COVER LETTER HELL

Discussion in 'Job Hunting & Interviews' started by kathy2215, Jul 29, 2006.

  1. kathy2215

    kathy2215 Companion

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2006
    Messages:
    114
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jul 29, 2006

    Hello everyone. I have not be doing well in finsing a job. I have had three interviews and one possible prospect. I wonder if it is my cover letter. I am sending out more applications this weekend. Please critique the followign cover letter. Thank you so much

    Albion Central School District
    ATTN: Mrs. Sharon Lang, District Office
    324 East Avenue
    Albion, New York 14411
    July 29, 2006

    Dear Ms. Sharon Lang,

    I am an elementary and special education teacher. I have teaching experience in Kindergarten, first, third, fourth, fifth, and sixth grade. I have taught in both regular education and as an inclusion and a self contained teacher in special education. I am interested in the fifth grade position in Ronald L. Sodoma Elementary School.
    Since I have taught fifth grade pervious I understand the importance of the grade level as well as the state assessments. It can be a very challenging grade; however it can also be very enjoyable with all the projects that can be done in American History.

    I believe that my experience as a special education teacher has allowed me to find ways to assist all students meet their needs. Through this experience I have developed lessons for fifth graders that are below, on, or above the fifth grade level through the use of non-fiction texts.

    . I hope you’ll consider my application. Should you wish to set up an interview, I can be reached at . Thank you for your time and consideration.

    Sincerely,

    Kathryn Biedrzycki
     
  2.  
  3. Beth2004

    Beth2004 Maven

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2004
    Messages:
    5,168
    Likes Received:
    1

    Jul 29, 2006

    The first thing that jumps out at me is the first line. The first line of your cover letter should state your reason for writing so I would move the last sentence of that paragraph, "I am interested in the fifth grade position in Ronald L. Sodoma Elementary School" to the beginning. For example, "I am writing to express my interest in the fifth grade position at the Ronald L. Sodoma Elementary School."

    I also would change "you'll" in the last paragraph to "you will." I always try to avoid using contractions in formal writing.

    Just my opinions :) I'm also having a difficult time finding a job so I may be wrong!
     
  4. goopp

    goopp Devotee

    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2006
    Messages:
    1,051
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jul 29, 2006

    I just read this quickly. I'm sure you will get lots of help, there are some excellent letter writers on this site. The first thing I noticed though was that previous was spelled wrong in the 2nd paragraph; actually, you can leave that word out and the sentence still works. I'm a little confused by the clause that says... I understand the importance of the grade level, it's probably just me, but I don't understand what that means. Also, why single out American History for projects? I haven't taught fifth grade, but from everything I understand, fifth graders are very independent and enjoy doing projects, so they could be utilized for every subject area, not just American History.

    There is also not a space between the 1st & 2nd paragraphs.
     
  5. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2005
    Messages:
    10,120
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jul 29, 2006

    It doesn't grab one's attention. Have you read the thread about cover letter's that Adam posted?
     
  6. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2005
    Messages:
    10,120
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jul 29, 2006

    Kathy what is your degree? and where is it from?
     
  7. kathy2215

    kathy2215 Companion

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2006
    Messages:
    114
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jul 29, 2006

    Heres a new one

    Please Critique

    Albion Central School District
    Mrs. Sharon Lang, District Office
    324 East Avenue
    Albion, New York 14411


    July 29, 2006

    Dear Mrs. Lang,

    I am eager to present my qualifications for the grade five position in Ronald L. Sodoma Elementary School. I hold dual certifications in elementary education and special education. My experience ranges from kindergarten to grade six in a regular education classroom teacher and as special education teacher in both in an inclusion and self contained classrooms.

    My experience as a special education teacher has allowed me to find ways to meet the needs of all students. Throughout my experience I have developed lessons that meet the needs of a diverse population of students. This has taught me a great deal about individual differences and learning styles. I am flexible, understanding, and creative in my teaching which helps to create a positive classroom environment that fosters a love of learning. I feel my experience, along with my education, makes me a highly qualified teacher who can guide students towards success. With my previous experience as a fifth grade teacher, I know the importance of the grade and how to prepare the students for their assessments including the Social Studies Test. I have created and used my own DBQ’s in order to help the students succeed. I have a 95% success rate of students taking this test using my preparation techniques

    I am excited about the possibility of a personal interview to discuss my qualifications with you. I am immediately available and can be reached . I will follow up with a phone call as well to make sure you have received my application.


    Best Regards,


    Kathryn Biedrzycki
     
  8. worrywart

    worrywart Companion

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2006
    Messages:
    150
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jul 29, 2006

    Are you sure that she is a Mrs. and not a Ms.?

    I am writing to express my interest in the fifth grade position at the Ronald L. Sodoma Elementary School. (Beth thought this was a good way to start and I agree.)

    2nd sentence - and as **a** special education teacher in both inclusion and self contained classrooms.

    Last sentence of paragraph 2 doesn't have a period.

    The second paragraph is too long. Why don't you start by talking about the 5th grade since that is what the job is for.

    The last paragraph...I would say something like "I would appreciate the opportunity to come in for an interview. I can be reached at XXXXXX. Thank you for your consideration."

    Good luck!
     
  9. mrsammieb

    mrsammieb Devotee

    Joined:
    May 2, 2006
    Messages:
    1,101
    Likes Received:
    140

    Jul 30, 2006

    If it were your cover letter you probably wouldn't even get the interview. But it is always nice to make it better. Hang in there.
     
  10. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2005
    Messages:
    10,120
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jul 30, 2006

    Ammie,
    I am confused about who are you talking to? Are you talking about Kathy's original cover letter. I think she wants to land more interviews.


    Worrywart,
    Everyone starts their cover letters with I am writing to express my interest. Kathy wants to stand out.

    Kathy,
    First paragraph last full line after both delete the in. Second paragraph try to keep it to five lines. The last paragraph there is a space between reached and the period.

    Best of luck Kathy!
     
  11. mrsammieb

    mrsammieb Devotee

    Joined:
    May 2, 2006
    Messages:
    1,101
    Likes Received:
    140

    Jul 30, 2006

    I guess your right. I was misreading! opps
     
  12. awaxler

    awaxler Comrade

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2004
    Messages:
    430
    Likes Received:
    1

    Jul 30, 2006

  13. astewart

    astewart Rookie

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2005
    Messages:
    51
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jul 30, 2006


    Maybe it's just me, but I think the cover letter suggestions in that report make for a somewhat informal letter.

    Kathy, I think you're on the right track! Maybe mention some things you do in the classroom that you could apply to this position, such as centers, book groups, differentiation using multiple intelligences, etc.

    GOOD LUCK! :)
     
  14. awaxler

    awaxler Comrade

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2004
    Messages:
    430
    Likes Received:
    1

    Jul 30, 2006

    astewart,

    You may be right. In fact, when I first posted the report I commented that many of the tips might not fit with the teaching profession.

    However, it does make you think a little differently about cover letters.

    With that said, you may want to try to incorporate what you can from the report into a more formal letter.

    --Adam
     
  15. JustWondering

    JustWondering Companion

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2006
    Messages:
    218
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jul 30, 2006

    The part in red does not read well. I believe you need to remove the second "in".

    Mabe consider using different wording such as allows me to be or maybe, "I am a highly qualified teacher who can guide students towards success because of my previous experience and education."

    Just my suggestions. Good Luck!

    PS: For your safety (not that I think anyone who is a member here would but you don't know who reads these that aren't members) I would delete the school information and your last name from the previous posts.
     

Share This Page

Members Online Now

  1. SpecialPreskoo,
  2. Colliemom
Total: 210 (members: 3, guests: 186, robots: 21)
test