Baby not adjusting well to babysitter

Discussion in 'Preschool' started by 101dalmatian, Jan 3, 2007.

  1. 101dalmatian

    101dalmatian Companion

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    Jan 3, 2007

    Wasn't sure where to post this but saw this was ages 0-5.

    I just went back to work from three months maternity leave. I have my son going to a private babysitter, he is the only baby/child she watches. He has only gone for the past two days but this is what has happened so far:

    1. First day he wouldn't stop crying so 30 min after him drinking 6 oz of formula she gave him another 4oz.

    2. He was extremely gassy and ended up constipated.

    3. He won't take naps for her.

    4. Today she borrowed a car seat from a friend and took him shopping with her. (She never mentioned wanting to do this when I dropped him off.)

    5. He never took a nap for her again today and the minute he got in the car today he fell asleep.

    My question is,
    Is my son having a hard time adjusting to not being home with me? Should I consider finding a new babysitter or child care center?
    What can I do for my son to help him adjust?

    After her taking him out shopping with her today I am leaning towards finding another child care provider. I am over reacting?

    *Sorry so many questions;)
     
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  3. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Jan 3, 2007

    Don't apologize for the questions-- of course you're concerned.

    For starters, I would speak to her about taking him shopping. While I personally think it's a great idea-- my kids have always been out and about-- it's obviously something you hadn't discussed. It's entirely possible that she hoped that the car ride would soothe him as it often does with kids. But make it clear to her that she needs to check with you before taking this sort of initiative.

    As to the other issues: He will adjust to her. I'm guessing that this is the first time he's been with anyone but you and your husband for an extended time. So he misses you and is expressing it the only way he knows how. She heard a crying baby and doesn't know how much he normally drinks, or how he reacts to stres. Giving a crying baby a bottle is a pretty common reaction. And he drank it, so she was lead to believe it would help.

    I'm assuming that you did your homework before hiring this woman: that you've checked her references and are comfortable with her aside from these issues. I say give it a bit more time. Your son will adjust, and they'll learn each other's signals.

    It's never easy, is it?? Hang in there!!
     
  4. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    Jan 3, 2007

    What are the requirements for your state or county? Is she licensed? Has she been a child care provider in the past? Do you have a contract with her? You should.

    I wouldn't be comfortable either with having my child taken shopping. It was extremely nervy of her to do that without even discussing it with you. Make clear to her that you do not want your son taken out of the home, or in the car, or whatever you specify.
     
  5. TeacherSandra

    TeacherSandra Enthusiast

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    Jan 4, 2007

    I'm very concerned with the fact that she took him shopping. Had you not even discussed this occuring during his time with her? If she wanted to soothe him, I would think she would have mentioned that she took him for a ride, not shopping. I don't know...for a baby to be gone all day long and not even fall asleep concerns me. Call me a worry-wart if you will, but I would definitely spend more time with the sitter; no; if it were me...I would stay home. I know this doesn't work for everyone. My husband is a carpenter and we decided that it wasn't worth me going to work (outside the home). I understand, that everyone has different opinions on this. Just sharing mine.
    Keep us informed.
     
  6. TeacherSandra

    TeacherSandra Enthusiast

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    Jan 4, 2007

     
  7. Lesley

    Lesley Habitué

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    Jan 4, 2007

    First, I am sorry your son is having trouble adjusting to not being with you. As mentioned above, I also assume you did your homework on the sitter and that she is licensed, being doing it for years, CPR and first aid trained, checked references-more than one-, know someone who also used her as a sitter etc...

    As for taking him out shopping, that would be enough for me to look elsewhere. I do not know your relationship with this person, how well you know her, but I have a problem with people driving my kids around anyway, especially if I do not know how they drive, their record, type of vehicle or if they even know how to put a car seat in correctly. Then shopping with my infant without me knowing would send me over the edge, sorry, but that experience would be enough for me to take my child to another daycare. I would not be able to work due to worrying where my baby was. I know that does not help or ease your concerns, it just my reaction and again, I do not know your relationship with this person. But I would be upset even if my mom took my baby out without me knowing.
     
  8. Xtine

    Xtine Companion

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    Jan 4, 2007

    Since your child is the only one she watches, is having her come to your house where your son is more comfortable an option?
     
  9. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    Jan 4, 2007

    I was thinking the exact same thing. Does she have stuff to entertain the baby..I was fortunate enough to have a friend ho had a baby a year before me so I have some of her stuff like a swing bouncer seat that when my lil' one was watched out of my house (luckiy family) I left stuff for her to use..I did hall my exersaucer back & forth because I had 1.

    2nd is did you leav baby with her for short time before going to work. I know a few weeks before my fam watched the lil' one I went over to their house a couple times to let him get used to the new surroundings. I know mine to a little while, but gain lucky for me I left at lunch went to fam's house fed the baby for about 10-15 min & pumped and back to work. I think it helped baby & it helped me get through work.

    I like, TeacherSandra, now stay home because hubby & decided my pay check was paying for daycare, so it would be better for all if I just stayed home!!
     
  10. 101dalmatian

    101dalmatian Companion

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    Jan 4, 2007

    Thanks for not making me feel like I am over reacting! Yes, I did do my research on her and we used to be good friends (we aren't as close as we used to be). She was someone I trusted and thought was a good fit for watching my son. She also had watched hom for a couple of hours before I had him staying with her full time.

    There are a lot of changes going on for our family right now that I thought most of my son's fussiness and constipation was derived from that. (Me back at work, my husband redeploying to Iraq, and my son being away from is familiar environment.)

    After the first day I wasn't too upset, I figured he was adjusting and she was learning his ways. I had to calm down my husband. But when I called her on the second day to see how things were and she told me she was on her way home from shopping with him I was ferrous! We had discussed this and this is why I never provided her with a car seat. I got that worried mom feeling that it isn't going to work out.

    So I am currently looking for someone else or a daycare center. I do not have the option to stay home this year, but I will be staying home next year.
     
  11. Lesley

    Lesley Habitué

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    Jan 4, 2007

    I'll keep you in my prayers that it all comes together quickly for you and for your husband as he returns to Iraq.
     
  12. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    Jan 4, 2007

    Well, if I lived closer I'd be glad to help you out!!! Have you asked her about coming to your house maybe a few times a week until baby gets acquainted with her & ease him back to her place??

    Like lesley I'll be keeping you all in my prayers!!!
     
  13. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Jan 4, 2007


    In that case, you're 100% right to be both furious and worried. You had discussed it and she chose to ignore your instructions. Find something else over the weekend.
     
  14. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    Jan 4, 2007

    How long has he been there with her? Did he just start? There needs to be an adjustment period. Of course he is not going to adjust right away, she is not mom. It sometimes takes a child a whole month to adjust. I think too often people think their children should be exactly the same with others as they are with mom or dad, or the adjustment period should be short. That is not realistic. Because of that, sitters/daycares have to do what they need to do to sooth them and make them happy, whether that be extra feedings or otherwise. If you take him somewhere else, don't be alarmed if he does worse, because that will be TWO transitions you have now put him through and he will have to re-adjust all over again.

    If you discussed the driving and she knew she was not allowed, then that is a red flag in my head. However, to be honest, if I was a private babysitter, I would not take on a child who I was not able to take places with me. Being a certified or licensed "daycare provider" is one thing, a "babysitter" is another, IMHO. Especially if it's a grown adult. Is she a "sitter" or a "licensed daycare provider" with a handbook, policies, etc.? That makes a BIG difference in how things would be handled and ran. Right now being a daycare provider I get sick of being at home all day. If I was someones babysitter, I'd want to get out of the house, get things done. Plus, it is good for fussy babies to get out as well. To be honest, when my son was colicky, going to a store was one of the only ways I could get him to calm down. He liked the lights, the music, and just being out. Babies need to get out too. If she knew it was a no-no though, she should have discussed it prior with you and get your permission. Look at it this way though, if you were to stay home, I am sure you would not stay in your home every minute of the day. You'd go to the store if you had to, run errands, get things done if you didn't have time later, etc. ;)

    I don't mean to sound harsh. Only trying to give another perspective. You need to find someone who you can trust, but if you can't find someone you can trust then you will never be happy with any caregiver. :) Also keep in mind your baby is at a prime time for possible colic still, and even though he is small he most certainly can sense any changes that are occuring at home. If you do search elsewhere, please keep in mind that licensed or certified daycare providers are MUCH different than a private babysitter. People often assume that anyone who stays in their home and watches kids is a babysitter, and that babysitters are licensed or certified people being monitored by the state like any other childcare center. They are two total different ends of the spectrum.
     
  15. 101dalmatian

    101dalmatian Companion

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    Jan 4, 2007

    Jen,
    You don't sound harsh. I appreciate your opinion and view point. I do understand being home all day can make you go stir crazy, I've been there. I was furious because she had never asked me that morning if she could take him out and it was only his second day with her. I guess I wanted or expected him to be adjusted first before she tried a car ride or shopping trip to help soothe him, if that was her intention. From talking with her I think she thinks the only way to soothe him is to feed him. My son has never cried when he was hungry, wet, or has a stinky diaper, he is a good baby. He only cries when something is wrong (gas, tired, uncomfortable, etc.) and I even explained this to her and wrote down his feeding/wake/sleep schedule, she has watched him for a couple of hours prior to him staying with her all day. I do understand that it has only been two days but her taking him in the car just turn my stomache into knots.

    What do you suggest I do or tell my child care provider (whether it a day care or babysitter) to help my son adjust?

    Thanks for your advice!
     
  16. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    Usually a licensed or certified daycare will have something for you to fill out that tells the person/teacher more about your child. We have one called the Daily Intake form. http://dhfs.wisconsin.gov/forms/DCFS/CFS0061.pdf this is what it looks like. If you find it helpful you can always print it out and give it to her, or whoever you take your child to. It tells about the child so we can refer back to it if the child is fussy, etc.

    Does she have children of her own? If not, perhaps you just need to educate her a little bit. She might think he is hungry because he drinks what she offers. Or she might think he is going through a growth spurt because he is drinking it. In a WI state licensed center, if a child shows they are hungry then they are to be fed, even if the parent requests not to unless they have a doctor's note. More or less, it's a feed on demand type situation, same with naps. She may think this way too. ???

    I would be curious to know what she tries BEFORE she gives him more food. Have you asked her that? Does she go straight for more food or does she try other things before he gets fed again? If it's the only thing that stops him, she may be just doing what works if nothing else works for her. In any case, it would be wise to talk to her so you understand why she keeps just giving him a bottle. That way you can understand her, and you can also give her advice on what works for you at home. It seems like he's having a hard time adjusting, but it also seems like she thinks she needs to do something aside from consoling him to get him to stop.

    When it comes to the driving, it really seems like you don't trust her. If that is the case, then it would probably be a good idea to look for someone who you can. Trust is such a big deal when dealing with our babies. I would not want someone to bring their child to me if they did not trust me. It only causes conflict if there is not any trust. For now, I would talk to her again and tell her that you don't feel comfortable with her taking him places unless she has your permission to do so, or she gives you notice about something she has going on. If you go to a licensed or certified provider, most times you will not have this issue. I personally choose not to transport any of my kids anywhere. Too much liability, especially when you have 5-6 kids to cart around. This is typical and you probably wouldn't have that issue with someone who runs a "business" out of their home or with a large center. If this is your main concern, perhaps looking into a home daycare or group daycare is more for you aside from a private sitter. Everyone has different preferences, that's why there are choices.:)

    Not sure if that helps at all. I can totally understand your frustration, as a mom myself. That's why I choose to run the daycare in my home so I can be the one taking care of my child, and hopefully just be a SAHM come this next summer/fall. I have a hard time trusting other people when I don't know them well. Especially with your first little one, it's so hard to see them not adjust well.

    On a side note, I had a similar situation with my son when he started daycare. He was such a good baby (after his colic went away). He was so fussy with his first daycare teacher. I often wondered what happend to my perfect little baby because he was never that way at home or with others. Come to find out, he didn't like his teacher. I know, seems wierd at 3 months old, but they just didn't "click". It happens, some kids just don't click with some teachers. He got a new teacher shortly after and did wonderful with her!!! She is still a good friend of mine til this day. Maybe that is the same situation here? Maybe they just don't click with each other?
     
  17. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    OMG, I'm so sorry that was so long!!!
     
  18. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    In my area, there is no such thing as a legal 'babysitter' in a home other than the child's. They must be licensed unless they care for the child in its own home.
     
  19. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    Here, it's a bit different. You can legally care for so many kids (can't remember off the top of my head) in your own home without any kind of license. Up to 4 kids you can 'choose' to get certified through your county. After 4, you have to be licensed. In this situation, it would be perfectly legal for her to babsit the baby in her home without any kind of certificates or license.

    I would check out North Carolina's codes and regs. If I remember correctly, NC is one that is a little more relaxed than others when it comes to childcare in the homes.
     
  20. 101dalmatian

    101dalmatian Companion

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    You are correct. They are little more relaxed about a lot of things.
     
  21. 101dalmatian

    101dalmatian Companion

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    Jan 5, 2007

    Update:

    Today I had a different babysitter stay at my house and watch my son. She said he never cried and it was the easist baby she has watched. This sitter has never watched my son before and the last time she saw him was when he was a day old.

    So I think that he just doesn't click with the other sitter. But unfortantely today's sitter is only available til tuesday. I found a daycare that I like and have heard lots of reccomendations to go there. We will see how that goes.
     
  22. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    101Dalmation, wherever he goes, be sure to spend some time staying there. You need to see how the person acts and reacts to your child. They should be attentive and responding correctly to your baby in every instance. I would never leave my baby with someone unless I observed the person in action.
     
  23. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    Good luck! I hope you can find someone/someplace that will best suite your son. :) Glad to hear he did well with this sitter.
     
  24. TeacherSandra

    TeacherSandra Enthusiast

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    I'm glad to hear that things are looking good.
    Let us know how things fare. :angel:
    Sandra
     

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