Bad student or poor management?

Discussion in 'Behavior Management' started by Scirlces, Feb 24, 2009.

  1. Scirlces

    Scirlces New Member

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    Feb 24, 2009

    I am a parent. I need some guidance how to deal.

    My child is an 8 year old boy. Very outgoing and friendly. He has been at the same school since kindergarten and is now in 3rd grade. I constantly get notes home that he is uncontrollable and unmanagable. I do not have behavior issues at home and am beginning to wonder why they are not able to find a solution other than complaining to me daily.

    If I am way off base please let me know. I feel that I have done my part at home and I am worried that I can't see the tree's through the forest.

    Thank you
     
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  3. Rebel1

    Rebel1 Connoisseur

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    Feb 24, 2009

    Hi Scirlces,
    Did this complaining just start in the 3rd Grade OR was it all along his whole time at the school since he was in Kindergarten? If it's just during 3rd Grade then you need to make time and go observe the class, with the P's approval and the teacher should be told about it too. I don't know if you can observe without being seen by the class BUT that should be your next move. It can put you at ease about the whole situation AND you will get your own answer.:thumb:
    If in doubt, check it out,:D
    Rebel1
     
  4. EMonkey

    EMonkey Connoisseur

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    Feb 24, 2009

    If the answer is the opposite and you have been hearing it every year you might want to think about how you are addressing the problems that you are hearing of with your son. If he is misbehaving and you speak with him and back he goes and does it again he is not recognizing that you seriously disapprove of his actions at school. You might want to think about what would assist him in getting a clearer understanding of how much you value his education and your expectation that he follows through.
     
  5. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    Feb 25, 2009

    I have a couple of suggestions;
    How is your child doing academically this year? Third grade is usually quite academic. Students are reading from textbooks, writing more, and expected to do quite a bit of academic work. If your child is overwhelmed, that may result in behavior problems.
    Try having a conference with your child and the teacher. Sometime if a child knows the teacher and parent are working together, it may lessen problems.
    If this is a new situation this year, a conference or an observation may clue you in to a possible personality conflict. Although most of us (teachers) strive to create the best possible environment for our children, there are some teachers who have problems. Perhaps this teacher is struggling this year and just having trouble coping.
    Other posters have suggested the possibility that this has been occurring every year and maybe now is getting more severe as the child gets older. If this is the case, I would look into testing for LD or gifted services.
     
  6. Loomistrout

    Loomistrout Devotee

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    Mar 5, 2009

    No offense intended, but I would take very seriously what the notes are stating especially if the teachers are using words like "uncontrollable, unmanageable". It is rare a teacher went into the profession in order to derive pleasure making life miserable for both child and parent. Most teachers send notes home as a last resort or after many in-class remedies have been tried. When you state you have "no behavior issues at home" are you comparing your single child with one adult against a class of 20 or more with all the distractions, competition for attention, and all the demands a teacher places on a student throughout the day (it's about 600, by the way)? And the teacher has no emotional bond like a parent to get a child to do all the things requested.
     
  7. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Mar 6, 2009

    It could be that your son isn't being challenged this year. Like a PP said, 3rd grade is becoming more academic so there is more reading and independent work. It could be that your son is finishing early, and becoming bored waiting for his classmates to finish up.
     
  8. RainStorm

    RainStorm Phenom

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    Mar 6, 2009

    As a teacher, I hear "He doesn't act like that at home." from parents from time to time. You simply can't compare behavior at home to behavior at school. At home it is one child (or one child and a couple of siblings) with one or two parents, and they have a lifetime relationship. At school, it is one adult and twenty children, all with different backgrounds, upbringing, and social skills. Your child couldn't possibly act the same at home as at school simply because I doubt you regularly have 20 other girls and boys over to your house for 7 hour intervals, five times per week, 40 weeks per year.

    I would want to meet with the teacher in person right away, to find out exactly what is happening, and to find out if the discipline you have enforced when previous notes have come home has had any effect. Work out a daily communication system, see what the teacher thinks might be the cause of the problem (is the work too hard? is the work too easy? is the child having a hard time adjusting to the bookwork required in 3rd grade, which is quite different from lower grades, is the child just too playful, is the child having emotional issues you don't know about, is your child being a bully, is your child being bullied, etc.)

    As a parent, I'd want to find out what I could do to work with the teacher to help my child succeed.
     
  9. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    Mar 6, 2009

    As an aide I sometimes see where teachers could have better classroom management and it does sometimes come into play. Having said that, I also know that my own son had the worst time in 3rd grade whereas he previously didn't.

    Sometimes you also see a teacher trying to let the parents know there is an issue that needs outside intervention.

    It really is hard to know what the problem is without being there everyday. It's also frustrating to get all these notices and not know what to do about them.

    Set up a meeting. Ask the teacher what their feedback is. Sometimes you'll hear management flags that you can ask. Sometimes you'll hear intervention flags that you can seek help to. Sometimes you'll hear suggestions on what to do at home. This may help you decide where to pinpoint the problem.

    At home I tell my child they are responsible for themselves. I reinforce that at home constantly and give them strategies on how to deal with things. Outside of that, all I can do is meet with the teacher and try to collaborate from there.
     
  10. letty21

    letty21 Rookie

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    Apr 2, 2009

    Your son sound like a wonderful boy, and he is eight years old. When he wants to do whatever he wants it is good to tell him no. children get mad when you say no, but children need to understand no. I tell my niece angelina and arianna no all the time, because they will want anything they want, but i always nice and say yes. Children learn alot at home, so the parents have to talk to their child and tell them to do good in school.

    If you talk to your son about whats going on at school and why he is uncontrollable and unmanagable in school.

    I believe children learn at home and when a parents tells them to be good at school, and be nice to the teacher and listen to her. They listen to the teacher even more when the child has a talk with the parents.
     
  11. AspieTeacher

    AspieTeacher Comrade

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    Apr 6, 2009

    I would ask specifically what behaviors that he shows. I would ask the teacher when does he "act out" and what triggers his acting out. It may give you an idea of what is frustrating your child. What I mean specifically is (does he talk, yell, scream, hit, run away, throw things, tear up things, spit, ect). Try to get the teacher to be as precise and when his behavior seems to come an issue and during which academic or related times. I do not like it when teachers use generic terms and they aren't specific in what they are talking about. I think you need to talk to his teacher instead.
     
  12. Lead Teacher

    Lead Teacher Rookie

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    Apr 16, 2009

    Just a few thoughts: :2cents:

    Ask the teacher to keep observations of his behavior. As a teacher, I know how hard it is to do because of time constraints, but it may be very helpful in finding a solution that will help your son be successful. You may even want to make your own form, but personally, I found it helpful to note the following information:

    date
    time of day
    what was happening before the behavior
    what was the assumed trigger
    what were the specific behaviors (hit, kick, yell, spit, throw, run,
    etc. - find out the specifics from the teacher and, if you make
    up your own form, list all the behaviors, so she can just check
    off the ones he exhibited at that time.)
    how long did the behavior last
    what was the teachers reaction (consequence given for the
    behavior)
    what did the child do afterward



    See if it happens when he is with certain other children, is tired, hungry, etc. (basic needs), or if it is on days that he has eaten a certain food (possible allergy). Has anything changed at home or at school? (new living arrangement, new people in his life - home or school- is he being teased, is there an underlying medical issue (has he had a recent thorough physical?)

    I would definitely have a meeting with everyone involved: parents, teachers, principal, guidance counselors, etc.
     
  13. Ms.Jasztal

    Ms.Jasztal Maven

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    Apr 20, 2009

    It could also be that he has a poor influence in the classroom and he is succumbing to peer pressure. Your son may be going through a challenging time and not telling you about it. It may not be your son's teacher. He or she may be working really hard to help your son and the other students in the classroom. Students change a lot in the upper elementary grades. I am sure your child is a great kid and this can get better, but I would ask if the teacher is not being specific exactly what your son is doing.

    Also, students act differently when they are not around their parents- and when they are around certain friends.

    It may also not necessarily be the "being challenged" part. Students may develop an overall attitude that approaches "challenging" and "regular" classwork the same. I am not saying this for your son, but challenge is likely not the main cause.
     
  14. Blue

    Blue Aficionado

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    Apr 21, 2009

    My grandson is in third grade, and is showing some of the same disruptive behaviors. Up until now, his school personality was great. One of the biggest factors in his life is a need for food. He is growing so fast, that he is constantly hungry.
     

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