Bride-to-be--Fighting with Fiance

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by BB0211, Aug 13, 2009.

  1. BB0211

    BB0211 Companion

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    Aug 13, 2009

    Hi,
    My finance and I are getting married in three months. We just moved in together and just started fighting a couple days ago. We have been dating for 5 years and know each other really well so we have had our fair share of fights and we always figure it out.

    It is harder now, though, since we live together I feel trapped when we fight. It's almost like there is no where to go to clear my head.

    I feel like he is being nit picky. He has been really stressed (warranted) the past couple days and I feel he took it out on me a little. He is more sensitive than usual. I feel like we are in a bit of a rut. Neither one of us is really laid back, so we are just getting used to each other.

    I KNEW it would be this way as it is an adjustment period, but I guess now that we're in it it is just tough.

    Any advice, hugs, or encouragement to get through this period?:unsure:
     
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  3. peggy27

    peggy27 Cohort

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    Aug 13, 2009

    Everyone fights when it gets closer to the wedding. There is just so much stress involved. Just breathe and enjoy this period. Congrats and best wishes!!
     
  4. BLHutch25

    BLHutch25 Rookie

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    Aug 13, 2009

    I made a lot of mistakes that cost me my first marriage. I learned from them and have since remarried. Things are a little better this time around.

    1. Don't go to bed angry. I know that is a cliche, but it is true. Stay up all night if you must, but don't go to bed while you are still mad/upset.

    2. Communicate, communicate, communicate.

    3. Even though you live together, you still need your space. If you feel trapped, go for a walk or take a short drive to clear your head.

    BLH
     
  5. TennisPlayer

    TennisPlayer Cohort

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    Aug 13, 2009

    Sorry things are starting off this way for you. Do you mind posting what you are fighting about? Even just the topics might help some other married people give you insight to what "we've" also dealt with or let you know that it's a red flag...
     
  6. TennisPlayer

    TennisPlayer Cohort

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    Aug 13, 2009

    It's definately healthy to have time by yourself and time together. A friendly couple told us to make time each day for "talk and touch time" ...meaning kisses, hugs, hehehe
     
  7. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Aug 13, 2009

    You said he's been stressed lately. Besides just moving in together, is something changing or different going on w/ his job or some other event in his life? I've never lived w/ anyone before marriage & don't plan to, but I suppose it's his way of getting used to things. I guess this is the beginning of what people called "getting cold feet."

    Hope things get better soon.
     
  8. Peachyness

    Peachyness Virtuoso

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    Aug 13, 2009

    It sounds like you guys need to do some talking as to what is bothering him. Work it out and enjoy this time!!! Are you guys doing fun things together now that you are living together? LIke, do you play games, watch tv shows together, go for walks.. or are you both working and then spending time getting ready for the wedding. Maybe you two should take a step back and have some fun time. I don't know, just throwing some things out.
     
  9. Jem

    Jem Aficionado

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    Aug 13, 2009

    Feeling trapped when arguing at home is quite common, I think. Sometimes I just have to go lay on the bed for a while to cool down. One time in Michigan, I stormed out of the house forgetting my shoes and the fact that it was in the dead of winter and 10 degrees outside. I had to just sit on a bench for a few minutes before heading back. It's all part of marriage-you get the best friend and companionship, but you also loose the privacy.
     
  10. Blue

    Blue Aficionado

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    Aug 13, 2009

    The first few days, months, years, of living together are stressful. There are so many small details of the relationship you need to work out. Little things can upset you. Like, my husband has to eat with a dinner fork, and will not use the salad fork. And, he has to use a spoon for dessert--even if it is a fork thing. Those types of things make me crazy--I am flexible, and he is not. He follows the same routine every day--up at 6:00 am and to bed at 10:00 pm. Same lunch everyday. Same driving route to work every day. You get the idea.

    It is not one thing to adjust to, it is everything. My mother advised me to give 100%, and for him to give 100%, and we would meet somewhere in the middle.
     
  11. WindyCityGal606

    WindyCityGal606 Enthusiast

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    Aug 13, 2009

    So now I have a weird question...why did you decide to live together before your wedding? I'm really wondering. And hoping you two work it out.
     
  12. BLHutch25

    BLHutch25 Rookie

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    Aug 14, 2009

    I guess you cooled off pretty quickly! :D
     
  13. Jem

    Jem Aficionado

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    Yes-I was trying not to fall prey to the pun, but it was pretty obvious. ;)
     
  14. BB0211

    BB0211 Companion

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    Aug 15, 2009

    Thank you for all the thoughtful replies.

    We worked it out and we are out of that rut!
    He was going through some stress in scheduling for grad school, financial aid, family issues and I was being supportive as ever but I felt after three days he was taking it out on me a little. Example: Walking around the apartment huffing-so loudly--he'd kill me if he knew I told anyone that..haha, snapping at me, just being kinda anal about little things (which is what he does when he's stressed).


    SO I had had it and stood up for myself and a fight broke. We talked it through, I told him I needed more space and just quiet time and he agreed and apologized.

    We are normally VERY good communicators, but now that we live together there are little things here and there and we would be talking all day long about stuff if we communicated everything!

    Thank you greatly...I'll post again if any more updates!
     
  15. SCTeachInTX

    SCTeachInTX Fanatic

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    Aug 15, 2009

    Weddings are THE most stressful times second to nothing. Building a house is pretty stressful too, but the wedding tops the list. Just know that this is perfectly normal and will pass. As much as you can, DO NOT DISCUSS the wedding. Try to make things calming as possible and plan for FUN events to relieve the stress. It will be the happiest time in both your lives, but the buildup and hoopla beforehand have a way of playing on everyone's nerves. In your effort to make it the perfect day, do not ruin the moment of just enjoying the process that lead to the perfect day. Again, PLAN for fun times and try not to get as bogged down by the details. Hiring a wedding planner really relieves some of that stress and if you cannot afford it, make a decision quickly and be happy in it. Try not to second guess yourself 30 times. ALL the best!:hugs::hugs: Sending hugs your way - THIS TOO SHALL PASS, I promise.
     
  16. Carmen13

    Carmen13 Groupie

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    Aug 15, 2009

    One year from now you will probably smile when you recall these little fights that look so big right now. You are simply adjusting to one another. But like someone said before, communicate, communicate, communicate!
    All the best for you!
     
  17. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    Aug 15, 2009

    Read the book, The Bad Bride's Tale by Polly Williams. It's a hoot and you'll probably appreciate it.
     

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