Am I Mean?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by cutNglue, Sep 23, 2007.

  1. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    Sep 23, 2007

    Okay, I know my title means people will assume I don't mind negative backlash, but I do so go gentle. ;)

    I've been trying to get my kids to step up their responsibility in their school work, in their ability to do what needs to be done when it needs to be done (like getting dressed) and in their chores. Well I've tried for a month to get them to follow through with their chores. This week I backed off my gung ho style of always reminding them and giving them a date they need to have things finished by. I gave them a breather and let them be in charge of what they need to do. It hasn't worked, of course, so today I gave them a few hours (with prompt). It wasn't done. So now they want me to go to the grocery store. I'm overdue. I have stuff in the house, but we would have to be creative. I have no problems with that. Nobody is physically starving. The kids feel like they are because they can't open the fridge and automatically have an instant meal. So they are so upset with me because I said, "When you do your job, I will be happy to do mine." :eek: The truth is, I don't want to go a different time. I work all day. This is the easiest time to go. At the same time, I'm tired of the fact that they can't respect the rules and their part in the household. You have a job, I told them, and I have one. You are on strike. I guess I get to be too. :whistle:
     
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  3. Steph-ernie

    Steph-ernie Groupie

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    I don't think that's mean at all. Like you said, there is food there, it's just not as convenient. Way to take a stand!
     
  4. MissFrizzle

    MissFrizzle Virtuoso

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    I think what you did was fair. Hey, there comes a point where everyone needs to assume some responsiblity. It can't all fall on your shoulders. If you want to eat, well, get started with the prep kiddos! ( assuming that they are capapble of doing that). Maybe they will think twice about slacking off on their responsiblities next time.

    Not mean at all- very wise.
     
  5. Miss Kirby

    Miss Kirby Fanatic

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    Way to go, cutnglue!! :2up:
     
  6. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

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    No, you're not mean. At the same time you don't want to punish yourself. Is there something else that would be an effective consequence? The kids need to know you mean business, so setting firm limits and sticking to them is necessary. Just don't make life more difficult on yourself.
     
  7. scmom

    scmom Enthusiast

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    I respect you held to what you said and found a consequence which was meaningul to them. Maybe next time think of a consequence which doesn't make your life harder at the same time? I do that all the time and I hate it when the consequence makes my life more difficult!
     
  8. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

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    Have some fun and make a list of all the things that would be effective, everything from cleaning behind the stove to charging for rides to a friend's house, missing out on something fun, etc. I love that phrase you used. "When your job is done, I'll be happy to...". It's hard to get mad at someone who would be happy to help us if only.
     
  9. AMK

    AMK Aficionado

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    No your not mean at all. With your husband being overseas you need all the help you can get.
     
  10. Freebird

    Freebird Rookie

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    Good for you! I love it! :2up:
     
  11. kinderkids

    kinderkids Virtuoso

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    Why don't you go to the store, but skip the kid friendly stuff (for this week). That way YOU can get your shopping done too. Bet THAT will make them think twice.
     
  12. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

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    Good idea! Sorry, no jobs, no Fruitloops. I bought Shredded Wheat.
     
  13. Miss Kirby

    Miss Kirby Fanatic

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    That's a great idea.

    Sounds like something Super Nanny would do. Haha.
     
  14. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    They didn't get the house done as well as I wanted but they did do all their normal chores and put forth the effort after 2 days of refusing. I went to the store. I had every intention of buying Halloween costumes, ice cream (which I told them I would before), etc. I didn't buy one thing for them that wasn't a necessity or food for the week though I bought baby brother stuff and myself stuff. It was all stuff I already said I would buy before. Believe me, they knew not to ask! You snooze, you lose.
     
  15. Erin Elizabeth

    Erin Elizabeth Groupie

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    If only there were more parents like you. The parents who say what they mean AND mean what they say! Good for you!
     
  16. daysy_may

    daysy_may Groupie

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    Nope, not mean at all!:)
     
  17. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    High Five CUT!!
     
  18. mstemple05

    mstemple05 Cohort

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    Sep 23, 2007

    LOOOOOOOOOOL. I LOVE it!!

    I can so see you leaving the kitchen, turning out the lights and saying well, if you can go on strike-so can I. Kids have to be taught in whatever effective way possible. That's a way you know will reach your children-so why not? Like you said, no one is starving. I agree. Go to the supermarket and get everything you NEED and skip the fruit roll ups, apple jacks and taco fixins (although you already went & those would be things I would want..) No sense in you not having cleaning products or things you like to eat or need to use throughout the week (or even basic necessities for lunches) because they want to be brats.

    ^5. I'm so copying when my niece turns 5 and i have my own kids as well.. THANKS!
     
  19. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    LMBO! THe one thing I did not buy was chocolate. YOu better believe I'm stopping by the nearest drug store on my way to pick them up tomorrow to buy me some incognito. Really I'm trying to hide that secret from the baby. He gets into it and it is GONE!
     
  20. mstemple05

    mstemple05 Cohort

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    LOL. Pick me up a mr. goodbar & peanut chew mmmmmmmmmmm :) ;)
     
  21. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    The older kids were getting into my "secret" stash for a few weeks. I bought them their own stuff, but mine was pricier and I savor it a lot longer. I didn't start buying them their own stash till my husband left the country and I didn't have any choice but to divulge my guilty secret pleasure. They couldn't figure out how I knew it was them and not the baby like it had been before. Ummm..the baby leaves evidence. Older kids hide evidence. HAHAHAHA!
     
  22. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    I think you did a good thing. I would grocery shop as always, but don't buy the special treats. They'll get the picture. Meanwhile, you can stop and have a special treat!
     
  23. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    I haven't actually cooked in a few weeks either. I said, when I can walk into this house and have the kitchen cleaned (their chore), then I will be happy to cook. But when I try to cook and the kitchen is dirty, it just makes me mad and it isn't worth it. That's why they've been depending on easy meals because they have to make them. I'm very serious. Can you tell I'm FED UP?! NO use arguing though. Ive done that and it doesn't work.:unsure:
     
  24. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    You can't not have chocolate! Are we talking chocolate bars, or are we talking shaped chocolates like truffles?

    Let me assume bars. If you're buying a Trader Joe's Pound Plus Bar (17.6 oz of good Belgian chocolate, the milk chocolate's $2.99 and the 72% dark chocolate - formidable stuff - is $3.99), file it among your tax papers: it's a medical expense, no? If you're getting bars of a more standard size, you could maybe get one of those three-hole-punched CD holder pages, tuck the individual bars into the pockets, and file that.

    Shaped chocolates are tougher. I'm guessing that hiding the box under your bras isn't working any more.
     
  25. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

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    My mom bought a footlocker with padlock. All the yummy stuff was locked up and only she knew the combination. She put her baking stash in there as well-everything from chocolate chips to potato chips.
     
  26. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    If you've followed her approach, runsw/scissors, would that make you a ... chip off the old block?
     
  27. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

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    HAHA!!! Yes, I suppose it would. But the only person I would need to keep the goodies from is me. And if I know the combination, what would be the point?
     
  28. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    My dad did the locking too. I ended up a bulemic. Hmm....

    I find places in my room to hide the chocolate. If they don't know I bought it, the hiding place is usually good for 2-3 hiding times. After that, they find it. So I did pretty good all summer on 3 spots. Now I'm down to looking for another that is also equally convenient to me (ie, no having to go into another room).

    P.S. Their gameboy games are in a tampon box under my sink!
     
  29. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    :lol::lol:I bet they don't look there!! Hey, maybe you could hide your chocolate there too!
     
  30. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    I would if I could, but they don't make a box big enough. :lol:
     
  31. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    Hmm... Do you have bookshelves in your room? There's always the fake-book trick. One can buy fake books, but they tend to look it. To make it look more convincing, you find a real hardbound book that you might read at a Salvation Army or something, and you either pull off the cover and attach it to a box, or you hollow out the book leaving a frame of pages all the way around so it still looks like a book (you can glue the pages together) and tuck a box inside.
     
  32. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    Or, wait, wait: doesn't Costco or someone like that sell tampons in big ol' industrial-size boxes?
     
  33. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    :toofunny:
     
  34. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    I am gratified, cutNglue... and glad to be able to help in my small way.
     
  35. mommyre

    mommyre Comrade

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    Yes, you are a terrible mother... Just Kidding. We have to stand our ground as parents and teach the children a lesson. My son did not get to watch his favorite show because he has not been going to bed when he should (watching TV, and constantly coming in the living room to see what we are watching). He was made to go to bed an hour early tonight with no TV at all. He is still snubbing in his sleep. I feel bad, but we had to stand our ground! It will make your children better adults!!!!!!!!
     
  36. Mamacita

    Mamacita Aficionado

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    Oct 10, 2007

    I used to take Erma Bombeck's advice: I wrapped the chocolate and all the really good stuff in aluminum foil, labeled it "chicken fat," and kept it in the freezer.

    When your kids have openly disobeyed <--THAT WORD!!!!! you, I think you should smile, calmly take a giant Hershey bar out of your purse, unwrap it and eat it slowly, right smack in their faces. Make casual conversation about what a shame it is that none of them deserves one because of their lack of consideration and cooperation. Make a big deal about how delicious it is. Make little nummy sounds while you're eating it. Blow chocolate breath into their faces. Tell them there's plenty more where this one came from, since nobody else earned <--THAT WORD one.

    Ignore any complaints or whines, except to sigh that it's too bad they're being such babies, since every word out of their mouths takes treats from them and gives them to you or a deserving student in your class.

    Don't break down. Have no pity. Kids who don't do their part don't deserve the fun stuff, at home, in school, or anywhere else.

    That 'chicken fat' thing in the freezer always fools the husbands, too. Sometimes it puts a white spot or two on the chocolate but that doesn't hurt it.

    I also enjoyed 'accidentally' leaving candy wrappers on the kitchen table for disobedient kids to find in the morning.
     
  37. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    You are too funny. Unfortunately this method, which I stand behind wholeheartedly is also not working. Sigh.
     
  38. bonneb

    bonneb Fanatic

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    You are not mean. Have you read Parenting with Love and Logic? I know I sound like a broken record, but it really does work and it takes all the thinking and emotional upheaval away from the parent! No more getting angry, no more hounding, no more putting the picture together for the little buggers! They feel the pain of their poor decisions and the reward of their good decisions and start putting two and two together. The author, Jim Faye, has a very wonderful and important quote. He says to give the kids lots of opportunity to make mistakes so they have lots of opportunity to learn while the price is low. Then once they have made a poor choice "Hold their little feet to the fire!" Don't jump in and save them. Rejoice that they have a wonderful learning experience. Some of us just have to learn by experience, and believe me, as the parent of a teen, the cost of poor choices is waaaaaaaaaaaaaay high as they get older. Let them learn the lesson young. Good for you!
     
  39. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    I haven't read the book yet. I haven't even cracked the book on the one our behavior specialist gave me. Life is pretty overwhelming to me right now with crisis happening on every corner faster than I can fix them, kids struggling and hubby deployed. I intend to go to their workshops eventually. I would like the one for teachers too.
     
  40. bonneb

    bonneb Fanatic

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    We are watching the teacher videos at staff meetings and working on one technique per month. I can't tell you how much it has helped me in the classroom! These are the 2 techniques we have learned so far:

    1. Don't allow the child to draw you into an argument. Keep using the phrases, "I know" (response to "that is not fair!") or "you are probably right" (response to "You are so mean!") etc. It is important to work on truly being empathetic to the child - no sarcasm - darn! Anyway, once they see they can't draw you into the argument, they start running out of steam.

    2. Consequences can be delayed. We do not have to lower the boom at the moment of the infraction. I really had to work on this one, because I tend more toward ""You will hop to it because I said so!" It is ok to say,"There is a problem. You are making a problem. If you can't fix the problem, I will have to fix it." Or, "I see you have not fixed the problem. Now I am going to have to do something about it. I need to think about it. I will let you know what is going to happen. Try not to worry about it. I'll get back to you." And it really works, because then you get to calm down, gather information from others, set a plan, and do something reasonable and effective.

    I forgot that your husband is deployed! I should have remembered that. You do have an overflowing plate right now. I'm glad you are here and I hope you feel supported!! Do you have a good support system at home?
     
  41. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    You mean we can't say, 'BECAUSE I SAID SO!?" Seriously, something that works with my little ones is to say, Please just do the right thing."
     

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