Cover Letter Help, Please

Discussion in 'Job Seekers' started by Miz_Jay, Aug 19, 2014.

  1. Miz_Jay

    Miz_Jay Companion

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2010
    Messages:
    147
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 19, 2014

    Hi! It's late, but I'm really trying to get a head start on late season and mid year positions. Could y'all look over/critique my cover letter, please? This is the one I'd be posting to consortium applications.

    To Whom It May Concern,

    I am writing in regards to the open positions within XXX Consortium I graduated from XXX University in May 2010, with a Bachelor’s degree in elementary education. I have a concentration in English and I am eligible to teach grades K-9 with an Illinois professional educator license. Currently, I am a substitute teacher in the XXX Schhol District This position has allowed me to teach diverse students at varying grade levels. It has also allowed me to continually develop my classroom management skills, as well as adapt those skills based on what I have been able to observe other teacher using effectively.

    During the last school year, I taught preschool at XXX, a private learning center in XXX, Illinois. There I was responsible for the three and four year old preschool program. This experience was extremely fulfilling and gave me the opportunity to work with young children in an educational setting. In working in this position I was able to create and implement a curriculum that encouraged students to being developing an appreciation for academic exploration as well as social interaction. Students in this program were constantly involved in hands-on activities that were appropriate for their strengths and skill levels, while still providing enough of a challenge to keep them interested.

    I have thoroughly enjoyed watching all the students I have worked with learn and grow, and I hope to continue my teaching journey within this community, where I feel I can cultivate a classroom filled with life-long learners who are passionate about the things they’re learning, and create real world, hands on learning experiences for the students. I look forward to hearing from you, and hope that I am able to join your team.
     
  2.  
  3. msmac21

    msmac21 Companion

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2013
    Messages:
    199
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 19, 2014

    All the stuff in your first paragraph is uneccessary. If it's in your resume it doesn't need to be restated in your cover letter.

    The part about subbing (currently...) is good but is there any anecdote you can remember about a certain kid from subbing? If so, I would make that it's own paragraph.

    The paragraph about preschool could also use a catchy story. You've used a lot of buzz words (I'm basically restating all the advice I've been given on this forum!). Things that a person can already figure out you know how to do based on your resume. But a catchy story will get their attention!


    Good luck! : ) hope that helps!
     
  4. Miz_Jay

    Miz_Jay Companion

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2010
    Messages:
    147
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 19, 2014

    Thank you, mcmac21! If I eliminate that first paragraph, what would I out in its place? I had something similar to this as the opener (though I still included the position I was applying for and what my certification was), but I was told by a friend that it was too personal and that I should take it out.

    Having grown up in the XX School District, I have been privileged to see connections develop among students and staff at all levels. I have experienced firsthand how important those connections can be. XX Schools have undoubtedly shaped from a shy student who very rarely spoke up for any reason into the teacher that I am today. My love of teaching and learning was fostered by an amazing group of teachers within XX School District. Modeling myself after many of the amazing educators that I have had the pleasure of being taught by or working with, I strive to connect with each student and find the things that motivate them the most.

    Anymore advice from any others would be highly appreciated.
    Thanks!
     
  5. msmac21

    msmac21 Companion

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2013
    Messages:
    199
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 19, 2014

    I personally like that! It's perfect. Maybe shorten it a bit. But yeah I would take everything out of your original first paragraph other than what you're applying for. And your cert.

    I would definitely use that paragraph about growing up in the district though!
     
  6. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

    Joined:
    May 13, 2005
    Messages:
    29,807
    Likes Received:
    1,171

    Aug 19, 2014

    It's still more buzzwords than you, Miz_Jay.

    As to growing up in the district, by all means mention it - but the paragraph-long paean to the district is bordering on fulsome. You could profitably condense that content and move it to the first paragraph, after "I am applying for the ___ position at ____." (And, yes, please use "I am applying...": flowerier versions of that sentence are usually a waste of space that could be better used SHOWING how you are the right teacher to hire.

    What do I mean by showing? Well, you inform the reader, "... I strive to connect with each student and find the things that motivate them most." But where's the proof? Have you got a story in which you did just that? If so, and if that really is what's important about you as a teacher, tell it - especially if it also solved some other issue for the student.

    Proofread, please. Watch out for omitted words, repeated words, mistakes in comma use and in pronoun use (such as your "each student" - "them" above) and a couple of run-on sentences, among other things.
     

Share This Page

Members Online Now

  1. stargirl
Total: 151 (members: 1, guests: 135, robots: 15)
test