Critique my cover letter, please

Discussion in 'Job Seekers' started by suzerich, Aug 11, 2012.

  1. suzerich

    suzerich Companion

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2008
    Messages:
    213
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 11, 2012

    Would you guys mind critiquing my cover letter. Maybe, it is one of my problems? I'm going to post my resume too, but it hasn't changed much, except that I am certified now.

    Here she goes:------------------------------------------

    Dear ,

    I am excited about discussing career possibilities at NAME OF SCHOOL. I am a lifelong learner. My first career was in the museum field. I would like to incorporate this experience with the use of objects in my classroom, whether virtual or handheld. I am also interested in using technology in the classroom. During my library school studies, I led a children’s focus group to evaluate children’s websites and incorporate their ideas into the children’s component for a local museum. It was a fun and rewarding experience.

    This past fall I completed a 12-week Clinical Teaching assignment in Math at NONAME Jr. High in MYTown with my cooperating Teacher. I enjoyed working with Cooperating Teacher and the staff at NONAME School. I had many opportunities to assist her in the classroom and through her teaching duties. I especially enjoyed the tutoring and individual student interaction. The students were wonderful, and I loved working with them.

    For the past few years, I have been substitute teaching to gain classroom experience. This year, I am registered to substitute with ____ and ____ ISD. I have subbed in ____ and Midlothian____, also. I have learned so much working with the staff and students of the various schools and districts.

    I would appreciate the opportunity to discuss teaching opportunities at your school. I have applied for the 4th Grade Teacher position currently listed on the _______Website. I can be reached easiest by cell phone at ______, or email _________. Thank you for your consideration.

    ----------------------------------------

    Thanks for your ideas
     
  2.  
  3. teach42

    teach42 Comrade

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2009
    Messages:
    334
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 11, 2012

    I think you should start over and rewrite your entire cover letter. I already see problems with your first sentence. You do not just want to discuss career possibilities, you want to apply for and get the job. Look at the other cover letters posted on this forum and look at the suggestions.

    Moreover, you have way too many parts where you talk about being excited, that you enjoyed the experience, the students were wonderful, etc. You do not want to waste space in your cover letter talking about it and reiterating it multiple times. There's not much in the letter that really conveys what you can offer to the school and that's what you need to convey to them.
     
  4. AlwaysAttend

    AlwaysAttend Fanatic

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2012
    Messages:
    2,855
    Likes Received:
    623

    Aug 11, 2012

    I agree, I see a lot of wasted space. Be direct not wordy. Also your paragraphs are jumbled. Focus on an idea, if the idea changes, so should the paragraph.
     

Share This Page

Members Online Now

  1. Doug_HSTeach_07
Total: 466 (members: 2, guests: 444, robots: 20)
test