Am I Mean?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by cutNglue, Sep 23, 2007.

  1. bonneb

    bonneb Fanatic

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    Oct 11, 2007

    naah - it's just that when I say "because I said so" it is when I am out of patience! "Please just do the right thing" is great!! Because it puts the burden of thinking onto the child. I don't know about the rest of you, but I can barely figure out my own "do the right thing," let alone everyone else's right thing!

    I think little kids often ask "why" when you direct them because they just don't know how to connect all the dots, and of course we can't take the time to explain every single thing we say! Yesterday someone asked me why, and I did say, "Because I am your teacher and I asked you to do it."
     
  2. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    Oct 11, 2007

    I'm drowning but I'm doing okay. Those are some of the things I heard at the Love and Logic workshop I went to as well. One thing that is hard for me right now is to react more than just a gut reaction because frankly I'm pretty exhausted. I also have insommia issues so that adds to it.
     
  3. bonneb

    bonneb Fanatic

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    Oct 11, 2007

    I think we should have a special thread for all us insomniacs to talk during the night! You have a lot on you. But you are not mean.
     
  4. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    Oct 11, 2007

    For the record, I never seriously thought I was mean. The title is from the "Your so mean" comment kids like to make (mine didn't, but I'm sure they thought it).
     
  5. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

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    Oct 11, 2007

    I don't know how your kids said it to you, but in the past when any of my students have pulled the "You're mean." bit is was always to try and get me to change a decision I had made. My response has always been, "Good thing I don't care about being popular." or some variation of the same. Don't worry. Stick to your guns. They'll respect you more in the long run.
     
  6. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    Oct 11, 2007

    Hahaha, I said my kids DIDN'T say it to me. They know better. I can be really tough when I want to be. This post was one of my better lessons because I was cool, calm and collected and wasn't really punishing as much as serving a logical consequence. Lately I'm super frustrated and not as creative and thoughtful with my disciplining. In those times I can be really tough.

    Another lesson, I gave my son a timer. I told him that we don't have a lot of time in the evening and I don't think it is fair that I have to stay up late getting my things done when they don't go to bed on time. So I explained that all his free time is done at the youth center. When he comes home he needs to work to accomplish what needs to be done before bedtime. He continues to goof off. So I gave him 30 minutes to eat dnner. Everyone else was done in half that time. I didn't stay to supervise or sit there and get onto him. Instead I walked away. Then when he wasn't done, I went over there and picked up his food and threw it away. He was dumbfounded. I told him I thought he was done eating since he seemed to be playing more than he is eating and his time is up. He wasn't happy but he knew better than to argue about it. He got busy. I did the same thing today. I told him he had an hour to accomplish what needs to be done. He's already spent too long eating and it was bathtime. Don't worry the kid ate enough. He's not starving.

    What kills me is that my kids know I mean what I say and yet they certainly don't act like they expect to have consequences.

    I'm alright with these kinds of disciplining. I don't like it when I get into the rant and rave mode nobody is listening to anyways. That's when I've lost my patience.
     
  7. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Oct 12, 2007

    You're so Mean, you probably think this song is making fun of you
    You're so Mean, I'll bet you think this song is rippin’ on you
    Don't you? Don't You?.....

    :rofl::toofunny::rofl::toofunny:
     
  8. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Oct 12, 2007

    I am mean
    I have warned my step daughter that if she is not ready at 6:30 I am leaving and going to be on time to school for a change !

    I woke her up 30 min early today and she was still late well tomorrow is the Day!

    I have to be at school by 7:10 (contract time) (today I got there at 7:15)
    If I can get to school by 6:45 I can get all the stuff I need to do to start my day off great.
     
  9. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    Oct 12, 2007

    One of our sons really hated high school. At first I was upset waiting. Then ... I would just leave. He graduated from school, college and is successful.
     
  10. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    Oct 12, 2007

    We haven't even gotten our first report card and my AB student now has a 47 avg in one of his classes!! He's not doing so swell in any of them except Language Arts (which was the only one he got a C on for one report period last year). I'm SO ready for the 6 back to back parent/teacher conferences next Tuesday. I want some consequences in place since grades aren't a deterrent. I'm going to wait and hear what the teachers and the school counselor suggests first though.
     
  11. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    Oct 13, 2007

    :lol:Okay, another "mean" episode. I have one main chore for my 11 year old to do. Sometimes he has to help in other small ways but he only has one real ongoing chore. I ask him to do one load per day to keep it up. In 2 months he has not done well at all. A month ago I washed them myself and got them caught up. This month he still didn't keep up with it. So I went to the laundromat and took the money out of his bank account which wiped it clean. I did twice as much work as they did but he still grumbled about having to do the work. Then we had to go to the grocery store. Mom!! It's 10pm. I told him, "Did you think just because you don't do your chores and I had to help you that I wouldn't still have to do my chores? This time you are helping ME." So when we went to the store they wanted to lean on a counter or sit down. NOPE. If I have to work, so do you. Then when they got home, they had to unload from both trips. I keep telling them that when you spend time trying to hide things and avoid the work, you end up costing yourself more work when you have to redo it. So basically I helped but it came with a penalty. My 8 year old's chores are trash and petcare. Trash hasn't been taken out to the curb in 2 weeks. The rest of the chores depends on what they mess up. I don't think it is too much. I did tell my son that the next time we go to the laundromat, he is doing the entire thing by himself. Why should I have to pay for it?
     
  12. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Oct 14, 2007

    :2up::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::2up:
     
  13. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    Oct 14, 2007

    Hahaha...no fair. I don't have a "bowing down accepting the applause" smilie.
     
  14. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Oct 14, 2007

    OK How about just a "Look'n good" or "you 'da' wo(man)" or "I am proud to call you a 'parenting friend' "

    I do have one question Do you guys go to church regularly? My step daughter is always better after she goes to church, her group stresses obeying parents
     
  15. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    Oct 14, 2007

    No, we used to before we moved here. I've been to a couple of churches since we moved here but I haven't liked them. I'll call it like it is....I've been too lazy to put forth the effort to find another one. I want a deaf ministry or at least an intepreter but I don't want a deaf only section of the church since my husband is hearing. I thought I had one recently because I had met a number of the congregation and I could tell they had a warm church environment. The set up was all wrong for me to hear things which isn't a small thing since I do pretty well in most environments and it is more catholic than I would like. That was just this summer.

    I've also tried to get my child into a class taught by a military parent especially made for boys called "Respect!" but I can't get him there in time since it starts almost immediately after school.

    The school counselor has him now for a focus group. I will be meeting her and all his teachers next week.
     
  16. becky

    becky Enthusiast

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    Oct 14, 2007

    C&G, I hope it all turns around for you. No one here helps out with anything, because it all turns into this mega power struggle. I'm not dealing with kids like you are, but you'd think I was.
     
  17. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    Oct 16, 2007

    Bless someone's heart...

    The youth director at my 8 year old's before/after care on base today offered to open up a before/after care slot for my oldest (11) for FREE! Well almost free, I would teach a sign class after school once a week and instead of getting paid, it would cover part of the tutition that would have accrued. She said she would make sure he is doing his homework, sign him up for classes like the "Respect" class, etc. Plus it might give him a positive outlet he needs. In order to do so I would have to switch schools so the bus can take him there. In regards to this program my child has always said he would rather come home after school and keep his current school (and friends). Since money was a factor, I always agreed. Tonight I told him that someone offered me a way to take him to another school if I decided to switch schools. I didn't tell him it was through this very cool program. He immediately started the tearworks. I told him I would have to discuss it would his father first but that I felt he would probably agree that we are getting nowhere and maybe he needs a change of environment. Maybe he is hanging around a bad group I don't know about, goofing off with his friends too much, etc. Either way, I've run out of options (I told him) so it's worth a try. "But mom, I wouldn't have any friends." "It's not my concern" I said, "I'm only interested in seeing that you improve responsibility and become more serious about school. If I have to remove you from your friends to do it then that's okay with me." I warned him that it hasn't happened yet. I haven't even spoken with his father. I was giving him a heads up because if he is serious about wanting to stay, then he better get serious about school. (This is all stuff I filled his head with). I never let on that it was through the base before/after school care because that is a super cool program and while he may not want to change his friends, he may give up too easily if I tell him that as of now.

    I have to say, "WOW" though for the youth director for caring enough.
     
  18. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Oct 16, 2007

    You are a great parent you have worked hard at this and I bet you will see results
    :clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap:
     
  19. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    Oct 16, 2007

    I hope so. After two years it seems hopeless sometimes.
     

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