Can anyone help evaluate my CBEST essay

Discussion in 'Forum Announcements & FAQ' started by Weilin Hong, Apr 23, 2020.

  1. Weilin Hong

    Weilin Hong Guest

    Apr 23, 2020

    I will really appreciate if anyone can take a look at my essay. :)

    Organize a well-written essay about a person you know and have become very successful. This success has in some way changed him or her. Explain how he or she is now different.

    My cousin has become a successful pianist in my hometown after overcoming obstacles in her life. Before she was on the road to success, she was a person with little confidence in herself. However, she eventually followed her dream and successfully becomes a person that she has been dreaming to be for 10 years. After she became successful, she regained the confidence and relationship between her and her parents.

    Ever since my cousin was born, her family had high expectations on her. My cousin’s family is a traditional Chinese family. Her parents always wanted her to become a doctor or a lawyer in the future. As a result, when my cousin went to school, she did not have a lot of choices to be “free”. She was forced by her parents to take additional stem classes outside of school over the summer break even though she did not like it at all. Nevertheless, she was not paying attention to those classes. She ended up failing every class in her school which made the relationship between her and her parents extremely tense. However, she discovered something she was talented at meanwhile, which was the piano.

    She first fell in love with the piano when she was on the street. She was watching an artist playing the piano for charity on the street and got captivated by the beauty of the music. She started to learn to play the piano on her own because her family won’t support her to take a piano class. She practiced piano in her friend’s house after school and even signed up a music competition on her own. Surprisingly, she got the first price and got referred to the highest music academy in our town. She decided to follow her dream to become a pianist no matter how hard her parents tried to stop her. She ended up dropping out of school and studied in the music academy. She was always the top person in the music academy. After she graduated, she became more famous in our city and even started to hold her personal concerts.

    As she became more famous in the field, the low self-esteem she had when she was little had disappeared over time. In addition, when her parents saw her achievements, her parents realized how wrong they were at the beginning. The relationship between her and her parents has become better and better. She is now one of the famous pianists in the city. I always chat with my cousin and praise her for her success story of chasing her dream. She always motivates me to chase after something that we love in our life, which in my case is becoming a teacher. I believe that I will become a successful teacher at the end with my efforts and motivations from my cousin.

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