child wrote that he hated me

Discussion in 'First Grade' started by massteacher, Jan 28, 2011.

  1. massteacher

    massteacher Companion

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    Jan 28, 2011

    Hi All,
    I have a child who is very impulsive, and is very high sensory. He has an oral fixation, and tries to eat the lead out of the pencils/colored pencils quite often. Yesterday he did it, and we had a talk about how it's unsafe to chew the lead, etc. He came in today with a miniature animal figurine that he said he could chew, and I told him it wasn't something appropriate to chew either and let him know why. After that, I told him to begin his rainbow writing and his sentences. He told me to come over 5 minutes later and showed me his sentence: "I hate (my name)." I told him I'm sorry that he felt that way, and that I will always care about him, and then he erased it. I found out shortly after that right before he came back to class, he ended up physically hurting one of the other students while they were in gym, and the other student was at the nurse. I know he was having a hard day, but I've never had a student write down or say that they hated me. Anyone want to share similar stories so I don't feel so alone? Thanks! :)
     
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  3. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Jan 28, 2011

    My first year teaching, one of the students in my all girl school spray painted on a park bench in town: "I hate Miss Aliceacc"

    Ah, well. At least she included the "Miss" as a sign of respect :)
     
  4. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Jan 28, 2011

    Last year a student turned in a journal/composition to me about how I was the "wicked witch of the school". It was a full-page essay about how awful I was. It wasn't really the most wonderful thing I've ever read about myself, but I'm not going to take ownership over her feelings towards me.

    She wrote me another thing at the end of the year all about how she realized over the course of the year that it wasn't actually me who was the problem but that she herself was rude and disrespectful and caused all the negative consequences she got from me. It was very introspective and apologetic. I appreciated it.
     
  5. Special-t

    Special-t Enthusiast

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    Jan 28, 2011

    I used to say I hate you to my mom when I was primary age. I promise you that I never hated her. In my child psych classes I was taught that when a child pushes an adult away with I hate yous, they are subconsciously testing the permanence of the relationship. If the adult continues to act in a fair and consistent manner, the child is reassured that the relationship is secure.

    Recently, my aide told me one of my students told me to f-off under his breath. I ignored it since I didn't hear it. Later that day he came up to me and confided that he has been emotionally up and down for the past month and apologized for being difficult. It was very sweet.
     
  6. Proud2BATeacher

    Proud2BATeacher Phenom

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    Jan 28, 2011

    I hear it on a monthly basis. It sounds like your student needs to chew on something. Have you thought of letting him chew gum?
     
  7. TeacherApr

    TeacherApr Groupie

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    Jan 28, 2011

    When I taught summer school 2 years ago I had a great group of kids...or so I thought. One of the kids, who enrolled last minute, was a pistol right from the start and I got on him about his attitude and behavior. The great thing about summer school was that they would NOT put up with this behavior as there were tons of kids on the waiting list. One day I was told the student wasn't coming back (it was because I talked to the director about him). I looked through his notebook so that I could reuse it for anyone else and saw a picture of me and it portrayed me as this evil teacher. Immediately, I reported it to the director who then called his mother and told her he was not allowed back to summer school now or in the future.

    Oh darn! lol
     
  8. massteacher

    massteacher Companion

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    Jan 29, 2011

    Thank you for sharing your stories everyone! I would love to get him a chewie..I've had a meeting with his mom about it, and she is reluctant to get him anything because she wants him to get out of this phase and feels like getting him a chewie would encourage his oral fixation. I'm going to call her in for another meeting about this because yesterday at lunch he had a whole sandwich bag in his mouth and was just sucking on it. Ahh. Maybe she would be open to letting him chew gum in the classroom. We'll see..
     
  9. crunchytxmama

    crunchytxmama Companion

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    Jan 29, 2011

    Could you approach mom about letting him have a chewie tube as a reward? It sounds like this is a sensory thing that calms him down. Perhaps it could be used as an incentive for getting work done, being respectful to others, etc.
     
  10. Pacificpastime

    Pacificpastime Companion

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    Jan 30, 2011

    Kids say stuff all the time. It tends to be over-the-top. Don't worry about it, kids are smart. They know what words can do even to grown-ups.
     
  11. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Jan 30, 2011

    I did/do have an oral fixation as well...it was my thumb for far too long and now I don't so much chew gum often, but as I sit here right now I have a water bottle cap in my mouth. What I really like are those little craft beads that you put on a design board and iron over...those are great! :haha:

    But I know that doesn't help you...

    I've had my fair share of such talk. One student wrote me a message that included "f--- you". The other day a student said, "This sucks! I have to be in Mrs. JustMe's class forever today!" when he found out he'd be in my class even longer that day. Every year it seems I have a student or two at the beginning ask if I am really as mean as previous student So&So said. Of course, I want to respond that little So&So was just a punk, but instead I tell them that I don't believe I am, but they'll have be the judge. I have high standards...sometimes that's confused with mean. I'll live with that. :)
     
  12. Proud2BATeacher

    Proud2BATeacher Phenom

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    Jan 30, 2011

    I give one of my students one of those green plastic splash sticks from Starbucks (they are used to cover the hole in the lid so you coffee won't spill during transport). I tried gum with him but he would have a big temper tantrum when I would ask him to spit it out and would just end up swallowing it to spite me. He keeps 1-2 splash sticks in his desk. He is a heavy duty chewer and has yet to chew one in half, but I do give him some new ones every week or two. I find it better to give him this rather than have him chew on erasers, his toe nail (gross), paper....
     
  13. KinderCowgirl

    KinderCowgirl Phenom

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    Jan 30, 2011

    I've had students say that as well. One of the kids will say Johnny just said he hates you. And I always just say that's fine-if that's how he feels. It's probably what they've heard adults say to one another just because they are upset.

    I don't think kids really have a true understanding of love and hate at this age. They use those words without any true meaning behind them. Or to get a reaction out of you.

    Special-t-that's really interesting about the psychology behind it, I'd never really thought about that before.
     
  14. 2ndTimeAround

    2ndTimeAround Phenom

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    Jan 30, 2011

    I teach older children, high school, so I get a lot of words said about me, but not to me. I honestly don't care. Sure, it makes my heart swell when the students say they love me, especially if I overhear it and know it isn't meant to suck-up,lol. But if they don't like me, it doesn't bother me. They are perfectly entitled to their opinions. They don't have to like me and I don't have to like them. We have to work together and be polite, because that is what we do in a society.

    The only students that I have heard say such things (or heard about) are the ones who are not willing to work or follow rules in my class. Easier to blame the teacher than blame themselves.

    Just shrug it off. It obviously is the child's issue, not yours. What are your other options? Lowering your standards so he can get his way all the time? Of course not.
     
  15. cheer

    cheer Comrade

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    Jan 31, 2011

    I had a first grader who drew a picture of me as a ghost and a picture of me inside of a red no cirlce symbol. He also drew me in jail. I asked him to tell me about his pictures and here is what he replied. He said it was me going to heaven because I died. The other one was him saying no more Mrs. ______ " and the last lovely picture was me being placed in jail where he thought I should be because I was so mean. I told him I was sorry he felt that way and that I loved him. This was a major breakthrough because he struggled with vocalizing and he often acted out, so I welcomed the improvement.
     
  16. miss_ali1984

    miss_ali1984 Companion

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    Feb 1, 2011

    The other day, one of my children had to go to the office because he was throwing a big ol' fit. He's one of those kids who turns all the way off once he gets to the office and can't listen after that. We have this behavior sheet that they have to fill out once they get there and once I put it in front of him, he tore it up, threw the pencil, and told me I wasn't his friend anymore.
    I couldn't believe how much that hurt me. He's a really angry kid that doesn't get any discipline at home. Still, I'd rather be his teacher than his friend. :)
     
  17. massteacher

    massteacher Companion

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    Feb 1, 2011

    Thanks for all of the stories everyone. I always try to remember that kids (like adults) can say things when they're angry that they don't mean, and it's our job to hold them to certain standards and to let them know that we are supportive and care about them. I often say to this particular child, and my daughter at times when need to, that I may not like the choices they are making, but that I'll always care about them regardless.
     
  18. a2z

    a2z Virtuoso

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    Feb 1, 2011

    What therapies are being used by the OT to help the student with this problem?
     
  19. Auter12

    Auter12 Comrade

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    Feb 1, 2011

    A few years ago, I had a 7th grader write a lovely little song (within a note) that was VERY inappropriate!! She was in the "responsible thinking classroom" when she wrote it - a lot of responsible thinking she was doing, hey!? This note was bashing me front and back. I think I even learned a few new nasty terms!! My very first comment after reading it was, "How come I can't get her to write that much for an assignment in class?" :lol: I did take the necessary disciplinary steps, but I don't take those to heart.
     
  20. letsteach

    letsteach Comrade

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    Feb 1, 2011

    We had science day for the whole of the lower school, students rotated round classrooms but teachers stayed in the same classroom. After lunch, we had lost count of where my class was supposed to be and one little boy, in the rush, kicked another student to get in front. The other boy was crying, students saw it and said it was Johnny. Johnny said it was not him. I told Johnny to stay back so I could get his side of the story but in the meantime the Year 3s were coming into my class. Johnny sat against a wall and when I went down to his level to find out what happened he was spewing and hissing with rage, he hated me, he shouted straight in my face not only that he hated me but that he was going to kill me. He was 5 years old! His older sister saw what happened, she told her dad and the next day Johnny gave me a letter from his dad saying that Johnny would apologise. I did not ask for the apology, just waited. Eventually, just before lunch he made his apology for his outburst the day before.

    I guess I had never seen a child so vehemently screech and splutter hate in my face. Of course he didn't hate me, nor was he going to kill me but he was a child who could get angry very quickly.
     
  21. EMonkey

    EMonkey Connoisseur

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    Feb 11, 2011

    I have had the comment of me being a specific garden tool written on my portable's door when I taught fifth grade.
     
  22. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

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    Feb 14, 2011

    Once, I had a first grader with sociopathic tendancies that uses to sit right next to my desk (i had to move him because he couldn't handle sitting with other children and would hurt them)and talk about all the bad things that he hoped would happen to me and some of the other students in my classroom. It'd be like:

    Child: "I hate Ms. Em. I hope she falls down the stairs. I hope she falls down the stairs and breaks her head open. Yeah, that would be funny."

    Me: "<his name> stop talking to yourself and get your work done."

    Child: "okay" *is quiet for all of 5 seconds then starts again* Man, Jimmy is so fat. I should just punch him in his fat stomach. I should punch him real hard and then he'll fall down and start crying. Yeah, that'd be funny. Then I would squish his neck until he peed on himself."

    If I ignored him, he would literally go on like that for 10 - 20 minutes at a time. Then he would start pulling lead out of his pencil and throwing it at other students. He'd curse at them under his breath, sneak out of his chair and crawl across the floor and into the coat closet and steal from other kids.
     
  23. SCTeachInTX

    SCTeachInTX Fanatic

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    Feb 14, 2011

    Um freaky.... Em... The worst I had was a little boy who would take his shoe strings off and try to choke himself ALL THE TIME. It got to the point that I would ignore the behavior. He would be choking himself and the kids would say, "J is choking himself again." And I would say, "Well, that really is not a nice thing to do to yourself is it?" And then, I would keep on teaching. He finally stopped doing it. FINALLY!!!! He wasn't hurting himself, he just wanted the attention. When I stopped giving him any attention, he stopped. I would give attention when he did ANYTHING positive. "Wow, I like the way you are sitting in your seat. That makes me happy and proud. How does it make you feel?" Whatever, it worked... and his parents finally bought him velcro sneakers; that helped too.
     

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