Aging Parents

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Ms. I, Oct 24, 2014.

  1. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Update

    My dad's still hanging in there! He has good & bad days & each day can be so different. My mom's giving him all the vitamins, etc. that she can & we're always praying constantly that he keeps living.

    I graduate from grad school (for the 2nd time) on May 15th (if I pass my huge exam) & even though he won't be able to attend the graduation, I sure hope he's still alive to see that day with me!

    My mom wanted to know HOW I'd prefer her to tell me the news when my dad passes. I told her she can tell me by phone in which I'll be right over. She wanted to make sure I can handle that news by phone or whether I'd prefer being told in person.

    Thank you for all your continued prayers!
     
  2. Maryhf

    Maryhf Connoisseur

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    Jan 12, 2015

    Glad for the update. I've been thinking of you and your family. My 83 year old mother broke her hip and had surgery. She will need to find a single level place to live. These decisions are heart breaking! All the best!
     
  3. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Jan 12, 2015

    Maryhf, thank you for your concern. Oh, I forgot to add something above, which I've now added.

    I'm sorry about what happened to your mom. I hope everything goes smoothly w/ her finding a new place.
     
  4. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    I last saw my parents 2 days ago & my Dad is extremely, extremly thin...pretty much skin over bone. He's still eating well though. His cheeks are sunken in, which was a change from when I last saw him. He converses OK, still with great alertness & memory at times!

    My Mom hasn't been feeling well herself. She gets these hard-to-explain feelings from time to time...not dizziness or vertigo, but just something the doctors' tests couldn't diagnose.

    They of course just take it one day at a time.
     
  5. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Thanks for the update; I'm sorry your mom isn't doing well.
     
  6. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    MrsC, I appreciate your comment. At one time, they had said she had lupus, but it turned out to be an incorrect diagnosis. If something ever happened to my Mom too, oh boy, we'd all be in bad shape! :(

    She called his hospice office to see if they can find him a facility he can go to for about 3 days, so she can rest for a little while. Unfortunately, they don't have the kind of money (or the type of insurance) to pay for a nursing home. Their next door neighbor was telling my Mom that for his MIL, it's $6000/mo for her nursing home. :eek:
     
  7. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Hopefully they can find somewhere for your dad, so that your mom is able to have a bit of a break.

    Care is so expensive, particularly if nursing care is required. The residence my mother-in-law is in is wonderful, but her medical needs are becoming too great for them to deal with and we've been advised to look for somewhere else. Good places are few and far between, however, with long waiting lists and high price tags!
     
  8. bros

    bros Phenom

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    I know with my step-grandmother, for a nursing home, her children had to pay for the first three months, then medicaid covered the rest.
     
  9. Missy

    Missy Aficionado

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    Check with the hospital's social worker; there is usually respite care available so your mom can get some breaks.
     
  10. janlee

    janlee Devotee

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    Isn't it possible for you to spend two or three days at your parent's home? This way you could take on the responsibilities that your father requires. Your mother would still be there if there were any problems but you would be the main caregiver for your dad. You are able to go away from your apt. for mini vacations so isn't this apssibility? It would certainly solve the money issue.
     
  11. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    So there's a facility just 10 min away that will take my Dad for 5 days, so my Mom's liking the idea. She says this will also be a break for him too, so yes, a nice change in scenery is good.

    janlee, true. That's something I've always remembered. Actually, it's a good thing for my parents that I don't work for a district these days for now. My work schedule is more flexible to allow me to come over when I do. My staying over a couple days can't be a weekly thing. My parents realize I'm busy too.
     
  12. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Oh no. So sorry Ms I? Sometimes these things seem to happen quickly. When did you last see your dad before this recent visit?
     
  13. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Thank you czacza. I believe one day the week before last.
     
  14. Missy

    Missy Aficionado

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    Hospice varies from place to place, but if your dad qualifies, he could get much more help and give your mom a break.

    When my mom was terminally ill and living with us, hospice came in every single day so I could take my eldest to kindergarten and have a short outing with my younger daughter. I will forever be grateful to them for the help at such a difficult time.

    I hope your mom is feeling better. Vertigo/ dizziness feelings are the worst, in my opinion.
     
  15. chemteach55

    chemteach55 Connoisseur

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    That depends on how much money they have before they go in because we paid a year for my FIL before he had used enough of his personal funds to qualify for medicaid.
     
  16. Ms. I

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    They have a health aide 2-3 days/wk, plus the actual nurse comes I think once a wk. But, even that alone is tiring for my mom because of these factors:

    - they come after a certain time (said by my Mom), but they're rarely on time, so she's waiting around for them, having to keep her street clothes, makeup, etc. on & can't get comfy like when she's alone. Sometimes, they don't come at all. In the meantime, she's fed him breakfast...they don't feed him, but do the other little stuff.

    - there's different personnel practically every time, which doesn't mk much difference to my Mom

    Thank you Missy.
     
  17. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Aug 10, 2015

    Well, my Mom's finally going to get to relax for the next 5 days! My Dad will be taken to a facility Tues-Sun to be cared for. My Mom & I will have a fun day together on Thurs by going to the movies & having dinner...maybe the mall too. My Mom wants us to visit my Dad briefly that day too. She's not the type to not visit him the whole time.
     
  18. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    5 days seem like a relaxing idea and I hope your mom gets some rest, but don't be surprised if she is distracted by thoughts of him.:hugs:
     
  19. Missy

    Missy Aficionado

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    If your mom visits on Thursday, you may want to go on a different day, so he sees familiar faces more than once in his first time there.
     
  20. YoungTeacherGuy

    YoungTeacherGuy Phenom

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    Oh, that's a great idea!

    When my grandma was dying, my dad and his siblings took turns caring for her Monday-Friday. Actually, a caretaker was with her from 7am-7pm--then, each of the 5 siblings took a weeknight (there are five siblings). On weekends, we (the grandchildren) took turns caring for her. Since there are so many grandkids, I only had to spend the night one weekend every two months or so. I visited her in between my scheduled weekends, though.

    The nice thing is that she got to stay in her own home and was with an adult 24/7.
     
  21. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Thanks for the comments guys. I'm so glad for my Mom to get this long-deserved relaxation. She most certainly deserves it. We both think it will good for my Dad as well to see different scenery & interact with different people.

    YTG, your grandma was blessed to have your whole family taking part in caring for & spending time w/ her! With us, it's just my parents & I.

    The last time my Dad's been in a facility to be cared for was Last Nov.
     
  22. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Since retiring, I no longer hate naps. If there’s a chance for a nap, I take it and enjoy every sleepy moment.
     
  23. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    My Mom's birthday was Friday. She turned 77! I thank God that she saw another birthday & is in good health & strength!
     
  24. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Happy belated birthday to your Mom, Ms. I!
     
  25. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Thanks a lot MrsC!
     
  26. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Oct 26, 2015

    My Dad is 87 years old today! I'm busy all day from late morning till night, but I think I'm going to try to do a surprise visit to my parents' house! My Mom thinks I won't be able to come until the end of the week.

    I thank God that he lived to see another birthday!!! :D:D:D
     
  27. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Happy Birthday to your dad, Ms. I! I hope you can make it to surprise him--that will be the best present you can give him!
     
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  28. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Oct 26, 2015

    Thanks a lot MrsC! It will definitely have to be a very short visit this time, but I still want to do it.
     
  29. ChristyF

    ChristyF Moderator

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    Happy Birthday to your dad! I know they will love whatever time they get with you.
     
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  30. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Thanks a lot ChristyF! Yes, I was glad I squeezed in the time. Ever since I moved out, my parents & I are the types who don't care if we see each other on our actual b-days or holidays, but I'm glad I did it this time since my Dad's in the condition he's in.
     
  31. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Time is limited, Ms I. Glad you decided to give your sacred gift of time. Moments and memories. That's what life is about. .
     
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  32. YoungTeacherGuy

    YoungTeacherGuy Phenom

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    You guys live in the same town, no?
     
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  33. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Oct 27, 2015

    We do, but I had already scheduled something today from 11am - 9pm & was going to go to my parents' the end of this week, but I'm glad I went ahead today.
     
  34. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    We had gparents who lived around us. We would try to get down there a few times a month. When one of my gram's was in a home we went every week & brought a treat. One time we didn't bring one and we heard about it... Funny thing when we would bring them she would say you're going to make me fat. Lol!!! I am glad we would go visit them when we did because a few times we were all down there & the gparent passed a week or so later. I have some priceless pix. I actually recorded my Gram on my phone the day before she passed saying I love you... It means so much to all of us!!!
     
  35. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    I just caught this thread. I'm so glad you were able to spend some quality time with your parents. I'm sure that means so much more to them than any material present you could have given them!
     
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  36. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    Exactly!! My gparents loved us visiting.. Treats were great too. I made them! Lol. Because they didn't need anything!! Lol
     
  37. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    The gift of time is the most important to parents and aging relatives. And later on it will provide for cherished memories for those left behind.
     
  38. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    It doesn't always have to be a face to face... I call my Gram that is still here & she loves to talk. Also I can't always get to see her but send my dad with different things & she loves that we thought of her to send it too.
     
  39. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Right, I literally talk to my Mom every single day via phone (sometimes more than once) & she'll put my Dad on about every couple days too.
     
  40. ChristyF

    ChristyF Moderator

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    For Gram, even after the Alzheimer's got bad, it was a cup of soft serve ice cream from the Burger Barn. It was something special for me, too, because there are so many memories of sitting at the bar in there eating ice cream with her. For the first few months after we lost her I would turn down and head to the nursing home without even thinking. I treasure those times with her.
     
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