too true for many kids in preschool whether they have a disability or not. It used to infuriate me to the point I quit because most preschool directors will do nothing about it because if they did they might loose a tuition, so such is the beast that is Preschool, because that is how many parents feel. I will never forget when I was working in the corporate world, my supervisor had 3 small children and her philosophy was , why should I potty train them I let the preschool do that. so when I took my preschool job I told my director I do not potty train unless the parent is proactively training at home and you can tell those kids, because those parents will bring them in underwear instead of pull ups or diapers. I let one parent know that was my philosophy and he got made 6 weeks later because his was 4 years old and could not potty yet and why was I not doing my job, luckily my director stood up for me. My director did not however do anything about behavior problems and I just think they were doing a great disservice to those kids with PDD or just bad parenting behaviors because these parents never knew they were so much trouble till they hit Elementary school then the K teacher has to break those habits and inform the parents and the parents response is almost always, "Well my child never got in trouble before they were such a good child it must be your fault." I guess that is why i always felt all preschool directors needed to be in an elementary classroom before they took a directors job so they would know how they are hurting the kids instead of just wanting to keep the tuition. I am glad your principal is proud of the job you are doing!
     

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