2 Versions of cover letter-Please advise

Discussion in 'Job Hunting & Interviews' started by lemonhead, Feb 17, 2007.

  1. lemonhead

    lemonhead Aficionado

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    Feb 17, 2007

    Please look at these two cover letters. I posted the first one on a differerent thread the other day and then JaimeMarie revised it for me. (thanks thanks thanks!) I still want some other opinion on the two of them to make sure I am hitting what I need to hit.

    This is going to just one school where I sub nearly everyday. I already know I will have an interview but I know there will be some pretty stiff competion. Although I am there all the time, I don't have a casual relationship with the principal and he is very hard to read. Also it is a Nartionally recognized NCLB school so i will need to drop in "Blue Ribbon School" some where. It also needs to show that I am easy to manage and not hight maintenance.


    VERSION ONE



    Dear Mr Hireme,

    I am so excited to be able to submit this letter and resume to you. I am asking to be considered for a full-time teaching position at President Elementary.

    As a new teacher, I’m confident that my nearly 3 years of substitute teaching 100’s of elementary students will be a major advantage to President Elementary. These experiences have enlightened me to the diverse learning styles and cultural backgrounds of students, the many classroom management techniques, and various instructional methods. My ability to improvise, be level headed, and remain professional have helped me deal with the vast day-to-day fluctuations that teaching can bring. These qualities along patience, great organizational skills, tenacity, and being a good listener are qualities I possess and believe will make me an exceptional teacher at President


    The spirit and enthusiasm of the students are contagious and watching them develop as the year progresses is an incredible experience. Having a student come up to me and mention something from 2 years ago that I shared with them during class like my turtle bone collection or the first time they played “sparkle” is priceless. I believe all students need a very caring, loving and safe environment in order to learn. But I also know it takes more than that. They need to be challenged in order to be engaged, have a sense of independence and they need to see their successes. Further, I believe open lines of communication with parents are extremely important. Being a parent myself, I understand how traumatic it might be to see your child’s folder signed for the first time or see their reading progressing slowly and how important it is to be assessable to that parent. ( how do I close this idea?)

    Making a difference is what its all about to me and I believe I can make a difference at President. The teachers at President always remark on what a great job I do and I’ve learned so much from them. If I am hired, you can feel confident that I will continue to learn from them, contribute to the team, and step up to the plate in campus and district activities.

    The prospect of becoming a full-time classroom teacher is very exciting and I look forward to interviewing with you………………..?????/………. I can be reached at –555—555-5555-.


    VERSION TWO from JaimeMarie:love:
    Here I tried to cut it down for you. I am sure Alice with have some advice when she gets home from teaching. Of course I'm still in my PJs.

    Dear Mr Hireme,

    I am excited to submit this letter and resume to you. I am asking to be considered for a full-time teaching position at President Elementary.

    Over the past three years as substitute teacher, I have learned how to work with diverse learning styles and cultural backgrounds of students. My ability to improvise, be level headed, and remain professional have helped me deal with the vast day-to-day fluctuations that teaching brings. These qualities along with patience, great organizational skills, tenacity, and being a good listener are qualities I possess and will make me an exceptional teacher at President.

    All students need a very caring, loving and safe environment in order to learn. Also, students need to be challenged in order to be engaged, have a sense of independence and see their successes. Furthermore, open lines of communication with parents are extremely important. Being a parent myself, I understand how traumatic it might be to see your child’s folder signed for the first time or see their reading progressing slowly and how important it is to be assessable to that parent. I feel comfortable working as a team with the parents and the teachers of President Elementary. I will continue to learn from them, contribute to the team, and step up to the plate in campus and district activities.

    The prospect of becoming a full-time classroom teacher is very exciting and I look forward to interviewing with you. I can be reached at –555—555-5555.
     
  2.  
  3. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Feb 17, 2007

    Hi!

    I do like Jamie's edited version better.

    In this passage, "All students need a very caring, loving and safe environment in order to learn. Also, students need to be challenged in order to be engaged, have a sense of independence and see their successes. Furthermore, ..." you go from "also" to "furthermore"-- could you cut one or the other?

    I'm an elementary parent, but I'm not exactly sure what you mean by having your child's folder signed. My 1st grade daughter's folder comes home signed by the teacher every week--with or without a positive or negative comment. Do you want to be more general here?

    Same sentence: you go from "your child" to "their". I never know the name for that, but the two phrases suggest different numbers. Do you want to make it "his or her"??

    Same sentence: end after "slowly" and start a new sentence.
     
  4. worrywart

    worrywart Companion

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    Feb 17, 2007

    Don't you mean 'accessible' rather than assessable? (I think you do?)

    I would change tenacity to flexibility.

    As a teacher at XXXX, I would provide a safe, caring, and engaging environment for my students as they develop into independent thinker and gain confidence in their abilities. (or something like that)

    'step up to the plate' - help out where I am needed or similar

    As a parent as well as a teacher, I am committed to developing honest and open relationships with the parents of my students. I want parents to feel free to contact me at anytime if they have questions, problems or concerns.

    Not sure about that last paragraph I typed...but maybe it can give you a few ideas...
     
  5. lemonhead

    lemonhead Aficionado

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    Feb 17, 2007

    great- thanks--- I'm on it

    stay tuned
     
  6. lemonhead

    lemonhead Aficionado

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    Feb 17, 2007

    I understand what you are saying and if I was sending this directly to the district I would adjust this. In our school every child has a daily folder with a behavior chart in it. They get stickers, smiley faces or nothing if they are good. If they are "bad" they get their folder signed. It is common lingo and I think it is okay for this school. I will change it on my more generic one. Good catch though because I don't know if I would have caught it for that one

    Thanks again, Alice. I really appreciate your help.
     
  7. lemonhead

    lemonhead Aficionado

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    Feb 17, 2007

    Take 5

    Please let me know what you think of this and comment on my qualities questions in first paragraph.

    Dear Mr Hireme,

    I am excited to submit this letter and resume to you. I would like to be considered for a full-time teaching position at President Elementary.

    Over the past three years as substitute teacher, I have learned how to work with diverse learning styles and cultural backgrounds of students. My ability to improvise, be level headed, and remain professional have helped me deal with the vast day-to-day fluctuations that teaching brings. These qualities along with patience, great organizational skills, tenacity, and being a good listener are qualities I possess and I believe will make me an exceptional teacher at President. (can I fit team player in here?) (how do I say I am not a high maintenance employee and can operate effectively without running to the boss) (is flexibility implied when I put improvise?) (Any key teacher traits I am over looking?)

    As a teacher at President, I will provide a safe, caring, and engaging environment for my students. By accommodating for different learning styles and providing differentiated instruction, my students will be challenged as they develop into independent thinkers and gain confidence in their abilities. Being a parent myself, I understand how traumatic it might be to see your child’s folder signed for the first time or see his or her reading progressing slowly and how important it is for a teacher to be accessible to that parent. ( I am trying to get across the point that the parent might want to talk to you right then and there) I am committed to developing honest and open relationships with the parents of my students. I also look forward to working closely as a team with the other teachers of President Elementary. I will continue to learn from them, contribute to the team myself, and take an active role in campus and district activities.

    The prospect of becoming a full-time classroom teacher at President is very exciting and I look forward to interviewing with you. I can be reached at –555—555-5555.
     
  8. munchkin

    munchkin Cohort

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    Feb 18, 2007

    I copied your letter and made my comments in blue, hope that is helpful.
    Munchkin.
     

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