A Question for Parents

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Jem, Nov 12, 2009.

  1. Jem

    Jem Aficionado

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    Nov 12, 2009

    Do your children annoy you?

    I'm beginning to worry.

    This is the second week I've had my student for 3+ days in a row. Including nights. I like my student-she's sweet and polite and we get along. But after spending more than 12 hours with her, suddenly her sweetness seems more like spoiled-ness, her politeness goes down the drain (she WROTE on my patio table yesterday!!), and she annoys the crap out of me.

    Dh and I are talking about having a kid, and I'm worried. Do you find your kids annoying? I find her smacking and chomping while eating the height of irritating. I find her jokes soooo un-funny. I want to kill myself when it gets to be 7pm and all I want to do is read or watch tv and she is still there. But kids are there all the time and I'm sure they make the same jokes and eat food in weird ways and beg for attention all the time. Is there a parent/child bond that helps combat the irritating-ness? Like right now she is trying to explain spray cheeze to me.... I'm sure your kids do that to you as parents, too. I want to just ignore her. I can't do that with my own kid.

    ACK.

    I might add that I see a lot of her quirks mirroring her parents, so I'm thinking that our child would NOT be like her, as we are exactly 180 degrees from her parents in terms of culture, lifestyle, etc. So do just raise your child to be like you and then they aren't irritating?
     
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  3. Jem

    Jem Aficionado

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    Ok, so I've been thinking about this more. Maybe children are more like significant others. Other guys can really annoy me-friends of any sex, really-but I love dh unconditionally. I rarely get irritated with him, even when he is behaving in a way that would drive me CRAZY if he were anyone else.

    So are kids kind of like husbands? You just love them because they are yours?
     
  4. TeacherShelly

    TeacherShelly Aficionado

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    To me, yes, kids are like spouses. Even my dearest friends pass their welcome date after 72 hours. Heck, even my parents and siblings drive me to a migraine just so I can be alone away from them after a day or two.

    Your own kids will annoy you deeply, in ways that you haven't even thought of, but they will not make you want to move house the way an overstaying friend will. Not to worry!
     
  5. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    Yes. This is why God invented babysitters, school, and activities.
     
  6. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    Nov 12, 2009

    Wisely said, 'daisy.

    Jem, you can count on at least one offspring having at least one habit that makes you crazy.
     
  7. Jem

    Jem Aficionado

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    Nov 13, 2009

    I just realized this was in New Teachers instead of Teacher's Time Out. Weird. Feel free to move it!
     
  8. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Nov 13, 2009

    But Jem, there's a HUGE difference.

    She's not yours.

    Underlying all the annoying habits my kids pick up is an incredible, all-encompassing love. It's different from the love I feel for my students or my babysitters or the kid next door or even my nieces and nephews. These are MY KIDS. So I can put up with so much more, day in and day out, because they're MINE.
     
  9. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Do my children annoy me sometimes? Absolutely. I'm sure that I annoy the heck out of them a lot of times as well. We all have our own quirks and need our own space, but I would do anything, give up anything, for those two.
     
  10. GoehringTeaches

    GoehringTeaches Comrade

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    My kids annoy me but like Alice said it's because they aren't mine (they are my stepchildren) but you better believe that in April when my first child is born I will be annoyed by things, but I will also know that they love me no matter what.
     
  11. myangel52

    myangel52 Comrade

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    Nov 13, 2009

    My daughter can really get on my nerves (she's only 2), but I love her more than I ever realized possible. It is much like spouses, as others have said -- everyone has those triggers, and everyone has those habits or something that bugs others; you still love them deeply.
     
  12. Hoot Owl

    Hoot Owl Aficionado

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    Nov 13, 2009

    Kids are like puppy dogs, they can irriate the heck out of you, you can push them to the side when you're busy, and they'll always come back and always love you.
     
  13. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    Did you know when you took this job that you would become the full time nanny?
     
  14. 3Sons

    3Sons Enthusiast

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    Nov 13, 2009

    Yes, kids can annoy you. Sometimes a lot, and sometimes even on purpose. It's not like you love them any less for it, though. Aliceacc said it quite well.

    While you probably like your student, you almost certainly don't have anything like a parental bond to her. You don't look at her and feel the pain of knowing eventually she'll grow up and you'll have less involvement in her life.
     
  15. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    That sent a pang through my heart, 3Sons. That's exactly what I'm going through right now.
     
  16. kimrandy1

    kimrandy1 Enthusiast

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    My own kids annoy the heck out of me sometimes. And so does my dh. But he's smart (and nice) enough to know when that's happening and to send me upstairs with a book or for a nap. That's why it's so important to keep your own interests, hobbies and life, and not to become "the mom." You just have to be "Jem." Part of being Jem will be being Mom, but there are other important parts as well, and as long as you keep those parts alive, you'll be fine.

    You can never imagine how much love you'll feel for your own kids until you have them. Never.
    Kim
     
  17. scmom

    scmom Enthusiast

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    Me three. It is a hard transitional stage. Two of my sons may get laid off today (work for the same company that is doing a massive lay-off) and I am so worried about them!
     
  18. Sarge

    Sarge Enthusiast

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    Nov 13, 2009

    One day I was standing in around after school. This lady was loading 4 or 5 kids into her van. They were giving the usual level of cooperation kids give at 3:00 in the afternoon.

    She looked at me, knowing I was a teacher, and said "I don't know how you deal with 20 of them at a time."

    I said "Lady, I don't know how you can manage to keep them in your house all night."
     
  19. msmullenjr

    msmullenjr Devotee

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    Nov 13, 2009

    LOL:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
     
  20. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    Sarge, that is so true to life! Yeah, the overwhelming love factor makes all the difference. It's also what causes us to make bad decisions sometimes..... none of us have made any of those, of course. :blush:
     
  21. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Jem~it is because she isn't yours. You didn't have the 9 month pregnancy with her, or the bonding time afterwards. My own daughter can be quite annoying sometimes, but I love her no matter what. And when I feel myself getting to the point where she's really annoying me, I tell her to go to her room or I go mine and let her know I need a few minutes to myself. I've noticed that when her friends come over to play, they annoy me a lot more/a lot sooner than dd does.
     
  22. ILoveGrammar

    ILoveGrammar Rookie

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    Nov 13, 2009

    They will annoy you MORE at times - because you KNOW that they should know better. After all, you raised them better than that!
    But, like others said, it is SO different, a feeling that cannot be put into words. I need to go hug my kids now :)
     
  23. Jem

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    No. But I bargin days off in exchange. Dh points out that I don't get a summer vacation, so I should get days off anyhow, but it's a guilt complex and I'm working on it. So for the moment, I take her for a week, and then I feel ok asking for a day off to visit my bro in Boulder, etc.

    He's going to be with me when I re-negotiate my contract next year, though. I'm too much of a push-over.
     
  24. kimrandy1

    kimrandy1 Enthusiast

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    A week and a day are hardly the same thing. I think they're using you inappropriately, Jem.
     
  25. yarnwoman

    yarnwoman Cohort

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    I agree. It almost sounds like you need to renegotiate your contract.
     
  26. Blue

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    Jem, I remember standing by the door waiting for my hubby to come home so I could leave the kids with him and run out the door--just to have some me time. Sure they annoy you, but you love them sooooo much that you would not change a thing.

    And, if they are your own kids you can yell at them more.
     
  27. TeacherShelly

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    I always feel thankful for the baby days. The baby is so precious, amazing, helpless, and adorable. Those feelings imprint on your soul and later ... when their feet stink, or they smack their food, or they draw happy faces in permanent marker on the table... there's this reserve of forgiveness and acceptance there. Sometimes I look at something my daughter has done and exclaim, "Thank goodness for your baby days!"
     
  28. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    I used to say, 'Thank goodness you are so cute."
     
  29. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Nov 15, 2009

    What did your contract say this year in terms of 'non-teaching duties' (chauffering, babysitting, etc)? Make sure it gets put down in writing regarding how many days, hours, advance notice to you of when those days come up. Sometimes employers say things like 'I'll be out of town now and then and will need you to XYZ' and you don't realize how often the 'now and then' will occur or how encompassing the XYZ is...
    No matter how nice, supportive, generous your employers are, you do need to 'nail down' your responsibilities in writing. It's great to go above and beyond, to stay past your required hours, do extra...we all do that...It's when it becomes 'expected' or 'required' without any further negotiation or understanding, that it becomes a problem.
    Jem-not sure I'd take dh with you when you negotiate the contract. Definitely don't sign anything until you take it home and review together, but taking a spouse for contract negotiations rubs funny for me. I think you want to send the message that YOU are a professional, YOU have matters to address, YOU take responsibility for your work relations/conditions. Go in to negotiations with your list of questions and matters to consider. Lay them out professionally- in a cool, clearly communicated manner. Get everything in writing and then review at home before signing. You are in a unique situation as a home teacher. You have developed an intimate relationship with this student and her family, yet you need to treat your contract in a business-like manner. (You are dealing with heavy hitters, masters of the game so stand up for yourself while balancing the personal relationship with your professional needs!)

    PS-regarding the parenting question:
    Yes, your kids will drive you crazy (it's their job!) but you love them like crazy as well. My kids can make me laugh like no one else, cry like no one else, love like no one else. They are the loves of my life.
     
  30. kidsandpups

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    My best friend can't stand kids other than her own. She was the one that couldn't be bribed into babysitting as a teen and always told me that she'd send her kids to live with me until a certain age. Well two girls later she loves being a mom. She still can't stand other people's kids but adores her own.
     
  31. CanukTeacher

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    I think Jem's DH is part of the equation because her student is living with them so he is more than welcome at negotiations but I would be very wary of waiting that long. I think you need to look at your contract and sit down and discuss it with them now. Of course kids can be annoying but it isn't fair to you or to her if you are annoyed. She seems starved for attention and if her babysitter isn't enjoying being with her (obviously you aren't her teacher at 10 pm) she is going to feel that too.

    Just my 2 cents.
     
  32. Jem

    Jem Aficionado

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    Nov 15, 2009

    I have no contract.

    Dh would not be there during negotiations-he's just coaching me.

    I think I'm going to start asking for extra compensation for when I have to do overnights with her. I'm going to sit down tonight and figure out how much I'm making per hour, including these overnights, and use that as a springboard.
     
  33. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    It's not just about money.

    It's about your marriage-- how on earth can things be normal when there's a 10 year old-- not your own,not your niece, but your student-- around?

    It's about being taken advantage of. You were hired as a teacher. Jem, I started teaching in 1980, and let me assure you: my students don't do sleepovers.
     
  34. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Oh, I completely understand that J's husband is 'part of the equation'...I, too,consider my family's needs whenever I commit to a new obligation (professional, social, etc) and carefully read any and all contracts with which I'm involved before signing them (many times soliciting dh's thoughts, sometimes a lawyer's depending on the type of contract)...but it's Jem's JOB, not her husband's.
    Guess I mis-understood this as it seems he was going to be with you physically when you negotiated your contract...

    OK, without a contract, it's time to do a 'mid-year' review of how it's going....Without anything in writing it's kind of your view of your 'job responsibilities' versus theirs. Ask for a meeting, a conference of sorts- come prepared with student work samples, indicators of her progress...start with that. Then discuss your understanding of your responsibilities and outline your needs in terms of scheduling teacher time versus 'nanny' time, sick/personal days, compensation concerns. Truthfully, most of us are probably woefully underpaid on an 'hourly basis' if we consider the 'extras' we do above and beyond our 'work hours' but you certainly should discuss extra compensation for the 'nanny hours'...especially if weekends/over-nights are concerned. Having your student at your home opens you up to all kinds of legal liability, not to mention the impingement on your personal, private life. I know that you do enjoy this job and this family feels lucky to have you but you want to address the issues that are wearing at you before they become issues that drag you down. Good luck.
     
  35. CanukTeacher

    CanukTeacher Comrade

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    See I see Jem's husband as someone who should be at the negotiations. It might be Jem's job but Jem's husband becomes a babysitter as well when the student stays overnight. It isn't just Jem's job when the student stays the night.
     
  36. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Seems from Jem's post that her dh is NOT going to be AT the negotiations.

    Students in teachers' homes opens all kinds of issues. I'd personally stay away from it, which would eliminate the issue of family members getting overly involved in professional duties.
     
  37. Jem

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    Nov 15, 2009

    Excellent advice, guys. I was going to ask for a 6 month review anyhow, so I had some sort of 'letter of recommendation' in case I started to look for another job. I will ask for a formal contract at that time. I'll let you know how it goes.
     
  38. RainStorm

    RainStorm Phenom

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    Wow. Don't you get paid an hourly rate? If it is for teaching, shouldn't there be specific hours to work? Do you get leave time, like your own vacation and sick leave, without having to make the time up? It sounds like they get all the breaks and you get all the work.

    I doubt they will want to put it in writing -- anything. If they are as business savvy as you say they aren't going to give up a work horse for something else. Just my :2cents:.

    As for a letter of recommendation -- that would be great. I'm sure after all the interviews with powerful women that you helped her do in NY and the fabulous articles about them on your student's website, you should have no problems parlaying this into some type of better job...especiallly when you add into that being a successful business owner with a thriving business. Certainly by now Sprout should be successful enough that you don't really need this job anyway. It sounds like Sprouts success couldn't come at a better time, because maybe you won't even need that job.
     
  39. Mrs. Q

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    Nov 16, 2009

    Jem -

    As to the original question you asked, I think it absolutely makes a difference when they're your own. I love kids and always have, but sometimes they drive me crazy. I have 7 nieces and nephews from age 1 to 19 and they all get on my nerves after just a few hours.

    My son is only 2, but it's completely different for him. Yes, I get frustrated sometimes and I do desperately need my alone time. But at the end of the day, I love him more than anything in the world, so all his little habits and quirks are just that more endearing to me. And as someone else said, I think this stage, with his baby hugs and cute smiles, is what will get me through the teenage years. ;0)
     

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