Apologize, clarify, or let it go?

Discussion in 'General Education' started by Bella2010, Dec 8, 2013.

  1. Bella2010

    Bella2010 Habitué

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    I apologize in advance for typos, etc. I'm typing this on my phone. I had a student last year who had it in her head I didn't like her. She was a talker...a big one. So, there were plenty of times she and I had talks about this, she had to change seats often, etc. I called and visited with her mom about it a couple of times, and the last time I visited with her about it she told me that her daughter had cried about it in more than on occasion because she thought I didn't like her. I explained to the mom that certainly wasn't the case, etc.

    After we had that conversation, I was really careful about how I dealt with her. I never "cleared the air" so to speak. Well, I see the girl in the hall almost everyday, and I always feel bad about it. Her mom gives me dirty looks everytime I see her. Like if looks could kill, yeah I'd be black and blue.

    I'm sure she's not the only kid I've had over the years who thinks I don't like them. However, it's like I know that's the way she feels/felt. I've thought about catching her in the hall and asking her to come to my room and visit with her about it, but then maybe she's gotten over it?

    IDK. It's just kind of like I don't want her to look back on her school years and remember her fifth grade teacher didn't like her.

    Advice?
     
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  3. gr3teacher

    gr3teacher Phenom

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    I'd speak to mom and ask her if she'd be okay with clarifying. 5th and 6th grade can be very tough times for kids, and it can be so easy for the smallest thing to turn into "So-and-so doesn't like me."
     
  4. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    I'd let it go.
     
  5. 2ndTimeAround

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    I'd let it go. If you haven't convinced them that you like the child by now, you definitely won't be able to since she's out of your class.

    Any mother that glares at her child's teacher isn't going to be mature enough to handle a discussion in the first place. In the second, she's also immature enough to have convinced her child that she was right all along about you.
     
  6. Kat53

    Kat53 Devotee

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    I'd let it go, too.
     
  7. RadiantBerg

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  8. Bella2010

    Bella2010 Habitué

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  9. gr3teacher

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    The reason I'd at least consider having a talk with her is because not liking a student is a really big deal. I think any parent would (rightfully) be absolutely furious at the idea of a teacher not liking their student, and the student finding out about it. It's also one of those things that can fester in somebody's mind. To this girl, it might be a kind of funny, "Mrs. Bella didn't like me" thing, but after she forgets most of her fifth grade year, eventually all that will be left in her mind is the fact that she thinks you don't like her.

    It might be just as well to let it go... or instead of having a big, "I really did like you, I promise!" talk with her, try giving her a big smile and engage her in friendly conversation when you see her in the hall. Two weeks worth of "Hey Suzie, how did your last swim meet go for you?" might do a better job of showing her you don't dislike her than any conversation might.
     
  10. Bella2010

    Bella2010 Habitué

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    That's what I've been trying to do. Like when I see her in the hall I always say something to her, ask her if she had a good weekend, etc.
     
  11. Go Blue!

    Go Blue! Connoisseur

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    Let it go, its over.
     
  12. readingrules12

    readingrules12 Aficionado

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    I'd say let it go. If you see an opportunity to pay her a compliment, you could do that if the opportunity arises. Otherwise, it would be best to move on.
     
  13. otterpop

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    This is what I would vote.
     
  14. TeacherNY

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    I'd let it go. You already told her and her mother that "not liking her" was not the case. The mother probably could have done more to convince the daughter of this and she chose not to but instead chooses to give you dirty looks and which is not a good example for the child.
     
  15. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    This is plenty. You spent a lot of time on this last year...at this point let the idea of talking any more about it go. Stop letting it bother you.:hugs:
     
  16. smurfette

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    I wonder if these tears didn't come about when mom got the report card and saw the daughter's conduct grade. I would drop it.
     
  17. a2z

    a2z Virtuoso

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    Let it go. This is a situation you can't really win. As another poster said you have already told the parent that it is not the case that you don't like her daughter. But, honestly, how many teachers would be allowed by an admin or would avoid for professional reasons say to a parent that they do not like a child. So, telling a parent or a child that you do like them will most likely be taken with a grain of salt.
     
  18. stephenpe

    stephenpe Connoisseur

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    What you have experienced probably is that there are whackadoodles in this world. Even the greatest nicest teachers in the world have their detractors. People you could not possibly dislike will PO someone. The person PO's is probably bizarre. Since you taught the girl and sometimes see her just treat her normally. Compliment her on something if it will seem sincere. And thank God you only had to deal with it one year.
     
  19. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    As others have said, I'd let it go. You did all you could last year when she was in your class. Now that she's not, it's not worth the trouble.
     
  20. 2ndTimeAround

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    Adding... It is not the end of the world if a teacher really doesn't like a student. As long as the student is treated well, the teacher's opinion doesn't matter. There is always going to be someone that doesn't like you. Fifth grade is already too late to learn that lesson.
     
  21. a2z

    a2z Virtuoso

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    Yet so many adults still live their lives as people pleasers and struggle when someone doesn't like them.
     
  22. txmomteacher2

    txmomteacher2 Enthusiast

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    Having been in the same exact position as you, I would let it go! Yes it does kind of sting a little bit because you did all you could do but you aren't going to change how they feel about you anytime soon.
    Let me explain. A few years ago, (my first at this school) I had a student. Mom and I bumped heads all year long. At one point the principal was even willing to move him out of my room and mom said no. We barely survived they year but eventually it was over. Fast forward to every stinking time this kid has seen me since. The kid is very friendly, polite, and says hello almost a 100% of the time and gives me hug about 30% of the time. Even when he is with Mom. His mom cringes and gives me dirty looks. She even goes around telling people not to let their kids be in my class. She is the only one of my parents that has ever continued to treat me like that. Most of the time I just ignore her but other days I get pretty offended that she is such an evil person. Hello her son survived, and to be honest he acts the same still. He was in my child's class last year and the stories I have heard he hasn't changed ONE bit. If one parent is all that doesn't ever like you then I think that's a pretty good stat. We can't please all the people all the time.
     
  23. Loomistrout

    Loomistrout Devotee

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    So you, as an effective teacher with her best interests in mind, used mild forms of discipline - talk, seating - which said "No" to her behavior and she doesn't like you? Don't expect "Thank you" from some students who you give little choice but to grow up. The "Thanks" will come down the road because you know what is best for them. Interesting Mom falls for the blubbering - a form of backtalk - which is a good tactic on part of girl to switch agenda from her behavior in class to blaming the teacher. This should give you a hint who really runs things in the home.
     
  24. 2ndTimeAround

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    So true. Wouldn't it be great if they learned the lesson early on that it is OK if someone doesn't like you? As long as your needs are met and you do have a support system somewhere?
     
  25. 2ndTimeAround

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    Also keep in mind that what you experience at school may be radically different than the stories that get told at home.

    I have a student that is a bit of a challenge. She was wrongly placed in an advanced class. When we do group work she is always the one leaning on others and doesn't do her fair share. I do not assign overall group grades so her grades do reflect her involvement. At the beginning of the year her mother spent a long time telling me how she hated group projects since her daughter is always the one that ends up doing everything.
     
  26. gr3teacher

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    I don't think any child needs to learn a lesson, if that lesson in any way involves realizing that their teacher does not like them.
     
  27. JustMe

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    I would just say hello to the kid when you see her and be generally kind...have a great weekend and so forth.
     
  28. 2ndTimeAround

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    No, there is no need is knowing that.

    But there is a very valuable lesson in learning that it just doesn't matter if your teacher likes you or not. Again, as long as your educational needs are being met and you are not being treated poorly, the true opinion of the teacher does not matter. THAT is a lesson that every child should learn early on.
     
  29. gr3teacher

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    I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with that. Every child deserves to feel liked and appreciated by their teacher. There's a time and a place to learn that the world can be a cold, cruel place, but you don't need to learn that lesson from somebody that you'll likely see more than your own parents for a full school year.
     
  30. a2z

    a2z Virtuoso

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    Your principal doesn't have to like you either.

    The thing is many people feel that they are being treated poorly when someone doesn't like them. Poorly is a subjective term and what one person sees as being treated poorly is much different than another person's opinion.
     
  31. 2ndTimeAround

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    You are absolutely correct. My principal does not have to like me. I have no desire to be friends with him. He is my boss.

    And your second point supports mine. If people learn early on that it IS OKAY if you aren't liked by everyone, then they also learn to be objective about how they are being treated.
     
  32. i8myhomework

    i8myhomework Comrade

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    Agreed. Completely.

    Bella, this bothers you and the student. Clearing the air would make both of you feel better.
     
  33. Go Blue!

    Go Blue! Connoisseur

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    I disagree. My P always says that it doesn't matter if our students like us (or if we like them) because we have to work with them - period. We may not always like every student that walks through the door, but we must remain professional and do our jobs. I believe that students need to learn that in life, they will not always like the people life forces them to interact with, but this is not an excuse not handle their business.

    I also feel like this is an issue with today's youth: if they don't like someone or something, they often think that this gives them an excuse to say no and refuse to do things. Life is all about what they want to do and when they want to do it. Um, no.

    Also, are you saying you have never taught a student you did not like? Really? You have liked them all?
     
  34. Go Blue!

    Go Blue! Connoisseur

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    Yes, sir.
    And, yes, sir.
     
  35. gr3teacher

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    As a teacher, yes, I've liked them all. I like some more than others, of course, but I like them all. More importantly though, whatever my personal thoughts are of a child, I would make it abundantly clear to them that I did like them as a person... even if (when?) I do get one I don't like.
     
  36. DrivingPigeon

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    I agree with this.

    Like you, Bella, this would bother me. Some people could probably let it go, but I couldn't. I don't see anything wrong with having a nice, friendly chat.

    I'm still pretty sure my 4th grade teacher hated me (and my brother).
     
  37. Go Blue!

    Go Blue! Connoisseur

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    Lucky you.
     
  38. gr3teacher

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    Not especially. It's easy to find a way to like somebody you spend 6 hours a day, 180 days with. Plus third graders are generally pretty easy to like in general.
     
  39. DrivingPigeon

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    I can honestly say that I can think of 2 students in the past 6 years that I haven't really liked. However, I would never, ever make them aware of this. They just drove me absolutely crazy, and I had a difficult time finding the "cute" in them.
     

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