Can I keep them?

Discussion in 'Elementary Education' started by Sandra Corral, Apr 10, 2018.

  1. Sandra Corral

    Sandra Corral New Member

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    Apr 10, 2018

    I am just starting my teaching experience. I have always wanted to teach Kindergarten, I love the littles. I am currently in a 6th grade classroom and I have loved getting to know these students. They are another world and they taught me so much about their age group. As the year is coming to an end and I must say good-bye to them soon I can't help but feel sad. Like the feeling of a loss. Don't get me wrong I love to think about who they are going to become and I look forward to all their futures, but I feel sad to watch them grow up and move on. How do you guys deal with this year after year?
     
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  3. Hokiegrad1993

    Hokiegrad1993 Comrade

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    Apr 10, 2018

    I am in the same boat. I am moving home for graduate school. After subbing throughout the county working in kindergarten and my aide job. I have grown to love my kids. Realizing in a month I am leaving and it will be a struggle to drive four hours to visit makes me sad.
     
  4. Backroads

    Backroads Aficionado

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    Apr 10, 2018

    I think of the naughty ones.

    The trouble is... about 75% of the time the stinkers are my favorites.
     
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  5. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Apr 10, 2018

    It gets easier.
     
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  6. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Apr 10, 2018

    The next group of students (I loved the poster / author who referred to his charges as "sprouts") will be a whole new set of adventures. They won't replace the ones you have loved, but they'll get to your heart all the same.
     
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  7. svassillion

    svassillion Companion

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    Apr 11, 2018

    I'm usually too relieved to reach summer vacation to feel sad. I feel it a little on the first day back in the fall when those kids I spent many hours devoting my life to are no longer thinking of me as their teacher, but I also love watching them grow and mature. I get them in kindergarten so I really do feel like I'm planting seeds and watching the garden grow. I'm thankful I get to watch them for several years before they change schools.
     
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  8. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Apr 12, 2018

    I forgot the term, but I have a friend who followed her kids from 3-5th gr. Same room, same kids, curriculum & materials were only changes.

    Looping???
     
  9. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    Apr 14, 2018

    It can be tough to say goodbye, but you do it every year. Some years I cry, others I don't. Just focus on the fact that you had a chance to be part of their journey, and that will be true forever.
     
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  10. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Apr 14, 2018

    I think this may piggy-back on our poster who has Pre-K kids..unfortunately, who are a having a hard time.

    Misha says,

    "I also have a coworker who visits one of my students twice a day because he is her all time favorite and it is disruptive to my day and has made correcting behavior problems with this student difficult, extremely difficult."

    Can it be possible that some of us love our kids too much, and we are reluctant to let them go? If you are in the same building, and you 'visit' them too often, are you hindering them, and their teacher??
     
  11. Leaborb192

    Leaborb192 Enthusiast

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    Apr 15, 2018

    .
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2019
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  12. TeacherWhoRuns

    TeacherWhoRuns Companion

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    Apr 15, 2018

    I had a group of kids last year who I really enjoyed and was sorry to see go.
    Then at the beginning of this year, I got moved to the next grade level and got several of them again. Some of them are still sweet. Some of them with behavioral issues have just gotten magnified as they've grown - parents still don't do anything. One has turned from manageable if I kept my foot on last year to a complete snot this year.
    Lesson learned! I'll be happy to say goodbye each year!
     
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  13. kellzy

    kellzy Comrade

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    Apr 15, 2018

    My group last year I adored. Favorite group I've ever had.
    This year? Least favorite group ever.
    My theme for this year: Don't let the door hit you on the way out.
     
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  14. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Apr 16, 2018

    We have a lot of graduates (I mean 9 and 10 year-olds) who come back to visit. I know it's lovely for the other teachers, but I don't know these kids. To me, honestly...it's an interruption. They come in, say hi, get hugs, and start talking about their school, parents, siblings, etc. Okay, that means for the next 10-15 minutes or so, I'm kinda by myself now.
     
  15. Been There

    Been There Habitué

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    Apr 19, 2018

    I know many people hate to look outside the bubble, but for what it's worth here goes. I've studied how teachers interact with their students and have observed in classrooms in some other countries. What impressed me the most was not only how well-behaved the students were, but also the generally business-like manner of the teachers. As I sat and observed in one 4th grade math class, I imagined that the students could well have been college students - there was distinct absence of maternal "pampering" (for lack of a better word) in the teacher's actions and words (e.g. darling, honey, sweetheart, cutie pie, pumpkin). Remarkably, the students responded in kind.

    IMO, it may actually detract from the primary goal of instruction if teachers allow their maternal /paternal instincts to influence the way they behave in the classroom. New teachers like the OP seem to be all too willing to adopt the practice of being overly-solicitous and overly-protective. Some teachers in this forum have even reported becoming so emotionally attached to their charges that they have difficulty not thinking about their pupils 24/7. I dare say that having such excessive love for one's pupils - to the point of grieving with a sense of sadness and loss when they are promoted to the next grade level - may be unhealthy and may not be in the students' best academic interest. What some may consider to be normal here, may be viewed as abnormal elsewhere. Something to think about, or not.
     
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2018
  16. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Apr 19, 2018

    Well said Been There....well said.:agreed:

    This is why we have spoiled preschoolers who want special treatment, and parents who think we are babysitters. Because former teachers are still hugging and slobbering over them, while we try to get them to be quiet and sit down. Teacher’s pets grow up to be butt kissers, always seeking approval and attention, IMO. All children should be able to learn without favoritism. We are all special, not just the ‘cute’ ones. Teachers should keep a professional distance, and not display the same affection and attention one reserves for close friends & family. These children may feel betrayed when you give them failing grades, because they trusted you to love them.
     
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2018
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  17. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Apr 19, 2018

    While I do think that it's okay to do a little bit of the "pampering" you mention and don't think that classrooms need to be sterile and business-like, I do strongly agree with the second part of your comment. I've worked with a couple of people and seen posts here from people who seem to have an unhealthy focus on their students.
     
  18. Been There

    Been There Habitué

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    Apr 19, 2018

    Unfortunately, from my observations, few teachers who engage in "pampering behavior" seem to have difficulty knowing where to draw the line. IMO, the absence of hugs, terms of endearment, jokes, etc. didn't appear to produce a sterile learning environment at all. On the contrary, students exhibited full-on engagement with a common sense of purpose resulting in high academic achievement. For an eye-opening experience, I highly recommend school visits to anyone who travels overseas!
     
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2018
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  19. Backroads

    Backroads Aficionado

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    Apr 19, 2018

    Truthfully, I don't understand the concept of missing kids so intently. Like I said, I certainly have the ones I really like (and one former student has become a good neighbor and we have our neighborly neighborliness) but I don't miss them. I'm not particurly cutesy with them, either. I do like to be warm and caring, but I do I think I learn more toward the business-like approach.
     
  20. Been There

    Been There Habitué

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    Apr 19, 2018

    I get it, but don't condone it. Just like young puppies, young children are often prone to showing unconditional love to those who shower them with rewards whether they be points, treats, hugs or frequent praise in the form of "Good job" throughout the day. Some of my former colleagues seemed to thrive on the loving relationships that they developed with some of their kiddos - I could be wrong, in which case they probably could have done without. For some reason, it just doesn't seem appropriate to me - probably because I attended school at a time when extrinsic rewards and close student-teacher relationships were not the norm, but it got us to the moon!
     
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  21. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Apr 19, 2018

    Yep...gold stars were not given out for everything you did, back in the day.

    I had a Head Start class and we held a monthly celebration. I was told to review my class roster and give out awards for perfect attendance. At the end of the program, some kids were sad, and parents looked confused. I got pulled to the side.

    “Ms. Master Pre-K, you did not give awards to all your children?”

    “They didn’t have PERFECT attendance.”

    “You are supposed to give everyone something.”

    o_O
     
  22. Been There

    Been There Habitué

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    Apr 19, 2018

    You can always give the others a Certificate of Appreciation next year, but don’t bother to adhere any gold stars to them. That should appease the adults who would otherwise be confused or disappointed.;)
     
  23. pommom

    pommom Comrade

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    Apr 19, 2018

    My first year teaching I felt the same as op. I was way too attached though.
    I haven't been teaching for that long, but I did realize that kids forget about us in the summer. I am not going to get all emotionally worked up about never seeing the kids again. They do not feel the same way about us.
    It's part of life, people we establish relationships with come and go.
     
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  24. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Apr 19, 2018

    Trust me...

    When you start seeing your kids in the store, in the bank, etc.. you start to get over them pretty fast.:confused:

    But I have had a few times that I felt really good about my class.

    I got pulled over by cop, right after school. The usual, left turn signal not working (I need to write a ticket this week). Well, a few of my 2nd grade ESL students were sitting across the street. They were on the porch watching the whole thing! OMG!

    I said, "Officer, please...just take my AAA card and let me be on my way. It's Good Friday. I need my license!"

    Just then my kids starting yelling. "Hey, Maestra, esta bien?" "You want me to call my hermanos?" I said, "NO, NO, I am okay!"

    Then, the cop says, "Oh, you're a teacher.. why didn't you say so?" And he let me go.

    From that day on, my entire ESL class guarded me like a hawk.

    :rolleyes:
     
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  25. Teacher234

    Teacher234 Cohort

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    Apr 20, 2018

    In my classroom, if the student is in second or third grade (assuming the SPED placement has not changed), I have another year (or two more years, if in 2nd grade) with the students. As stated earlier, I teach 2nd-4th grade.
    However, when my 4th graders move on to 5th grade, it is relatively sad. With that said, the 4th graders becoming 5th graders go a few rooms down the hallway. (unless placement changed)
    At the end of the year, I have a super fun June where memories can be made. I always remember this quote: "While it is impossible to replicate memories, you will always have the memories to remember and appreciate." and "All good things must come to an end, otherwise they would just be ordinary, not good" and "I still get to see the students with a little extra walking. In addition, they are no longer my problem."
     
  26. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Apr 20, 2018

    Sandra,

    It's it touching to know how attached you have become to your class. But be careful, or you could become very heartbroken, especially when you end up in a situation like this...

    See the "Unbelievable" thread...
     
  27. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

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    Apr 21, 2018

    Yes, that sounds like looping.
     
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  28. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Apr 21, 2018

    I knew TAs who would get invited to kids’ birthday parties. Also TAs who were offered babysitting jobs for our kids by the parents. I felt that was a conflict of interest.
     
  29. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Thanks... rws....long time, no see! :p How are you??

    I once subbed in a K-5 bldg which was known as the ‘’donut. It resembled a nurses station. The teachers desks /work space was a inside the circle. For grades 3-5, each teacher moved with her/his kids to a different room for each subject on the bell. The kids carried color-coded cubbie boxes for their supplies & teachers had a push cart. Rooms featured swivel chairs and latest tech gadgets. Everyone had gym and lunch at the same time. Only thing I didn’t like was the fact the teacher’s work space circled around the gym and their breakroom circled around play area. So you ALWAYS saw your kids, even on breaks!
     
  30. Sandra Corral

    Sandra Corral New Member

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    May 3, 2018

    thank you all for the advice! I loved reading all of the responses. It gives me such joy to see that I am not alone in feeling this way. I know it wont be easy to say good-bye but I will get to see them again next year!
     
  31. miss-m

    miss-m Devotee

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    May 3, 2018

    My first year teaching (last year) I was honestly happy to be done with my class. They were wonderful, but I was just over it. I have warmer feelings toward them now as past students than I did as current students! Same for my student teaching class. I loved the kids, they were great, but I wasn't heartbroken to leave them and I have fonder memories looking back than I felt in the moment.

    I'm not a super touchy-feely person anyway, so if kids hug me it's initiated by the student, which is fine with me (and I must appear huggable to younger kids because there are a couple Kinder students at my school who hug me every day at dismissal!). But I don't go out of my way to be cuddly or motherly toward kids, because that's just not natural to me. I do play and joke with them at recess or during non-instructional times, and I think it's very important to build some rapport through conversation about their lives because it just makes my job easier when kids know I know about their interests and care about what's happening with them.

    I'd have to have an AMAZING class to loop; I would maybe consider teaching last year's class again in an upper grade, but I don't want to teach intermediate so probably not. I like seeing them around, but they're other teachers' problems - I mean... students... - now.
     
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  32. Leaborb192

    Leaborb192 Enthusiast

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    ,
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2019
  33. futuremathsprof

    futuremathsprof Phenom

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    Lol!
     
  34. Tyler B.

    Tyler B. Groupie

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    The most effective teachers, in my opinion, maintain a business-like, but warm classroom environment. The feeling that we are all here to learn is moderated by, and I won't let you down. Students feel encouraged to take academic risks, and know that their competent teacher will offer support and guidance. Teacher and students feel safe.
     

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