Colleagues

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by czacza, Oct 12, 2012.

  1. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Oct 12, 2012

    I have colleagues who I respect. I have colleagues who are my friends. I have colleagues who are both. I have colleagues who are one or the other but not both.
    I'm coming to realize one of my colleagues who I had considered a friend really fits in neither category. Sad.
    I respect most of my colleagues. The toughest for me are those I enjoy as friends but for whom I have little to no respect...hard to balance out...

    Where are you on the continuum with those with whom you work?
     
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  3. Peregrin5

    Peregrin5 Maven

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    At my school I respect all my colleagues. They are amazing teachers. But I am not really friends with any of them (in my personal sense of the word friend--basically someone I would go for a drink with).

    This may be because of age or it may simply be because I'm bad at making friends. >___> My closest friend lives 8 hours away, and she's not even that close of a friend (she never goes out for drinks with me). :lol:
     
  4. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    I have a core group of people with whom I'm close friends. They're the ones I've depended on when things have gone really wrong. We all know we can count on each other for whatever is needed.

    Then there are a lot of people with whom I'm friendly. If we find each other standing at the mail boxes together, or sitting next to each other before a faculty meeting starts, we'll chat.

    There's no on our faculty with whom I'm not friendly, though not all are close friends.
     
  5. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Oct 12, 2012

    I'm 'friendly' towards everyone, but not really friends with all ( I think the word friends has lost some meaning in the FB world). And despite not being in all classrooms, there are afew for whom I hold little respect...just based on how I've heard them talk about/seen them interact with students and generally comport themselves. Sad to say. It's just a few, but it's still disheartening.
     
  6. Proud2BATeacher

    Proud2BATeacher Phenom

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    I work in a very small school with 11 teachers. I respect and trust 10 of those teachers. The other teacher is nice but odd in a "haha, that is funny. Oh, is she serious...ummm, yes she is." type of way), and she will try to throw you under the bus to make herself come out on top.
     
  7. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    I'm friendly to all the teachers in my school. Only one is someone that I've gone out to dinner with outside of school.
     
  8. stephenpe

    stephenpe Connoisseur

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    I am the only guy most of the time and now older. I had a friend for many years that finally retired. I had a great friend that died. I have one now and we have great mutual respect. In fact I told her she now had to take the place of the one who died. Which works some because she knew her and interned with her and was mentored by her sort of. I respect many of my colleagues but my friends are outside of work now.
     
  9. thirdgradebuzz

    thirdgradebuzz Comrade

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    Oct 12, 2012

    I'm collegial with everyone I work with; two are close friends outside of work as well, meaning that we hang out together. Several more I often talk with on facebook or make a point to chat with at school.
     
  10. ku_alum

    ku_alum Aficionado

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    Oct 12, 2012

    I have 3 colleagues that I would call very close friends.
    I have 7 colleagues that I would call friends.
    The rest I am on friendly terms.
    I can only think of 1 colleague with whom I don't respect, and it is not a classroom teacher.
     
  11. waterfall

    waterfall Maven

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    I'm really close with my entire grade level team. We do spend time together outside of school. One big adjustment for me was that I went from a very small school to a huge one. There are literally some teachers who I don't know their full name or that I literally never see. We have lunch at the same time as the specials team and I would consider many of them "work friends" but we don't spend time together outside of school. I'm friendly with the sped team b/c we have to collaborate on one of my kiddos very frequently, but I wouldn't consider them "friends." There's no one I particularly dislike or don't respect (outside of administration, that is).

    At my last school I was really close with many of the teachers but there were two that were incredibly irritating and that I avoided if I could. My P was sometimes irritating b/c she was so disorganized, but I liked her as a person, and I loved my AP.
     
  12. brigidy

    brigidy Comrade

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    Oct 12, 2012

    Same here, while I like my colleagues none of them are friends...just people I work with. I do get along with everyone though. I am terrible at making friends too..I need lessons!
     
  13. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    I have a few really close friends at school. I go to dinner with them, see movies with them, vacation with them, you name it. There are many more who are good "school friends"--we are friendly at school, might hang out at happy hour or football games here and there, but we probably won't do a lot of socializing together outside of school.

    I respect almost all my close friends at school and my "school friends". I respect many other coworkers with whom I have a more distant, professional relationship. There are even a few coworkers that I don't particularly care about and/or don't respect.

    Regardless of the category you put someone into, it is usually really disappointing to see their true colors and realize that they aren't who you thought they were. :(
     
  14. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Maven

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    Oct 12, 2012

    I have a group of about 8 co-workers that I consider "real friends". They are all people I respect both professionally and personally. We'll go out to eat, to the movies, or shopping. Four of us went on vacation over the summer. A couple of us are going to a festival tomorrow. We're also all friends on FB, so we have a group message that we all talk on throughout the week. A few of us have been talking this evening.

    I also have a few others at work that I'll talk to at school, maybe sit with at lunch or in meetings, but we don't really hang out outside of the school day.

    For the most part I'd say I'm friendly with everyone on the staff, and most of them are people I respect personally as well. I know that a couple don't behave themselves very well personally, and a few have done questionable things professionally. Overall I work with a pretty good group of people, though.
     
  15. orangetea

    orangetea Connoisseur

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    I love most of my colleagues! I am good friends with a few teachers that are about the same age as me.

    There is a teacher who has harassed me last year, so I try to stay out of his way as much as possible. But he's the only one that I have an issue with.
     
  16. kpa1b2

    kpa1b2 Aficionado

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    Oct 12, 2012

    I consider my teammates friends. I'm friends with 2 of them, there are 4 of us total. I'm friendly with everyone on staff.

    I had a really good friend at my school, but she left.
     
  17. HistTchr

    HistTchr Habitué

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    Oct 12, 2012

    I have a fairly large group of close friends at school (maybe 10-15 people) who I socialize with very regularly. We have about 80 teachers on our faculty, and we are all actually pretty close. It's not uncommon for 30 or so people to meet on a Friday afternoon for a "coffee" (as we refer to it). The group ranges from brand new teachers up to ones ready to retire (or retirees who come back)!
     
  18. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    I have no one I consider a close friend who I work with. At my schools, they're not even acquaintances...just coworkers I may see in passing. I never really even have small talk with them. Then, there's those who are of my same position...the other SLPs. I see them monthly for our monthly meetings. There's two I have met for lunch a couple of times because I knew them before they got hired, but they're still not considered friends.

    A friend to me is someone I hang out with for fun & talk on the phone pretty regularly.

    Even outside of work, it's just my boyfriend & 1 friend I see every so many months, who I guess is my closest pal. We email each other maybe a couple times a month.
     
  19. mkbren88

    mkbren88 Cohort

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    Oct 12, 2012

    At my old school, I respect all my colleagues and only a small group were friends (we would go out together, and still talk although we all left the school last year). At my current school, I respect all my colleagues (even those who I barely know) but I don't consider any of them my friends. I have a great grade level team, but I am the youngest by at least 10 years. I also don't live as close to school as they do, so we don't hang out outside of school.
     
  20. chebrutta

    chebrutta Enthusiast

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    Oct 13, 2012

    I'm friendly with most everyone at school. There are only two people that I really, truly can't stand to be around... they suck the life out of you with negativity.

    Most of my friends - the ones I hang out with outside of school - left my school this year :( I still have one really close buddy with me.
     
  21. TeacherNY

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    I am still fairly new to my school so I'm still making friends. I have one pretty good friend who I knew from my old school that now teaches with me. We text eachother and sometimes do things outside of school. Most of the others I am friendly with. I tend to chat more with the teachers who are around my own age. There are a few older ones whom I respect but don't really talk to much. Some other teachers in another hallway I don't really know too well but will be friendly to if I see them. There are at least 3 teachers that I have never actually talked to and they are pretty aloof so I don't greet them/smile/say good morning if I pass them in the hall. It's no problem.
     
  22. Missy

    Missy Aficionado

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    At my current school I am friendly with all but one or two and that is because of the way they treat/talk about their students. I was so glad when our speech person retired because she literally saw the kids about one-fourth of their scheduled sessions.

    I am very close friends with two teachers from my first school.
     
  23. AMK

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    I respect my colleagues, get a long with most. I consider some friends. I get a long great with my grade level team. There are a few I don't socialize or talk to at all but it's them not because I haven't made an effort. Life is too short for me to be worried about those colleagues.
     
  24. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Oct 13, 2012

    My post was prompted by some reflection on a relationship I have with a colleague.I moved grade levels a few years ago. On my former team, I was friends with a younger colleague...we ate lunch together every day, wrote grants, planned and took classes together. I felt we both gave and got from the partnership. Since moving grade levels, I can see it wasnt such a balanced relationship. We've been at a few PD meetings together where she texts or IMs or shops online and then wants to 'share' what others have created, worked on and generated. She took credit in the spring for something I had created and shared it as her own with the Superintendant. A friend from another school called me this week and complained to me that this person was on her to share a writing unit she had created in her school...without offering anything in return and not having talked to this friend in a year. It's disappointing, but I can see more clearly now what our previous relationship really was.

    That said, I enjoy working where I do. I respect most of the people with whom I work and I enjoy cordial relationships with all. A few are my good friends on whom I can count at any time, and vice versa.
     
  25. mom2ohc

    mom2ohc Habitué

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    I am pleasant to everyone, but where my room is located, i can literally go days seeing next to no one. I never go to the teachers lounge, I never make copies unless it is 7 Am when no one is there. I spend time eating lunch with a couple of people on my grade level - but then I like to get to my room and get prepared to teach. When I was younger, I thought that more teachers who I work with were my friends, but then got the ass burning of a lifetime, and now, have no use for most people that I work with. Working with women, it is tricky, because there are so many bitter back stabbing bi----s. Now our school has so many young teachers who seem to have a nice friendship going, but I am not involved in that at all.
     
  26. msmullenjr

    msmullenjr Devotee

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    I am friendly with almost everyone at my school. I only have a few people I would call my friend (2 teachers, a couple of secretaries, and the librarian) because I think a friend is someone you would choose to hang out with outside of work.

    I know that everyone differs in the amount of dedication they put into their job. There are a few people that I lost respect for in terms of their job, but not as a person. I'm not sure if that makes sense but I feel like they do the minimum, and it bothers me. As a person they are great, generous, funny, and nice. I try to separate the two views, some days that's easier than others.
     
  27. Bella2010

    Bella2010 Habitué

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    I'm a very guarded person, and TBH I don't have anyone other than my sister to hang out with. I made the vow at the beginning of the year to start eating in the teachers' lounge, and I think that's happened maybe three or four times. I'd just rather stay in my room and work. I go around the office instead of through the teachers' lounge if I have to make copies in the morning. It's not that I don't like them. It just feels weird walking through a sea of teachers who are laughing and talking when they are telling me to have a seat, etc. Then, I feel rude because I'm there to make copies, so I say that, nicely, and then it's just awkward. There are only a couple of people I work with who I don't really like, for lack of a better phrase. I mean I'm cordial and everything, I just don't care to talk to them for an extended amount of time.

    So, in short, I don't have anyone I work with who I would consider my "friend" because I think of a friend as someone you would go to lunch with, etc. And, I don't like everyone knowing my business. Only my P and one other teacher know that I have epilepsy, only one other teacher knows I was home schooled, and nobody knows that I was raised in a "cultish" religion.

    Beth
     
  28. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    All of these words fit me to a "T"! Telling myself I should eat in the lounge sometimes is much easier said than done for me. Plus, with my being the speech-language pathologist at the school, teachers tend to want to only talk about how their little Timmy doesn't speak much in class or it's hard to understand him & how they'll bring him up for the next COST/SST meeting. No fun conversation or them wanting to get to know me as a person.

    Now, I haven't eaten in the lounge yet for them to do that, but I know they will if I start eating in there. I hear other SLPs mention that they do that to them.
     
  29. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Oct 14, 2012

    I had great work friends at my former school. The best! In my new school I'm in a pretty isolated position and location. No friends yet. :)
     
  30. kpa1b2

    kpa1b2 Aficionado

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    At the beginning of the year I decided to eat in the Lounge. It has helped me to build relationships with my fellow teachers. I don't do it every day, but I try to get there 3-4 times a week.
     
  31. orangetea

    orangetea Connoisseur

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    I always eat in the lounge unless I'm completely swamped with work. I've heard that some lounges can be very negative, but ours is positive and fun.
     
  32. YoungTeacherGuy

    YoungTeacherGuy Phenom

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    I've taught at three sites in eight years. There are about 6-7 teachers I've met who I'm certain will be lifelong friends of mine. I attended college with two teachers in my district and they're both my closest friends!!!
     
  33. YoungTeacherGuy

    YoungTeacherGuy Phenom

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    In my district, the SLPs work at three sites. Therefore, if I see them in the lounge eating lunch, that's the time I'll approach them about a student. I wish there were other times I could make contact with them, but they're hard to reach because they're rarely on campus.

    In the good ol' days, we had a full-time SLP at each site! I miss that! :(
     
  34. Ms. I

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    Yeah but, no one wants to talk about business when they're sitting there eating their lunch. People need to submit the paperwork or email people.
     
  35. waterfall

    waterfall Maven

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    I was great friends with the SLP at my last school, and several of the gen ed teachers were too. She always went to happy hour with us (sometimes she was the one to suggest going) so that helped, even though she was only at our school two days a week. I went to her wedding this summer and it was mostly school friends there (from all 3 schools she worked at) with a few of her friends from college. I was always kind of jealous that she got to be in different schools, b/c she got to meet so many people! That was a really small town so it was really hard to meet people outside of work, and most people really only socialized through work. I had a good group to hang out with, but wished I could have had an outlet to meet others like she did.
     
  36. scmom

    scmom Enthusiast

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    Oct 14, 2012

    If you feel this way, politely tell people. They will understand. Some teachers talk shop at lunch to problem-solve or vent or get stuff done. Others don't want to. To each his own. It shouldn't be a reason to avoid talking to people.

    Our principal eats lunch in the teacher's lounge on a regular basis and she will tell you whether she is in the mood to talk shop or not. Sometimes she wants to unwind, sometimes she comes because wants to talk about something.
     
  37. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Regarding being at 2 different schools a week, some will say is a good thing or a bad thing. I just go with the flow since it's not the main goal for me to make friend at work. If it happens, fine.
     
  38. Proud2BATeacher

    Proud2BATeacher Phenom

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    I've cut down on the number of times that I eat in the teacher lounge. Our lunch schedules were changed and some of the people eating lunch at the time I am take the fun out of eating in the lounge. I eat in the lounge 2 days/week.
     
  39. YoungTeacherGuy

    YoungTeacherGuy Phenom

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    Unfortunately, Ms. I, there are lots of things that are too lengthy to discuss via email. For example, our SLP wanted to go over some test results of a student that she screened today. She came to my classroom during lunch and I didn't mind a bit.

    Maybe it also depends on the relationship that support staff members (counselors, psychologists, SLPs, etc) have with teachers. At my site, our SLP is super friendly and helpful, so no one minds chatting with her during breaks or lunch because we know she's giving our kids excellent services.
     
  40. Ms. I

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    YoungTeacherGuy, that's great that it all works out at your school. It' works out well at my schools too. I'm on year 2 on the job & never really conversed with anyone unless it was at some kind of mtg. We have a system that works great: Teachers submit a concern form, then it's soon brought up at a COST mtg, then an SST mtg is scheduled. Then an assessment plan is signed. The testing takes place & the initial mtg is scheduled if they qualify for speech services. I actually don't really get emails directly from the teachers about concerns.

    I know the school psychs don't want to be seen too much because they don't want to be bombarded with all these concerns from people. There's the proper channels if people have concerns, but I realize people like it when people have that "open door" policy.
     
  41. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Oct 15, 2012

    Submitting paperwork, writing referrals, providing documentation can be a lot of work. Definitely worth it if I can get my kiddos some help. But sometimes it's beneficial to have that personal relationship with the 'specialists' in the building so their advice can be sought informally, their brains picked a bit before launching into a full scale referral. I respect their expertise and experience as they respect mine....but it's not'shop talk' all the time either...because we've put some time into developing a collegial working relationship.:cool:
     

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