Another one

Discussion in 'Job Seekers' started by MissH225, May 16, 2010.

  1. MissH225

    MissH225 Comrade

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    May 16, 2010

    So I was Rifed...and well I don't no much until the end of the month. Now I am once again fixing up the cover letter to include my recent experience. Last year Alice and I think Teachergroupie really helped me with it and I was so pleased(thanks again!). If anyone could offer suggestions to this one I would be very greatful...I really just changed the third paragraph, thanks!

    To Whom It May Concern,
    Please accept my letter of application for the position of Elementary Teacher at your school. With a certification in Elementary Education (K-6), I am extremely interested in utilizing my skills and knowledge to create a positive learning environment for my students. Through engaging and meaningful lessons I intend to inspire every student who walks into my classroom.

    Becoming a teacher is something I have always wanted to do. Over the years my passion for this career has grown. I have been able to work with children in a variety of settings including the classroom. My student teaching experience was in a second grade Inner City Classroom in South Bend, IN. It was here I met D, a defiant boy who challenged everything that was asked of him. When he got in trouble it appeared he didn’t care and then would start to mumble things under his breath. I had never met anyone like D and I was drawn to helping him. Creating a behavior plan was my first step. I offered him 10 minutes of free time if he could keep his card on green. The first week was rough and I didn’t think it was going to work. However the following Monday he came into the classroom and told me he was going to stay on green that day and he did. He stayed on green the next day too. Before long D was earning free time most days but then something else happened, he decided he didn’t want his free time. He decided he just wanted to stay on green. D still had bad days but they were few and far between. When he did get into trouble we would talk about and he would then accept it and move on. By taking the time to show D I cared and wasn’t going to let his behavior continue, he started to take responsibility for his actions and wanted to behave. I have a great desire to help students and to show them I care about them, like I did when I helped D.

    This year I had the great opportunity to team teach with two experienced teachers at *** Primary Academy, which is a school for gifted students. Team teaching has allowed me to not only teach but reflect and improve my teaching along with bring in new ideas to share with experienced colleagues. The teachers I work with have also given me support to grow as a first year teacher. I have learned that teaching at a school for gifted students is no different then teaching at any other school. I still use differentiated instruction every day because I have a variety of skill levels in my classrooms. My students learn in a variety of different ways and I am always coming up with new ways to teach the concepts such as creating songs with movement or by finding hands on, real life learning experiences for them. I am very perceptive and intuitive person. This allows me to pick up on struggling students (behaviorally and academically) and come up with ideas to help them. I care greatly about my students and I want them all to succeed in life as well as in school. As a teacher it is my job to find ways for my students to reach this success.

    I am very interested in your school because of its commitment to excellence for its students. I would love the opportunity to speak with you regarding any Elementary Teacher openings. Please give me a call at ****. Thank you for your time and consideration, I look forward to hearing from you.
    Sincerely,
    Emily ****
    phone
    email
     
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  3. MsMar

    MsMar Fanatic

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    May 16, 2010

    Sorry to hear you have been rifed. To me, the cover letter looks quite good. A bit long perhaps, but I wouldn't be able to say what specifically to cut. But that would be my only thought, that the length of it might turn someone off from reading it.
     
  4. MissH225

    MissH225 Comrade

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    May 16, 2010

    Thanks! I kept it to one page but yeah I don't want someone to be turned off by it....
     
  5. Tigers

    Tigers Habitué

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    May 16, 2010

    I like the way that you incorporate your strengths within some of your statements. But, several times you wrote about your "skills." I think that you could strengthen you cover letter by noting more specific skills and integrating them into sentences.

    I would suggest a cover letter that was more specific for the school to which you are applying. Your only statement about their school is one of your final sentences, which is generic to say the least.

    Several times you wrote about your "skills." I think that you could strengthen you cover letter by noting more specific skills and integrating them into sentences.

    I have a personal bias against your specific experience example because I am not fond of cookie cutter behavior management (i.e. the card system), and your offering of a reward before the behavior is an example of bribery not positive reinforcement.
     
  6. SCTeachInTX

    SCTeachInTX Fanatic

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    May 16, 2010

    I agree. It is long and you will lose the interviewers interest. Write minimally. Say what you need to in as few words as possible.

    Example:

    Dear Principal GreatMan,

    My name is Audrey Hepburn. I have been teaching for a year at Fantastic Primary School in Spectacular District 7. Through my experiences this year, I have been involved in the following professional development opportunities: blah, blah, blah. I taught first grade this past year, but I have had student teaching experiences in second and fifth grades as well. I would have stayed in my current teaching position at Fantastic Primary School, but due to budgetary cuts, my position was phased out.

    I would welcome the opportunity to interview at your school, Amazing Elementary. I have heard exceptional things about your school, and the professionalism exhibited by your staff. I feel that I would be an asset to your faculty. My love of teaching children, and my ability to work with my teaching team has been very successful this school year. I hope to have an opportunity in the near future to meet with you and discuss any openings that you might have this school year.

    Thank you for your time in reading my cover letter and my resume. I have also included a list of references that would be happy to speak with you concerning my qualifications.

    Have a great day and I hope to hear from you soon!
    Sincerely,
    Jess INeedAJob

    Tweak it... This was written very quickly!:rolleyes:
     
  7. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    May 16, 2010

    I re-read it and came up with some more suggstions.

     
  8. SCTeachInTX

    SCTeachInTX Fanatic

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    May 16, 2010

    I trust Aliceacc. I usually I would say do whatever she says because she is so dead on in general. But, I think a cover letter should not be that long. I know my P would not take the time to read it. I have looked through our apps first and pulled some for her and I have seen how quickly she tosses them aside. But I have noted that she spends more time on the more concise cover letters/resumes. She also loves brochures. She especially likes the ones with real pics of a teacher's classroom. Don't shoot me. I feel like I am dodging bullets tonight.:rolleyes:
     
  9. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    May 17, 2010

    No bullets--we can be friends and still disagree!!!

    But for the record, I agree that it could be cut. What I do like about it is the stories. They set this letter apart from the cookie cutter ones that gush about differentiated instruction and multiple intelligences and look as though they were dowloaded from coverletters.com. This letter gives some insight as to the type of teacher writing it, and I think that's invaluable!

    That said, the stories could certainly be condensed and still give the same insight. All you need is enough for the reader to think: "Now THIS is a teacher I would like to meet!"
     
  10. MissH225

    MissH225 Comrade

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    May 17, 2010

    Wow, thanks guys. I have a lot to look at and decide today after school.
     
  11. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    May 17, 2010

    The stories are indeed good - and should indeed be condensed.

    Good catch, Alice, on the grammar issues:

    - The OP's clause that begins "By taking" is a bona-fide dangling participle (that is, the subject of the participial clause is not the subject of the main clause); it can be fixed by recasting either the participial clause (Because I took time to..., he started to take...) or the main clause (By taking time to..., I helped him start to take...). Of the two, in this case I'd prefer the first because it makes the child more active.

    - In the phrase hands-on experiences, hands-on should indeed be hyphenated: in this phrase, it is an attributive adjective, and in general a phrase of more than one word used as an attributive adjective takes a hyphen.
     

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