Choices, Choices, Choices

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Securis, Sep 29, 2012.

  1. Securis

    Securis Cohort

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    Sep 29, 2012

    So, I've been working a volunteer job with a stipend for about a year. It's been a lot of fun. I know, right? Fun and work usually do not go together. Otherwise they would call it 'play'.

    Long story short, I'm going to be offered a staff position with a salary that will easily fit my needs due to the low cost of living a residential facility allows. I still get to have fun, personalize all of my work responsibilities, free meals 75% of the time. I mean, as a single man, I could save a lot of money working here. Plus, my organization will even pay for continuing education pre-tax as a portion of my salary if I so desire, which I sort of do. Sounds great. Personally, it is great!

    Here's the dilemma. I met someone. She hates the out of sync schedule that I have. We get time together but she, obviously, wants more than I have the ability to offer. Desire but no control over my schedule. With my new responsibilities, I'll have a more stable off time situation which will make her happier but that doesn't solve all the problems. The salary will be a mere pittance compared to what the work and commitment are actually worth. Summers are brutal and offer practically no time off which, she's a teacher, is her vacation time.

    So great opportunity with some sweat equity and very great potential for the future versus a great woman. I'm not quite sure how I'll balance these things out or if they can be balanced. I've already heard, "I can't do summer like that again" as an ultimatum. The pay will not satisfy her but it'll keep me in beans. Right now, I'm just wishing for a larger sense of certainty about how things will unfold and I can't find it.

    Maybe someone here will offer me a piece of insight that'll put my mind onto a different course. Maybe? :confused:
     
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  3. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    How important is this person to you?
     
  4. Tasha

    Tasha Phenom

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    I think how important the person is and your other options are tr most important parts of the question.

    If it is a choice between the job an he person, which will you truly regret not picking in a year and in 5 years?

    Is it a possibility to take the job for now, save up money and work really hard to find something else by summer? Does she have suggestions for how to handle it? Is moving in together (at least by summer) a possibility?
     
  5. EMonkey

    EMonkey Connoisseur

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    If you have no job now and need money it is easier to get a job when you have a job. I also would suggest you look which will you miss more in a year, in five years, in ten years...

    I do not know what you do; however it seems to me that a happy significant other is very important and if you are doing a job you love you will be happy. If you leave a job because she demands it you will have an anger towards her demands which will never go away. I would have a very hard time with a partner who is demanding I leave a job I really enjoy to fulfill their wishes. It doesn't seem very loving. It also seems whoever your partner is she is not looking at it long term since the offer to pay for more education is a huge thing and could enable you to move to new job with more ease.
     
  6. Linguist92021

    Linguist92021 Phenom

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    Yes, the question is how important is this person to you?
    And with your new schedule, how much time would you have for her? Could you spend time with her 2-3 times / week? Less? More? When did you meet her?

    Edited to add:
    looking at it logically:
    You now had a job with a stipend, but this job would be a salaried position. Which means more money, with some benefits like free meals 75 % of the time, they'll pay for your education, which is important to you. Also short term benefits would be that you would love this job.

    This lady is not considering the long term benefits such as education, saving money, etc, but stressing over what could happen next summer.
    Next summer is 8-9 months away, who knows where she will be then? If you give up this job and then break up in a few months, in June her demands would be very irrelevant, and you would have given up a great opportunity.
    On the other hand, she could be the love of your life and you just need to make it work. This is not necessarily an easy decision.

    I usually think logically, and the listen to my gut feelings.
     
  7. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

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    Will you be taking a pay cut? Do you have a full time job on top of your stipend position?

    If not, and unless she is willing to support you, she shouldn't be calling the shots in your financial situation.

    It sounds like you want to take the position. If she is "the one", she will want you to be happy in your career.
     
  8. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    There is nothing wrong with putting your career (or pleasures) over a person if that is what you value more...so long as, of course, the person understands your priorities and accepts them. Some people value relationships over all things. Some people don't. Decide which you desire more and choose accordingly.
     
  9. leighbball

    leighbball Virtuoso

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    I agree with this. When dh and I were first dating, he worked nights and I was starting out in teaching. We had phone calls during the week and some time together on weekends. We made it work because we loved each other. Fast forward to the year we were engaged and he got a promotion and now works day shift. We are happily married and have an incredible little boy. We made the sacrifices for each other and it was worth it in the end. Good luck with your decision.
     
  10. Securis

    Securis Cohort

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    Thank you all very much. Which is the priority, that is the quandary. I want to make a decision and be settled in that decision and as certain as I can be. I'd rather this balance out and both relationship and opportunity work together.
     
  11. SCTeachInTX

    SCTeachInTX Fanatic

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    Sounds like a decision only you can make.
     
  12. Securis

    Securis Cohort

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    That's an understatement if ever there was one.
     
  13. lietuvaite

    lietuvaite Rookie

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    I think that, if she really cared about you and your relationship, she would try to understand. You want to be with someone who is supportive. Try talking again and see if there can be a compromise. With relationships though, this is much easier said than done. Best of luck with how it all turns out!
     
  14. leighbball

    leighbball Virtuoso

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    Very true!
     
  15. Securis

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    Oct 4, 2012

    So, the offer for the staff position came and it was severely lower than expectations or hopes for what it might be. Sometimes life has a way of helping you make decisions.
     
  16. leighbball

    leighbball Virtuoso

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    I'm sorry about the job but I'm glad it helped you make a decision. :)
     
  17. Securis

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    Here's a brief update. Still talking it out with current employer but don't really see the offer or the position being proposed changing. I have a job interview on Tuesday. Let's see where that goes.
     
  18. Tasha

    Tasha Phenom

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    Hope the new job works out!
     
  19. leighbball

    leighbball Virtuoso

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    Good luck with the interview!
     
  20. Securis

    Securis Cohort

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    Nov 13, 2012

    So, the job has been offered informally but I do not yet have a formal agreement. Things are going very well but I do not know the salary I'll be making. And I don't start until sometime in January. Should be interesting over the next few weeks. I hope to find out before Christmas.
     
  21. leighbball

    leighbball Virtuoso

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    The new job that you interviewed for? Congrats!
     
  22. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    No matter what happens, it I hope it all works out to your liking! Are you still dating the lady?
     
  23. Securis

    Securis Cohort

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    It is safe to say that the lady and I are happily past dating. I still call our outings dates and she laughs. I'm actually working on a 'surprise' but she'll not be too surprised. Steals a bit of the romance out of it but I like knowing what she wants. It's an interesting trade off. We'll see how that goes.
     
  24. Securis

    Securis Cohort

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    Thank you for allowing me to rattle on in my own thread. There are places I can celebrate this online and there are places I can't. So, I hope everyone understands.

    The job is clenched. I start 'training' on the Jan. 7th. Should be good.
     
  25. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Congrats on the new job and the lady friend!
     
  26. mopar

    mopar Multitudinous

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    Congrats! Life is throwing you many changes right now. Enjoy them!

    What is the new job?
     
  27. Securis

    Securis Cohort

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    I will be a sculptor at a prosthesis company. I'll form appendages and simulate skin textures using wax so that molds can be made and silicone cosmetic covers can be made for prostheses.
     
  28. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Awesome!
     
  29. Securis

    Securis Cohort

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    So, I had to special order the ring and it didn't come in, and it didn't come in, and it didn't come. But then it finally came! It came on Sunday. I saw the FedEx jet as it was landing and I said to myself, it's on that plane. I got a phone call later that day letting me know it was in.

    So, I had all these plans to hang notes around the house to send her on trail to meet me somewhere special. and I had two wine bottles printed with the "question" on them. She'd arrive to our meeting and I'd let her notice the bottles and the labeling but alas, it didn't happen that way.

    She's too smart for her own good. I'll preface by saying she already knew the ring existed because we discussed what it should look like at length and we sort of planned that I would look for a deal on black Friday. I already knew she'd say yes and she already knew I planned to asked. Just not the when or the how.

    The winter weather coming in got her to worrying about things because I told her I was going to do some last minute shopping today which she decoded. But really, the plan was to pick up the ring yesterday while she was at her zumba class. Her smarts AND worry led her to figuring it out. Plans dashed, right!

    No, I still had the personalized wine bottles and we had planned on our gift exchange this morning. While she opened the wine, completely preoccupying her thoughts, I got the ring out just as she read the labels. Surprise!

    She said yes.:D
     
  30. Tasha

    Tasha Phenom

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    Congratulations!
     
  31. amakaye

    amakaye Enthusiast

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    Congrats!
     
  32. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Congratulations!
     
  33. K1teach

    K1teach Companion

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    Congratulations!
     
  34. Kangaroo22

    Kangaroo22 Virtuoso

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    Congratulations!
     

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