Behavior Issue: Need Advice!!!

Discussion in 'General Education' started by Joy, Sep 9, 2013.

  1. Joy

    Joy Cohort

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    Sep 9, 2013

    I really need some advice on a behavior matter. My school uses a re-teaching policy. If a student does something wrong, they come back to that teacher during recess and re-learn how to do it the right way. This is the second year of implementing this and I don't feel that it always works well. As a result, I've decided that this year students will write a letter home to parents on the second offense and I will make parental contact on the third offense.

    I have a 1st grade boy who came back for the third time today. This has been in a time space of two weeks. The behaviors that he comes back for are pushing other kids, telling me no, talking when I'm talking, and being disrespectful. I have to make him sit out of many activities because of the pushing. Today I contacted the parents through an email. I'm just blown away by the response. The mom said that she talked with him but wanted me to know that he really doesn't like music because he doesn't think that it's fun. She went on to say that he will only behave well if he likes what he is doing and that she would not promise any improvement on the behavior since he has a lack of interest.

    I honestly don't know what to do! I never complained about lack of participation. I've only told the mom that he has to sit out because he is pushing other kids during activities and he is talking disrespectfully to me. How do I deal with this behavior now since I obviously have no parental support? I need advice!!!
     
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  3. EMonkey

    EMonkey Connoisseur

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    Sep 9, 2013

    Poor kid, he will have a hard life if he never learns to do things he doesn't like to do. You might try and tactfully point that out to mom.

    I also would work on whole class expectations. Sort of I know we may not all like everything; but we need to be respectful of the fact someone likes everything we do. Guilt tripping/peer pressure can work with with first graders.
     
  4. Joy

    Joy Cohort

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    I'm just confused on how pushing other kids is a behavior that is occurring because he doesn't like what he's doing. I don't think that I will respond to the mom at all. I don't even see how it's worth it and will just look like I'm arguing with her.

    Next time he does it, I plan to ask the principal to talk with him about the pushing. I've documented the days that I've had him come back for the re-teaching and I'll show her the email. There is only so much a teacher can do and then I think it needs to be up to the principal. Maybe his behavior will get better though. I won't hold my breath.
     
  5. willow129

    willow129 Comrade

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    Sep 10, 2013

    I think going to the principal is a good idea. There's no excuse for what he's doing. Some kids aren't interested in math, some kids aren't interested in music, or whatever it may be, but there's never an excuse for pushing. I hope you have supportive administration.
     
  6. a2z

    a2z Maven

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    Sep 10, 2013

    I wouldn't take this message as no parental support. You may be misreading her intent. Obviously she talked to him. That is support. She may have given a punishment but not told you what it is. She probably is giving you insight into how he thinks and is giving you the facts. She can't promise good behavior from him if he doesn't like something. She might be trying to say that she knows it is a problem, so don't expect that he will be behaving appropriately just because you mentioned it to her.

    You could go to the principal as others have pointed out or you could approach the mom with a bit of an open mind and find out what she was really trying to say. Between the two of you, you might be able to come up with a plan because regardless of whether he likes the activity or not he needs to behave. She may be at a loss and doesn't want you to think that all of a sudden the problem will go away.

    I think sometimes we are too quick to assume by what parents write that there is negative intent or non-caring. I read the response to mean that there is only so much she can do, which I agree with. She can talk to him, she can punish him, etc, but none of that will guarantee that he will behave. I say try to have a conversation with her and find out how you can work together to head off problems with this kid. The fact that she responded and that she had talked to him shows concern. I think she just worded it in a way that wasn't exactly the response you were expecting.

    I know sometimes parents feel like they are expected to give their child a magic pill and take care of the problem for good.
     
  7. EdEd

    EdEd Aficionado

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    Sep 10, 2013

    That's an interesting perspective atoz, and a good reminder to keep an open mind, particularly with written communication when you can't hear tone.

    Overall, though, I'd start with trying to figure out why the behaviors are occurring?
     
  8. Joy

    Joy Cohort

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    I think that I know what you're trying to say and I did rethink her point of view. I never expected his behavior to be instantly fixed by talking with his mom. If it had been, he never would have acted that way in the first place. Most parents I have ever contact either never got back with me or apologized and let me know that they would be working on the behavior. I don't plan to talk with her again about his behavior. It's obviously not the way to help the kid and correct anything. This kid is showing the same behaviors for other teachers as well. I think that I will start collaborating with some of them to find something that will work. I just feel very discouraged.
     
  9. Zelda~*

    Zelda~* Devotee

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    Sep 10, 2013

    I wouldn't dismiss mom so quickly. She at least spoke with her son, and got back with you.

    However, I agree with those that have said to go to the principal.

    Maybe you could also do some sort of whole class behavior plan? Earning the letters of "MUSIC" so everyone gets a little sticker at the end?

    Try to catch the boy being good? Have a "musician's assistant" seat beside you? (Keeps him away from the other kids while sounding like a "fun" thing.)

    Good luck! :)
     
  10. a2z

    a2z Maven

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    Sep 11, 2013

    What you thought and intended has little to do with how mom interpreted what you expected from her based on your communication. If everyone was able to understand intent in communication, we wouldn't have miscommunication between people. Most problems are exacerbated by miscommunication. So, just because you didn't feel that the problem had to be fixed instantly doesn't mean the parent isn't on the defensive and feels like you want the problem fixed instantly even if you didn't imply that in your words. You have implied non-caring and not willing to do anything based on mom's words when you don't know her intent for sure. She just stated how things are with him and that she can't promise a fix because she can't.

    Teacher's don't like being generalized by parents based on experiences parents have had with teachers, but you are doing so with parents.

    Just because this child exhibits poor behavior for other teachers doesn't mean the parent doesn't care. What if every other teacher has the same attitude as you, mom doesn't care so I won't even bother working with her. Heck, even when parents and teachers work together with kids on behavior it doesn't always change or change quickly enough.

    Good luck. I hope your chosen direction works for you.
     
  11. Rockguykev

    Rockguykev Connoisseur

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    Sep 11, 2013

    Doesn't care or not this is poor parenting. Explaining your child's misbehavior because he dislikes something is a problem. This obviously means the parent has seen this before and it has continued.

    I'm not saying it is lack of parental support, I'm saying it is lack of parental skill.
     
  12. teresaglass

    teresaglass Groupie

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    Sep 11, 2013

    I think having all of his teachers and his parent meet with you would be a good idea. Perhaps you could come up with a behavior contract.
     

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