7 Reasons not to mess with children

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out Archives' started by Beth2004, Nov 1, 2005.

  1. Beth2004

    Beth2004 Maven

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    Nov 1, 2005

    This is an email I got from a friend of mine today. I thought it was pretty cute!

    A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
    The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a
    human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
    The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
    Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human;
    it was physically impossible.
    The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
    The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
    The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".



    A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they
    were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
    As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what
    the drawing was.
    The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
    The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
    Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied,
    "They will in a minute."



    A Sunday school teacherwas discussing the Ten Commandments with her five
    and six year olds.
    After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she
    asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers
    and sisters?"
    Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,
    "Thou shall not kill."


    One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at
    the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
    She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked! , "Why are some of your
    hairs white, Mom?"
    Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make
    me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
    The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then! said,
    "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"



    The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to
    persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
    "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and
    say,'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
    A small voice at the! back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher,
    she's dead."


    A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to
    make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the
    blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
    "Yes,"the class said.
    "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position
    the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
    A little fellow shouted,
    "Cause your feet ain't empty."



    The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school
    for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
    "Take only ONE. God is watching."
    Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a
    large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
    A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
     
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  3. kinderkids

    kinderkids Virtuoso

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    Nov 1, 2005

    Beth, that is great. I'm printing that out and sharing it with my staff. :)
     
  4. smilesjd

    smilesjd Rookie

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    Nov 1, 2005

    Those are so cute!
     
  5. hatima

    hatima Devotee

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    Nov 1, 2005

    That was great. I just emailed it to a couple of people I know. Thanks.
     
  6. Beth2004

    Beth2004 Maven

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    Nov 1, 2005

    I especially like the one about the class picture. That one definitely got a chuckle out of me.
     
  7. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    Nov 1, 2005

    I especially love the first one. It reminded me of my 4th grade teacher.
     
  8. deedee

    deedee Connoisseur

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    Nov 1, 2005

    So Cute!!!
     
  9. CrazyS2005

    CrazyS2005 Rookie

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    Nov 1, 2005

    That's pretty funny. It's funny how children are the most abstract of thinkers.
     
  10. teach2004

    teach2004 Companion

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    Nov 6, 2005

    Those are great stories! I cracked up on a few of them. You never know what they will say.
     
  11. Carmen13

    Carmen13 Groupie

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    Nov 6, 2005

    Okay, so now I have to share this joke that I found. a long time ago, on a teaching jokes website.

    It was the first day after Christmas vacation in a 3rd grade class.
    The teacher told the class that each student could tell the class one thing they got for Christmas. So, the teacher calls on a girl to come up to the front of the class and tell everyone 1 thing she got.
    "My daddy got me a Bow-Wow," she said.
    The teacher tells the class that they are old enough to know the
    correct words for things without using nicknames. The teacher tells the girl to try again. The girl thinks real hard ........
    "My dad got me a dog," she said.
    She sat down and a boy got up and said, "I got a choo-choo!"
    The teacher scolded him and told him to try again. The boy thought hard and said, "I got an electric train!!"
    That boy sits down and a really shy kid gets up and sadly says,
    "I got a book" The teacher feels bad for the kid and she asks,
    "What was the title of the book??"
    The boy thinks very hard. The class waits as the boy is thinking.
    Finally, the boys face brightened and he said,
    "Winnie The S h i t!!"
     

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