Baby vs Mistake... Apples and oranges.

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Irishdave, May 19, 2011.

  1. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    May 19, 2011

    I was watching one of the Courtroom TV shows the other day, I can't remember which one,
    The case involved a young man (under 21) who had a child out of wedlock, the Judge said the young man made a mistake, along with other blunders/poor choices, where upon young man got rather angry and was removed from the courtroom while saying "a child is not a mistake."

    Now this is IMHO: I feel the reaction was a smoke screen, by not letting people say it is a mistake (Getting pregnant) the parent(s) absolves the guilt or shame of having a child out of wedlock.
    Getting pregnant out of wedlock is the mistake and the baby in not a mistake, Apples and oranges.

    I am talking about having recreational/casual sex and both parties are ill prepared for parenthood; no meaningful relationship between the parents, poor income, no "home" of their own, etc.

    Again I stress the child is not the mistake, the choices made by the parents is the mistake.
    I do not think anyone who says, "You made a mistake" means the child.

    Now there are many who chose to be a single parent I understand that.


     
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  3. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    May 19, 2011

    Having twins out of wedlock was a mistake. I loathe their father. Babies themselves are not a mistake. Sometimes I wish I had a different life, but it always includes the babies going with me.
    It's hard not having support in state...including my own mom that pushes me away by wanting me to work things out with their dad. No job really sucks. It's very, very hard. Even with all of that...no, babies that insist on saying "dada"...are not the mistake..
     
  4. 3Sons

    3Sons Connoisseur

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    May 19, 2011

    Essentially, I agree!

    Getting pregnant out of wedlock isn't always a mistake, though from the sounds of this case (under 21, probably without a stable income or relationships, and without the maturity to be a parent) the judge was likely correct.

    Human beings should not be considered mistakes, and I don't think any who refer to a pregnancy as a mistake are referring to the human being, but to the possibly poor decision-making on the part of the parents.

    I suppose in fairness, we should acknowledge that a lot of people make the same mistake (i.e., risking pregnancy at a time they're not ready) and don't suffer the consequences, or are able to easily absorb those consequences (e.g., relatively affluent married couples who don't intend to have a child but become pregnant have a much greater capacity to just have the child, though they've made basically the same error).
     
  5. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    May 19, 2011

    You know I think it's funny when they say it's a mistake or unplanned... IF you have "do the deed" you know what your risks are like if I decide to ride in my car without a seatbelt I know what my risks are if we get into an accident.

    Planned/unplanned just seems like a trivial thing to say.
     
  6. TeacherApr

    TeacherApr Groupie

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    May 19, 2011

    Yep, I agree!. My child is NOT a mistake but the way it happened DEFINITELY was. I did "choose" to be a single parent but only because I thought it was selfish to give her up for adoption or to abort her seeing as how I had a stable job, insurance, a place to live and the fact that I know I would be a good mom. To give her up or abort her simply because I didn't have "thousands" saved up or the fact that I wasn't married nor was I going to marry him would have been 100% SELFISH.
     
  7. MissCeliaB

    MissCeliaB Aficionado

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    May 19, 2011

    I would consider unplanned to include a birth control failure. I have had friends get pregnant while on the pill, on the shot, or even after having their tubes tied. Those were certainly not planned pregnancies or leaving things up to chance. When something that has a .01% chance of happening happens, then it is unplanned.
     
  8. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    May 19, 2011

    I was on pill.
     
  9. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    May 19, 2011

    I get that, but you know that they aren't a 100% either... so if you don't "risk" that than you make your choice. I'm just saying people also die in accidents with seltbelts. It's a risk. So if I get into an accident I can say Oh that was unplanned. Not that I don't want it to happen, but I know my risks. By "doing the deed"on the pill, off, with or without other kinds of protection you are at risk for it to happen.

    I'm going to have to leave it at that... we all make decisions that put at risk for anything... so by trying our best to "protect" ourselves that is all we got. Things happen all the time & we don't say that was unplanned. I mean I had a friend die... so that was unplanned... We just seem to throw that word around. I know I can be guilty of it too, but when it comes down to it 2 people making that decision knows their chances.
     
  10. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    May 19, 2011

    "Knowing that something is a possibility" isn't the same as "planning" that thing. I know it's a possibility that I might slip on the ice and break my elbow, but that's not something that I plan to do--therefore it is, by definition, unplanned.

    For something to be "planned", it requires an active choice. "Unplanned" means that the choice was not actively made, even if it was a possibility.
     
  11. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    May 19, 2011

    See none of the posters are trying avoid the issue. They have admitted the laps in judgment or birth control failure.

    Whereas there are many in our "new" society do not want to take responsibility for the act. Never wanting to be taken to task by persons who opinion counts, Family, good friends, the judge, etc. So they throw up the, "the baby is not a Mistake wall" to divert the subject from them.

    That is what I am trying to say not that it is anybody's business, just when "it" does come up.
    I hope I have stated my opinion correctly.
    To me the young man should have said, "Yes, I made a Mistake/poor choice but I am taking care of my responsibility" and not make a scene over it.
     
  12. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    May 19, 2011

    I agree that lots of people these days don't take responsibility for their actions. Unfortunately, that's not something that the rest of us can control.
     
  13. LUCHopefulTeach

    LUCHopefulTeach Habitué

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    May 19, 2011

    I think another issue with this is society being too judgemental. Not every single parent is sleeping around or stupid. The judge should have expressed her statement better because I don't think saying that the young mans baby is a mistake is appropriate. I'm not saying that unplanned pregnancy isn't an issue but rather that we need to be less judgemental.
     
  14. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    May 19, 2011

    Caesar.. I see your point BUT doing the deed with or without protection is an active choice...

    It's hard to really plan for anything because s@#$ happens all the time that changes that plan. We actively make choices to "plan" for stuff... but "the best laid plans of mice and men often go astray"

    If you look back at many pg posts... women will ask about "planning/Trying to be ready." Most replies were if you plan you'll never be ready.

    Everyone makes their own choices... I'm not here to judge.. but people should step up to whatever was planned or unplanned if they make that choice.

    I'm done now...
     
  15. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    May 19, 2011

    I understand where you're coming from. I'm not trying to suggest that people should be allowed to forgo responsibility when something happens that they didn't plan. Rather, I'm just saying that I think it is perfectly fair to identify some outcome as being "unplanned" when it was, in fact, not planned.

    Making the choice to get it on is not the same as making the choice to reproduce. One can lead to the other, yes, but it's also just as likely that that won't happen, especially if a person takes appropriate precautions.

    Making a choice to walk across slippery ice may result in a broken elbow, but that doesn't mean that a person planned to get the broken elbow. The person still has to live with the consequences of the choice, however unpleasant and however unplanned those consequences may be. In the same way, a person can get it on with the intention of just getting it on. If it turns out that it results in a pregnancy, the person still has to live with the consequences of that.
     
  16. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    May 19, 2011

    One of the consequences of a "casual" sex pregnancy results in being judged.

    I just wonder why shouldn't people be judged? Seriously.
    I think people are hard wired to judge others.
    Don't we judge things and people everyday?
    In a waiting room, don't we judge the other people in the room as to where we will sit?
    We judge whether or not to go to a hot dog stand depending on the vender's "look".
    Wasn't Sarah Palin judged on her daughter's pregnancy? This is not ment to be a political statement
    Hasn't Obama been judged on his friendship with Bill Ayers? This is not ment to be a political statement
    A 20 something woman marries a 60 something man with money there are judgments there.

    If you don't want to be judged don't do things that people judge.
     

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