Anyone else have friends who are moms/soon to be moms and you're not one yet?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by TennisPlayer, May 3, 2011.

  1. TennisPlayer

    TennisPlayer Cohort

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    May 3, 2011

    I've been noticing quite a few baby announcements or actual newborn photos, etc on facebook from people I went to HS with over the past year. Some are having their first, second, or even third child and we're the same age. I know everyone decides to have a baby if they want to have one when it's right timing for their family (if planned). I'm turning 31 in a few weeks and I'm not sure when we will plan on purpose to have a child if you know what I mean. I am scared that if we wait too long there could be a chance of not being able to have a baby on our own, etc since the fertility rates decrease with age. So long story short, I felt extra emotional last night because I want to be happy for others with babies but I am starting to feel a little jealous/sad that we don't have set plans when we'll start trying.

    I don't want to feel stagnant and over the past few years we haven't had anything "really exciting" in terms of moving, baby, job, etc. I'm just being really honest here. I've been a nanny to many families and have been told I'd make a great mom and that was when I was 24 so it's been 7 yrs of hearing those messages and it's been hard waiting but I know it's been necessary so we have some things figured out. I think we would greatly benefit from pre-baby counseling to talk about our expectations, etc since we still have minor disagreements over our dog's needs at times that shouldn't be a big deal, we just have different tolerance levels!

    So anyone else have friends with kids but you don't yet? I also am sad because I know my friends with kids hang out a lot more with their friends who also have kids so I feel left out. It's like a big deal to plan on us coming over or when to meet up so sometimes we can easily go months before we see our good friends with kids since they're busy so much.


    I just need to pray to be patient and understand that God knows our plans and to relax! ;)
     
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  3. scholarteacher

    scholarteacher Connoisseur

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    May 3, 2011

    Your last line sums it all up! I went through the same thing before my first child, and was pregnant with 3 months! All in God's time! And yes, relax now! :)
     
  4. MissCeliaB

    MissCeliaB Aficionado

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    I know the feeling. My best friend from childhood is preggo right now, and many others of my friends and coworkers are having babies. Girls who I babysat and changed their diapers when I was a kid have kids of their own now. I came to terms with my own infertility years ago, but accepting it and liking it are two different things. I still have bittersweet emotions about not having kids. Mostly, it doesn't bother me, and I think about the things I wouldn't be able to do if I had kids. I also have kids who literally call me "mom" and who say if they didn't have me they wouldn't know what it was like to have a parent, so I get to use my maternal instincts a good deal. But still, I get tired of being asked when I'm joining the mommy club, and of having less in common with my friends because they all have kids and I don't.
     
  5. LUCHopefulTeach

    LUCHopefulTeach Habitué

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    My cousin is pregnant. 3 out of 4 of my best friends are pregnant or have children. Everyone I went to high school is already a mother. I'm only 22 years old so I'm not in a rush nor do I want kids right now but seeing everyone else pregnant or with babies makes me giddy!
     
  6. DrivingPigeon

    DrivingPigeon Phenom

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    Yes, yes, and yes. I'm 29 and my facebook newsfeed is consumed with pictures of babies and young children. Honestly, it makes me very jealous/upset. I know envy isn't healthy, but I want a baby yesterday. I have dreams all of the time about being a mother and holding my newborn. I just had one last night, actually...It was weird, because I just feel this overwhelming love for the baby in my dreams and it seems so real.

    It makes me very sad that I'm almost 30 and I'm not even married yet. I just hope that, when my boyfriend and I are finally settled down and read to have children, it isn't too late. My biological clock is ticking! The statistics for women over 35 having a healthy baby are very scary. Also, I don't know if this matters, but my mother started menopause very young. It was completely over for her by the time she was about 46. :(
     
  7. MissWull

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    May 3, 2011

    *Raises hand*

    In the past year and a half three of my friends have had babies. I love going to the baby showers, love meeting their new little ones, and love visiting with them all...but I've wanted my own for the past year and a half.

    What's ironic is that my friend and I both confided in each other about starting to try. Well I had some things come up in life so I had to hold off....but we've been trying again the past few months...and still nothing...

    It's hard to be patient...especially with something like this and when you want it so much...
     
  8. Jem

    Jem Aficionado

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    May 3, 2011

    I totally understand as well. While none of my friends in proximity have children (one in the city is pregnant, but I never see her), all my Facebook friends from Michigan and Indiana have children. Last year we had four babies born in a month! I finally had to make a spreadsheet with all our friends and their children and the birthdays, just to keep them straight. I feel a wee bit jealous seeing the updates and pictures, but I also love my actual life without a child. I think it will be AWESOME to have a kid-I can't wait to throw parties for them, and take them on trips (even silly day trips to fun local places) and hear their crazy comments and volunteer in their classroom. But I'm no fool to the reality of having a child and what that will do to our lifestyle. So emotionally, yes, I'm very ready and a bit jealous. But physically, I'm VERY content with it just being me and dh and not having a pregnant belly or a child attached to me. We've talked about starting to try this fall (we were going to last fall but dh wanted one more year of just us), but now I've started to seriously train for a marathon and I don't really want the physical burden of pregnancy at the moment. Decisions!

    Sometimes I wish I could just rent a child. Hopefully a close friend from middle school will be moving here to the area in the next month or so, and she has two young children. I'm really looking forward to 'adopting' them-babysitting, buying them presents, etc. Getting it out of my system and then coming home to our life again. ;)
     
  9. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Maven

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    Most of my friends have children. Nobody has babies anymore, as we're all old.:p It doesn't bother me at all to see them posting pictures of their children . . . and in some cases grandchildren.

    I also have some friends without children. They're all in their mid 30's to late 40's, so we're not really ever discussing having/not having children.
     
  10. Danny'sNanny

    Danny'sNanny Connoisseur

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    We had 5 pregnant teachers this year.

    I go through days where I really want a baby, tomorrow!

    But, I also really want to be able to stay home with that baby, and we just aren't quite there. Close, but not there.

    And I love my school, and I love my team, and I'm not ready to leave that yet.

    It doesn't help that it is the next "step" - been married a few years, bought a house - so I get asked ALL THE TIME when we're going to start trying...
     
  11. dizzykates

    dizzykates Habitué

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    Yes, it does seem as though the whole world is pregnant when that's all you really want for yourself. Best of luck as you decide if it's an option for you.
     
  12. Lindager

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    May 3, 2011

    DO NOT have a child just because everyone else is. When you and your husband are ready you will either make new friends with kids or your friends with kids now will be having another.

    Having a child is a big step both for you and as a couple, it will make a big difference in your relationship. Having a first child at 35-37 does not raise your odds of problems that much and 31 is not old. Once you have a child you are always and forever a parent. Enjoy your couple or single time and when the time is right you will enjoy your parenting time more because you will have been ready.
     
  13. waterfall

    waterfall Virtuoso

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    Yup- out of 12 teachers at my school, 4 have babies under a year old and 3 are pregnant! Crazy! There are a few of us in our early 20's that don't understand the "baby craze", but it does just seem like they are everywhere! Personally, I have no interest in having children until I'm at least in my early 30's, if at all.
     
  14. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    May 3, 2011

    Well I do have 1 child, but I still know how you feel. I am 30 (we had our daughter young), and while DH really wants more, I am pretty undecided, but mainly don't want another one. Sometimes I really start feeling like I should have another one because I love the life a child brings into the house, but realistically it just isn't a good time. Plus (and this will sound silly), I am always too exhausted. I know if we do have another one I shouldn't let too much time go by, but we are also earning pesos, and I don't think it would be a financially wise decision right now either. I wish you luck in your decision.
     
  15. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    May 3, 2011

    I beacame a mom at age 40. My kids are pretty much half a generation younger than the kids of many of my oldest friends.

    That's OK. Things happen when they're supposed to happen.

    What it means is that I've gotten an additional set of friends-- those parents whose kids attend school with mine. Many are quite a bit younger than me. But that doesn't matter at all. Once you hit adulthood, those differences melt away.
     
  16. Peachyness

    Peachyness Virtuoso

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    I can count on my hand how many of my friends DON"T have kids. Pretty much everyone we know have kiddos and it's starting to drive me crazy! I told my friend today, when we went to the beach, that I really hope she and her hubby wait as long as they can to have a baby just so I can have someone to hang out with. :D :p


    I have absolutely no interest in having a baby. Now, I would love to adopt, one day.
     
  17. lilmisses1014

    lilmisses1014 Comrade

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    May 3, 2011

    As I've said before, my biological clock is really a ticking time bomb (odd, since I was so anti-baby not even a year ago). :D DH and I are (tentatively) planning to TTC in August... we'll see if we stick to that plan. I started taking pre-natal vitamins and have set up a doctor's appointment to clear up some non-baby-making issues. (That's a whole other story there unfortunately.)

    Right now I know 14 pregnant ladies. It seems every time a friend or relative gives birth, one more pregnant lady pops up on my radar. :p Most of my friends have at least one child.
     
  18. Ms. I

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    May 3, 2011

    At my age, most people have kids, but believe it or not, I'm not at that period in my life yet where I'm thinking, "Baby, baby, baby" wherever I turn. I still want to travel, etc. a lot before babies come onto my scene.
     
  19. Ms.H

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    May 4, 2011

    We had six teachers with new babies this year, which is a lot for a small school! Three came within the span of two weeks!

    I'm not super-anxious myself, but this thread reminded me of something a friend of mine said. This friend really wants a baby, but her first pregnancy was sadly not successful. She pointed out how, during that experience, she was really sensitive to hearing people complaining about pregnancy and/or babies, esp. via Facebook. She said she didn't mind seeing people's happy baby news as much, but it was really tough to hear/ see negative remarks and complaints about something she wanted so badly and had lost so painfully.

    It just made me think of how often we are quick to complain about things that are really blessings, and how that might affect people around us. For every person complaining about morning sickness, there is probably someone out there who wishes more than anything that she would have to deal with it. For everyone who complains about the stress of wedding planning, there's probably someone who would love to have that stress if it meant finding a companion. Of course, discussing these things with friends is one thing, and I'm not saying that people should never complain about them, but a public fb complaint reaches a lot more people who have who-knows-what going on in their lives.

    Sorry if I got too far off topic-- this post just reminded me of how so many of us have these desires, disappointments, and sensitive spots that can

    I didn't mean to get too off track, but this thread was just another reminder of the different hopes, disappointments, and sensitive spots that so many of us have that we sometimes forget to consider.
     
  20. amakaye

    amakaye Enthusiast

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    May 4, 2011

    I was on facebook looking for a college classmate, and as I went to a small school, I was looking through the "people you might know at X school" sectiong. I was floored by the number of people I went to school with who were married/had babies (and I only graduated 4 years ago). Of course, this happened to be during a time when I was really struggling emotionally with still being single, so I was very bummed...

    But, like you said, we just have to put it in God's hands and trust His plan.
     

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