Building relationships with students

Discussion in 'General Education' started by maya5250, Jun 13, 2013.

  1. maya5250

    maya5250 Comrade

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    Jun 13, 2013

    Hi I am currently teaching at a summer science camp with 3th-5th graders. Today, I sat with some students for lunch. One of the students got up and said, "I want eat lunch with my friend, Brody". Brody was sitting beside me. I told him this. He sat back down beside me. He didn't want me sitting with him because he though that I would correct him a lot....which in the class...he is flipping onto the sofa, rough housing with other students. It bothers me when students get up and leave the area when I sit down for lunch. In the last middle school that I taught this has happen to me before. Usually I try to sit with the students that have misbehave in the class to better connect with them. I know that I shouldn't be annoyed by it but it is annoying and kind of hurts (I know kids are not my friends ) Any suggestions on how to better handle the situation?
     
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  3. Linguist92021

    Linguist92021 Phenom

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    Jun 13, 2013

    I think it's best to respect their wishes and let them hang out with their friends. They probably don't want a teacher sitting with them, because teachers are not their friends. They can't openly talk about anything. Just like I wouldn't want to have any personal conversations when my students are right there, they're probably the same.
    You can't push yourself on them, it won't work.

    Try to connect with them in the classroom. Also you can try to show them that in the classroom you're a teacher who's all business, but during lunch or recess, you're a cooler type of teacher. That means they still can't talk about inappropriate things, or use profanity, etc, but you're not going to be all about proper English, etc.
     
  4. 2ndTimeAround

    2ndTimeAround Phenom

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    I wouldn't want to eat with my teacher. Don't take it personally - they just need some time to unwind.
     
  5. frtrd

    frtrd Rookie

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    Jun 14, 2013

    Plus, they might be embarrassed to be seen sitting with you, because at that age it's beginning to not be "cool" to like a teacher. Don't take it personally. They probably are secretly flattered that you would sit down, but they can't show it!
     
  6. Peregrin5

    Peregrin5 Maven

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    You teach a different age group than me, but I definitely wouldn't just sit down next to some students and eat with them. As the others have said, sometimes students just want their alone time or might feel embarrassed.

    Rather I just keep my room open for lunch and students who want to hang out with me can hang out and eat in the classroom.

    I think Linguists' idea of connecting with them in the classroom is a good idea. One idea I have to build relationships is to start note-writing next year.

    I've been told multiple times in the past to keep consequences private and praise public, but I've actually learned the opposite in my experiences this year. Keep most consequences public, and praise private.

    I want to start writing private notes for meaningful things to students who have really shown exceptional work or behavior, (for instance if they go out of their way to help another students or help me in the classroom) to show that I really appreciate it. These notes would be privately slipped to them or attached to passed back work.

    The best way to build relationships with students who rarely do things that deserve recognition is to simply adhere strictly to your classroom management plan and hold them accountable for their misdoings, but face each new day fresh, so that they know you are separating their behavior from them as a person. Eventually they will do SOMETHING that deserves recognition (i.e. don't praise them for staying silent for a day, that's an expectation), and you can give them that recognition they deserve and it will be much more powerful.

    But remember that you simply will not connect with every student. Sometimes the best you can do is to try to see the best in them.

    I've been thinking a lot about this topic in the past few days, because I too want to improve my relationship building.
     
  7. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Jun 14, 2013

    I understand and appreciate what you're trying to do in terms of building relationships, but we all need a break...let the kids have theirs. :)
     
  8. Linguist92021

    Linguist92021 Phenom

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    Jun 14, 2013

    These are the ways I've connected with my students this past year (2 months only though)
    - I have meaningful quotes around my classroom; I've selected ones that I know would mean something to them. For example one that is very popular: "Love the people who saw you when you were invisible to every one else". These are good conversation openers, you can even include them in journal writing.
    - try to make the lessons relative to their lives. You can't do that with every lesson, every day, but when you can, do it. Have a discussion, ask them what they think.
    - ask them what they do in their free time. You can have them write you a letter as a class assignment. You can also have them write to you about themselves. (I like to do this in the beginning of the year, it also gives you a writing sample as well as a handwriting sample)
    - ask them what they did over the weekend.

    I just moved here, so I asked my students what I can do around here, where are the movies, anything interesting, etc. It was a conversation starter, and now they could tell me things I didn't know, so the roles were reversed. When I taught at the lock up, I constantly asked them about things: how was their schedule? What was and wasn't allowed? Etc. They saw that I cared, because I was interested in them.
    - during lunch don't sit with them; instead, walk around with a smile on your face, say a friendly hello and move on. Don't try to impose. Eventually they might invite you to to sit with them, but if they don't, don't get your feelings hurt.

    At my current school the students were so welcoming during breaks and lunch, I couldn't believe it. they asked me to sit with them, started up conversations, offered me food, said nice things, etc. It was very strange :) definitely not the norm.
    Then trouble started, because one student said that I can't just sit at that particular table, because that's the Southerner's table (gang) , and even though he was very much against gangs, he said I had to sit at his table. So now I had to find a way to sit at both tables, or alternate on different days :) I found out I was welcomed at any table.
     
  9. Missy

    Missy Aficionado

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    Jun 14, 2013

    In my experience, kids the age maya is working with love to eat with the teacher.
     
  10. monsieurteacher

    monsieurteacher Aficionado

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    Some do, some don't... the kids with behaviour problems generally don't.
     
  11. marc92647

    marc92647 Rookie

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    I agree Missy, 3rd-5th graders love and crave interaction with their teacher. Students love having their teacher sit down at lunch, play basketball with them at recess...etc.
     
  12. BumbleB

    BumbleB Habitué

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    For your own sanity, let them have their chat time. If students don't get quality socialization time with their friends, it can bleed into school time. And then you have to get more firm with the "behavior problem kids", because they're talking about stuff they didn't get a chance to talk about during lunch.

    I would just leave them alone during lunch. Let them enjoy their time. They probably see you as an invasion of privacy or their "space". Like others said, build relationships in the classroom.
     
  13. lucybelle

    lucybelle Connoisseur

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    Jun 14, 2013

    I AVOID kids during lunch. They do the same with me. I'll connect with them another time ;)
     
  14. Cicero

    Cicero Companion

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    I wouldn't set myself up to be in that situation again. Like other people have said... what you do in the classroom can be very helpful to connecting with your students. I would try to do activities to show a genuine interest in the things your students love. Try to showcase who you are as far as interests and things go, because sometimes students forget that teachers are people just like them.

    If the one student was afraid you would correct him, do you think that maybe the majority of your interactions with him are correcting him? Try to find a way to have a pleasant interaction with him and all of your students at least once daily. It doesn't have to be anything huge or time consuming. It can even just a smile and happy hello in the hallway if you pass.

    The important thing is that you want to connect with your students and have a good rapport! That's really great for them. :) Just figure out the way that is most natural for you to go this.
     
  15. LisaLisa

    LisaLisa Companion

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    Jun 14, 2013

    The time to connect is in the classroom when there are opportunities for positive reinforcement. As was already mentioned, kids need a break and time with their peers. If you are trying to teach something or interact with your students during their break, then you are extending class into their time. They don't get a break and they may resent you for it.

    You have the right intentions. What you might do is offer lunch with you as one of several rewards for good behavior. You could do this each day or once a week.
     
  16. Cicero

    Cicero Companion

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  17. Peregrin5

    Peregrin5 Maven

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  18. Cicero

    Cicero Companion

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    It really is great! It's one of only a couple blogs I actually have an email subscription to. I am always excited to see a new article pop up.
     
  19. readingrules12

    readingrules12 Aficionado

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    I sometimes eat with students, but only those who want to eat with me. Most love to eat with the teacher, but some want to stay and eat with their friends. I think it is best to never force a student to eat with the teacher. If this is done on a volunteer basis this can be a very positive thing and provide some positive attention that many students want at this age.
     
  20. maya5250

    maya5250 Comrade

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    Jun 20, 2013

    Well you know, I sat down on their end of the table because there was a chair...we were expected to eat with them. I hate putting myself in the situation though. In middle school, our team leader was adamant about sitting with the kids....It was my break time and also the time that I gave out silent lunch....but he wanted us to make special connections. Usually the ones who got up, were the pains in the butt in the classroom....I will try to have more positive re-enforcement in the classroom and not wait till lunch. It's just what do you do for a kid who is hard to catch doing something good in the class. I am pretty strict but need to be more positive.
     
  21. maya5250

    maya5250 Comrade

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