Hello everyone. I have been a lurker for awhile, but finally felt the need to post to receive guidance from those in my field. This will be very long, so I apologize in advance but am going through a crisis of sorts. Just a bit of background for those reading...I am going into my sixth year of teaching. I originally set out to be a secondary social studies teacher...I especially enjoyed working at the middle school level. After undergrad, I started working part-time at a wonderful school district. To make a long story short, they were able to eventually hire me full-time in the middle school, though the district requested I go back to school to get another teaching certification so I could teach another subject for them besides SS. While my passion was with SS, I gladly and quickly went back to school to obtain another degree and certification. Those first three years of my career were wonderful, though at some points of my experience, I was teaching THREE different subjects or grade levels. I enjoyed and looked forward to going to school every day (to me, it didn't even feel like "work"), I had a positive relationships with students, parents, and my colleagues, I received glowing reviews from my administrators, and to top it off, my students performed extremely well on state exams. All that went crashing down when my district ran into a budget crisis and laid me off since I was the last hired. I was devastated. It was truly my dream job. I now had three teaching certifications and no job. After looking for a little while, I was able to find a job about 45 minutes away from home for the following school year. They were able to promise me a year-long contract to teach English, not my passion, but I had taught it at my previous district. However, once again, I received decent evaluations and my students performed very well once again on state exams. Since I only had a year-long contract, I began looking closer to home and found a position closer and for more money. Towards the end of the year, the school really wanted to extend my contract since they were pleased with my teaching performance, but I opted out for the new position I was offered. I am now in my second year with this third school. This past year was EXTREMELY rough on me. Once again, I was hired for an English position. I was hired with one other new English teacher who also had several years of teaching experience. This school's main focus is test scores, which made me realize why I had probably been hired due to my students' past performances. In every meeting, test scores are brought up, ugh! Every evaluation I (as well as the other new teacher) received was negative and I was told things such as "If your students don't do well on the state test, your life will be very difficult next school year." My administrator also said things about my personality being too timid and shy to be an effective educator, that my teaching is boring and uninspired, that he would never recommend me for tenure, etc. However, I got off easy as the other new teacher received letters in his file, etc and was eventually terminated. The whole year made me want to quit teaching but I kept with it. Just as a side note, our union has been trying to build a case against the administrator who said all those previous things, as he has been boorish to many of the faculty and staff. Nothing has happened yet with that, to date. Anyway, I was upset about the other "new" person leaving, but I was glad I had kept my position and was looking forward to tightening up the curriculum with my co-teacher...the second year is always better than the first! However, my administrator announced to me the day we left for summer break that the person we just hired as the new replacement would be taking my position and my classroom, and I would be moved into the recently-terminated colleague's classroom as well taking on his teaching load, which contains two different grade levels without the support of a co-teacher. Fine, I previously juggled multiple preps in my career without issue, but I was being told the last day? His reasoning was that I've "had it too easy, and the school wants to make my new year more difficult." Many of my colleagues told me to keep my chin up, that yes, this administrator was trying to get the best of me, but just to take the summer vacation to rejuvenate myself. Anyway, since now I am now teaching two different grade levels, I have tried to reach out to my other colleagues that are my counterparts on opposite teams. None are willing to work with me. I am now feel lost and overwhelmed with no co-teacher support, no willing departmental colleagues to bounce ideas with, and an administrator that seems to be setting me up to fail. We don't go back for another six weeks and I am already having anxiety attacks about it and feel physically ill about the thought of going back to work. My husband says he thinks I would be much happier if I were still teaching social studies, but there are no SS jobs to be found, thus why I keep being hired as an English teacher. So my concern...how do I stop myself from being so anxious and miserable about a school year that hasn't really already started? I am not afraid of hard work, but the more I plan over the summer, the more anxious and upset I get. I used to love teaching, but now I can't muster any enthusiasm about it. This school has made me feel like I am a horrible and ineffective teacher. I feel like I will be doing my future students a disservice if I continue this way. I miss the days where I got excited over the summer to meet new students in the fall and get back to educating. What can I do to turn this around? Thanks for reading...I really just need to vent. I have been in tears today thinking about school and my husband sympathizes but doesn't understand. As a side note, the first school I taught at is anticipating a retirement at the end of this upcoming school year for middle school social studies. Since I was laid off previously, I have been told the district has to offer me the position before starting a hiring search. If I could only wait it out one more year??? Sigh.