But to be honest, if you don't get it-- if you do feel that these kids are "someone else's children"-- then adoption is NOT the right path for you. It's not right for everyone, just as in-vitro is not right for everyone. One of my favorite adoption/bio stories involved the kids getting vaccines. Brian had an ugly reaction to his MMR vaccine-- high fever for a few days. So when Julia was due, I asked the pediatrician to work the timing so it would be convenient for me when she had a reaction. He told me that the percentage of kids who have a reaction is tiny. I replied that, as much as I realized that, Brian had had a reaction so I assumed that Julia, as his sister, would probably react in a similar way. He just waited there, smiling, until I remembered that Brian was adopted and Julia wasn't. If it's not going to be like that with you, then adoption isn't the right path. No kid, ever, should feel like "someone else's child."