Beyond frustrated and really can't wait for June.

Discussion in 'Elementary Education' started by txmomteacher2, Apr 3, 2014.

  1. txmomteacher2

    txmomteacher2 Enthusiast

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    Apr 3, 2014

    Truly I just need to vent to place where maybe some will understand and feel my pain. First off I want to say my admin is 100% behind me and does what she can when she can. I have a very very immature student in my class. From the very beginning he cried about every little thing. One day at the beginning of school I wouldn't hold his hand on the way to lunch. He cried. We went to pep rally at the high school, he cried about his Mom leaving. He cries about not being line leader. He cries because he doesn't want to do Lexia, he cries because he wants to do Lexia. He cries, cries, cries all,the time. There hasn't been a day that he has been in school he hasn't cried about something. When he cries it's not just a little whimper, it's an all out cry so loud that teachers down the hallway can hear him from my room. I have tried ignoring him. I have tried being mean. I have tried being nice. I have tried EVERYTHING! This afternoon he cried from 1:30 until 3 then he wouldn't leave to go home. So I left him in the class and took the rest of the class out to meet their parents. I wanted his mom to have to come in and talk to me. Unfortunately one of the aides brought him out. I'm just so frustrated with this student. It is making me really not want to go to work. I dread going to school. He is making my class CRAZY! We can't get anything done, without something upsetting him. Then I get upset. I try really hard not to take it out on the other kids but it does happen that my frustration spills over. Especially when he has cried for two or three hours. Any advice, hugs or drinks would be appreciated! BTW mom is NO help! NONE!
     
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  3. AlexaD

    AlexaD Companion

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    Apr 3, 2014

    Wow, sounds really frustrating! What does your principal say about the constant disruption to your room and how does she support you? Is the counselor involved at all? Doesn't seem normal that he cries every day, and sometimes for hours on end.
     
  4. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Apr 3, 2014

    :hugs:
     
  5. mr_post22

    mr_post22 Companion

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    Apr 3, 2014

    That is why I don't teach elementary anymore. But invite the mom into the classroom but make sure that somehow the kid doesn't notice her or know about her.
     
  6. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Apr 3, 2014

    I don't see how the child would NOT know she's sitting in the classroom. Classrooms are not that big.
     
  7. Joyful!

    Joyful! Habitué

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    Apr 3, 2014

    Wow....I'm so very sorry.

    Can you try crying with the student to see what they do? If they are so immature, perhaps joining them will confuse them and give you a few minutes peace.
     
  8. ScienceEd

    ScienceEd Companion

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    what does the mom say about her child crying for hours at school?

    I've found that kids throw tantrums at school because it works at home or they are frustrated and don't know what to do. Perhaps you could teach the child other copying mechanisms? Or have a "crying corner" where they can sit quietly and hug a stuffed animal until they feel better? However, make sure they know they need to be quiet. Then try and talk to them to find out why they are upset and how they can use their words to communicate instead of just crying. How words will get better results then just crying?

    when my kids start crying, i just tell them they can cry in their bedrooms and when they finish and can talk reasonably they can come out and we can talk about what is bothering them.

    I don't reward the crying with my attention (which kids want no matter if its positive or negative)

    Also you have to be firm and consistent. don't reward the crying. I wouldn't ignore it either.

    I would acknowledge that something has upset the child, but until they learn to control their emotions and communicate, you can't help them.

    then i would teach them calming tactics: count to 10, hug a stuff animal, etc.

    then leave them alone for a few minutes to collect themselves and come back when they look calmer.

    If they start getting upset, then simply state "I guess you need a few more minutes to calm yourself" and walk away again.

    You don't have to move far, just position your body away so that the child THINKS you are not paying them attention.

    I normally still keep an eye on them in my side vision or through a mirror, but they don't know that.

    it works with my biological children. i don't know if it would work with your student, best of luck

    don't let one student get you so frustrate. try and focus on the other wonderful kids you have.

    Praise them and give the good ones MORE attention and perhaps the troubled student will look at them to see how he/she should act.
     
  9. gr3teacher

    gr3teacher Phenom

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    Apr 3, 2014

    My gut reaction when it happens is to call the office and have somebody get him out of your room, immediately. That type of behavior is obnoxious and unnecessary, and if it starts impacting the office's day, it'll get fixed one way or another. In the meantime, I would pretend the student doesn't even exist when he goes into a fit.
     
  10. ScienceEd

    ScienceEd Companion

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    Apr 3, 2014

    you can't just ignore the kid.

    I know of a kid who would always cry and found out later that he was abused alot.......

    Kids respond to love. If you can show them you love them, even when they are crying. They will more likely try and please you because they want you to be happy too. They don't want to feel sad, but sometimes crying may be the only way they know how to deal with their stress.

    We as adults have learned other ways but small kids have to be taught them.

    Its a natural instinct to cry when we want something. that's way babies do it. Most of the time its easy to see what a baby wants: food, diaper change, love & attention, etc.
     
  11. gr3teacher

    gr3teacher Phenom

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    Apr 3, 2014

    If a kid is throwing a hissy fit for 2+ hours and you're still responsible for 20+ other children, you either have to ignore the one or ignore the 20+.
     
  12. txmomteacher2

    txmomteacher2 Enthusiast

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    Ok please don't take this like I don't care about this student. I do think that mom has some parenting style issues. I have tried the positive, loving, ignoring, mean way. I have tried it all. It is not natural or normal to cry for hours on end. It is hard for me to be loving and caring to this student. I know he probably needs it the most out of everyone in my room, but I find myself despising him. I can't make any decision because whatever I do decide he isn't going to like it and cry. I can't wait until he moves onto first grade.
     
  13. jteachette

    jteachette Comrade

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    Apr 3, 2014

    Can you put a picture schedule on his desk or table for the day? He may have less trouble making transitions if he knows what is coming up next. It sounds like he has a mild form of an Autism Spectrum Disorder. Picture schedules, or, if they can read, a printed schedule helps them order their day. Just write it out on a 3x5 post it and stick on his
    desk. Then he can then check off each thing as you do it that day. Then save the schedule to prove you are intervening in the classroom. I hope you are documenting the rest of his behavior!
     
  14. kpa1b2

    kpa1b2 Aficionado

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    Apr 4, 2014

    I had a screamer one year. Thankfully, he didn't start screaming until after Christmas break. As long as he was allowed to do what he wanted to do he was fine. He screamed if he had to clean up his area, he screamed if he couldn't sit where he wanted to at circle time. I tried giving 5 min. warnings, having him move to the carpet first. You named it, I tried it.

    His scream was one of those that would crawl right up your spine. My room was at the end of the hall, around a corner from the office & they could hear him. He would sound like he was being beat!

    Social Work got involved and suggested outside counseling. When I asked Mom if she had followed through her response to me was "I've been busy doing my own things."
    We tried a behavior plan, then moved to after 3 outbursts he was sent home. We finally moved him to a 1/2 day. Many parent meetings.

    I'm sure there was more that we did; I had a challenging group that year.

    Good luck!
     
  15. asha

    asha Rookie

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    Apr 5, 2014

    First of all hugs to you. That is very frustrating and I get that you just want this child gone.
    It does sounds like something is not right. That is a lot of crying for such a long time for very silly reasons.
    I wonder if it possible to send him home if he cry and disturbs the class for x amount of time. It sounds to me that the parents need to get a message.
     
  16. KinderCowgirl

    KinderCowgirl Phenom

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    Apr 5, 2014

    I know it's toward the end of the year but we had a student once and did exactly what kpa suggest. We gave them resources for counselors (they also did not go) and then had them go a 1/2-day. I don't know if that helped or if he just matured but in 1st Grade his crying is limited to maybe a few times a month.

    I also feel for you-it has to be frustrating.
     
  17. schoolteacher

    schoolteacher Habitué

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    You have a right to teach without this major disruption in your room, and your students have the right to learn in a quiet environment. Once you fully embrace that idea, you will be empowered to handle this situation.

    I had a crier last year who was just as you describe. The entire hallway was disrupted by his ultra loud crying. I looped up with him again this year. I understand your frustration and how detrimental this can be to your frame of mind.

    I found that the only way to deal with the child was to keep a close eye on him. As soon as he started to show signs of crying, I sent him out of the room - either to another teacher down the hall, the bathroom to wash his face, or to the office. He could not reenter the room until he was done making noise.

    This helped a great deal. I was now not under the stress and strain of his unbearable outbursts, and could proceed to think more clearly about how to help him. I developed a better relationship with him, and had more emotional reserves of my own to be able to extend more positive statements to him.

    I called in his family and the counselor. His family was unable to provide much help, since they were the source of the problem. The family refused the school's offer of placing him in the student assistance process.

    Now we are at the point where he rarely cries. He still has many, many issues.

    Your student's crying is really an SOS. While it is important to respond to that SOS, it is equally important to preserve the right of your other students to learn, and your right to teach without disruption.
     
  18. txmomteacher2

    txmomteacher2 Enthusiast

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    I am really beginning to think this child is bipolar. The crying had been escalating in recent weeks. Friday he was like a totally different kid. His crying was a whimper. Even when I pulled him aside and talked to him about it. There was no outbursts. He just did what I said. He didn't act like a baby, he didn't want to hold my hand. He was a typical kindergartener. Now all I can hope for is this cycle last until the end of the year.
     
  19. mnbishop

    mnbishop New Member

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    Apr 5, 2014

    Hang in there!

    The light at the end of the tunnel is approaching. I agree that keeping this student moving and giving him a purpose may help. Perhaps a simple positive reinforcement chart would help. Maybe every half hour without crying he earns a sticker. The stickers could lead up to a simple desired award that only takes a few minutes.

    I teach second grade and I just send any kids who cry obnoxiously out into the pod. I tell them to get a drink and come in when they are done. Usually the humiliation of older students seeing them cry like babies helps and they stop. Not sure how that would work for this kinder student.
     
  20. Loveslabs

    Loveslabs Companion

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    Apr 6, 2014

    I thought you said pond, not pod! Lol!!
     
  21. ScienceEd

    ScienceEd Companion

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    Apr 7, 2014

    I was responding to the suggestion that you should "pretend that the kid doesn't exist".

    I would rather lean towards the other suggestions made: send the kid on an errand (wash face, deliver message to office, etc) to distract him from crying, or suggest moving the child to half a day if he can't be distracted from crying.

    I'm glad to hear he was doing better on Friday. hope it all works out.
     
  22. iteachbx

    iteachbx Enthusiast

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    I totally disagree. It's not natural for a child in elementary school to cry every time they want something. Crying should not be a form of communication. This child needs to learn that crying is not an acceptable way for him to get what he wants. He needs to be taught other ways to deal with his issues- and that's not completely a classroom teacher's job.

    I would bring this up to the mother for sure (although I'm sure you have already.) Is there a school based support team with a psychologist or guidance counselor that could do some observations in the classroom? At my school they would probably do that and then possibly make arrangements with mom to have the child go to some type of counseling program outside school if needed or have the child picked up by the guidance counselor for counseling in school if the parents are on board. It definitely helps. If not I would definitely address the issues with an administrator since these issues seem to be hindering your teaching as well as this child's learning.

    As far as the short term, I would try to consistent when dealing with him. I understand you're frustrated and trying a bunch of different things. Pick one thing now and stick to it so he knows what will happen when he's crying and defiant. Personally I would probably say "I'm not going to speak with you when you're crying. If you need to tell me something or want to speak with me you can write me a message or come speak with me when you calm down." After that I'd ignore him. You've told him what he needs to do discuss his wants/needs. If he chooses not to do it, part of the reason might be he's testing you to see if crying will get him the attention he wants. I equate it to a child who acts out for attention. He might not know how to get positive attention. Tell him what he needs to do to get your positive attention. Also, when he's not crying and is being cooperative definitely give him lots of praise. Maybe even start some sort of behavior sheet or sticker chart where he can work to earn a reward for the periods or days or whatever that he can use his words and follow directions without becoming so upset.

    Good luck, hang in there, not too much time left!
     
  23. iteachbx

    iteachbx Enthusiast

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    Apr 9, 2014

    I had a bipolar child last year- and she was similar to what you described when she was younger. She is in extensive counseling so the crying was much less severe in 3rd grade- only for few minutes, pretty rare and not disruptive to others- she kind of got upset, cried it out, and it was over. But I know when she was younger it was more like what you described- all the time, loud, disruptive and for hours on end. Sometimes she didn't even know why she was so upset. Is the child on any medication for any reason? Maybe that could be causing the moodiness?
     

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