A parent yelled at me yesterday

Discussion in 'General Education' started by Cobalt_Waves, Oct 3, 2013.

  1. Cobalt_Waves

    Cobalt_Waves Rookie

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    Oct 3, 2013

    A parent yelled at me yesterday for the first time in my short career. It was halfway through the day. I was on my prep, making parent phone calls. To make a long story short, i had a mother yell at me because the school had threatened to bench her son in football if he did not start behaving in my class. She further told me that her son told her he had been behaving, and accused me of making the whole thing up. When I tried to address my concerns about academics and her son not turning in any work and refusing to work in class, she accused me of being a bad teacher. Then she told me never to call her again.

    More was said and such, but I am too tired to type it all. It hurt so much to have to remain pleasant with her and not be able to defend myself without calling her son a liar.

    It was quite upsetting. I feel like my hands are tied now in terms of managing her son's behaviours. I do not know how I got through yesterday without crying at school. Her son acted out again in class, throwing things, disrespecting me, refusing to work, etc.

    After I told the AP about the hostile phone conversation, she had an impromptu meeting with the boy in which he admitted to everything. He even admitted to being the ringleader of a group of boys in the class that act out. He came to me and apologized. When i offered extra help to help him bring his grades up (because his mother said i was a bad teacher and did not explain things well), he told me the work was easy.

    Honestly I felt like I was in the twilight zone. Next week he had better live up to his word or this is going to be a horrible year.
     
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  3. Go Blue!

    Go Blue! Connoisseur

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    Oct 3, 2013

    DOCUMENT EVERYTHING the parent and child claims they're going to do to improve the situation. Send weekly updates to all involved (the parent and Admin) about whether the child is following up on his actions and improving.

    I've had PLENTY of parents yell at me (in person or over the phone) and just be verbally aggressive throughout my career. I've had parents say that they will block my number, report me to Admin or the BoEd simply because I am trying to get their help with dealing with THEIR child. I try to explain to the parent that quite frankly, I do not have the time or energy to make up things about their child and I wish I did not have to make such phone calls. Yet, with some parents, that's just how it is and how they respond. I've found that parents often get defensive like this when they either: believe their child can do no wrong :rolleyes:, they are frustrated themselves because they also have no answers/control over their child, or they no longer want to be bothered with hearing about their child's poor behavior/grades.

    If the parent is a proven trouble-maker/very hostile, I may even completely stop all communication with them if I cannot have a third party witness (no phone conversations). At my school, Admin always tells us to NEVER meet with a parent alone - always meet as a team if possible - just so you can have a witness to all things said.
     
  4. AHS_Fan

    AHS_Fan Rookie

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    Oct 3, 2013

    I'm sorry that happened to you. :hugs:

    Also, if you haven't done this already, I would consider asking your AP to contact the student's mom and summarize the conversation she had with the student.

    Also, be sure you document what the mother says, the student says, and what your AP has said!
     
  5. comaba

    comaba Cohort

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    Oct 3, 2013

    ^This
     
  6. HorseLover

    HorseLover Comrade

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    Oct 3, 2013


    :agreed:
     
  7. creativemonster

    creativemonster Comrade

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    Oct 3, 2013

    ugh - so sorry to hear this. So difficult when parents don't see us as partners. hang in there! and yes to all advice posted so far.
     
  8. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Oct 3, 2013

    Your AP is a gem. You have the support you need. I'd suggest letting this parent know further contacts will be through the AP.
     
  9. SpecialPreskoo

    SpecialPreskoo Moderator

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    Oct 3, 2013

    I would hope the AP would call that mom in and the boy and have the boy confess to the mom!
     
  10. readingrules12

    readingrules12 Aficionado

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    Oct 3, 2013

    I am so sorry that you went through this.

    For a parent to say "never to call her again" is really extreme. This parent has some serious problems, and there is nothing you can do about it. Remember, you handled the situation well, and it is not your fault at all that this happened. Feel good that you handled such a difficult situation well.
     
  11. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Oct 3, 2013

    Welcome to the club! :lol:

    Sorry to make light of what was surely an unpleasant situation. Seriously, though, it happens to the best of us at least once. (And sometimes it happens a lot more often than that!)

    It sounds like you've got some good support, and that's the part that matters.

    Just keep swimming.
     
  12. Sarge

    Sarge Enthusiast

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    Oct 3, 2013

    If the admin has your back, she can yell until her face turns blue and it won't matter one bit.
     
  13. Peregrin5

    Peregrin5 Maven

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    Oct 4, 2013

    I agree with documenting everything. If you have proof, the parent can't really complain, and may even come to see the light.

    I had a student who vandalized and cheated in EVERY class. I apparently was one of the few who contacted the guardians about that, who accused me of lying, being racist, not having enough proof, their little darling wouldn't do that after all.

    The kid sent me an essay that was entirely copied from Wikipedia. I sent it to the parents with a quick note that I would not accept it because of said copying from Wikipedia. I had every behavior documented, and while they didn't say sorry for their accusations, they did thank me for being on top of the child, and for working with them to ensure that the child succeeded in my class. (The guardian made him stay up all night to rewrite the essay, and it was an A paper at the end of it.)
     
  14. 2ndTimeAround

    2ndTimeAround Phenom

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    Oct 4, 2013

    You will have many more negative interactions with parents over the years. I have about one a year. It is disheartening and it gets to you for a little while. And then you'll get some great feedback from a different parent and will feel tons better.

    There are idiots all over the globe. They procreate and someone will have their kids in class. You can't avoid it. You can just make life easier on yourself. By documenting, holding your tongue, insisting on rescheduling the meeting until an administrator can join you, keeping conversations to email, etc.

    I promise you, more parents care and are reasonable than not.
     
  15. Zelda~*

    Zelda~* Devotee

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    Oct 4, 2013

    I'm so sorry that happened. I hate being yelled at by parents, it's awful. :(

    I had one who was just vile towards me on the phone, yelling, abusive language, etc----threatened to home-school her son. I ended up having a person with me when I'd call her to help cover me documentation wise.
     

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