Apologies

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by kcjo13, Jun 7, 2012.

  1. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    Jun 7, 2012

    Talk to me about apologies. What does a good apology sound like? What action should accompany an apology? What makes an apology good or bad?

    I ask because I am tired of doing it. Apparently I'm doing them wrong, or expecting too much. Thoughts?
     
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  3. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    :hugs: kc...I'm not sure what the perfect apology would look like...as long as it's sincere that should be enough.
     
  4. ChristyF

    ChristyF Moderator

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    :hugs: As long as you mean the apology, that should be all there is to it.
     
  5. FarFromHome

    FarFromHome Connoisseur

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    I hope everything's ok!

    When I hear an apology, I want it to sound sincere. But the most important part is the person's actions. I would much rather have them make changes or stop doing the action that offended me, rather than apologize for it. I don't think an apology means very much if the same action keeps happening. If it wasn't the same action that kept reoccurring, I would probably ask what I could do to fix or make the situation better if I was the one apologizing.
     
  6. AZMrs.S

    AZMrs.S Cohort

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    I totally agree with Far! :hugs: hope everything is okay!
     
  7. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Sorry. :(

    It very much depends on the situation. Most often a sincere, "I'm sorry" should suffice. But other times require more. I think it's important to acknowledge how the other person was impacted by the decision for which you are apologizing.
     
  8. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    I agree. An apology is sincere, and usually doesn't have to be repeated because if one is truly sorry, they tend not to repeat whatever it was that warranted the apopology in the first place.
     
  9. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    Hm. Home or school, kc?
     
  10. bison

    bison Habitué

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    In addition to what others have said, one thing that's important to me is to acknowledge that there is something to be sorry about and take a little responsibility for it. For example, "I'm sorry I upset you" is a lot better than, "I'm sorry you're upset." IMO, one sounds sincere and the other sounds condescending.

    It all definitely depends on context, and I agree that changing the action is more important than an apology.
     
  11. GoehringTeaches

    GoehringTeaches Comrade

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    I read somewhere that an apology should include 3 things. 1. Say you're sorry 2. Say why you are sorry and 3. tell what actions you will take to make sure it won't happen again.
     
  12. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    I have a problem with apologies. (I'm talking here primarily of those apologies from kids, either my own or the kids at school.)

    Too often they're empty words, supposed to wipe clean the slate, with no accompanying action. So you do as you please, say "Sorry" and it's all good.
     
  13. bandnerdtx

    bandnerdtx Aficionado

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    I used to have an assistant principal who would say, "Don't ruin an apology with an excuse." I try to be very specific and admit to what I've done (or said), and I make sure that I don't say "but..." and offer up some sort of rationale for it.
     
  14. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

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    What's going on kcjo? Hope you are ok. You are apologizing too much?

    I agree with the PPs. An apology needs to be sincere. Say your are sorry for doing xyz is a start, but actions speak louder than words. Change/effort to change says it all. The one thing that drives me crazy is an excuse disguised as an apology. "I'm sorry I'm late, but I got this great deal at..." "I'm sorry I got angry, but when you (fill in the blank) it makes me crazy." So your bad behavior is excusable? This is not really an apology in my book because it refuses to acknowledge the problem and/or trivializes or ignores my feelings in the matter.
     
  15. jennirich

    jennirich Rookie

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    I agree to all that's been said. A mere "sorry" does not cover all the bases. But when you say, "I am so sorry for hurting your feelings" sincerely, truthfully and with all your heart (believe me, the person you are asking sorry from would feel it), then everything will just be fine.

    To heartdrama, you can also say: "don't just say it..mean it!"
     
  16. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    A good one can be as simple as saying, "I'm sorry", but you have to be sincere and meaningful in your tone of voice.

    It's bad &/or loses it's effectiveness when it's said too often, like once a week or in a quick, cold manner.

    If someone hurt someone's feelings, they should say something like, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way" or "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

    If it's to say sorry that you can't do a favor for someone, say, "I'm sorry, I wish I could, but I'm just so busy these days, I'll try to do it next time." Then, you really should try do it next time & not just blow it off repeatedly.
     
  17. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    Thank you all. I reread my post from last night, and clearly I was in a depressed state of mind!

    But I'm glad to know that I'm not alone in my thoughts about apologies. I feel like words alone are just not enough. Actions should change, or the "sorry" is meaningless. And I cannot STAND phrases such as "I'm sorry, but...". I like that-don't ruin an apology with an excuse. So true.

    I was beginning to think I was asking too much. Nice to know I'm not crazy.
     
  18. Hoot Owl

    Hoot Owl Aficionado

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    Jun 9, 2012

    Sometimes the best apologies in the world aren't good enough for someone who wants some tears and blood to go with it. I hope you're not in that situtation, and if you are stand your ground with your original apology. If it's sincere you shouldn't have to do it over and over.
     
  19. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    I think kc's been on the receiving end of a hedged apology, Hoot.
     

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