Aging Parents

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Ms. I, Oct 24, 2014.

  1. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    Dec 1, 2014

    Hugs Ms. I... This has to be so tough on you & your mom. Prayers for you all. I'm sure your dad doesn't like being in this position either....
     
  2. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    I hope that you're able to spend a lot of time with your dad in these coming days, weeks, and months. There may be times when he is lucid and I'm sure he will appreciate having you around. I would gently recommend that you make a point to fit him into your schedule rather than making your schedule the priority and giving him the empty slots.
     
  3. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    So true guys, thank you so much again! He can't stand up anymore & sure can't walk. His days & evenings are filled either laying/sleeping in bed or sitting up in his wheelchair. I went to lunch/dinner at Souplantation today & saw this lady w/ (I assume) her elderly parents. They were quite elderly, but still walking...slowly. It made me sad & wished my dad could still be like them. He was like that less than a month ago.

    One of his knees stays in a very bent position & it can't be straightened out. If my mom tries to straighten it out, he says it hurts. I don't know if that can ever be improved.

    I'm going to try to visit again this coming Sunday. I don't want to say this to my mom, but it seems like he's going downhill so fast! I also don't want to try to think of what to say to him in case the next time I talk to him is THE LAST time.

    During my last visit, I prayed for him & my parents & I prayed again. I told him how I should be graduating next summer w/ my second Masters. He replied to what I was saying, but I don't know how long he remembered it...perhaps longer than I think. I tell him I love him every time we talk in which we talk on the phone just about daily if he hasn't already gone to sleep that night.

    :(:(
     
  4. bros

    bros Phenom

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    Dec 2, 2014

    One of my great-grandparents had dementia and lived until they were 93 years old.

    They were in a state similar to that of your father for at least a few years, from what I can recall from my childhood. The great-grandparent would spend most of their days watching TV, with each day having varying amounts of lucidity - some days, they would just talk at me in German all day (I would go to my grandmother's house after school every day through like third grade - my mom worked for my step-grandfather in the basement of the house). Some days, they would talk to me in English and ask me about things my mom/grandmother had told them about me. I know its different from a parent, but I hope this helps in some way.
     
  5. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Thank you bros for your comments. 93 is a nice, long life! Yes, I sure hope my father is around for a good # of years more.
     
  6. kinderkids

    kinderkids Virtuoso

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    Is he still eating??? My mom has been put on hospice and refuses to eat or have company. It is so difficult because she just shoos us away and "goes to sleep". She has gotten so thin but we can't do anything about it. She is still drinking water, but that can only last so long. Monitor his eating habits. That is a very dramatic and telling change. Prayers for you and your family. Such a difficult time.
     
  7. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Thanks a lot kinderkids for the prayers. Yes, he's always eaten very well & eaten everything on his moderately-filled plate. He's still very thin, but he does eat his food! :)
     
  8. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    I feel for you. It's a difficult thing to see parents age. I've experienced it with my mother.
    She passed away a couple of summers ago.
    Thinking of you.
     
  9. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Grammy Teacher, thank you for your thoughts. I'm sorry for the loss of your mother.
     
  10. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Maven

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    My grandpa is 94 and can't really get around much but still seems pretty aware of everything. He even still reads novels (large print of course) but every time a new John Grisham book comes out he wants it! I haven't seen him recently and he does sound more "tired" , just talking a bit slower on the phone but so far he's still kicking! I agree eating well is a good sign for now.
     
  11. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    It's great for anyone to live in their 90s! My dad's mother lived to be 91 or 92.
     
  12. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    My oldest Gpa lived to be 100 1/2!!!
    My other Gpas 70s, but they all had some form of cancer!!!
     
  13. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Wow, to live to 100...! & a 1/2! Nice.

    My Dad's beaten cancer & has been in remission since the mid or late 90s. It never returned, thank God!
     
  14. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Dec 7, 2014

    During my latest phone conversation w/ my Mom tonight, she said my Dad said he's going to die. When my Mom asked what makes him say that, he said that he can tell. Well, that stressed my Mom out today. All we can do is keep praying & thinking positive thoughts.
     
  15. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    So sorry, Ms. I. Go and visit your parents today.
     
  16. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    I feel your pain. I remember my mom telling me that. She told me she wasn't going to get better. It broke my heart. This is such a difficult time for all of you, but you just being there as best you can is very caring.
     
  17. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    Dec 7, 2014

    So sorry Ms. I....hopefully you can have one last Xmas with him!!!!
     
  18. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    I appreciate it ladies.

    I sure hope so too!
     
  19. chemteach55

    chemteach55 Connoisseur

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    Dec 7, 2014

    Praying for you and your family. We are in the same position with my FIL and are trying to make this a memorable Christmas season for him and us.
     
  20. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    chemteach55, thank you. Yes, that sounds very nice.
     
  21. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Dec 11, 2014

    2 days ago, I visited my parents & helped my Mom do a TON of work around the house! Their whole 1st floor is now decluttered, new rugs my Mom bought put down, tables cleaned, carpet swept, etc.

    My parents now have that lifting apparatus to move my Dad to/from his bed to his wheelchair, so that helps a lot. A nurse & a home health aide come over quite regularly too. My Mom was told that if my Dad lives past a certain date in Jan, he'll be taken out the hospice category & the current equipment they have (bed, wheelchair, etc. will have to be switched out because Medi-Care or something similar will start taking over w/ coverage.

    Something that really impressed my Mom & I the other day was when I was visiting my parents. My Mom & I were talking, just having a regular conversation. My Dad was watching TV behind us & suddenly, my Dad interjects & says something that we were talking about. That of course means he was listening & following what we had been saying, even though the TV was on, etc.! Pretty good alertness & listening still for someone w/ dementia!
     
  22. kinderkids

    kinderkids Virtuoso

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    Dec 16, 2014

    Ms I...I thought of this thread today. My mom is not eating or drinking anymore, on oxygen and taking morphine every two hours. We were told now is the time to see her...her window of time is about a week or less. Love your dad and see him as often as you can. I will be spending as much time as I can with mom and hope to be with her when she passes. She may be in heaven with my dad this Christmas.
     
  23. Missy

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    Dec 16, 2014

    I'm so sorry, kinderkids. What a difficult time; your family will be in my thoughts.
     
  24. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

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    Hugs Kinder.
     
  25. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    Difficult time Kinderkids. I went through this two years ago with my mom. It's so hard, but good you are there for her as best you can be.
     
  26. kinderkids

    kinderkids Virtuoso

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    Thank you Missy, teachtex and Grammy. I apologize that I took away from Ms I's thread. Not my intention. Just wanted to remind her to spend time with her dad as much as possible. It will be a tough holiday season for my entire family. I hope Ms I. cherishes this time of year with her dad and mom.
     
  27. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    kinderkids, I'm sorry about your mom not eating/drinking. As you said to me earlier in this thread, my thoughts & prayers are w/ you as well. Of course, we know our parents can't live forever, but we always just hope it's "longer, longer". I wish you joy & peace during this holiday season w/ your mom. It's nice that we're all praying for each other!
     
  28. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    Dec 17, 2014

    Awe Kinder.... so tough anyway & tougher around holidays.... We lost my oldest & last Gpa after the holidays...It was still tough!!! Hugs to you all!!!
     
  29. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    :hugs: kinderkids
     
  30. LouiseB

    LouiseB Cohort

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    My husband lost both of his parents to cancer within the past 4 months. His father was in hospice for less than a week and died in August. Then shortly after that his mother was diagnosed with cancer and died exactly 6 weeks after his father. It was a trying time for our family.
     
  31. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    Oh Louise that is tough.... The Gpa I referred to we lost in Jan & my gma (his wife) passed beginning of fall! It was tough...my last biological Gparents.
     
  32. kinderkids

    kinderkids Virtuoso

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    Tomorrow is my mom's funeral. I know it will be a celebration of the wonderful woman she was. I will miss her tremendously.
     
  33. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

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    My condolences, Kinder.
     
  34. LouiseB

    LouiseB Cohort

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    Thinking of you and your family.
     
  35. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    My sympathy Kinderkids. Be thinking of you.
     
  36. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    I visited my parents today & will visit them on Christmas Day w/ my BF. My Dad's legs are both so bent. They say a characteristic of demetia is that the person will get into a fetal position & my Dad is surely in that position.

    My Dad slept a lot today, but the next time I'm alone w/ my Dad again, I want to express what an excellent father he's been & how much I appreciate him.

    What a tremendously difficult time your family went through!

    I'm so very sorry kinderkids. May God comfort you at this time.
     
  37. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    My deepest sympathies, kinderkids.
     
  38. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    Hugs Kinder.....
     
  39. Missy

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    So sorry, kinder. Your family is in my thoughts.
     
  40. ChristyF

    ChristyF Moderator

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    Kinder, I'm so sorry! I will be keeping you and your family in my prayers.
     

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