Advice on Behavior

Discussion in 'General Education' started by Joy, Jan 29, 2016.

  1. Joy

    Joy Cohort

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    Jan 29, 2016

    I have a student that is constantly disrupting class. He turns to anyone nearby and talks with them. He makes rude noises. He smarts me off and he is hardly ever quiet. I sent him to the principal last week for refusing to work. She told me later that she talked with his mom and the reason that he is so disruptive in my class is because he doesn't like the sound of my voice. It apparently has a ring to it. The principal told him that he will need to "tolerate" it. I teach music and feel deeply hurt by this excuse. The kid has trouble with other teachers too and this is not just a problem in my room. What should I do?
     
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  3. Linguist92021

    Linguist92021 Phenom

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    He is disruptive and disrespectful and should be written up. There is no excuse for his disruption, and for him to say it's about your voice is just BS. I would call home and have a heart to heart talk with mom and with him.
    Students who act like this are counting on the teacher to give them chances and let them slide. The longer it is tolerated, the longer they push.
     
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  4. gr3teacher

    gr3teacher Phenom

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    I can't believe your principal didn't put an immediate end to that "sound of your voice" crap. That should have been an immediate phone call home from the principal.
     
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  5. Joy

    Joy Cohort

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    The parent told the principal this thing about my voice to her face. The principal then came to me and told me about it and said that she told the parent and the kid that he would need to "tolerate" my voice since I can't change it. When she told me, she was wanting me to put some thought into if this could possibly be causing the problem. I told my principal that I was sad that he was being allowed to have an excuse like this. I also asked her to explain why he has so many problems with other teachers if it's just caused by my voice. I feel so discouraged about this and now realize that I can't send anyone to my principal because she is not supportive if she allows this. I wish I had just dealt with the kid myself and never sent him to the office.
     
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  6. gr3teacher

    gr3teacher Phenom

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    I'm appalled that a parent would have the nerve to tell another adult that comment without immediately following up with "And of course we gave him severe consequences at home for being so disrespectful."
     
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  7. Peregrin5

    Peregrin5 Maven

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    Jan 29, 2016

    Exactly. This. A thousand times this.
     
  8. Peregrin5

    Peregrin5 Maven

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    And that may be simply what you need to do from now on. I would have told the parent "that's the stupid excuse he gave you?" if the parent came to me with that excuse. Some parents these days believe everything is the fault of everyone else and refuse to take responsibility for their children.

    In the future, you may have to handle it yourself through phone calls home, in-class time-outs, and lunch detentions. Even though my principal is supportive, I almost NEVER send a student to her because it also causes me to lose my authority in the classroom if I have to defer to the principal. (also because she has so many other problems to deal with, and any discipline she is likely to dish out probably isn't as good as something I could do myself)
     
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  9. Joy

    Joy Cohort

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    I should have dealt with it because I wouldn't have allowed an excuse like that. I really regret it! This is the first kid I've sent to the principal all year and I felt that I should be able to do that. I've never thought about sending kids meaning that you could lose your authority. That will be a good way for me to think about it. I guess in my mind the ultimate punishment is getting sent to the office. I've dealt with all of his behaviors this year and felt that it was time for a greater consequence. I never would have thought it would just come back being my fault!
     
  10. Peregrin5

    Peregrin5 Maven

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    I personally know that getting sent to the principal is not the ultimate punishment, but I generally talk it up like it is, and the fact that I pretty much never use it makes kids believe it. In my case, my principal will actually do something (all she can really do is conference with the parent and the parent knows its serious because the principal is calling) and she doesn't put up with that kind of excuse, so maybe you don't want to play that up, because if you end up doing it and it's as useless as it is this time, you've lost your ultimate weapon.

    But we live and learn. I regret a lot of things too, but I just learn from it and move on. Can't live in the past. Best of luck to you!
     
  11. Linguist92021

    Linguist92021 Phenom

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    I once had a kid who dared to tell me that he couldn't understand my accent, and that I'm supposed to teach English but I'm not even speaking English in class. He was disruptive besides that.
    I ripped him a new one. I told him I've been in this country longer than he has been alive and that out of everyone, not one person has any problems with my accent. For him to say what he said just shows how ignorant he is and how dumb all that sounds. I then added that I don't think he's ignorant or dumb at all, but he's embarrassing himself by saying things like that.
    After that he was one of the best kids, always attentive, ready to learn and did all his work. Yes, he was in and out of juvenile hall, so he went back and forth, but I had no problem with him.
    In fact, out of the kids in the past 3 years he was the only one who asked me to give him homework (we don't give), because he wants to be prepared to go back to regular high school. I did and he did his homework religiously.
    He got accepted back to his regular school and as far as I know, he's doing great.

    All because I came down on him hard and didn't spare his little feelings, I had no problems with him and we had a great relationship.
    If I would have been soft on him, he would have walked all over me and it would've been a nightmare.

    I would tell your kid that he sounds rude and ignorant by blaming my voice for his misbehavior. he needs to shape up, listen to and follow directions and stop being disruptive. There is nothing wrong with my voice and him acting like this shows me that he will have a hard time in the real world, when he will have a boss to deal with and people will expect things of him. I would also tell my P that he hurt my feelings when he said my voice will have to be tolerated, as in yes, the kid has a point, but just deal with it. That is wrong. Acknowledging this to the parent made it even worse.
     
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  12. Backroads

    Backroads Aficionado

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    Sometimes kids (people) need to hear the unfiltered truth: Your behavior is immature and rude and ridiculous. Take them down a peg.
     
  13. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

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    Perhaps rather than sending the cherub to the principal, you could arrange to have the principal come remove him in the future. You could also talk with other teachers nearby wand ask if they would possibly have a place in their room for this child to relocate to if he is so disruptive in your class. Removing a disruptive child is not a blow to your authority. It actually strengthens it provided you have the administrative backup to support you. You are showing that you refuse to let his disrespect stand, and that you respect the rest of the class not to allow him to run the show.
     
  14. Joy

    Joy Cohort

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    I actually did call the office to have her come and get him. She wouldn't answer the phone and neither would the secretary.
     
  15. MissScrimmage

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    A very wise teacher who used to post here often said that every time you involve another person in your discipline issues, you give away a piece of your own authority. That doesn't mean there isn't a time or place to involve your principal, but it sounds like moving forward you won't want to lose much of your authority to your principal. I would definitely have a chat with the student this voice excuse and see what he has to say.
     
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  16. Linguist92021

    Linguist92021 Phenom

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    I also don't think that involving someone else definitely means giving away your authority. It depends on how it's dealt with and who the other person is.

    Giving away authority:
    - send the kid to the office and he just sits there, not having to be in class, no discipline, no one talks to him
    - sending him to admin, but they don't assign a consequence, or even partially agree with the kid
    - sending the kid too often to admin, even if they are strict and assign a consequence, sending the kid too often does show that you can't handle him on your own, you need help.
    - sending him to another class where he can goof around, hang out with his peers, especially if he likes that class or teacher, it's a reward

    Not giving away the authority
    - sending him to the P who talks to him, shakes some sense into him, and assigns the next level of consequence, or gives a last warning with which she will follow through. At my school if you end up in the P's office that is not giving away my authority, as long as I'm not doing it too often
    - being sent out of the class to in house suspension, with a referral and follow up (phone call home, etc) We have this at my school.
    - being sent to another classroom (where he has to finish his work from my class) and he at the least he must sit in complete silence. This is better if there is a huge difference in grade levels, for example
    send a 6th grader to an 8th grade class, he won't say a word because he will feel intimidated, or send a 5th grader to a 2nd grade class, he will feel silly for being sent to the little kids' class. This teacher should be strict and not allow him to goof off or disrupt.

    OP, in your situation I would not not involve your P at all, because obviously (s)he's not supportive at all, and it will look like you're giving away your authority.
    I would assign whatever consequences you have, detention, phone call home, have conversation with the kid (always have a conversation, even if he doesn't want to hear it. Doesn't have to be 5 minutes, you can make it short, 1-2 minutes).
    Send him to another classroom, but you must pre-arrange this. The other teacher must be very strict, and one who's class he doesn't even like. Always send work with him. Call home often, but with positives also ("today he was doing better, didn't complete all his work, but he wasn't as disruptive as before. I did have to give him 2 warnings, but then he redirected. I think he's going in the right direction, and I wanted to thank you for your support")
    Be very consistent, and follow a step system (1st warning, 2nd warning, what happens at the 3rd warning.). If you give him a second chance, always, always communicate why, otherwise he'll think you're moody or weak and not consistent (I've made this mistake many many times before)
     
  17. txmomteacher2

    txmomteacher2 Enthusiast

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    Once again this is a parent who is off their rocker so to speak. I am very grateful that I have a principal that backs us up 100% of the time, even when we shouldn't be. She doesn't back down to a parent, ever, and that answer would have never been an acceptable answer for bad behavior ever. I do like what someone posted about involving other people in my discipline. Every time that I have, things have never ever gotten better between the student and I. So it made for a lot of tears and a very long year.
     

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