Am I dumb??? Rant

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Elcsmith, Jul 28, 2009.

  1. Elcsmith

    Elcsmith Companion

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    Just got an invite today to a bridal shower. I contacted the bride to see where she was registered and mentioned that I was excited about her shower.

    Then I got a nasty email from the Maid of Honor telling me that it was supposed to be a surprise "as most bridal showers are" and that I was not to contact the bride anymore. I spoiled her surprise.

    The invitation did not say surprise or secret or shh anywhere. I'm from NC and I've never heard of a surprise shower before and I just got married last year!!!!!

    The bride is not mad and said to the MOH that she should have said it was a surprise on the invite.

    Am I dumb? Is it just an NC thing to let the bride know about the shower. I feel so bad that I ruined the surprise but part of me wants to shake the MOH and tell her to get some common sense! If a party is a surprise, you need to let the guests know!
     
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  3. love2teach

    love2teach Enthusiast

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    Bridal showers tend to be surprises, depending on what the bride wants. IT can be hard to keep the surprise....

    It sounds like the Maid of Honor went a little nuts here. She should have stated on the invite that it was a surprise, and she should have stated where the bride is registered so that people know where to buy gifts.
     
  4. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    Bridal showers here are rarely a surprise.
     
  5. chebrutta

    chebrutta Enthusiast

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    You're NOT dumb! The invite didn't say it was a secret. I've never been to a surprise bridal shower... but I would have made sure the invite said to keep it a secret.
     
  6. TennisPlayer

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    That's stupid! I haven't heard that they're a surprise either and how rude of her to assume that everyone would read her mind. If something is a surprise then it should be clearly stated.
     
  7. Jem

    Jem Aficionado

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    Wow-I've never heard of an assumed surprise party. Both in MI and CA-we seem to know.

    I'm planning a shower right now for my best friend, and we're keeping the theme a secret. But she certainly knows the date and that we're having one. My mom and MOH sat at our dining room table and planned mine. My other friend kept bugging me on if I was coming to hers, so none of those were surprises. Weird.
     
  8. BLHutch25

    BLHutch25 Rookie

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    I have never been a bride, but I have been a groom (twice). My ex wife's wedding shower was not a surprise. For the second marriage, my wife and I did not have any showers/parties, just a small ceremony with a reception.
     
  9. Elcsmith

    Elcsmith Companion

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    Thank you!!! I'm feeling so much less dumb now! Glad to know I'm not the only one. Good news though, the MOH just sent me an email apologizing. I guess she realized it was her mistake.
     
  10. sue35

    sue35 Habitué

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    I am throwing a shower and it sure isn't a surprise. I have never heard of one that is.
     
  11. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    Around here, showers are usually a surprise, and I would assume that a shower is a surprise if it didn't say, BUT I also wouldn't feel bad if I let it slip and it didn't say on the invite. If it is REALLY a surprise, and she is going to get that bent out of shape, the MOH should have put it on the invite.
     
  12. tb71

    tb71 Cohort

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    The MOH should be the one feeling stupid, not you. Most of the showers I have been to are not surprises. None of mine were surprises either bridal or baby.
    The last one I helped plan, the MOH didn't tell me it was a surprise and of course, the bride and I are friends so it just seemed normal conversation. If anything is ever a surprise it should be spelled out in big, bold letters not just assumed!!
     
  13. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    I've never been to any shower that wasn't supposed to be a surprise. But apparently that's a regional thing.

    Anyway, I've also seldom been to a shower where the bride was actually surprised.

    Big picture: they're all adults and they'll get over it.
     
  14. Beezus

    Beezus Cohort

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    I've never been to a shower that was a surprise.
    You're not dumb...if she meant it to be a surprise, she should have written it on the invitation.
     
  15. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    It should have been on the invite that it was a surprise...I'm sure you won't be the only one who slips.

    Don't feel dumb- the MOH is rude.
     
  16. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    I've never been to a shower that was a surprise. My sister's and mine weren't surprises. If she didn't want anyone contacting the bride about it, she should have put it on the invite.
     
  17. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Maven

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    That's what I was thinking. There should be a card mailed with the invitation from the store saying so and so is registered here. However, I would always assume the bride is not involved in the planning. If I had had a question I would have contacted the RSVP "person/persons" listed on the invite.
     
  18. Groovy

    Groovy Companion

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    Ditto! I've been to many, many surprise parties, all of which stated clearly on the invitation that they were a surprise. And I've been to many, many showers, NONE of which were a surprise.

    MOH goated, wants to blame you for her mistake.
     
  19. Jlyn07

    Jlyn07 Comrade

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    I've been to a few surprise showers but the invitations were clearly labeled that they were surprises. Around here, if the invitation doesn't say surprise it's most likely not.

    I'm glad the MOH apologized; how were you to know it was a surprise?
     
  20. MrsCheerio

    MrsCheerio Rookie

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    Mine wasn't a surprise, nor have I been invited to any that were. You are definitely not dumb!
     
  21. Proud2BATeacher

    Proud2BATeacher Phenom

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    It should have said that it was a surprise on the invitation and I personally think that the theme or at least where the bride was registered should have been written on it also.
     
  22. iheart5thgrade

    iheart5thgrade Comrade

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    I've never heard of a surprise bridal shower. Surprise birthday parties, yes, but not surprise bridal showers. I would have done the same thing and called to ask where the bride was registered.

    Looks like the Maid of Honor was the one who dropped the ball on this...she should have listed the registration places plus made the fact that it was a surprise very clear on the invite.
     
  23. ku_alum

    ku_alum Aficionado

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    She shoulda put "surprise" on the invite. Case closed.
     
  24. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    I still don't think the OP is at fault here at all... BUT

    I am SO surprised that most people on here have never been to a surprise shower. Showers are practically ALWAYS surprises around here. Baby AND wedding showers... Now, based on how cute the bride or mom to be looks when they show up, I would guess that they probably suspect, but the assumption would always be that it is a surprise. I have only planned 3 showers in my life, and they actually WEREN'T a surprise for logistical reasons, but there was some element of surprise to all 3 (theme, location) and everyone assumed that it WAS a surprise until I told them otherwise.

    I just think it is funny how this seems to be such a regional difference. I can totally see why the MOH WOULD make the assumption that you wouldn't say anything to the bride.
     
  25. Tasha

    Tasha Phenom

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    Surprise bridal showers seem to be a regional thing and are very rare where I am. I agree that the invitation should have said something on it to indicate it was a surprise.
     
  26. GoehringTeaches

    GoehringTeaches Comrade

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    My bridal shower was just close friends. They did a very good job at keeping it a secret. They played it off like it was a neighbor bar-b-que. Minutes before it started, the host gave me an invitation like the ones sent to everybody else. Either their invitation said surprise or she talked to them in person/phone and told them.
     
  27. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Maven

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    I would have to say I've seen it go both ways in regards to friends' baby/bridal showers but in regards to my family it will always be portrayed as a surprised (even if they did find out they won't say!). If I was the bride that the OP called I probably would have said that I didn't know anything about the actual shower but I am registered at such and such place and leave it at that. She didnt' really have to go and gab to the MOH. I don't know. It all seems a bit dumb how they went about everything IMO and the OP unfortuately got caught in the middle by mistake.
     
  28. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    I've never heard of one being a surprise.
     
  29. BethMI

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    I have never heard of a surprise shower. Bachelorette party, yes. And anything I have been invited to that has been a surprise said that on the invite. MOH is silly.
     
  30. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    I've never heard of a surprise bridal shower except for on tv. Come on...I'm sure the bride knew she was going to be given a shower, so how much surprise can there be? The exact minute the shower is to begin? Big deal. The woman who contacted you is being silly.
     
  31. blindteacher

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    Bridal showers were surprises where I used to live. Here they're not.

    I don't think the OP is at all at fault for not knowing either.
     
  32. MuggleBug

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    Most often here they're not surprises, but even if they're supposed to be, the bride usually finds out or can assume something's coming up because they can see gifts coming off of their registry online!

    The MOH is totally at fault. She should have written on the invitation that it was a surprise AND included registry info for the guests. Don't even worry about it.
     
  33. TeacherSandra

    TeacherSandra Enthusiast

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    Same here.
     
  34. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Maven

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    Mine was supposed to be a surprise but I found out anyway LOL
     
  35. Ms. I

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    Heck no, you're not dumb at all! I blame the moron MOH for not saying it anywhere & shame on her for being furious w/ you! If anything, you should be furious w/ her, but you probably don't wan to make the situation any more heated than it already is.

    I'd apologize to the bride for ruining the surprise, but I wouldn't feel a bit of guilt since it was the MOH's responsibility to let everyone know.

    From what I know, bridal showers aren't usually a surprise, but if they are, the person throwing it should definitely not assume that everyone knows if it's a surprise or not.
     
  36. kimrandy1

    kimrandy1 Enthusiast

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    I think the shower as a suprise thing was mainly done in our mothers' generation. Nowadays, most showers I've attended (and there seems to be one a month around here lately) are not surprises, but the ones that are surprises clearly indicate such on the invite.
    Kim
     
  37. SpecialPreskoo

    SpecialPreskoo Moderator

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    I've not heard of them being a surprise. A bachelorette party maybe but not a shower.

    I'm with the others - the MOH should have put SURPRISE SHOWER and where she was registered.

    MOH is at fault for that one.
     
  38. McKennaL

    McKennaL Groupie

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    Oh my GOSH! Am I ridiculously old fashioned? MOST bridal showers that i have been to...at LEAST started OUT as a surprise. Whether they were discovered LATER or not.. but how fun when the surprise is NOT discovered.

    I ALWAYS assume, when a party is for someone..and GIVEN by another...that i don't go asking the person of honor questions about the party. I FIRST contact the host/hostess...and usually WHILE I am R.S.V.Ping..I find OUT if it's a surprise or not.

    Ok, here I go being the old cranky woman again, but i think that the young people (I am laughing as I write that term) need to have everything OVERLY KNOWN. Gee Whiz! Go with a surprise once in a while.

    They need to know when they are having showers. They need to know the sex of the baby during the third month of pregnancy (WHICH-BTW, some OTHER people get a kick out of NOT knowing the sex of your baby or the name or the god parents, or the preschool they will be attending when they STILL are inutero)... or how their fiancee plans to SURPRISE them with a proposal... FOR goodness sake! Stop micro-managing and go with a surprise or two in your life!

    But yes... don't assume that showers are known. (The only showers that I assume are known are the ones that are TOLD to me are known....and the only ones like that have been known are baby showers that are SO close to a woman's due date that the guests are afraid of shocking her into labor.) Would it hurt to ASK? Or at least - when you are calling to ask where she is registered...not mention the shower until SHE tells you she knows about it already. You could say... "So and SO and I are going in for a wedding gift. Where are you registered?" If I were that MoH...I'd be pi$$ed too.
     
  39. McKennaL

    McKennaL Groupie

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    Shot through the heart! NOW, I feel ancient.
     
  40. McKennaL

    McKennaL Groupie

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    Here... a bachelorette party isn't a surprise. What you might DO AT the party, where you might go, who you might see...THAT'S the surprise..but not when or IF.

    But a shower... yes...OFTEN a surprise and NEVER assumed not before talking to the guest of honor. (I think it's just good manners/etiquette to talk to the hostess first.)

    And yeah...since I'm called out as old. There IS an age gap with these things. You go to these parties and the GIRLS will just assume EVERYTHING needs to be KNOWN in advance...and the more seasoned women...and even more with the elderly ladies in the room are truly disappointed that there is is no longer an...aire of mystery anymore.

    I'll say it... you take all the fun out of life having to pre-plan everything. LOOSEN UP! Be surprised once in a while... it's FUN!

    ***

    Try throwing OUT the daily planner once in a while. Try NOT knowing the sex of the baby... what a WONDERFUL surprise! Poop on advances that can tell you EVERYTHING!...What joy to hear... "SURPRISE!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!" or "Mom, your daughter has just arrived!"

    (welling up with tears remembering that surprise moment in my life.)

    Oh the things you miss out of when you micro-manage life.
     
  41. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Virtuoso

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    I'm almost 40 years old, and I have never been to a surprise shower. I've never even heard of anyone having a surprise shower.
     

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