A diagnosis I didn't want to hear..I need some help.

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by PEteacher07, Aug 19, 2011.

  1. PEteacher07

    PEteacher07 Cohort

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    My husband had numbness and what the doctors though was a pinched nerve. We had an MRI done a couple of days ago and before he even got home, there was an answering machine message saying he needed to come back in urgently. My principal let me out of training and I went with him.

    Essentially he either has a brain tumor or is in the beginning stages of Multiple Sclerosis. We should find out in the next couple of days. I think it's MS, but until his brain MRI is interpreted, I haven't said anything to my coworkers or principal about any possible diagnosis. They just know something is wrong with him.

    The reality of this situation is my students are going to walk through my gym door on Monday whether I am ready of not.

    I came to school today to get my stereo hooked up and need to finish my first day's lesson plans. I walked into the office and they inquired if I was okay. I said I wasn't an the secretary told me to go home. I can't go home b/c I am not ready for school.

    I walked out of the office crying and pretty much ran into my gym and locked the door. I need to put on my big girl pants and suck it up b/c school is starting and there is nothing I can do about that and there isn't a whole lot I can do to help him.

    My husband has taken this a lot better than I have. He has apologized to me a couple of times for the pain I am going through and I have told him to stop saying that b/c he is the one who is hurting.

    I think we need to get some things in order and I wanted to know if yall think I am over-reacting or moving too soon on this.

    1. I think we need to see a financial planner. I doubt all of his medications and other treatments will be covered by his insurance.

    2. I think we need to speak to a realtor. Our house is 2 stories with our bedroom on the 2nd floor. If this is MS, eventually he might have trouble getting around. I would like to move to the south side of town which is closer to my school and also closer to his parents who are going through all these emotions too. I have been wanting to move for a while even before this happened to us. We have a 2,600 sq ft house and I decided a couple of years ago that I didn't want to have children. Two ppl don't need that size of a house.

    The only problem is the housing market here isn't very good. Our subdivision is still new and not really growing. We probably couldn't sell our house without losing 10-15 thousand dollars. Although we would buy a cheaper house and get a better interest rate than the 6.25% rate we got 4 years ago when we bought our house.

    I think a realtor could provide some insight about what we need to do.

    I want to be proactive about this. I am upset, scared about the unknown, and still trying to process but I can't sit around all day and wallow in the "why him," "this isn't fair," and all the other thoughts that have come into my head.
     
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  3. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Aug 19, 2011

    OK, deep breaths.

    First and foremost, you and your husband are in my prayers.

    No rash decisions right away. Right now, sit tight until you have a diagnosis.

    First, let's talk school. Tell your principal what's going on. He or she can help if you only allow that to happen. It wouldn't be the first or the last time kids dealt with a sub at the start of the school year.

    Second, hit the grocery store today and stock up on everything from paper plates to frozen chicken-- anything you can fling into the oven and put on the table quickly. You both need to keep up your strength, but won't have the energy to cook.

    Third, whose insurance plan is he under-- his or yours? Do you have secondary insurance? Speak to someone at both workplaces about what's covered.

    Also this weekend, pre-pay any bills you can for this month. Just get that out of the way so it isn't a concern in the coming days.

    Do NOT go online and look up either brain tumors or MS. You'll find a ton of information that doesn't apply to your husband, you'll find a way to worry even more, and it won't help. Wait until you have a diagnosis, then listen to the doctors, not internet sites that don't know the specifics.

    If he doesn't already have one, you husband (and you) should have a will and a health care proxy. ALL adults should have those two documents.

    Don't worry today about selling the house. Rignt now your husband is in a fragile place. Don't let him think that his health crisis is robbing either of you of your home. If you need to move, you can do so down the road. If it is MS, as I understand it the decline is normally pretty slow. There's time enough to consider options once you know what you're dealing with.

    Hang tight and ask for help. People will be desperately trying to help you, so let them.

    Again, he'll be in my prayers.
     
  4. Jerseygirlteach

    Jerseygirlteach Groupie

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    Aug 19, 2011

    I don't have any real advice but I just wanted to say that I'm very sorry you have to go through this and I hope for the best for you and your husband.
     
  5. DaleJr88AmpFan

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    Alice has given you some awesome advice... I suggest following it. Once the official diagnosis has been made, then proceed with any other items that you need to do.

    Please know that you and your husband are in my prayers.
     
  6. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    First, :hugs: and prayers for you and your husband. I agree with Alice. Don't make any rash decisions at this point. First find out what the diagnosis is before you start thinking about selling your house. You can go ahead and tell your principal what is going on, get in touch with the insurance company that will be covering this, and get a will in place (like Alice said, all adults should go ahead and have one, my hubs and I got ours together right after we had our daughter).

    Again, you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers.
     
  7. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Hugs, PE! This is indeed a scary place. I agree with Alice, don't make hasty decisions, particularly before you have a diagnosis. I think that it's important for your principal to know what's going on; they will be able to reassure you about all things related to your job and will be willing to accommodate times when you need to accompany your husband to appointments or when you need to leave at the bell for your own mental health.

    You and your husband will be in my prayers.
     
  8. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Aug 19, 2011

    Hugs :hugs: and prayers, PE.
    Take it one step at a time. :love:
     
  9. mrachelle87

    mrachelle87 Fanatic

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    Listen to Alice...she talked me off the edge during my cancer scares.


    Don't (and this is easier said than done) think the worse. We will be praying for you.

    And yes, school will be going on, but it is ok if you aren't 100% yet!

    Sending you lots of hugs...while I don't think you should sale your house, maybe you could check on refinancing. That would lower your payment and save you money.
     
  10. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    Sending hugs & prayers as well. Alice gave such good advice. The other thing maybe find a few crockpot meals you can make as well!!! This way it's ready or only has like rice you need to make.

    I think speaking with a financial person would be a GREAT step.

    It makes to me to try to get ducks in a row... but don't get your horse ahead of the cart either.
     
  11. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    SO many hugs to both of you. One of my best friends has MS (she thought she had a tumor but got the proper diagnosis). It is a tricky but manageable illness under many circumstances. Keep us in the loop and imagine every single one of us there by your side, offering a shoulder to lean on.
     
  12. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    No advice - Alice covered it - but I'll add my hugs.
     
  13. K1teach

    K1teach Companion

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    I will add your family to our prayers. May you find the strength and peace that will help you.
     
  14. MsMar

    MsMar Fanatic

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    Lots of wonderful advice has already been given, please take it all into consideration. Hugs and positive thoughts being sent your way.
     
  15. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    I wish I lived near you so that I could help. I've been through major illness with my husband in the past and it is life-changing. But, you can and will get through it together.

    Everyone reacts differently to illness. I agree with everyone else that you should wait a bit to take any major steps. Just be with your husband as you learn the actual diagnosis and the extent of its impact on your lives. Hugs.
     
  16. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    Hugs and prayers to you. I am so sorry.

    Alice said a lot of what I was thinking.

    My husband went into a recovery program 3 years ago. I had not clue so it happened suddenly to me too. I can sort of relate.

    Your students will indeed arrive Monday no matter what. And that's OK. Just get the essentials lessons ready...this year that will have to be enough.

    No big decsions until you know for sure they are absolutely needed. A financial advisor cannot help much until you have all the costs and timelines.

    Live one day at a time...or even one hour or one minute.

    Sleep and eat well. My Dr. gave me sleep meds and although I wasn't thrilled about meds, it helped tremendously. I had energy and a good head on my shoulders.

    If family, friends, teachers, offer help...use it. My aunt did much of my laundry and I am sensitive about others doing those personal things. But it sure was nice having clean sheets when I had NO time.

    Do you have another ear to attend appts with you? Then when you have questions, you can ask that person instead of your husband. He worries about you too and how this will change your life.

    Lastly, please continue to use us!
     
  17. Kangaroo22

    Kangaroo22 Virtuoso

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    :hugs:, PE.
     
  18. scmom

    scmom Enthusiast

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    I agree with what everyone said. Slow down, take it day by day. A lot of people with MS live full, productive lives and you would never know they have problems. Don't assume the worst is going to happen. Share with your school and I hope they wrap you in their arms and support you. We are here to support you from afar, but you also need to lean on those closest to you. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't be afraid of being a burden. Don't feel like you have to be strong all the time. Let me tell you from experience - it will catch up to you sooner or later. Take care of yourself.
     
  19. bros

    bros Phenom

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    The number one thing is to not look them up online.

    If it is a tumor, it was caught early. The earlier, the better. It will most likely be able to be operated on, but they might not even have to do that. They will probably be able to tackle it with non-surgical methods. I have known a few people online who had brain tumors and came out perfectly fine.

    With MS, it can take decades before it gets bad. MS is volatile, but I believe it is more volatile in women than men.

    But yes, you should talk to financial planners just to be safe. Better safe than sorry.

    If he is not working at the moment, remember that he is eligible for social security (and medicaid) under expedited review.

    http://www.ssa.gov/disability/professionals/bluebook/

    Those are the guidelines the SSA would use to determine eligibility. Do not even bother clicking. It will cause you unnecessary amounts of worry.

    You are in my thoughts. May all be well.
     
  20. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Yes-- that's HUGE.

    No matter what the doctor says, you and your husband are too emotionally invested to hear it all. If you can get a friend to go with you, he or she can take notes so you can remember accurately.

    If not, then bring along a notebook and write down what the doctor says. Otherwise you get home and find the details are a blur.
     
  21. mollydoll

    mollydoll Connoisseur

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    Lots of great advice already, so I'll just add my best wishes.

    And I'll reiterate the "no Google" rule. It's a good one! Any time I google any of chronic issues, I either end up with panic attacks or convinced things are worse than they are. No good comes of reading all the worst case scenarios.
     
  22. knitter63

    knitter63 Groupie

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    First of all, hugs and prayers are coming your way!
    My SIL has MS. She is in the advanced stages, and she is still able to get around and lead a normal life. Like bros said, it can take decades for it to get worse, if that is indeed what he has.
    Alice did say it all. Take a deep breath...you will get through this. School will go on. Do your best, even if it isn't 100%. Your first priority is your family. Your admin will understand this!
     
  23. kpa1b2

    kpa1b2 Aficionado

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    First: hugs!

    Second: Don't google!!!! My dh does that all the time, drives me crazy. He has health issues & tries to diagnose himself. What he finds is ALWAYS worse then the reality.

    Third: Planning ahead is great, but you don't have a diagnosis yet so don't see a realtor because of this.
     
  24. Loves the beach

    Loves the beach Companion

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    I think you have been given some great advice. I will say a prayer for you. Try not to think too far into the future. Just take things as they come, even though that's hard to do.
     
  25. Mrs. K.

    Mrs. K. Enthusiast

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    Adding hugs and positive thoughts.
     
  26. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    There seems to be some voices of experience on these boards. I haven't gone through this so I don't have any advice. I can imagine though how scared you must be and often it can be scarier for the person who loves that person. Your husband must sense this. I agree about letting the school know what you are going through and then accepting any and all help that is thrown your way. You have a full plate. Let others help. Hugs.
     
  27. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

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    Ditto to everything already said.

    This weekend, go to a movie or out to eat or rent a movie or something you enjoy if your husband is physically able. Getting your mind off things for an hour or two can't hurt!
     
  28. ChristyF

    ChristyF Moderator

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    Many thoughts, hugs, and prayers are being sent your way.

    :hugs::hugs::hugs:
     
  29. Tasha

    Tasha Phenom

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    More hugs and prayers from me!
     
  30. PEteacher07

    PEteacher07 Cohort

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    Thanks for all the prayers and suggestions. His neurologist appt is on Wednesday at 2:15 and I am going to ask my principal about leaving school early and going to this appt. My school nurse said going to that initial neurologist appt would be most important. His mom is going with us to kind of take notes, ask questions, bc we will obviously be overwhelmed and will not be able to take it all in.
     
  31. tb71

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    Hugs and prayers for both of you.
     
  32. bandnerdtx

    bandnerdtx Aficionado

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    Sending my hugs to you, too! :hugs:
     
  33. scmom

    scmom Enthusiast

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    Sounds like a good plan PEteacher. I am sure your principal will let you have the time off. Good luck!
     
  34. EMonkey

    EMonkey Connoisseur

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    Write down a list of questions to ask.
     
  35. MissWull

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    Sending good thoughts your way..
     
  36. oldstudent

    oldstudent Comrade

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    I certainly wish you all the best, along with this suggestion, especially if the awful "C" word is involved.

    Back in 1994, my father was diagnosed with "incurable" prostate cancer after a prostectomy.
    His urologist told him it was stage D2, and was the worst case of prostate cancer he had seen in his 35 years of practice.
    It grew in only six months to such an advanced state, because six months earlier, he was told there was no cancer.

    He was given 18 months to live.

    My father refused to accept his fate. With the help of a MD, he discovered an alternative cancer fighter called a "Rife machine", which he used in addition to standard mainstream treatments.

    Of course, there is no proof this machine works, but now he is 79 years old, and 17 years later, he is cancer free.

    As much as many hear dislike google, it couldn't hurt to google " rife machine"
     
  37. leighbball

    leighbball Virtuoso

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    Just wanted to send along some hugs and prayers. I hope the appointment went ok yesterday!
     
  38. scmom

    scmom Enthusiast

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    Just wondering how the appointment went and if you are surviving the start of school. Take care.
     

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