Cover Letter feedback wanted, please

Discussion in 'Job Seekers' started by littlepearl, Jul 8, 2010.

  1. littlepearl

    littlepearl Rookie

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    Jul 8, 2010

    Hi! Would anyone like to offer feedback on my cover letter?

    The one that I am including is for both an English teacher and Librarian...




    Dear Dr. ________ :

    Please accept my letter of application for the positions of High School English Teacher and High School Librarian. With my major in English and Secondary Teaching certificate, I am excited to bring my real world skills and knowledge to the secondary classroom. I believe that my instructional abilities, as well as organization and communication skills, will be an asset to your educational system.

    My major in English and education as a teacher opened up different career paths for me. After ten years of working in the non-teaching sector but with the Education clientele, I find myself wanting to be in the classroom and making a difference with our future leaders. My experience supporting and instructing school software to School administrators and training fellow employees has taught me the value of different learning styles and to be adaptive. I have developed strong organizational and time management skills that are so important in the teaching field. My work fulfilling library cataloging orders and training other employees in library cataloging has given me the experience I need to pursue my Librarian/Media Technology certificate.

    I hope to motivate my students to realize their potential and foster confidence in their abilities. I will do this by facilitating learning and providing a stimulating environment. I want to show how reading, writing and communicating is relevant to today's society.

    Please contact me at your convenience so that we may set up a meeting to discuss further how my qualifications would best meet your educational system. Thank you for your time and consideration.

    Sincerely,

    ________


    Enclosures
     
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  3. melissa803

    melissa803 Comrade

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    Jul 9, 2010

    I think it sounds really good! The only picky thing I would change is the part where you say, "training fellow employees has taught me the value of different learning styles and to be adaptive" I would change it to "training fellow employees has taught me to value of different learning styles and to be adaptive" I think it sounds better if the two phrases are the same. OK I can't remember the correct term for this. My mom was an English teacher and grammar freak!
     
  4. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    Jul 9, 2010

    It's repetitive (you don't need to mention your English major twice). melissa has noted the failure of parallel syntax in "has taught me the value of different learning styles and to be adaptive"; given the positions you're applying for, that won't go over well. "School" in "School administrators" shouldn't be capitalized.

    Have you got an anecdote about training those school administrators and fellow employees that shows off your chops in teaching?
     
  5. littlepearl

    littlepearl Rookie

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    Jul 9, 2010

    What if I took the "With my major in English and Secondary Teaching certificate" out in the first paragraph but kept that in the second paragraph?

    Thank you about the syntax.. I see that now! (I was typing this at midnight kind of on the fly!). That is why a second and third and fourth pair of eyes is great!
     

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