I work in a middle school in a middle class community. The school is in the middle of the town. I have recently earned my teaching credential and work as a Intervention Aide. I love my job and enjoy the kids. The students I work with are 8th graders that will be graduating in a few months. My question is I have a student that has choosen to be disrespectful.I did take the student out of the class I T.A. for and begin discussing the issue. I have remided her that we are all to be respectful. She got angier and responded, "What if I dont want to be respectful?" I responded " Do you want detention?" The argument got much more heated. I am going to discuss this situation with the teacher, but I want to know. Can I help her to become respectful? I do know that she likes talking with her friends and likes to play in the band. I generally get along with the students. I will not ignore her disrespect because I am staff and belive everyone deserves to be treated respectfuly at all times. Questions, comments, concerns?
You can model respectful behavior and hope that it sinks in. You should not ignore her disrespect ( my opinion). It sounds like she is lacking boundaries in other places and is testing the waters in school. Just by her response, " What if I don't want to be respectful" sounds like she is trying to push your buttons. I suggest not losing your cool, but try engaging her in a conversation- see what she thinks respect is. If she doesn't see it she won't know what it is. I think as teachers, we have to really teach it before we can expect to see it. I don't know what her home life is like, but it wouldn't surprise me if it wasn't that great. She will eventually appreciate not getting away with disrespect.
Ask her to modify her behavior especially in class. Set strict rules at the begining of class/term/lesson to the whole class in regards to disrespect. State the consequences and rewards. Also, you might want to dig deeper into the root of her attitude and disrespect. Students display certain behaviors to acquire certain attention ie responses. Find out and try combat it. Sometimes detention is just a temporary band aid to the underlined issues.
I don't know about your school, but at my school electives like band are a priviledge, not a right. Talk to the band teacher about her behavior in your room. I've talked to coaches, elective teachers, and the ASB director about students all year and their behavior usually changes (even if for a short while).
Out of character. She treats the teacher fine and the sub that was in last week as well. It's obviously a conflcit between me and her. I do remember her excuse is she does not like me. I think there is more to this.
Are you tougher on her than the teacher. Perhaps the teacher let's more things slide. Not that it's right or wrong. Everyone tolerates different things.... Perhaps meeting with the teacher would be a good starting point. So you can all be on the same page.
She is in grade 8! She has no excuses. If she was going through a tough time and became that way with everyone, I'd say that maybe she was under some kind of stress and she needs to talk to someone, but since it's just with you... IMO, she is choosing this and if it's because she is resenting you for something, that's her problem. There is no negotiations on respect and she is old enough to check her own behaviour. Don't take on the responsibility to "make her respectful". Good decisions bring on good consequences and vice versa. No discussion, disrespect=consequence (whatever that may be for you). I had a student last year who pushed the envelope regularly, and I was kind and patient in how I dealt with him and I wasted a lot of time "talking" him into better behaviour which never came. He just pushed further and soon learned that the worst that would happen was a talking to. This year, I act immediately and he knows I won't take it. In a way, I feel bad because he doesn't "like" me as much this year, but looking back, I was miserable last year dealing with his constant antics. This year, I am happier because he tries to get away with less. I decided that if they don't like me because I make them accountable for their actions it's OKAY because I have the right to be respected and any kid who will think they have the right to get away with disrespect and hate me for calling them on it has their own problems that aren't mine. I learned that very few kids will actually hate you if you hand out a consequene that they deserve. They really do have a good sense of justice deep down. Needless to say, I have a much healthier relationship with this year's class in that regard.
Exactly, Canadadian. I would add it is not the teacher they dislike rather what the teacher represents -- for most "authority" or the word "no".
In my classroom I ask students who are pushing the envelope "are you making good decisions?" That usually gets their attention. That is their warning that they are doing something disrespectful or otherwise out of line. They know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the next step is some sort of disiplinary action (the severity of which depends on the action causing it, of course.) It DOES take a while to get through to some kids. I remember walking into this classroom and having an imediate battle of wills with several of these kids (I teach in an inner city school). I NEVER loose a battle of wills with a middle schooler though, and after enough incedents each of them figured out what would get them in trouble with me. The key for me is never, ever, ever raising my voice. I always treat them with respect (or almost always, I have lost my temper, but that very rarely happens), and I expect that they treat me and everybody else with the same respect I show them.
Today was much better with her. She was nice and polite. If she does step out of line again; I will give her a consequence.
