Conference gone bad!

Discussion in 'Elementary Education' started by mrachelle87, Oct 16, 2015.

  1. mrachelle87

    mrachelle87 Fanatic

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    Oct 16, 2015

    I teach a class that the kids are hand picked to be in. Parents are met with and their child is observed before they are allowed to enroll in the class. I had a student two years ago that I fell in love with. Her father has remarried and has a step-daughter that was enrolled in my class last year. Step dad and his ex wife have a great relationship and both were very helpful in my class when I had the oldest child. The ex is such a part of their lives, that she keeps the one I currently have before and after school. So I am very familiar with the family and have a great relationship with them.
    Well, Tuesday was conferences. Bio dad came to lunch and was bad mouthing mother in front of the child. I walked away. He got upset because he wanted to sit in a part of the cafeteria that was not being used. I asked him to please sit at the end of my table...a good eight seats or more away from other kids. That pissed him off and he got ugly with me. I ignored him and did my lunchroom duty. While I was walking around the cafeteria doing my duty, I stopped to welcome him to lunch. He started in on ex and what a _____ she was. I walked away. He then stopped me to find out when conferences where. I told him later that night, but I was willing to with him after lunch (I didn't want to surprise mom with inviting him to conference with her.) So after lunch he walked me down to my room. His daughter had her math that she had not completed because she threw a fit and wouldn't work before lunch. That made him mad. He then started telling me all these wild stories about all the different jobs he has had and how successful his business is. I smiled and tried to redirect him back to the child. As I started pointing out that she had "B's" on her report card, but was capable of "A's" he became very upset with me. He then started telling me that it was the ex's fault. He started saying that the lack of discipline at her home was why the little girl was not doing better...that is complete opposite of what I see. And I did spend a year getting close to the family two years ago and since friends. I stopped him when he started calling stepdad names and calling the mother a ______. I had a teacher stop by and remind me of a meeting down the hall, so I told him that I needed to go. We had been talking for over 15 minutes and it was my lunch time. I walked him to the copier room to make copies of her report card and test results. He then turned to go out the playground door. I stopped him and told him that parents weren't allowed on the playground. That made him mad and he told me that the principal would allow him....I told him that is fine, but he had to go get her to walk him out there. I was not breaking rules for him. He left in a huff. He was rude to the office because they agreed with me.

    Fast forward to later in the night. Stepdad and mom came to conference. They apologized for him and told me not to worry about him. He had called mother demanding that the child be removed from my room because I was a B---- and I was rude to him. Mom said he was on the phone before he got out of the parking lot. He then threatened to call the administration office to get me fired. She told him that they loved me and they were not removing the child from my room. That made him mad at her and then he told her he was going to the board to complain about me. She told him that she would be there to support me.

    At conference mother told me he was not allowed to pick the child up from school early. That was one of the reasons he was mad at the office. They refused to let him take her off campus for lunch. Mom has custodial rights and she has a court order that says he can't take her. Mom and stepdad apologized and told me not to talk to him...go through mom.

    I went to my principal and shared what happened. She told me not to worry. I was just upset that one man can turn my day bad. I had fifteen conferences and the rest were wonderful. But he left me so frustrated.
     
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2015
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  3. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    Oct 16, 2015

    Hugs, mrachelle. Sounds like you did your best in the face of a bio dad who refuses to grow up and get past his hurt. It happens.
     
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  4. Missy

    Missy Aficionado

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    Oct 16, 2015

    Some kids are more mature than the parents. I am glad that mom is supportive.
     
  5. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

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    Oct 16, 2015

    It is upsetting when one parent acts like a toddler. I'm glad the rest of the conferences went well.
     
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  6. DHE

    DHE Connoisseur

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    Oct 18, 2015

    Hugs to you and I hope that it didn't ruin your weekend.
     
  7. Amanda

    Amanda Administrator Staff Member

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    Oct 18, 2015

    Wow, textbook narcissist!
     
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  8. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    Oct 19, 2015

    Sorry you had to deal with that. Its sad to hear how some children have such pathetic parents.
     
  9. teacherpippi

    teacherpippi Habitué

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    Oct 19, 2015

    I agree with all the others- it sounds like you handled it the best you could
     
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  10. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Oct 19, 2015

    Huge hugs! I'm sorry that this guy was such a jerk!
     
  11. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Oct 19, 2015

    It sounds like administration and the rest of the family has your back. It also sounds like you have witnesses who would, if this "gentleman" pushed it, support your account of the events. It's hard to erase that pit in your stomach, but this dude sounds like he should be banned from school grounds, which would probably help.
     
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  12. BioAngel

    BioAngel Science Teacher - Grades 3-6

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    Oct 19, 2015

    At least the kid has a good set of parents taking care of her. Clearly the mother made a good choice of ending that marriage if the biological dad can't act like a grown up.
     
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  13. teacherpippi

    teacherpippi Habitué

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    Oct 19, 2015

    You may want to check into the legalities of not talking to dad. Even though it's at the request of the custodial parent, if he still has rights, you might not have a choice.

    Document everything in as factual a manner as possible.
     
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  14. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Oct 19, 2015

    How bizarre! I'm sorry that you had to deal with all that.

    I agree with the above.
     
  15. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    Oct 19, 2015

    I would refrain to speaking with him in the future without administration present.
     
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  16. BioAngel

    BioAngel Science Teacher - Grades 3-6

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    Oct 20, 2015

    This is true - follow your admin who should speak to a lawyer about this. That's at least what we have had to do in the past when there have been parent issues - just to make sure we are covered. Put it on the admin to decide for you, but as others have said, I wouldn't talk to Dad alone any more either.
     
  17. mrachelle87

    mrachelle87 Fanatic

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    Oct 20, 2015

    Mom provided court order...he checked the little girl out last year on his days that he had her. Her attendance got caught and mom was sent a letter from D.A. for attendance. Then dad used the days absences to try to get more custody time. It backfired. The judge declared mom was in charge of all school decisions and only mom could check the child out early. I am not worried about talking to him. It will not happen again. He is a bully and I am not paid enough to deal with him.
     
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  18. ChildWhisperer

    ChildWhisperer Groupie

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    Oct 23, 2015

    Dad sounds crazy. Thank God for mom & stepdad & supportive school system! That's insane you had to deal with that.
     
  19. 3Sons

    3Sons Connoisseur

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    Oct 27, 2015

    Glad you don't have to deal with him again, and I hope you're feeling better about the situation. Sometimes I imagine as a teacher you see some very ugly things.

    You could look on the bright side -- if the mom and dad were still together, or in the midst of a divorce, you'd have to deal with both of them (and I'm sure neither would be in a great state of mind!).
     
  20. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

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    Oct 27, 2015

    Hugs hugs hugs! I have had my share of difficult parents like this. It is so hard to keep a cool head and not let the rest your day be ruined.
     
  21. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    Oct 31, 2015

    Ugh.....That sounds like it got ugly. It sounds rediculous that he would think to go to the school board simply because he doesn't like you. This actually makes me very sad for the teaching situation in the states. Do parents have too much power? I had a mom become very upset with me a few weeks into this school year because I won't translate my emails in Spanish (and I told her no very nicely) and she went straight to the office and demanded her son be taken out of my class. When admin found out how the mom spoke to me (eye rolling, major aggression and attitude) my P and school director had my back and said there was no way the mom was getting her way after the manner in which she spoke to me. Good luck as you continue to deal with this situation. Some parents can make things super difficult.
     

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