DD's favorite teacher died

Discussion in 'General Education' started by wldywall, Apr 9, 2008.

  1. wldywall

    wldywall Connoisseur

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    Apr 9, 2008

    We just found out that my daughters favorite teacher died a couple of days ago (on spring break vacation0 The phone has been ringing all day long with all her friends calling to talk about it. I don't think it has sunk in for my daughter yet, she jsut isn't getting it. She doesn't seem sad at all (she's 13) but I cannot even imagine what the district is going through right now. They only found out today and they come off of spring break monday. The teacher was with the district for many years and highly respected.

    Do they send in counselors to the classrooms when that happens? I know that when she gets into class Monday she is not going to handle it well. This year has been a tough one for my daughter with one teacher treating her poorly (trying to show her she won't make it in the Ivy League school she wants to go to, the teacher says it is best.....so she marks her low on everything!) This teacher really believed in my DD and encouraged her to go as far as she could, he was a bright spot in her day. :(

    Can anyone tel me what the school might do to handle that first day?

    Oh, and send prayers to his family.
     
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  3. Historyteaching

    Historyteaching Cohort

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    Apr 9, 2008

    I've been in situations such as this, and actually we had a teacher die a few weeks ago in our school (and a student earlier this year). The admin sent out emails to the teachers explaining the situation. They did not mention it at announcements and most teachers didn't bring it up unless students did first.
    They have the counselors available if anyone is unable to be in class due to mourning and just outright crying and upset. The admin would suggest sending those students directly to the counselors.

    Prayers sent up for everyone involved.
     
  4. INteacher

    INteacher Aficionado

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    Oh how horrible :(

    I can only speak for my school and only when we have had students pass away. We did have a school wide meeting in the auditorum and let the kids talk. We had counselors available all day long and encouraged the students to write about their feelings. It was a tough couple of days. I would think the school would have something in place to help the students handle the situtation. This is so horrible.

    About your daughter, be prepared for this to hit her much later. Our teenage neighbor died in a car wreck within one month of starting college. My daughter was devestated when it happened but has become very troubled lately about his death. I think teenagers need more time to realize the finalality of death.
     
  5. cMcD

    cMcD Groupie

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    Apr 9, 2008

    Very true, INteacher. My best friend passed away last year and it didn't hit me until a month or two after she passed away. So, yes, watch out for her in the coming months.

    Sorry to hear about this. I would expect them to have counselors there for students to talk to. That's what happened when a classmate of mine died.
     
  6. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    You and your family are in my prayers. I think most schools have grief counselors on hand for the first little bit so students who are having difficulty can be sent directly to them.

    I agree with the others to keep a close eye on your dd in the coming months, especially since she has a teacher who makes her life harder than it needs to be. This teacher may upset her more now than before, now that she doesn't have the supportive teacher to counteract the negativity of the other.

    :hugs:
     
  7. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    Apr 9, 2008

    Does your school have a crisis team? When we have something happen to a student, student's family, staff or family, or even sometimes community depending on the situation, our crisis team (the principal, members of the staff from elem. and HS, counselor, local clergy) meets and assesses what counseling is needed. We recently had a staff member's father die (suddenly, tragically), which affected several students also (small town), so we met as a team and with the classes of the students to talk with them about how to act. We also have a foreign exchange student whose father died suddenly recently, so we met again to talk with his class. It's basically just to give the students a safe place to talk about what they are thinking or to ask any of the difficult questions.
     
  8. Darkhorse

    Darkhorse Companion

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    Apr 9, 2008

    My 5th grade teacher died in the middle of the year. She was my favorite teacher and one of the few that was able to get through to me (I was a difficult student:whistle:). She died over Valentine's day weekend and they brought the principal and the counselor in to talk with us.

    If I remember correctly they had us break into groups to talk to us more individually. They also had several people come talk to us throughout the week and the counselors were available whenever we needed them. They also made sure that a well known substitute was in the classroom the entire time until they got a permanent replacement.

    I remember the hardest thing was when they started taking down all of her things from the walls and gave away all of her stuff. That didn't happen for a while after she died.

    Just give your daughter support and make sure she has counselors and you to talk to. The school will do their best to make the transition as easy for everyone as possible.

    I hope this helps a little. I'm very sorry this has happened to your family. :(
     
  9. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Apr 10, 2008

    Our school board has a crisis team that is "deployed" to schools in cases like this. They are available for any students and staff who wish to talk to them. When one of our teachers passed away suddenly a couple of years ago, the principal met with all staff before school started and allowed us to decide how we wanted to tell our students--whether we wanted to tell them or have administration do it. I chose to tell my own class because we had a very close bond and many of them had this teacher the year before.

    Your family and school community will be in my prayers.
     
  10. Hoot Owl

    Hoot Owl Aficionado

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    How heart breaking.

    Kids think they'll live forever, and even as an adult I'm still shocked when 90 y.o. grandfather died since he's been a lifetime fixture.

    Sometime we really don't realize the finality of it all for weeks. Like you go to their home & they're not there and they're not ever going to be there.

    It's just sooooo hard. My thoughts are prayers are w/you & his family.
     
  11. sub&mom

    sub&mom Companion

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    Apr 10, 2008

    This is very very true. I lost my best friend when I was 13 during the summer between 8th and Freshman year. Being that it was in the summer, and my mom and dad weren't the communicating type, I was left to sort through my feelings on my own. I remember one day my dad and I were at pizza hut about 3 months after she passed away, and he asked me if I still thought about her. I said that I did every day. That was it. But I remember feeling a relief knowing that he was thinking about how it affected me. My advice to you would be to talk to her about it. A few months from now, ask her how she's doing, and a year from now, ask again. Communicating the fact that you are concerned and remember will keep her from feeling forgotten or not understood, which can be an isolating feeling.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your DD.
     
  12. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    I'm sorry for the loss of your DD's teacher. I know when I was in HS, we had two students pass and they had counselors available throughout the day if any student needed to talk.

    I agree with everyone that you need to watch your DD carefully over the next few months. Your family, the school family, and the teacher's family are in my thoughts and prayers.
     
  13. old-new teacher

    old-new teacher Comrade

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    Apr 10, 2008

    Aww, I'm so sorry. Our district lost a Kindergarten teacher suddenly this year and those poor little ones were so devestated! Death is hard for any child to understand and handle, no matter what age they are. At a minimum, I would expect the school to have a few extra counselors available for any student who needs to talk. As a parent, I encourage you to talk to her about it and monitor her moods. Kids all react in different ways. She may be internalizing, or it simply may not have hit her yet. Either way, she's going to need you to help her through it when it all comes out!

    Prayers from me for all involved!
     
  14. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Apr 10, 2008

    I would suggest that you stress to your DD that she HONOR her favorite teacher, she strive to excel and to dedicate her school year (or more) to him. Have her write down all the good encouragements her favorite teacher gave her.

    What most teachers really want is to be remembered as someone who inspired.


    What happened to the teacher was it sudden? Or had he been sick?
     
  15. sub&mom

    sub&mom Companion

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    What a wonderful suggestion. This sounds like good therapy too!
     
  16. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Maybe your daughter can Ask the school to plant a tree in his name and then all the students he has touched can participate in the positive action of planting a tree.

    If you daughter can become his champion it will help her deal with the loss of a "loved" teacher.
     
  17. wldywall

    wldywall Connoisseur

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    Apr 10, 2008

    The school deployed a crisis team yesterday and today. I am not sure what they will do once school is back in session.

    She is still not to upset about it, but once she gets back to school I am sure it will really hit her. My oldest has been keeping a close eye on her and making sure she is okay. (he is such a sensitive caring person, just like him)

    Thanks everyone. I really feel for his family, it seems they are investigating the possibility he was drinking at the time of the accident. He crashed in the middle of the night and he was not found until the next day. So the speculation is also hard for her and her friends.

    Pray for his family, if it turns out he was drinking, it will end up being a huge deal around here, and not a comfortable situation.
     
  18. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    Apr 10, 2008

    Just wanted to add my sympathies. I hope they do have extra people on hand when they do get back to school because like you said it may not hit some of them until they are in the classroom!!!

    You're all in my prayers.
     
  19. wldywall

    wldywall Connoisseur

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    Apr 10, 2008



    Dave, he was on vacation in another part of the state and was involved in a single car accident, he was not wearing a seatbelt. They did not find him until the next day and it was too late.

    Oh my, the phone calls. The kids are placed on teams in her school, math and science with one teacher, english social studies with another and then two specials. The kids are in teams of about 60 students and then to stay in the same teams throughout middle school. So all of my daughters friends had the same teacher. All of her friends are freaked out right now, but I am sure none of them are really dealing with it yet. I expect Monday to be a hard day.

    I like your suggestion about the tree Dave, I will tell her about it and see if DD and her friends will be allowed to do that.
     
  20. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    Apr 10, 2008

    The school I went to actually has a court yard & about 5 years ago or so they asked families of those that had passed either in school or attended the school could put some sort of memorial there. I attended for a few different reasons. It was very nice. There are tables & trees with markers on them or newar them!!!
     

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