Are parents different??? Or is it just me???

Discussion in 'Debate & Marathon Threads Archive' started by 5thgraderocks, May 13, 2007.

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  1. Research_Parent

    Research_Parent Cohort

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    May 25, 2007

    I had to keep my daughter home from a field trip. She had woke up, eaten breakfast, and then told us that her tummy hurt. The first thing I did was take her temperature, and sure enough she had a low grade fever. I kept her home.

    The teacher, bless her heart, calls my house and tells me if I wanted to, I could bring her to the trip myself, so she wouldn't miss the event. I told the teacher if she felt better, I would bring her later in the day, but I want to make sure its not serious. No sooner than the teacher hung up, my daughter was in the bathroom "tossing her cookies."

    Needless to say, she stayed home with me and on the weekend we went to the field trip exhibit as a family.
     
  2. Research_Parent

    Research_Parent Cohort

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    May 25, 2007

    Students that miss my final, fail the class.
     
  3. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    May 25, 2007

    He won't be doing much better than that even if he takes it on Monday. And to think I will be teaching him again next year.....
     
  4. Tbelle1035

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    May 25, 2007

    I once had a youngster who was dismissed every
    Friday an hour before dismissal. Then I found out that she and her mom had a standing date for the movies. Her reward for going to school all week I suppose. When I spoke with mom about it, her response was "Why, is she missing anything?"

    (Duh, our day ends when your daughter is out.)
     
  5. AnnaJ

    AnnaJ Rookie

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    May 25, 2007

    UGH, parents! i guess they come standard 2 to a kid and theres nothing we can do about it lol! if parents are bad now, imagine what kind of parents these kids will become if teachers bow down to all these crazy requests the parents are making "dont fail my child, hes sensitive" "my child doesn't need to learn humility he is the most important child in the room!" sheesh!

    Holy Cow! i cant imagine phone calls during the day! its bad enough being constantly interrupted by 25 students...but add 50 parents, NO WAY! if i have to stop in during the day to speak to my daughters teacher i wait in the back of the room untill shes free and take as little of her time as possible... i cant imagine being put out because my childs teacher wanted to get off the phone with me and finish a lesson!
     
  6. Amers

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    May 25, 2007

    I'm beginning to think there should be some sort of screening process people have to go through to decide if they can become parents or not. :rolleyes:
     
  7. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    May 25, 2007

    Babyhood lasts forever

    Well, I think pre-school teachers have a double-whammy with parents. We want to encourage parent involvement, but as so many posters state..you usually get parents who stay to spoon-feed at lunch time. The kids totally act up, or become two years younger when they are present. Some parents don't want to volunteer, they just want to sit there and stare at you! I guess giving birth and spending 14 hours with their kids, makes us less capable of dealing with them for 10 hours, 19 others, and 15 years of experience and education.

    Notice on half days or non-school days, parents and their kids usually show up (and late) anyway, despite all your notes! Some don't take our programs seriously, and never check cubbies for important documents.

    My biggest beef is as posted here, and also tied into our Prek forum on 'Shy Kids'. These parents are babying their kids to death. They are doing EVERYTHING for them, so the shy ones sit there like zombies, until somebody opens their milk, puts on their shoes, tells them to line up. After awhile, it is so draining! You just want to tell them to get up and do something on their own!

    But wonders never cease. This year, I met The-Aunt-Who-Speaks-Motherese! A child gave me scrambled sentences, and I started to take notes for speech referral! Then her aunt came in to pick her up, and when she saw her said, "There's my woozzy, woo, niecy noo noo." Or something like that! :confused: They both conversed like this for 15 minutes. Any comments on that one??

    Last but not least, I have a 3 1/2 yr. old who jibbers-jabbers to herself during naptime, and always smells like someone spilled an entire bottle of Johnson's baby lotion on her...every day. I said, "Mrs. ___ she is talking during naptime" Mom says, "Yes, she does that at home." Silence (as I try to look somewhat professional) "Well, in school we encourage the children to rest, or at least stay on their cots, but they can't talk while the others are sleeping. (Duh!) Now, that was a strange conversation! She does that at home??? Maybe because she is waiting for you to come baste her in baby lotion?

    Ok, I am venting. Is it June yet??:D

    Master Pre-K
     
  8. GardenDove

    GardenDove Habitué

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    Wow, well I was wondering if teachers were as uncharitable as we nurses are about our patients' families. I see this is the case. Just remember that next time a loved one is hospitalized:You are being judgementally discussed at the nurses' station behind you back, for better or for worse. So mind your manners and don't be unreasonable, okay?
     
  9. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    May 25, 2007

    Just venting

    Hi GardenDove,

    It is good to get input from other professionals. I totally respect all the work that you do...my parents live in a nursing home. Please realize that I am just responding to the post, and as I said, just venting.

    I would NEVER make my thoughts know in the presence of parents. That is just wrong. Some teachers do, and as Master Pre-K, I must constantly remind them to zip their lips. The boss calls us on the carpet for this, and I tell her who is to blame.

    When I visit the nursing home, I hear CNAs and nurses complain about family members. I'm much smaller than my siblings, and I will not try to move my Mom out of her wheelchair. When I visit and she needs help, I ring that buzzer. I get some of the nastiest looks, as if, "Well,you're here-why don't you do it." But they never say it aloud. Once somebody did bump me while changing her sheets, and I let it go..but I took a mental note. I go to the monthly resident meetings, but I don't try to complain about the staff. We have some good CNAs and nurses that care for my parents. But my mom feels that if we complain about the bad ones, they will just be even meaner! Especially, the night shift.:(

    What's your take on that??


    Master Pre-K
     
  10. GardenDove

    GardenDove Habitué

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    May 26, 2007

    You have to remember that, in nursing homes the CNAs run the show. Some of them are gnarly characters who are literally low paid grunts, who spend their days changing incontinent resident's briefs, and dealing with confused, sometimes combative residents. The nursing homes totally rely on CNAs, they are the backbone of the place, unlike the hospitals where the nurses outnumber the CNAs.

    I worked in a nursing home when I first got out of nursing school, and I can also testify honestly that the quality of the nurses in nursing homes is, as a rule, lower in nursing homes. Frankly, they attract more washed up characters. The work is less intellectually challanging than working in the hospital. The need for staff is extremely acute, so a nurse or CNA needs to be absolutely awful to get fired. Being a nurse in a nursing home is a low status nursing job. There are some dedicated professionals there, don't get me wrong, I'm just refering to generalizations.

    I have a co-worker who was a Director of Nursing (DNS) at a nursing home. She told me that they had troubles with several nurses diverting narcotics, which basically means that they were stealing controlled substances for their own use. This also went on at the nursing home where I worked, but it was a very small place. We did, however, encounter this problem amongst some fly by night nurses who were hired for evenings and nights, were boucing from different jobs, and were hired in desparation. Nursing home nurses are often LPNs who aren't used in hospitals much anymore.

    These nurses have to deal with many frustrating situations. Nursing homes are extremely regulated, and like all government oversight, some of it doesn't make any sense. Sometimes family members can be challanging, thinking that their loved one is going to receive private care, when in actuality the care that one can expect can more be described as assemblyline nursing care. Often the aides are working shortstaffed, or with deficient co-workers who are on their 20th smoke break. What can management do? Not much, since they need warm bodies, and they are, themselves, overwhelmed in paperwork required by the State, insurence companies, Medicaide, etc...

    I hope that helps. Sorry to paint such a dismal picture, but that's the way it is.
     
  11. terptoteacher

    terptoteacher Connoisseur

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    May 26, 2007

    I had one parent who suggested I threaten to grab and twist the boy's ear if he wasn't behave while saying, "Don't make me grab your ear, boy!"

    This child was at least 3 grade levels behind his peers. His mother refused to let her child have help. She insisted that he knew it was his responsibility to catch up. One day he was in ISS (suspension) in the office and an assistant walked by. He was having trouble with an assignment and she stopped to help. The mother happened to stop by to see her son in the office with an assistant helping him and she FREAKED out! She didn't give permission for him to have special help!!!!! She pulled him out of school. That was in December of that year and my class was the fourth one he'd been in that year.

    This year I have a mother who consistantly brings in her child 30-40 minutes late everyday. He tells me that they went shopping, or to get a latte or that they just woke up late. He shows up without his backpack, coat, homework etc.
     
  12. Tbelle1035

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    May 26, 2007

    The first case sounds like abuse (pull his ear?), the second, neglect. How sad.
     
  13. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    May 26, 2007

    And the nursing home info is just plain frightening.

    A 4th grader in my school has had 90 tardies this year. She said her mother doesn't have an alarm clock any more. Hello???
     
  14. TeacherGrl7

    TeacherGrl7 Devotee

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    May 26, 2007

    I am so glad to hear other people have the same experiences with lateness that I do....

    I have one 4 year old in my class that is late to school almost every day...and that's when she shows up. And the reasoning? Most of the time, "She was watching tv," or, "I just couldn't get her out of bed." When I explained to her at conferences that she was falling behind because of her time out of school, the mom just told me that her daughter won't go to bed until past 11 at night and is therefore too tired to get up in the morning, and since she stays up with her, she's too tired also. And that there's nothing she can do about it. Interesting. Doesn't help that on the days that she DOES come in, late or not, she generally is without her folder, notebook, backpack, or any combination of the three. But she will come in with many toys and baby dolls, which she doesnt' get to play with since she misses playtime in the morning! She has also come in with a sippy cup on occassion- which they aren't allowed to have in school because of our wellness policy, and I just personally didn't imagine that 4 year olds were still using sippy cups.

    It will be very interesting to see what happens to her in kindergarten when she is mandated to be there.
     
  15. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

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    I had a child this year whose mom would always come pick her up early on her visitation days. It had to be written in the divorce decree that she was not allowed to pick her up early from school. Why does that have to be written? That should have been written in the instruction manual she got when she was released from the hospital after the birth of her child!
     
  16. Tbelle1035

    Tbelle1035 Cohort

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    May 27, 2007

    Who's the mother?
     
  17. letsteach

    letsteach Comrade

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    May 27, 2007

    GardenDove: "Just remember that next time a loved one is hospitalized:You are being judgementally discussed at the nurses' station behind you back, for better or for worse. So mind your manners and don't be unreasonable, okay?"

    Nothing to do with teaching but I just want to share this with you. Many years ago, a friend used to work at the check-in desk of Air France at Hong Kong airport (the old one). One day she had a particularly obnoxious passenger who was complaining about anything, everything and her for not being fast enough. She said that there was nothing she could do except be polite and smile, after all, the passenger was the paying customer. She checked this lady in for her flight to Paris and sent her luggage to South Africa! So if you want to see your luggage . . . be nice to the check-in personnel, they can also upgrade you as well!
     
  18. GardenDove

    GardenDove Habitué

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    Ha ha! I remember when I was in High School I worked at a supermarket bagging groceries. Some of the little old ladies were pushy and obnoxious, directing every aspect of your grocery bagging autocratically. One lady was particularly irritatingly difficult, so as I nicely smiled at her, with one hand in the the grocery bag, I smushed her tomatoes one by one. :eek: :D
     
  19. Research_Parent

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    May 27, 2007

    In other words, the only reason the child goes to school is because the law requires it.
     
  20. KinderCowgirl

    KinderCowgirl Phenom

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    May 27, 2007

    I have always said this job would be so much easier if we didn't have to deal with the parents. I had a real problem this year with tardiness. I sent a letter on school letterhead to one of the worst offenders - 45 minutes late EVERY day. I very calmly explained that our schedule this year is very tight and I need to start teaching right at 8:00 and he is missing the writer's workshop lessons-- that's a skill she was concerned about. She signed the letter but wrote back that if the lesson was so important I should wait until all students arrive at school. So I guess we are supposed to sit on our hands for 45 minutes until she decides to bring her son to school. What a great example to be setting for your son!
     
  21. MissFrizzle

    MissFrizzle Virtuoso

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    May 27, 2007



    She sounds a few fries short of a happy meal. Unbeleivable. Did you happen to show this to an administrator. I wonder how much time the child is actually missing over the course of the year.:rolleyes:
     
  22. ChristyF

    ChristyF Moderator

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    Ok, first I have to say that I have been blessed with some amazing parents. That said...

    My first experience with a problem parent was the one who walked in my classroom wanting to know how her kid made the grades he had on his report card because he was "too d*&# dumb to make grades like that." (I walked out of the room because I was afraid I was going to lose my job if I responded the way I wanted.)

    This year I had a child fail. At the beginning of the 5th six weeks I sat down with him and talked about what he had to do to pass. I had been trying to get in touch with mom and doubled up on efforts. (Phone calls, notes home, mailed letters, called work, etc)This went on for 2 six weeks. (Of course this is the same child who is a severe asthmatic and mom checked him out due to asthma and brought him home to help her paint.) Fast forward to Spring Fling (Play day) J had missed the 3 days leading up to Spring Fling because of emphatigo (sp???) Mom came up (he lives next to the school) and said he wanted to eat with the class and was no longer contagious. I tried to talk to her and she told me she would come back once she got J. J walked up a few minutes later and I told him to go to the office to check in. Mom never came back with thim. J ate and then turned and walked home (I was in the office at that point and wasn't out there with him. He told the para that I knew he was leaving. I didn't and wouldn't have allowed him to.) Mom works at WalMart. I was in there before the end of school and I found her in there and talked to her about J failing. She became enraged and told me I had no business talking to her at work. On the last day (before the tower fell) she came in to get his report card and the office gave it to her, even though they were supposed to hold it. She came down to my room screaming about him failing and me making no attempt to let her know. I had copies of letters, emails, notes, and phone logs (a thick folder). It would have been so much simpler for her to just come in when I first started trying to contact her.

    We have a parent who is coming into the 5th grade who told us to enjoy our field trip because we wouldn't be going next year. I don't have my whole class list, but I know I didn't get her darling. My class most certainly will be going on a trip, even if the others don't.
     
  23. GardenDove

    GardenDove Habitué

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    My Aunt, who was a teacher, got physically attacked by the parent of a child who got a well deserved failing grade. I don't remember the details, but she was beaten up and had something broken. I know she was on sick leave for awhile. I think she had a broken jaw, if I recall. It was a long time ago.
     
  24. pwhatley

    pwhatley Maven

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    Oh, my word! I don't doubt your story, GardenDove -- but the initial reaction to a story like that is: surely she's kidding!, followed by absolute horror. One thing that I have been noticing for a number of years now, both in school and out, is that people have forgotten that the word PARENT is an action verb and not a title. So-called parents now-a-days use the tv, dvd, and video games as a built in babysitter. Heck, there are kids out there whose only exposure to vegetables has been french fries and ketchup!
     
  25. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

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    Some people always get mad when I offer this opinion: Some people don't deserve to have children.

    On the other hand, some people don't have enough children- there are some parents I've asked if they wouldn't mind having some more kids! Too bad there isn't a way to balance the child-bearing.
     
  26. Emma35

    Emma35 Connoisseur

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    I had a little girl who came to school late quite often. I talked to the mom and she gave me every excuse, she wouldn't eat her breakfast, she wouldn't get dressed, she wouldn't stop watching TV....oh my, it was one excuse after another. Still the girl came in late so the principal got involved and still she came in late. After 25 tardies we called the truancy officer who set up a meeting with the mom. The mom had excuse after excuse but the truancy officer wouldn't accept any of them. She told the mom that if her daughter was tardy one more time then social services would be called in. The girl has not been late since but every morning she is running down the hall to make it in time.
     
  27. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Thanks for your Help!

    Wow GardenD! You were so clear and plain...I am so thankful.

    I kinda imagined these things, but it makes perfect sense the way you explained it. We do have some really good CNAs, and I make sure they get gifts for holidays, and I always offer them treats when we bring special meals. One had the nerve to say, "Oh, where is my plate?", when we had a picnic on Mother's Day. Mind you, she did not say hello or anything, just begging for food!

    What is the rule about making midnight visits, just uh..because I think Mom/Dad needs something? I notice if I show up in the middle of the week, everyone freaks out! I really would like to be there one night after visiting hours, just to make my presence known!

    Thanks for your honesty!

    Master Pre-K
     
  28. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Tardiness affects $$$

    Oh yeah, and I have a thought on attendance too.

    Tardiness affects your budget. Even in preschool, and especially in Head Start, attendance is very vital to the program. When kids are late, they miss breakfast, and circle time. Most programs, such as ours, will not allow a child to enter after 9:30, unless they call with an excuse.

    Here's the bottom line: When your 4 year olds miss breakfast, that lowers your meal count. Less food given out, means less food ordered. And when those half days add up, they have less than 20 days that month. Funding is based on enrollment. Tardy kids make the whole program suffer. And like our program, most places will drop a child after 10 unexcused absences. Tardies are counted as well. Waiting lists are required to move new children in, so funding will not be lost.

    When parents give you a line about being late, tell them all the things your child is missing, and the fact that he/she misses breakfast and circle time with his classmates. Let them know that tardiness affects everyone, because low class sizes force teachers to move out of classes as well. How long will your director let you stay in your room with 7 kids?

    If you have regular field trips, or even neighborhood walks, make sure you tell your late parents. Maybe leaving out every day after breakfast might just wake her up! There is nothing more jolting to a late parent than, finding out his/her child's class is gone!:eek:

    Master Pre-K
     
  29. Emma35

    Emma35 Connoisseur

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    We had a field trip last week and I sent home many letters about it. The day before the trip I sent home a letter telling the parents to be sure their child is on time. The bus leaves at 9:00 sharp! Well, one mom called at 8:45, school starts at 8:10, and said they are just finishing up breakfast and to wait for them. I told the office to tell her the bus leaves at 9:00 sharp and if she can't make the bus then she could meet us there. Guess what, they made it to the bus in time!
     
  30. Amers

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    Good for you! It's amazing what some parents can suddenly do when they realize the rest of the class doesn't stop when their child doesn't feel like waking up on time.
     
  31. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    If the lesson was what??

    Hi KinderCowgirl,

    I hope you copied that letter, and gave it to your principal!

    How can anyone have the nerve to question the importance of your lessons? This person sounds really self-centered. Doesn't she realize these are school policies and not yours?

    I would bring that back to her when that child's grades start slipping, for uh, missing your important lesson.

    Tell that wonderful parent that when (if) your son gets to college, and some high schools, if he is tardy, some great professor will mark him absent! And in high school and college, nobody will take the time to go over the notes that the teacher wrote all over the board, and erased to put up new notes.

    Last but not least, let her know that your job requires that you start on time, and teach on time. And have a nice day.

    Sheesh!

    Master Pre-K
     
  32. deserttrumpet

    deserttrumpet Comrade

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    May 28, 2007


    Even at the high school level we get our share of parents wanting us to do more than what should be expected. I cannot say that we get as much as you do (and honestly I feel humbled by anyone who can teach 30 kids under the age of 13 all day), but we have our stories too. How about the mom who insists that her son cannot work well because he was dropped on his head as a baby? (Which may be true, but was certainly not the issue). Or how about all of the parents who would like a daily report card (with over 100 students this is an absurd request.) I had a parent tell me that her daughter was turning over a new leaf and would like to make up all of the quizzes that she had missed and never came in to make up - I got this request the day before the class final.

    When you teach bottom level classes you end up spending all of your free time in IEP meetings. I had a colleague have three in one morning! With each IEP requesting different accommodations (some as absurd as always needing a blue pen provided by the teacher) it is difficult to keep everything straight.

    So, perhaps we don’t jump through the same hoops as you do, but we are still jumping.
     
  33. GardenDove

    GardenDove Habitué

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    May 28, 2007

    I recommend that you frequently make unannounced visits. Remember, a nursing home is considered the residents' home. They are specifically called 'residents' because they reside there. They are human beings and have the same rights as any other person, inspite of the fact that they may not have the same faculties as people in the prime of life. They have a right to receive visitors at any time. Don't let them tell you otherwise!

    Believe me, the residents with involved families receive better care. Just be understanding of the reality of the situation. Remember that a resident might have just soiled his or her attends 5 minutes after being changed. Be a friendly advocate for your loved one, and don't let pushy CNAs intimidate you.

    There always are some hidden saints working in nursing homes, who really are radiant souls, I'm sure you've noticed. I was amazed with a few CNAs who truly were angels, I'm convinced. It's a privilage to encounter these rare gems.
     
  34. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Stand In Our Shoes for A Day

    Hey GardenDove,

    Thanks again..for your input. I think this line pretty much says it all on the general topic: Stand In Our Shoes for A Day!

    Deserttrumpet showed us that hs(high school) is just as bad as HS Head Start when it comes to parents.

    In the Chicago Montessori program I observed, all parents are REQUIRED to volunteer one day in the classroom.

    For all those parents out there who think we just sit all day and babysit, they really should switch their 8 hr. day for 6 hrs. with us.

    Perhaps, after a brief stay with 19 or 29 other darlings, they will be more respectful of us.

    Master Pre-K
     
  35. letsteach

    letsteach Comrade

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    May 29, 2007

    In Queensland (Australia) at state Preschools (the system has changed this year but), parents are encouraged to volunteer at least once a term and generally it is a poor turnout. In fee paying kindys and preschools you pay levy and if you don't do your bit of volunteering you forfeit your levy. Guess what? Parents do their bit!

    I come from England and the thing which I find difficult to understand, especially when there are children involved in neglect or abuse is that in England you have to apply to get a licence to keep a dog, yet anybody can have a baby. I get really upset when I read that young children (less than 2) of a drug addicted mother die because the mother overdosed and died but so did the child, who literally dehydrated to death. Some people with pets look after them better than some humans with children.
     
  36. GardenDove

    GardenDove Habitué

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    May 29, 2007

    I agree. Truly, I wouldn't last a week with all those darlings, I would become unhinged completely. Teachers are incredible multitaskers with nerves of steel.
     
  37. KinderCowgirl

    KinderCowgirl Phenom

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    May 29, 2007

    I did show my administrators; they laughed. Unfortunately there's not really much they can do. They don't take any legal action for any attendance problems in Kinder because it's not mandatory here. They talked to her, but the next day, guess what, he was still tardy. They would circle the number on his progress reports and write "work on this".

    I just can't believe the example you are setting for your child. Can you imagine a job in the real-world - in sales for example or real estate, where, if you are 45 minutes late people will still be just waiting for you to get there. She's teaching him the world revolves around him and that is such a mistake in my humble opinion.

    I also agree with Teacher in Texas, I have said for years I think parents should be required to take a test before they are allowed to have children the same way you have to pass a test to drive a car.
     
  38. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    May 29, 2007

    My student who went to the Bahamas instead of taking the math final, came back to school today. I sent him 3rd period to make up the final. He came back to me and asked if he was supposed to take the test if he hadn't studied for it. I said that he was supposed to study while he was in the Bahamas. He said he was going to, but never got around to it.

    Duh, duh, duh, duh..... Can you believe it? He took the test and failed. That part's easy to believe.
     
  39. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    May 29, 2007

    He should have the phrase "actions have consequences" tatooed on his forehead!
     
  40. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    May 29, 2007

    And will you have a phone call from his parents asking that he be able to re-write the test?
     
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